Ultima Dea

Spes / 32 / The Netherlands This tumblr is mostly my art (usually original content, occasional fanart) + some random fandom related reblogs. My art tag is Spesiria draws.

[kayzig]

So, This Sucks, But, It's Necessary

For the past year I've been battling increasing debts that I've had to put onto a credit card, from one issue to another.

I know this is like…a scary-big "how does it even get that bad" number, and a really huge ask in terms of crowdfunding, but. It's literally just piled on and on over 12 months, and became more and more impossible to manage. I wish the option was "just work more hours" but, with my leg issue, I can barely get through cooking my lunches without needing to crouch and sit down.

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2025 had a crown in February, an insurance cancellation that I found out about in May put off my ability to get medical care for my bad leg until October, I had to get car work in June to fix some oil leaks and other issues, August had a personal crisis involving a change of residence on top of the car, again, needing the radiator fixed, October brought on the start of care for my ongoing medical journey with limited mobility, February came back with the tooth from last year getting infected and wiping out my tax return with a root canal/crown repair, and March, on top of imaging on my leg and a new medication that Could Help In Theory Someday, has put my car back into the shop with another pricey coolant leak repair.

I'm not proud of making this issue super public, but I don't know what else to do when working my hardest right now feels half as effective as what I feel I used to be capable of, and twice as hard to accomplish.

[mad-rigals]

Hello, I did a thing

[maygi0w0]

[sephiramy]

doing my best to summon up the will to crosspost this, so... here goes

at urging of friends, I'm making a difficult statement: I'm currently living under abuse, and it's deeply impacting my ability to function... this includes an almost total drop-off in personal artwork (which has probably been distinctly noticeable over the past 2 years bearing the situation), and now an increasing cost on my ability to work. if I can't work, I'm well and truly stuck, so, I'm trying to get out as soon as I can to return to normalcy and safety

I have an exit strategy, and while it's hard for me to put this out there, you're welcome to donate via my kofi to help with my move. everything I receive will go towards the inconvenient cost of moving in a pinch

ko-fi.com/sephiramy

thank you so much for reading, shares would be appreciated if you've got one to spare 🖤

[suekreandtheidiots]

Another sketch of Scarlett, I'm trying to get a feeling for her and I'm getting close. 👀💕

(I'm also THAT close to giving her the mildly corny stage name Scarlett No'Hara.😂)

[spesiria]

Back on my Durgetash bullshit. I'm very patiently waiting for patch 8 to come out to do my definitive Dark Urge run. In the meantime I have so many thoughts and little stories about them running through my head. Hopefully I'll find more time soon to write and/or draw some of it.

I actually enjoy the Gortash face that I drew here, so I'm including a close up.

[alicerohrwacher]

THE WHITE LOTUS S03E05

[griffonfarm]

I was looking through all the screenshots I took last night and I just have to talk about this one for a second because it was such an unexpected gut-punch.

(So obviously this is Gale talking at the end of the magic lesson. I used Diguise Self on Gale to make him look like default Durge for the scene.)

But it's so apropos for Gortash and Durge it's ridiculous. Gortash's whole life was objectively terrible—parents didn't want him and sold him to a devil, Raphael kept him a prisoner for his whole childhood while Nubaldin beat the shit out of him whenever he wanted, he escapes Avernus and finds out all the suffering was for nothing because his parents are still poor and shitty people—and he had to claw his way out of like rock bottom to make anything of himself. If you look really close at his character model, he's covered in scars. There's this splatter of scars across his neck and chest that look like burn or acid marks: from Avernus? from a rival gang while he was a Reaper? The guy went through hell, literally and figuratively.

And then he meets this person who just accepts him at face value: the terrible stuff he's done and will continue to do, the terrible stuff that's happened to him, his ambition, his nobody past, his whole everything. Durge is like 100% devoted to Bhaal and being a Bhaalspawn and furthering Bhaal's plan of killing the whole world. And then Durge meets this like nobody guy who came from nothing and really isn't much of anything and suddenly it's "Forgive me father, but..." and Bhaal and the annihilation plan get shunted to the backburner so fast that even crazy Orin notices.

Gortash's parents didn't want him. Raphael didn't want him for anything but to torment him. The patriars and people of Baldur's Gate don't want him because he's a nobody urchin with aspirations way too far above his poor cobblers' son station. But a literal demigod who has no reason to give a shit about him wants him.

And then just like that, this person who finally chose Gortash knowing exactly who and what he is just gets yanked away. He had everything after a lifetime of misery and struggle. And all it took to lose it was the one tiny moment it took Orin to turn on Durge and shove a knife in their head.

