Time-leśś

well, writing is an intelect way of bleeding (Gypsy, 2016).

[chibimyumi]

Stage Adaptation - Spirited Away

Just now the news was dropped that in celebration of the Imperial Theatre’s 90th anniversary, TOHO shall be staging the world-wide phenomenon, Spirited Away! To be staged February 2022.

So far only the two Chihiros are known.

Hashimoto Kanna (left) and Kamishiraishi Mone (right).

[spicalasavita]

What--- can't wait!!!

[langblrwhy]

I have only two modes:

1. Oh, I want to stay in bed all day and pretend to be a depressed cinnamon roll, please

2. I want to clean the house, learn japanese, hawaiian, russian, arabic, sign language, linguistic, geographical stuff, read 5 books and practice watercolor

[thedarkestcrow]

I hope the Black Butler manga won't end like the Anime. It would be only disapointing, if the ending is known for years. I mean, the Ending of Season 1 was sad, but ok, however, the ending of Season 2 is horrible. Hopefully Yana will write a better Ending

Yeah, I agree. I didn’t like season 2 very much, either.

There have been a few things that the anime seems to have foreshadowed. Things that happened later in the manga (when the anime was already long released) seemed similar to some parts of the anime. Like, someone taking someone else’s identity (Alois in the anime and now our Ciel in the manga). Or the idea of mindless dolls (Drocell and his dolls in the anime and Undertaker and his Bizarre Dolls in the manga).

I suppose Yana already told the animators some of her ideas for the manga which were used in the anime. But that doesn’t mean that everything will happen in the manga like it did in the anime. I’m pretty sure, for example, that Alois and Claude won’t appear in the manga (Claude’s character design was already used on Agares and the idea of someone taking on another identity now applies to our Ciel).

However, there are some things from the anime that might be true for the manga, as well. For example, I think there’s a good chance the Queen could turn out as the target of Ciel’s revenge.

As for the ending, I don’t think our Ciel will become a demon like he did in the anime. We don’t know much about demons but Yana once said that Sebastian was a natural-born demon so humans may not be able to even become a demon. Also, I feel it wouldn’t really make sense for the story. The ending of season 1 of the anime seems like the most likeliest outcome. Ciel gets his revenge and Sebastian takes his soul. I would be okay with that. However, there could be other reasons why Sebastian may not be able to take Ciel’s soul in the end. There are certainly forces at work trying to prevent the outcome that the contract has determined. Maybe Sebastian gets killed or there’s some loophole that would enable our Ciel to get out of the contract alive. In the end I think it also depends on whether our Ciel actually wants to be saved. Because right now he seems quite okay with giving up his soul for his revenge. 

[dragoncatkhfan]

Kuroshitsuji Manga Arcs: Super Short Summaries

First Arc: This is Sebastian, he’s a butler; this is Ciel, he’s a little shit 

Jack the Ripper Arc: Here’s the basic plot set-up; oh you think this is painful don’t worry it only gets worse

Curry Arc: Sebastian invents the curry bun and Ciel begrudgingly makes a friend. 

Circus Arc: Everyone you love dies

Phantomhive Manor Murders Arc: Murder Mystery Dinner Theater narrated by Arthur Conan Doyle

Luxury Liner Arc: The Titanic if it had zombies, grim reapers and a demon in it.

Public School Arc: Okay you know the song Tradition from Fiddler on the Roof 

Emerald Witch Arc: Grim Reapers, demons, and people with super strength and vision are totally real but to hell if there’s such a thing as a werewolf infested forest. 

Blue Cult Arc: England gets invaded by J-pop 

[chibimyumi]

Hello and thank you for all your contribution to the Black Butler fandom!

Regarding chapter 137, when Sebastian enters the human world, I wanted to ask what you thought about the demon’s exaplantion for his summoning, more specifically, about when he told the remaining twin that he had sacrificed his brother for him to cross over. I am curious whether you believe that to be a lie or a misunderstanding on the demon’s part or something else? The way I see it, Sebastian wasn’t lying, but I would like to know what you or maybe part of the fandom, if you know, thought about those moments.

Dear Anon,

Aww thanks for the kind words ^^

Surely a very interesting question! I think the official English translators left some space for interpretation, and I find it no surprise people would wonder about that. In the Original Japanese however, I really would say Sebas was in fact lying. Or actually better said, “presenting an event” in a twisted way to manipulate the poor boy.

