ANYTHING @sploosh525 - Tumblr Blog

I work at a swim school and we occasionally have birthday parties. I over hear a conversation one of the kids had with their mom

Hears conversation between a mom and daughter who is like 6.

Mom: Looking at news article on phone about Sam Smith**

Girl: Mommy why is Sam Smith kissing a boy?

Mom: it’s because he’s gay honey.

Girl: Mommy what does gay mean?

Mom: Like girls like boys, it’s when boys like boys.

Girl: Oh….well why can’t girls like girls?

Mom: They can they’re called lesbians.

Girl: lessions?

Mom: No, Les-Bee-Ens.

Girl: Oh Okay,….can I be lesbian?

Mom: Sure, only if you feel that way, why?

Girl: Cuz there’s this girl name katey and she’s really really pretty like prettier then Elsa.

Mom: PRETTIER THAN ELSA?!?!

Girl: Yeah, I want her to be my girlfriend.

Mom: Okay, wait…what about that other kid you liked, that boy named Jimmy.

Girl: I don’t like Jimmy anymore, I only said that cause I thought I didn’t have anymore options but boys.

Mom: *starts dying laughing*

Me *starts dying laughing*

percyhoneybee

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN

SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.

NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

gender-euphowrya

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS POST FOR AGES thanks for the tip karkat

dwasylyshen

My wife just did this and has been running around the house screaming “IM A FUCKING GODDESS”

indie-idiosyncrasies-deactivate

Its true, I have been.

fallenpotter-deactivated2015100

BuzzFeed readers’ awkward problems, solved by Daniel Radcliffe. (x)

hawli

nubbsgalore

elephant aerial shots by (click pic) michael nichols, tyler hicks, alex bernasconi, michael poliza and brent stirton over botswana’s okavango delta, namibia’s damaraland and soussusvlei, kenya’s masai mara and chad’s zakouma national park .

consider that an african elephant is killed by poachers every 15 minutes, and if current trends continue unabated, they will be extinct in a decade.

Fucking annoyed. Officially.

Friday's plans will be awesome :) I just need to get through the week