So now I'm just imagining that this whole scene was just a dream in the middle of the night. Gortash dreaming he and Durge are doing some random thing—traveling, going to do another heist, whatever—and they're having fun and things are *good* and then like dreams often do, it gets weird at the end and Durge says this to him and he wakes up and he's back in Baldur's Gate, Durge is (insofar as he knows) dead, and he has to go through that awful "wake up and lose the loved one all over again once the realization that they're gone hits" grief again.

[spesiria]

[spesiria]

One thing is certain. My dear lord deserved better.

Sir Ansbach from Shadow of the Erdtree. Every time he talked about Mohg, my heart broke for them both.

[spesiria]

I drew @sephiramy's gorgeous Alti for their birthday DTIYS! Be sure to check out the original art here. Alti was so much fun to draw, I love their design.

[spesiria]

And the last of the backlog.

Good old Larian really outdid themselves when they accidentally made Gortash/The Dark Urge one of the most canon non-canon ship to ever have existed in fiction.

There are a few ways you can imagine a relationship between two absurdly evil lunatics, but I like to think that it was actually weirdly sweet between them, in contrast to how they were with...everyone else, really.

[spesiria]

Miscellaneous drawings:

My anti-theist Twilight Domain Cleric, Damir.

From Damir's campaign, the party's necromancer wizard, Gus.

A witcher OC, from back when that was a thing a million years ago. The dog is his "child of surprise".

Mr. Numbers and Mr. Wrench from Fargo season 1. I actually won my first ever NaNoWriMo in 2020 writing a fanfic about these two, lmao. It's not published anywhere, because it's not finished and it'll never be finished, but it was still a really fun experience.

Palette challenge. This was pretty entertaining actually: basically, you pick a colour palette (I did go with a palette with harmonious colours, but you can go wild and just go with completely random colours), then set your drawing app/screen to grey scale so you don't actually see the colours you pick. You'll colour based on values instead of hues and end up with a pretty fun, colourful picture with colour combinations that you wouldn't normally choose.

[spesiria]

Sigh...so Arban here was my first actual DnD character that I got to play. Basically the exact character I'd been dreaming of playing since I discovered the concept of DnD: a lawful evil Oath of Conquest paladin. The campaign started back in I think 2020 as a solo campaign, with the DM and me making up Arban's (back)story to fit the world. All the characters in his story were the DM's NPCs, Arban's history and motivations were tied to the plot, later two other people joined the campaign and I had an absolute blast...

Then about ten sessions in the DM got too busy and had to end the campaign. Completely understandable and no hard feelings toward the DM, but it was still a huge disappointment. So yeah, RIP Arban, I don't really know what to do with you anymore. But I enjoyed the time I got to awkwardly roleplay you.

[spesiria]

Disco Elysium! I already posted these drawings on tw*tter when I made them a few years ago, but not yet on tumblr, so here you go. Absolutely loved this game and adored Kim and Harry as characters.

I played my Harry with a focus on purple skills, with Empathy as his signature skill. Such a great experience. How often does it happen that you play a middle-aged man in a video game whose greatest strength is his ability to emphasize with others?

[spesiria]

Hello tumblr

It's my birthday! I just changed my age in my bio from 25 to 32, lmao. Time flies.

I've been actually been doing pretty good these past few years. I stopped posting years ago for many reasons, but mostly because of depression. That is pretty much under control now. I have a stable (albeit very boring) job, I moved out into a cozy apartment, I've gotten really into running and ran a half marathon last year!

Unfortunately, my motivation to draw disappeared during my depression and didn't come back when things improved. I'd love to say that I've secretly been drawing a ton and am now sitting on a giant pile of un-posted art, but alas. I didn't draw at all for most of these years. It just didn't spark joy. So instead I took a very extended break.

In 2024 I slowly started to pick up drawing again. Then, a few weeks ago, I was drawing and noticed that I was actually enjoying myself! And that I felt excited to finish work and get back to my art! And that there were a lot of different things I really wanted to draw!

Of course I'm not sure if the enthusiasm will last this time, but for now I'm just happy to be enjoying my hobby again. So. I'm here. And planning on posting new art asap.

In the meantime, I said that I'm not sitting on a giant pile of art, but I did draw a few things in the last few years. The great thing about not drawing a lot is that I can still look at art from 2020 and think "huh, not bad" (that's a pro tip right there: you'll never hate your old art if you just don't improve *taps forehead*). So I'll be posting a few dumps of my old art today!

Everyone who is still here, thanks for sticking around! Here's to a good and inspired 2025 for us all.

[thiscitysucks]

The Main Six of my disaster gang. ♥