[disgustinggf]

[t4t4t]

[justaslime]

Van Helsing in movie adaptations: Dracula's nemesis

Van Helsing in the book: Dracula's real estate lawyer's wife's girlfriend's fiancé's boyfriend's university professor

[randomcheesy]

[small-bambi]

Harrison Wood Hsiang

[memewhore]

[fiery-rat]

an important addition

[lesbianfrannyglass]

The bulk sale of mechanical pencils is what’s wrong with this country…. To encourage the quick disposal of this elegant device that was originally conceived to be refillable and modular…. Trying desperately to recreate the ecstasy of a bouquet of freshly sharpened wooden pencils… we should each be given one mechanical pencil at birth and only given a new one if there is a fire

[officialromaniantranslatiuni]

[windowz97]

[evilscientist3]

[flashdrive-fucker]

did you cum?

[evilscientist3]

Not even once.

[mutationgirl]

shoutout to the guy who ran for "class president" (not a real role at this school) in 7th grade and just put up posters everywhere about how he would bring steam powered rail back. no other policy. hope you're doing well.

[kaasbolletje]

[drdougdouglass]

[beardedmrbean]

nailed it

[violentoffender]

[beardedmrbean]

[wizardarchetypes]

one time when i was specializing in whales a guy came in and asked where the whales were right that instant (southern resident killer whales could be anywhere between alaska and california at any given moment) and as soon as i started explaining that he loudly interrupted "I'LL GO ASK A MAN" and stormed off to one of my employees and from a distance i watched him ask the same question and then the employee point back at me.

[wizardarchetypes]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

The government put me, a grocery store cashier, in charge of making nuclear bombs. Apparently, most of a nuclear bomb is made from cabbage.

[dont-look-for-me-im-not-here-de]

Am nuclear engineer, can confirm, mostly cabbage

[ailithnight]

[leah2eroes]

GIRL THAT WORD DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS ANYMORE. THAT IS NOT A GOOD SHORTHAND FOR "FASHION", SHINO.

[leah2eroes]

FOR FUCKS SAKE SHINO. DO NOT CALL YOURSELF THAT. PLEASE.

[literallyjustaspider-deactivate]

[twocubes]

"Ok, ma'am that'll be $226.03."

I take my wallet out of my pocket and unfold it. It is empty other than a single moth that lazily flies out. The moth lands on the tap point of the card reader. There's a beat, and my payment is processed. The moth flies back into my wallet and I put it back in my pocket.