My apologies for people who have been following me for a while now, but for first-timers, Japanese is a null-subject language, meaning that a subject is not necessary to form a complete sentence. If you do add an subject, you draw special emphasis to it.

In this first bubble Sebas says:

貴方が悪魔を召喚する為に支払った代償は

Anata ga watashi wo shoukan suru tame ni shiharatta daishou wa

The price YOU paid to summon me is

Because here Sebas did add a subject, the subject [you] is emphasised.

Secondly, there is the verb “shiharatta”, meaning “paid”. In this sentence, “paid” is not the passive term, but active. Meaning that Sebas here actively means O!Ciel went through the motion of paying a price. In combination with the emphasised subject and the active verb, Sebas here specifically stresses “you actively paid for summoning me”, implying responsibility to lie with the boy.

Then as though the injury is not bad enough, Trash Demon™ adds insult to it.

肉親を生け贄にするとは随分と思い切った事を

Nikushin wo ikenie ni suru to wa zuibun to omoikitta koto wo

To turn your own blood relative into a live sacrifice, you sure made a drastic move

The first part “wo ikenie ni suru” is a very active verb, meaning that somebody actively turned somebody into a live sacrifice; that is to say that this sacrifice did not passively happen to them. Then to finish the sentence, Sebas adds another ‘wo’, which is an active verb particle. By adding this particle, Sebas lays double emphasis on O!Ciel having actively made a drastic move himself, again laying the responsibility into the boy’s hands.

う…嘘だ、ぼ…僕がシエルを生け贄にしたなんて…

u…uso da, bo…boku ga Ciel wo ikenie ni shita nante…

O!Ciel protests, saying “i…it’s a lie, that I turned Ciel into a live sacrifice…” also repeating the active verbs Sebas used. And Sebas mercilessly responded: “事実です”,  it is true.

Japanese is a very context-heavy and subtle language wherein nuances and emphases are added because they should mean something. For Sebas (or Yana) who is so incredibly eloquent and precise with vocabulary, him actively choosing these words can only mean that he deliberately wished to put the responsibility for R!Ciel’s death into O!Ciel’s hands, making him be overcome with guilt.

Obviously O!Ciel never made any choice for all this to happen, and everything happened because the cult members decided so. Hence, by saying otherwise, Sebas lied.

I hope this helped ^^ Sorry I kinda destroyed any interpretive liberty for this part…because that really would have been interesting too!

[chibimyumi]

Dear @fwippysays​​ and @kuroi-neko​​,

As promised, I would respond to you in another post, so here it is ^^

Does R!Ciel in O!Ciel’s delirium blame him?

A very good question! Yes indeed, R!Ciel in our twin’s delirium indeed uses active verbs too. In the manga R!Ciel says:

僕を犠牲に手に入れた力で お前があんな選択をしたせいで

Boku wo gisei ni te ni ireta chikara de Omae ga anna sentaku wo shita sei de

Using the power you bought by (actively) with me as a sacrifice It is the fault of you having (actively) made a choice like that.

As you can see, here R!Ciel makes no single attempt to soften any implication of his twin’s responsibility in his death. “Ireta” (入れた) from “te ni ireta” (手に入れた) is the verb for actively putting something in somewhere, and “te” (手) means “hand“, meaning: “actively putting something in the hand”. As in this sentence it is combined with “with me as sacrifice”, the full sentence carries to meaning of “buying power by paying with a sacrifice.”

The second part of the sentence is also very explicit. As mentioned in the original post above, O!Ciel did not choose for any of the tragedy to happen; he even actively hoped deep down at the time they had grabbed him instead of his “better” counterpart. In this bubble of the panel, R!Ciel however explicitly uses the word “choice” (sentaku・選択), actively accusing O!Ciel of “making the decision of killing him”.

Why did Sebas lie?

There is room for interpretation of course, but very personally think it might be the opposite.

In this post and this post I discussed that it seems Sebas has no say in whether he gets summoned or not, and that he certainly had no say in unsummoning himself. And in this post I reasoned Sebas is probably usually not too enthusiastic about being summoned, in part because he assumed time needed to be killed, suggesting he is used to boredom in contracts to lead to this assumption.

