SPORTSWORDS

Sportsball players talk. We listen.

[sportswords]

NBA players now can get their handle on the league's handle...

NBA players now can get their handle on the league's handle. *SPORTSWRITER SMIRKS, NODS, SWITCHES BACK TO PORNHUB

The NBA announced Thursday that it would be putting its social media identifier, @NBA, UNEQUIVOCALLY DIFFERENT THAN ITS EVERYTHING ELSE IDENTIFIER, right under the words "official game ball," becoming the first league to usher social media literally into the players' hands YOU JUST CLICK THE BALL AND THAT DICK PIC IS #SENT BRO!.

"We have a young, tech-savvy fan base LOL," Melissa Rosenthal Brenner, the league's senior vice president for digital media, said. "IMHO This acknowledges our commitment to being part of the conversation HAHAHA."

The balls with the new addition will be put in play for the preseason and be available at retail a few months later BUT THEN OBVIOUSLY BACK TO THE REGULAR, LESS NEEDY BALLS FOR THE REAL SEASON.

Brenner said that between Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tencent and Sina, the league has a gross total of more than 660 million fans POSTING THIS ONLY engaged with the league's involvement in social media.

BEHOLD!...The addition is the second change to the ball in less than a year as Adam Silver replacing David Stern as the league's commissioner on Feb. 1 resulted in a new signature.

HISTORICALLY PROVIDED BY APPARITIONS OF A GIBBOUS MOONBEAM The official game ball has been made by Spalding since 1983.

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Original article

[sportswords]

Something has to happen...

Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul told ESPN.com HE TOLD THE SCREEN OF HIS MACBOOK PRO that it's "unacceptable" if Donald Sterling is still the owner of the team when the season begins.

"Something has to happen, and something needs to happen soon -- sooner rather than later. ANYTHING, I DON'T CARE WHAT, SHOULD HAPPEN RIGHT NOW. THOUGH THIS AMBIGUOUS DECREE IS ACTUALLY QUITE SPECIFIC IN CONTENT AND TIME FRAME."

Interim Clippers CEO Dick Parsons testified earlier in the week in state court that Rivers told him on multiple occasions that he doesn't think he wants to continue coaching the team if Sterling remains in control of the franchise. Q: COULD THIS SENTENCE HAVE BEEN BETTER? LIKE IF YOU WENT TO UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA FOR JOURNALISM AND GET PAID TO WRITE GOOD? A: NO, NOT WITH THAT MUCH CHEESE DUST ON YOUR FINGERS.

"We're all going to talk about it," Paul said. "We're all definitely going to talk about it. Doc, Blake WAIT WHO IS BLA-- [Griffin] OH, B GRIFF, GOT IT, DJ WAIT BUT WHO IS D-- [DeAndre Jordan] OH, DJ. GOT IT. It's unacceptable."

The issue remains whether Sterling's wife, Shelly, acted properly in selling the franchise without his consent. She agreed to a deal with ex-Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer <--CLICK THIS LINK ***IMMEDIATELY*** for a record $2 billion.

Closing arguments in the probate court case are set for Monday, at which point the judge will determine whether to authorize the sale or throw the situation into further confusion. YES, YOU SEE A MAN SAID SOME THINGS THAT HIS BOSS FOUND UNPRODUCTIVE, THE MAN WAS FIRED AND SOMEONE BOUGHT HIS JOB -- BUT HERE'S THE CONFUSING PART: THE MAN DECIDED HE STILL WANTS HIS JOB. IT'S A REAL MINDFUCK, JEFF. Donald Sterling has vowed to fight "as long as he lives." SO LIKE, THREE YEARS.

The original purchase agreement called for the sale to close by July 15 -- with an extension until Aug. 15. The NBA has said it will resume termination proceedings of the sale if it's not closed by Sept. 15.

Training camp is set to open in early October UNLESS SOMETHING/ANYTHING HAPPENS SOONER/LATER/SOONER THAN LATER.

[sportswords]

Saying he's learned a hard lesson...

Saying he's learned a "hard lesson," Minnesota Vikings special teams coordinator Mike Priefer apologized on Thursday for the SINGLE AND ONLY homophobic remark he made during the 2012 season, while coach Mike Zimmer and general manager Rick Spielman stood behind the coach AND NO - THIS ISN'T THE ONLY MALE-TO-MALE "STAND BEHIND" IN THIS REPORT the organization decided to discipline instead of fire.

