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Can you handle my homestuck swag

#homestuck #jakedirk #dirkjake #jake english #dirk strider #413 #homestuck fanart #homestuck 413

ARE THEY MAKING FUN OF ME?

This can only be an attack on my character by someone who hates me, because why else would anyone force themselves to draw Dirk’s foot and sandals in the foreground?

I HATE THIS, I HATE IT, FUCK, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, DAMN IT, DEATH, I HATE THIS I HATE THIS, THIS SHIT PHYSICALLY HURTS ME, I HAD TO SWALLOW MY VOMIT, FUCK.

I curse your ancestors, Dirk—oh wait, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY! You were created from yourself, which would explain why you didn’t inherit a single positive trait, you stupid trash ectobiological baby. I hate you, you hurt me, I thought you were a great villain until I saw your stupid Japanese sandals, screw you, it hurts me, go to some lost corner of the cosmos and go screw your robot daughter, although I know you won’t. Your existence is a stain on existence itself and all of us have to endure it.

That’s why you don’t have friends or a girlfriend without using mind control. I know you have wet dreams where you snap your fingers and suddenly you’re normal, you can be happy—and no, Dirk, we know that’s not what happens. The path to becoming your best self is hard and you’re afraid of failure; that’s why you are what you are now. You’re afraid of failing and shattering your fragile ego. You’re not strong, you’re not a villain—you’re that child who grew up in the middle of the ocean surrounded by seagulls, wishing for love. And you could’ve had it, you still could have it, but you won’t. You’re a coward for being afraid to be happy.

P.S.: The only good thing that came out of you is Rose. Thanks for that.

P.S. 2: I hate your sandals. I hope you get the Tavros treatment.

coco-3000

I can’t stand his fucking Japanese sandals.

I know I already posted this before, but I don’t give a shit. I hate them, and I hate even more the fact that Dirk would obviously wear something like that in his power fantasy. I bet this idiot thought he was SO COOL when he put them on, and god, that cape too—but the sandals. They’re my fucking Roman Empire. I’ll be calm, perfectly fine, and then out of nowhere I remember that detail and suddenly there’s a massive tension between my mouth and the nearest shotgun. God, I don’t think the idiot ever takes them off—maybe just to sleep, and I bet the bastard doesn’t sleep because he’s “too important for that.”

I wish his death were slow and painful, fucking Dirk. I like you—well, as much as I could ever like a control addict who probably fucks his own fucking daughter while crying over his ex, and obviously that someone would be Jake. And do you want to know why? Because Dirk has always hated himself. He knows there’s something wrong with him, and he’s obsessed with hiding that and highlighting his good parts—but it’s not enough. No one would ever love him if they saw his whole self. No one except Jake English, the only idiot who would see his worst traits at his lowest point and accept him exactly as he is. AND WHAT DID ULT DIRK DO?! HE RUINED THAT RELATIONSHIP TOO!

Useless bastard. Also, wearing sunglasses indoors is stupid. Why do you wear them? Do you feel too important to look people in the eye? No—you’re so terrified of losing control that God forbid even a bit of weakness shows in your gaze. Eyes are the windows to the soul, and of course a Prince of Heart covers them up.

Dirk—and especially Ult Dirk—you are not strong or smart for having control, or for controlling the narrative, or anything like that. You’re weak and pathetic for needing it all the time, and it will never be enough for you to love yourself, and you know it. So what do you do about it? Nothing. Because you’re too afraid of change. You’re so scared that you’d rather stay in the same dark, deep hole you dug yourself into. That’s why you do all this, right? You hate being the villain, but you can’t bring yourself to try to change for the better and risk failing, so instead you try to be the best villain—to embrace your role so you can pretend your suffering and self-loathing have some profound purpose.

And no, Ult Dirk, there’s nothing there. You’re just as empty as every other version of you, from the child abuser to the one trapped behind a pair of stupid glasses. And you know what’s worst? I lied. You could have changed. YOU CAN STILL CHANGE NOW. But no—you chose this. Out of everything you could have done or been, you chose to be embarrassing and pathetic.

YOU CHOSE TO WEAR THOSE FUCKING JAPANESE SANDALS.

That’s why you’ll never be happy… no, actually, you could be happy. It’s not that hard. But you won’t, because you’re afraid of it. That’s why everyone prefers Dave, and that’s why Jake walks away from you.

Summary: His sandals cause me psychological, physical, and spiritual damage.