Another factor that makes me think so is the way he is always fighting for autonomy, meaning he has a long history of lack of autonomy as explained in this post. If your experience of being summoned is a state of boredom while your autonomy gets disrespected, I wouldn’t be too pumped either at the idea of being summoned!

As such, I think Sebas actively lied to O!Ciel to drown him in guilt so that he would think himself too awful to deserve asking for anything. Sebas has seen all human weaknesses I presume, and that O!Ciel had an inferiority complex must have been too easy to read (even for us). People who have such an awful inferiority complex TEND to not dare ask for anything. Had Sebas succeeded in making O!Ciel be overcome with guilt and simply give up on asking, he would have been able to go home and just be left to his peace.

I am not saying I think Sebas finds being summoned the worst that can happen though! I am merely saying that he probably has an attitude of “….if I must I will I guess… will make the best of it, but it’s not my hobby.”

Obviously Sebas did not manage to dissuade O!Ciel from forming a contract, and interestingly, the very first thing Sebas says when the boy had made his decision is paraphrased: “you have chosen to do something so stupid and chosen literal Hell…?” It is a phrase as though to give O!Ciel one single last chance to rethink his decision.

Something I must point out is that the official English translation has a glaring mistake; a deliberate one, if I may be so bold to say.

In English it is implied that Sebas was actually happy about the boy’s decision to form a contract with him no matter how stupid it was. In the original Japanese though, Sebas simply says: “fine” (ii deshou・良いでしょう). And we all know what it means when you respond with “fine” to a task you are given…

Don’t get me wrong, Sebas did not seem disappointed to me or anything. Perhaps so because being summoned by a “weak, guilt-crippled, powerless child” really is very refreshing. And if there’s anything Sebas loves, it’s being refreshed.

So in short, I think Sebas lied because 1. he’s Trash™ and wants the boy who just lost everything to feel even worse, and 2. because he hoped to go home and be left at peace.

So Our-Ciel knew?

Ah, a small misunderstanding which I caused that I should clear up! My apologies! I forgot that if you say in English “it’s a lie”, it actually does mean: “you speak an untruth”. (^罒^ ‘’)づ My bad.

In Japanese we say “it’s a lie” not necessarily because we accuse somebody of lying, but because we can’t believe something ourselves. The best translation would actually be: “no way”. When somebody for example says: “I’m pregnant” and the recipient is surprised, they can also say: “it’s a lie” in Japanese. Obviously no accusation of lying is happening; it’s just an expression of disbelief/surprise.

So, O!Ciel didn’t call Sebas out on a lie yet; he was simply rejecting the information Sebas gave him. I might be too nit-picky… but I am also wondering why this translator likes adding stuff that’s not there in the original so much.

In the English version there is an extra exclamation mark, and O!Ciel yells “y-your lying!” In the Japanese however, he simply says “n-no way”.

It’s JUST one exclamation mark, yes, but in this one bubble it matters quite a bit. By adding an exclamation mark it seems to me O!Ciel had SOME semblance of confidence (faked or not) in accusing Sebas of lying. In the original, the text is small and there is not a single punctuation mark to be seen, meaning the boy spoke a lot softer. The tone would be quite different, adding emphasis to how little confidence O!Ciel had in his words. In Japanese I get a much stronger sense that O!Ciel is eating himself.

So yes… O!Ciel would be eaten anyway, whether by himself or his demon…

I hope this has been interesting and helped (*´▽｀*)ノ⁾⁾⁾

What is Evil in Kuroshitsuji? - Kuroshitsuji’s philosophy

Sebastian’s Need vs Want

What kind of ending of Kuroshitsuji do I want to see?

Character analysis Sebastian - Autonomy and Curiousity

[plague-of-insomnia]

More About Bard’s Military Service…

In a previous post, I documented some information on Bard’s military service. Now that ch 172 has released, we can dig into this a bit more.