"I'd like to start off by saying that I like to set a higher standard for myself: a higher standard of conduct, a higher standard of work ethic, a higher standard of being a father and a husband and I expect a lot from my players as well," Priefer said. "My wife and I raise our children this way in terms of our last name and what that means. IF WE HAD ANOTHER LAST NAME, SAY, JONES OR BANNISTER, THEN WE COULD GO AROUND CALLING PEOPLE FAGGOTS WITHOUT GETTING PUBLICLY FUCKED IN THE ASS TO KEEP OUR JOB. BUT WE'RE NOT. WE'RE PRIEFERS. WE HAVE HIGH STANDARDS AND ARE NOT LATENT HOMOSEXUALS EITHER, PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY, JESUS CHRIST. Remember who you are. (I DO, AND I REMEMBER I'VE NEVER BEEN NAMED IN A DISCRIMINATION LAWSUIT). In this regard, in this situation, with my comment, I failed. I didn't just go below the bar. I went way below the bar WHICH WAS PLACED AT STANDARD BAR HEIGHT AND BOY WAS I WAY BELOW THIS MEANINGLESS, FIGURATIVE BAR. I was IN THE wrong COMPANY WHEN I made a mistake AND GOT CAUGHT. I brought a lot of undue attention to the Minnesota Vikings organization WHO PREFER TO QUIETLY LOSE THEIR FRANCHISE TO LOS ANGELES and brought an unwanted distraction, and I apologize. The apology that I spoke about, that I put out on Friday, I want to reiterate that in a very humble and sincere manner BUT INSTEAD MADE THIS ABOUT HOW MY DAD TOLD ME THAT PRIEFERS ARE SPECIAL."

Neither Priefer nor Zimmer would discuss whether the special teams coordinator admitted making the remark before Zimmer decided to keep Priefer on his staff, though both said they did discuss the situation while Zimmer was deciding whether or not to retain Priefer. BUT DID ZIMMER, NO WAIT, DID PRIEFER SAY THAT HOLD ON I MEANT ZIMMER NOT PREIFER. DID PRIEFER WAIT...WHO DID ZIMMER PRIEFER. In the six months he's worked with Priefer, Zimmer said, he's learned that the coach shouldn't be defined by one comment. C'MONNNN WE ALL GET TO SAY THE BAD ONES ONCE, RELAX.

"I knew about him as a person and I knew his father," Zimmer said. "His father [Chuck Priefer] was a good coach in this league. We all make mistakes. We all try to learn from our mistakes. And I think this guy is a very high-character, quality person that I want to stand behind. OH, FUCK YEAH. Honestly, I want to stand behind him YESSSS DON'T STOP because I know what is inside of him PLOOOOOOSH, I know what's in his heart. And he made a mistake, and if anyone here hasn't made a mistake, I want you to raise your hand, because I know I've made plenty." *INVESTIGATION SHIFTS TO ZIMMER'S MISTAKES

[sportswords]

Johnny Manziel has 'positive' 1st step...

CLEVELAND -- Johnny Manziel spent his first weekend in the NFL hanging around other rookies and unsigned free agents.

He's about to take the field with the bigger boys. <--- A+

Manziel, who in his coach's estimation had AN HPV "positive" rookie minicamp, will practice this week with the club's veteran players, including MARK SANCHEZ IN WAITING Brian Hoyer, the quarterback he'll try to unseat as the starter.

First-year coach Mike Pettine made it clear that Manziel and Hoyer realize what's at S̶T̶E̶A̶K̶ stake and that their competitive juices are already flowing INTO THE 2015 SEXUAL ASSAULT CHARGE AWAITING JOHNATHAN PAUL MANZIEL IN CUYAHOGA COUNTY.

"I don't know if they're going to be sending each other Christmas cards anytime soon," Pettine said, COMPLETELY UNFAMILIAR WITH THE WESTERN CALENDAR. "But they both know they're in it together and they're going to compete. I think they both feel comfortable that, as a staff, we're going to put the best quarterback that puts us in position to win games, we're going to put him out there. IN THAT ORDER, WITH THAT SYNTAX."

Pettine reported that Manziel, the uber-hyped former Texas A&M star, succeeded in every aspect of the three-day camp (ESPECIALLY THE DO WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT WHENEVER DRILLS), which was open to the media for only 15 minutes on Saturday as the team tries to curtail "Manzielmania."

