sometimes the most Adult thing a person can do is admit they fucked up, and then unfuck their situation.
I fucked up. I am going to unfuck my situation.
One step towards doing so, for me at this time, is to quit fandom. Fandom is fun, it’s stress relieving (except when it’s not), in the past year it has been an incredible revitalizing force on my creativity. But I can no longer deny to myself that I’ve also been using it as an escape and a crutch and a distraction. I’ve gotten my final wake-up call at school; I’m grieving; I need to prioritize those things, and I’ve proven to myself over the past five years that I am not good at being in fandom, whether an active participant or a lurker, in moderation. So I’m quitting.
I’m leaving my blog up as it is. I like what I’ve done here, mostly. I want to give myself the option of coming back if I feel that I can at a later date, though I probably would not be coming back to Hockey RPF, honestly. I don’t want to give the impression that fandom has been a negative experience for me--really, the opposite. I’ve met a lot of great people--caring, creative, funny people. I’d especially like to thank @monalisasnmadhatters and @alotofthingsdifferent for being so welcoming and encouraging when I decided to stop lurking and love the bomb start writing. But as much as I’ve enjoyed my time here, this is what I need to do to get back on track and get on with the unfucking.
Thank you, keep on keepin’ on, don’t blow up the place, etc etc. It’s been real.