As of ch 172, we know Bard must have fought in the Apache Wars, and presumably he saw his comrades felled by poisonous snake bites (hence the snake comment from ch 100). He also mentions Arizona again…

This confirms he was a Cavalry member in the Indian wars, and it’s possible the man in his arms (in the ch 44 panel) when he meets Sebastian is “Terry,” who died from a snake bite, since it’s likely his acting routine is inspired by some of his real experiences…

But it’s still not clear in what battles/wars Bard may have fought. Two of the most famous would be one of the conflicts in the Geranimo’s War, which would fit with the Arizona and Apache reference, but ended in 1886. Since Geranimo is a famous figure, it’s possible that Yana may tweak history to make that work. However, the war didn’t end in a way that aligns with that image in ch 44 (small skermishes with the 4th Cavalry, ending in a surrender negotiation). {Photo: before the surrender, source.}

The other is “Custer’s Last Stand,” aka the Battle of Little Bighorn, which happened 10 years earlier in 1876, and involved the 7th Cavalry in Montana. That slaughter would certainly fit the image we get in ch 44, with Bard seemingly the only calvaryman remaining (~260 US soldiers died). The massacre changed the opinion of the “Indian problem” and led to changes in how they were dealt with, increasing the number of soldiers. Ofc, it isn’t Arizona and snakes were the least of the 7th’s problems. But perhaps Yana will tweak history here to make it fit.

Interestingly, Alfred Terry was a real Union general and commander of the Dakota Territory (1866-9, 1872-1886) and was Custer’s commanding officer (7th Cavalry). Ofc, he didn’t die in battle but of illness in 1888, after he’d retired. Still, maybe the name isn’t a coincidence?

So perhaps Yana is mixing things up (either out of ignorance, or intentionally). She already has Bard talking about “trenches” in ch 172, so either this is a translation error (often ravines and other natural features were used by both sides, but trenches weren’t dug in the Indian Wars), Bard is including references to previous military experiences (such as the Civil War), or Yana is changing history. Ofc, it’s also possible she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about, or she wants to tie Bard’s experiences somehow with the impending war in Europe that she’s moved the timeline for. (Trenches were a main feature of World War I.) There aren’t any trenches in sight in the ch 44 panel, so perhaps it is Bard adding as much random detail (from different past military experiences) to make his acting more dramatic.

I’m looking forward to learning more about Bard and is background.

It would be something if being in the sanitarium actually does cause him to experience some real PTSD flashbacks…

[sunkissedfinny-deactivated20210]

...I'm sorry

[spicalasavita]

pengen biar gaya tulisannya kaya cah mojok.co :(

[spicalasavita]

Nulis aj

Ada beberapa kalimat satu-dua teman yang sering terlontar namun selalu aku anggap angin lalu. Namun untuk beberapa saat aku menyelaminya kembali. Mereka bilang, "Cok, kok kamu bisa sih nulis panjang-panjang gitu?," dan "Banyak sekali khe nulis, emang nggak capek?".

Setelah mereka bilang kalimat-kalimat itu atau yang serupa, selalu kutanggapi dengan tertawa, atau sekadar nyeplos "Soalnya kalo ngomong, belibet". Beneran beb. Belibet. Ribet dah pokoknya.

Tapi e tetapi, kalau dipikir-pikir, itu sepertinya suatu tanda, kalau memang kemampuanku disana. Ya gak sih? (atau aku aja yang ke-GR-an? wkwkwk). Ekhem, mohon izin saya menjadi penutur kebajikan sebentar, bahwasanya manusia dilahirkan dengan porsi keahlian yang sesuai, dan mungkin, kali aja ni ye, bakatku emang di bidang menulis, dan yah sedikit mengorganisir sesuatu. Cocok jadi sekpri. HAHAHA?!

Ok maaf. Lanjot.

Memang tidak semua orang suka menulis, tapi bukan berarti menulis ngga sama pentingnya dengan kemampuan berbicara. Mas Jacques Derrida aja mengakui kalo tulisan-menulis itu sakral dan powerful, meski bakal lebih mantap lagi kalo dibarengi dengan kecakapan berbicara (karena nulis aja ga cukup mempengaruhi pemikiran beb). Nah sekarang, posisiku ada dimana? Jujur aja aku ga yakin, tapi yang jelas di sisi orang yang suka menulis namun sesuai cuaca hati ya. Kalau boleh curhat (emang daritadi kan curhat syg), aku tida terlalu nyaman bicara banyak. Energiku cepat habis kalau ngomong terus-terusan, bahkan membicarakan hal-hal yang membuatku semangat bisa berujung melelahkanku. Bukannya aku ga suka ngomong sama sekali, cuma aku merasa hanya bisa ngobrol panjang sama orang yang satu frekuensi denganku, dan seminim mungkin dengan orang yang tidak mengerti diriku. Personal banget yyyyak.

