[mychakraisout]

[spiritedmtn]

Turning my back on you

My flame burns cold in your airy chambers

Inconsistency is the key

The breaking point comes 

Your touch so light

A lack of some sort 

Things haven’t changed

Things won’t change

The brightness becomes lackluster

My soul becomes cold

And the darkness finds its way back

[spiritedmtn]

My birthday is coming up and I realized its close to the next full moon. I stumbled on this article about full moon ceremonies and it’s actually really interesting. I’ve been getting more in tune with my spiritual and witchy side and I gotta say there’s a lot of great reads out there. Maybe I should host one? 

[spiritedmtn]

S.O.S.

I don’t even know what the fuck is going on anymore.

[kimreesesdaughter]

I love seeing people heal on here. I saw you talking about suicide in June and now you can’t stop smiling. I saw you swear off relationships in March and now you’re planning a wedding. Man, the storm don’t last forever. I’m proud of y'all.

[spiritedmtn]

The Daughter of a Narcisstic Mom Pt. 2

Three years later and I feel this need to add an edited ending. Life has changed a lot since then. The people I surround myself with, my environment, my mental health. I’m happy. Not the happy I always said back in the day but genuinely grateful for being alive. I’ve learned what it means to love yourself and how much that impacts everything that you do. I no longer hurt and blame myself for the trauma I once went through. I no longer feel like this world is worthless and cold but instead see it as beautiful and pure. I found love that coexists so perfectly into my life. Relationships where people love me for who I am and support my crazy dreams that I hope to accomplish one day.

I’ve become my own guide and mother to the little girl who felt like she had no one. I’ve held her hand when she was scared. I embraced her when she was hurt. I let her cry until her she could no longer feel tears on her face. I let her run around and jump and skip wherever she wanted to. I let her go off on her own adventures learning how to enjoy her own company and presence. I let her express her own unique ideas making them as wild and as crazy as she can. I let her spread her love as far as she can to everyone she meets. I’ve taught her all I could but I will never stop. Everyday we continue to grow together, learning something new from each other. I will never leave her alone again. That is my promise to myself, for a love that will never change. 

[spiritedmtn]

Once upon a time there was a girl no longer controlled by her self. Her mind was lost in the state of different substances. Her body moved robotically as if somebody was handling her from afar. Inside, you could feel her soul deteriorating. You could feel her letting go of everything. No more goals, or aspirations, no more friendships, or lasting partnerships. When I got a glimpse of what was happening inside, I saw nothing. Blank space. Emptiness. But it felt as if I was thrown into the middle of the sea during a raging thunderstorm. Who in the world could live like this? Apparently her. If there was anything anyone could do, it would be to have hope. To hope that one day you won’t feel so empty anymore. To hope that there’s more to look forward to. To hope for a feeling of purpose or fulfillment. But one day something clicked.....

[spiritedmtn]

I want to fill my life with more color, more love, and more gratitude. 

[spiritedmtn]

Some things I should note that I’ve realized. I’m impatient and rash. I can be full of laughter and love then throw away relationships left and right. Not intentional of course that’s kind of an exaggeration. Sometimes I don’t understand what it means to have friends or family. I can only give all my love to a few people at a time and I’d rather give it to those who I feel will meet me 50/50. Maybe I’m scared to open up or maybe I have standards that are too high. Maybe I expect people to know what I need which obviously isn’t how the world works. Ultimately I need to just let myself free. I need to let the love that I so desperately want to share with the world flow freely through me and to everybody I meet. I can only be the best me I can be. I can only expect myself to fail and then get back up again. Honestly I’ve been finding myself holding back my emotions lately. I haven’t been real with myself and open and raw with how my life is making me feel. I haven’t been writing or feeling inspired to be creative. Is that why I feel lost? I lost my creative outlet? Maybe I’m just taking a hiatus. 

Nothing ever goes as planned. People don’t always stay as they say. The true growth happens when you decide what to do next. Will this break me? Will it kill me? Can I control the situation? Can I let my guard down for you? As problems start to arise and I’m lost in this cloud of haze, everyone else seems to disappear. All I can hear is my own breath and my heart beating in my chest. Music plays in the background as I flow in its energy. My loneliness is my peace. It’s what I know the best. It’s honestly all I’ve ever known. It’s where I feel the most at home. I am the only person in this world who can comfort me. And I think.. that’s okay. One day you realize you need to put on multiple hats to move forward. I am myself, my mother, my friend, and the love I’ve been looking to complete me. The universe is in me and I am the universe. 

[spiritedmtn]

Look at struggles from a different perspective and you might find a new solution.

[cwote]

[cwote]

[spiritedmtn]

Regrowth

Today I woke up feeling.. alive. For the first time in such a long time. I can't even remember the last time I felt content. I was going through a stressful patch and I think last night cleared all the dread and drought. The decisions I make should not be put into a mistakes or win category. No matter what I decide to continue on, ultimately if I feel it is what's best for me then I must carry on. Looking back with regret is the last thing I want to waste my time on. There are new opportunities with every closed door. So lastly, thank you Jeremy for unknowingly comforting me that I'm not making mistakes and that I'm not failing at my life. Thank you for unknowingly showing me love.

[spiritedmtn]

Note to self: Don't take life so seriously. I have been stressed (for too long I should add) over something I have total control over. If I know that the universe is telling me to change my plans, then so be it. I am not ready. It's also true that one will never be ready so why wait, however, something in me is saying I'm doing it for the wrong reasons and for that, I must accept it. Maybe one day or maybe it is just a passing thought that is not meant to be.

[spiritedmtn]

I've always known that fashion was in my blood. Since I was little I've wanted to crack open a sewing machine and make my own clothes. I love instant gratification and the feeling of being done with my first project (although not my best work) is such an awesome feeling. I'm ready to dabble in more things. First yoga. Second fashion. Third psychology? My life is flying by and I don't have time to slack off on my dreams.

[spiritedmtn]

New projects: Color coordination

[spiritedmtn]

I remember when I first got this mat last year, I messaged the company about how much I fell in love with it almost instantly. I also mentioned that I was a yogi teacher in training and at the time didn’t think much of it. I thought maybe it was one of those ideas that would come and go, yet here I am. Another day of self love and gratitude, another day until I’m across the seas.