Tapi kalo dikasih kesempatan untuk menulis, apalagi tentang diriku, well I'll give you hundreds of pages. Gatahu kenapa tapi aku seneng aja gitu nulis banyak-banyak meskipun kadang ngga nyambung sama sekali, ga beraturan, ga jelas topiknya apa, nggatau siapa yang mau baca, tapi yahhh aku seneng nulis xixixi. Menulis menjadi salah satu terapi mengurangi kekesalan, kegelisahan, dan kegalauan kalau aku lagi sedih juga stress. Selain itu kalau aku lagi seneng banget, aku juga tulis tu biar inget, soalnya aku pelupa dan ga ingin melewatkan peristiwa menyenangkan begitu saja.

Awal aku mulai suka nulis itu waktu kelas 3 SD. Saat itu aku sakit tifus dan harus bed rest di rumah. Bosaaaaannn sekali rasanya ga ngapa-ngapain sampai hampir seminggu, apalagi kala itu belum ada tuh cerita anak kelas 3 SD punya hp dan main hp berjam-jam. Hiburanku saat itu cuma majalah Bobo dan buku kumpulan cerpen yang aku beli (sengaja) sepulang aku dari dokter yang bilang kalau aku ga boleh gerak-gerak selama seminggu. BAYANGIN..... anak sd pecicilan kaya aku disuruh diem di kamar seminggu tu rasanya boooooossssseeeeeennnnn bbbbaaaannget. Aku lupa gimana ceritanya bisa punya notes gambar barbie gitu tapi disitulah aku mulai menulis diary pertamaku. Semua hal aku tulis disitu. Puisi, gimana aku sakit, cowok yang aku suka, kura-kura peliharaanku, semuanya. Masih aku simpan sampai sekarang. Lama-lama aku mulai punya binder, ya aku nulis-nulis disana. Kebanyakan tentang keseharianku, gimana perasaanku saat itu. Biasanya juga, mungkin karena aku suka dengan hal mendetail, jadi kutulis aja semuanya, jadinya bener-bener setiap kejadian kutulis, berakhir dengan tangan pegal-pegal.

Kebiasaan itu terus berlanjut, bahkan sampai sekarang. Aku punya buku khusus untuk menulis tentang "apa saja". Ada beberapa buku khusus lainnya tapi sayang sekali aku tidak lanjutkan. Kadang aku menyesal karena tidak konsisten menulis. Beberapa saat setelah menulis, khususnya tentang diriku, aku merasa lega dan rasanya sedikit bebanku berkurang. Setidaknya, aku sudah berbagi kisahku, meski itu pada diriku sendiri. Keliatannya kaya "Ih ngenes kasian banget" tapi ngga sih aku ngga merasa itu hal buruk. Justru aku paham sekali, siapa sih yang mau dengar atau baca tentang diri (kegelisahan/kebahagiaan) orang lain, kalau ngga ada untungnya buat "kita"?. Jadi aku cukup menyimpannya untuk diriku. Kadang kubagikan sih, untuk sekadar menuai rekognisi yang tida terlalu berguna. Yah ga semua kusimpan sendiri juga. Lalu, ada beberapa hal yang menurutku penting dan aku tulis untuk kubagikan ke orang lain. Aku suka berbagi, tapi aku juga perhitungan dalam hal seberapa penting dan berguna ini buat orang lain, karena aku gamau orang lain tersesat apalagi karena hal yang aku bagiin.

Masalahku sekarang adalah..... aku hanya baik dalam menulis tentang diriku-perasaanku, dan masih sangat minim untuk menulis tentang hal-hal besar lainnya. Ok mungkin setiap tugas kuliah yang paper, aku bisa nulisnya banyak juga....tapi aku selalu merasa tulisanku sampah. Selain karena gatau feedback dari dosen gimana, aku gapernah tau orang lain yang baca tulisanku itu paham atau ngga substansi yang kutulis. Makanya kalau ada kesempatan untuk mengirim karya bentuk tulisan, aku ragu sekali. Pertama karena tiba-tiba gatau mau nulis apa, Kedua karena ga yakin tulisanku berbobot. Sesimple itu (kelihatannya).

Lewat tulisan yang hampir setara dengan satu tugas esai kuliah, aku hanya ingin menyampaikan kalau aku tidak keberatan menulis banyak, tapi ga semuanya penting dan bagus adanya. Banyak sekali kekuranganku dan terlebih, aku pun jarang mengasah kemampuan menulisku. Tulisan ini jadi salah satu media untuk menenangkanku, mengingatkanku, kalau aku masih berguna meski sedikit.  Mampu berbagi walau sedikit artinya. Memang benar semuanya tentang aku, dan aku ingin orang lain mengenali sisi hidupku yang satu ini. Hanya itu :D

Terimakasih sudah membaca :D

[spicalasavita]

Aku, Hari ini

2/2/2020

Here I am, aku merasa kopong sekali. Sebenernya ada banyak sekali yang harus aku selesaikan. Tentu sajaaaa, apalagi kalau bukan skripsi? Aku pikir akan mudah, toh juga hanya menulis. Dan yang kutulis harusnya tidak susah, karena seluruhnya melekat dalam hidupku. Kasta, nyerod, pacar beda kasta. Aku pun menjalaninya, tapi gatahu nanti. Aku ga berani berharap. Aku yakin, dan bersyukur sekali punya Dante. Tapi... yang salah sepertinya lebih banyak di aku. Tentang dante aku ceritain nanti aja ya xixi.

Ok, tentang skripsi. Beneran lur kenapa aku males banget ya? Rasanya kaya aku ga punya gairah untuk menulis sama sekali. Seperti aku ga perlu menulisnya, paham ga sih. Kayak itu tu bukan kewajibanku untuk menulis tentang isu Nyerod. Jujur aja, sebenernya aku masih ragu sama kemampuan intelektualku. Bener ga sih, aku pinter? Bisa ngga sih, aku implementasiin teori-teori yang selama ini sudah aku pelajari (meski habis itu lupa semua). Pantas ga sih, aku menerima semua ini? Aku udah disekolahin jauh-jauh, dibiayain mahal-mahal, dikasih fasilitas melimpah, dikelilingi orang-orang baik, tapi aku seolah tak bergerak kemanapun. Merasa progressku lambat, aku cuma sekedar "oh..yaudah". Pasrah amat? Di saat genting begini pun, bro, temen-temenku yang lain udah kelar bab 3, mulai bab 4, dan bahkan udah ada yang sidang dan wisuda februari, aku pun masih belum merevisi bab 1. Aku bener-bener udah kacau. Tapi herannya, aku ga merasa menyesal atau jengah. Ok jengah, tapi ngga terlalu. Apa aku depresi segitunya? sampe bener-bener ga ngerasain lagi? Apa aku kaya yang dibilang dea ya, udah mati rasa? Akupun gatau.

Seringkali kebingungan melanda, bunyinya seperti "Aku harus apa sih?" tapi dalam hati. Soalnya kalo diomongin berasa kaya orang gatau arah (padahal emang iya). Gaada pegangan sama sekali, gatau mau bergantung sama siapa, utamanya di usiaku sekarang, mau 22 Tahun, siapa yang mau ngurus kalo bukan diri sendiri?

Skripsiku yang belum kelar dan aku yang justru malah tambah santai, bikin aku selalu bertanya-tanya, "Mauku apa?" sedangkan setiap hari aku rajin buka instagram buat lihat kemajuan yang sudah diraih orang-orang lainnya kemudian membandingkannya pada aku yang sekarang. Harusnya sih aku malu, jengah, sedih, merana, dan merasakan hal-hal berunsur penyesalan, sih. Tapi ya gimana, yang ada aku malah bingung mau mulai darimana. Aku pun gatahu harus menghubungi siapa untuk cerita, atau sekedar ngasi saran, apalagi aku tipe orang yang ga percaya orang-orang terdekat (sounds weird) tapi yah begitulah. Aku justru gamau orang yang kenal aku, tau kegelisahanku. Males aja sih kalo mengeluh dan bersedih sama mereka, berasa kaya aku bawa bad vibes. Tapi yah yang sebenernya banget, aku gamau citraku yang aku jaga, jadi luluh sih. Aku tau itu ga bagus, tp gimana ya, aku pengen mereka liat aku bagus-bagus aja, baik-baik aja. Pun kalo aku berkeluh kesah ke kerabat terdekat, ga mengurangi kegelisahanku.

Balik lagi soal skripsi, aku mulai hari ini sedang belajar lagi, bikin lagi. Aku mau coba mulai besok hubungi pembimbing dan baca sebanyak-banyaknya biar aku ngerti. Masalahku di skripsi sebenernya aku ragu sama kemampuan membaca, akumulasi pengetahuan, dan hmm... kemampuan menulisku yang kayaknya udah mulai berkurang. Aku takut salah. takut skali. gatau kenapa tapi aku pengen semuanya langsung bagus. Kaya yang biasanya aku nulis, seringnya itu aku masukin semua perspektif, opiniku, dan lainnya jadi satu, kemudian ujung-ujungnya ga tau arah tulisannya kemana. Kaya tulisanku sekarang ini. Selebihnya, aku maleeeeeeeessssssss banget. Liat laptop berasa beban, padahal harusnya dijalanin aja, ga kerasa kok. Yahh, meski udah berusaha nyemangatin diri sendiri, tapi sama aja. Aku butuh dibimbing. Berdoa lagi biar berani ngomong ke mas fuji.

Tulisanku ini sejatinya untuk mengurangi kegelisahanku hari ini. Aku merasa jengah, hari ini aku banyak bengong, mau tidur tapi nggak nyaman, dadaku rada sesek karena mikirin skripsiku yang ga kusentuh. Belum lagi aku lihat temen-temen yang udah jalan, dan orangtuaku yang setiap nelpon selalu bertanya "udah sampe mana, nak?". Tekanannya nyata banget ya. Aku berusaha buat biasain aja tapi ternyata nggak mempan cuy. Akhirnya kepikiran juga deh. Selain skripsi, masalah keuangan juga selalu jadi hal yang bikin aku stress. Aku kacawwwww sekacaw kacawnya dalam ngatur uang. Dan sekarang sedang berhemat. Plis Tuhan, semoga aku bisa ngembaliin uang-uang yang sebelumnya aku pakai hura-hura. Udah segini aja curhat tentang skripsinya. Selanjutnya mau curhat masalah yang lain. Trimakasih sudah membaca :D

(awalnya mau kusimpan secara pribadi, tapi berhubung gaya tulisanku kaya ada interaksinya, kuputuskan post di tumblr, entah siapapun yang mau baca)

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01/11/2019

Selamat malam teman-teman semua.

Kali ini aku memakai bahasa Indonesia dalam post tulisan untuk pertama kalinya setelah sekian lama akun tumblr ini dibuat.

Terima kasih untuk kamu yang pernah membaca segelintir karya tulisan dan foto-foto, beserta beberapa kali update-an Path yang kala itu sangat keren rasanya untuk berkabar-kabar ke semua platform (alias ter-connect ke seluruh medsos).

Asing rasanya kembali ke media ini, selain karena aku sama sekali tidak mempunyai teman sesama pengguna tumblr, juga karena aku memang tidak pernah mengisi kontennya hingga dua tahun lamanya. Pun ketika aku ‘aktif’, hanya beberapa saat dan bahkan tiada yang membaca karena tida penting (heheheee).

Semoga setelah ini, aku bisa mengisi tumblr dengan tulisan yang lebih bermakna dan dipahami pada lingkup yang lebih luas. Kemungkinan besar akan menampung pemikiranku tentang hal-hal yang mengusik, atau momen membahagiakan yang membuatku bersyukur, mungkin juga berupa keluhan atau cacian barangkali? :D

Yah, apapun bentuk dan substansinya, semoga tak sebatas curhatan biasa namun juga bisa memberikan insight baru kepada pembaca. Kalau perlu sampai bisa diskusi, seru juga :D

Dari aku yang suka menulis dan masih belajar menstrukturkan tata-nya;

Cokta

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It was almost 5 years ago, when life is much easier in high school-mode.

I miss laughing hard with friends, doing homeworks together, having fun by just eating bakso trisma and staying in the club basecamp all day, or just enjoy the school atmosphere in the afternoon-after class.

This photographs were taken in the middle of Catur Mountain or known by Pucak Mangu, one of the sacred mountain that has a temple on the top of it, and was very slippery, foggy, and cold. We went hiking as a participator of the school annual program. Those are my classmates which I ask to help and wait for me because of my slow-snail-movement. I love this moment as much as I love to hike mountains. It make a tighter bond than before.

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waiting someone who never come.

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Kind of warm .

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Dog lovers on point .

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Workin for praise*

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Dizzï Empty but full .