"It was a good start for him," Pettine said. "We weren't that concerned about the execution of plays LIKE BELICHICK OR COUGHLIN MIGHT BE. It was very difficult with a pieced-together offensive line and receiving corps guys who were learning the offense, too (OH, SO MORE LIKE A MID-SEASON BROWNS GAME SIMULATION). It was a little ragged across the board when you're bringing in guys and it's new to all of them. I thought he did a good job handling himself in the huddle and making the call and the pre-snap communication, knowing where to go with the ball. YOU KNOW, EXECUTION OF PLAYS.

"It was a good learning process for him. IN CASE YOU THOUGHT A GOOD LEARNING PROCESSES MIGHT BE BAD, I think it was a positive thing."

Pettine limited media access to local reporters and photographers. He wants to minimize distractions for his younger players, who might get caught up in the hoopla surrounding Manziel.

"We know the fire is burning, we just don't want to throw gas on it," he said. "THIS WAY TOTALLY WORKS. WORKS ON DAUGHTERS WITH DUDES ON MOTORBIKES. WORKS ON SPORTSBALL PLAYERS."

Manziel may have a larger-than-life persona and celebrity friends, but Pettine said he came across as grounded and humble around his teammates.

"They see Johnny in the locker room and they know he's a good guy and a good teammate," Pettine said. "There's no diva-type personality there -- he's just another guy WITHOUT AN NFL SNAP THAT HAS A NIKE SPONSORSHIP AND A TRADEMARKED NICKNAME, WHAT OF IT. He's funny and fun to be around and he's going to work hard, and that's something they all respect. TRUST UNCLE MIKE, THREE DAYS IS ALL YOU NEED TO REALLY KNOW A MAN, FOLKS."

Hoyer, who is coming off right knee surgery after being injured in his third start last season, might be allowed to do more in this week's camp than he did during last month's voluntary workouts.

"The biggest problem is not the structure of the knee itself, but more somebody DRAFTING THE BIGGEST STAR IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL TO BE HIS KNEE'S BACKUP running into him," Pettine said.

It's going to be tough to keep Hoyer off the field BUT EASY TO ADD HIM TO THE QUARTERBACK GRAVEYARD KNOWN AS FirstEnergy STADIUM.

"That's the way you want it," he said. "He's an ultra-competitive guy. He knew that more than likely we were going to bring in a quarterback and he reacted the way we want him to react, which was 'Bring it on, let's go.' MY WORDS NOT HIS, HE'S NOT A FUCKING DOUCHE LIKE I JUST MADE HIM SOUND."

[sportswords]

I think he's just going to test the waters...

Michael Phelps is coming out of retirement, lured back into the pool GEEZUS IT'S NOT A BURLESQUE SHOW CALM DOWN by the fun of it and the possibility of swimming at a fifth Olympics in Rio in 2016 AND MAYBE JUST MISSES TOSSING AROUND THE KOOSH BALL REAL HARD.

The 22-time Olympic medalist AND 18 MILLION-TIME ONE HITTER will compete for the first time since the 2012 London Games at a meet in Mesa, Ariz., on April 24-26.

Bob Bowman, the swimmer's longtime coach, told The Associated Press on Monday that Phelps is entered in three events -- the 50- and 100-meter freestyles and the 100 butterflyADULT SWIM GUTTERBALL.

"I think he's just going to test the waters OH COME ON BOWMAN a little bit and see how it goes," Bowman said by phone from Baltimore. "I wouldn't say it's a full-fledged comeback BUT I ASSURE I'M WINKING SO THAT YOU KNOW THAT IT IS."

Bowman said Phelps is "pretty far" from being back in top form. He has been training Monday through Friday with Bowman's team at the North Baltimore Aquatic Club, MOSTLY CANNONBALLS AND SUICIDES THOUGH.

"He's gotten back into good shape since September," the coach said. "He can give a good effort and certainly not be embarrassed BY BAILING OUT OF THAT BELLYSMACKER."

"I'm excited to see what he can do," Olympian Katie Ledecky told the AP by phone in between classes at her high school in Maryland. "Definitely it'll bring some more energy to swimming again."

UNFORTUNATELY A TRANSLATOR WAS NOT AVAILABLE TO TELL US WHAT THE TITS ANY OF THAT FUCKING MEANS.

Phelps turns 29 in June and is the winningest and most decorated athlete in Olympic history.

If he comes back and doesn't dominate, Bowman said it wouldn't tarnish Phelps' reputationOH COME OFF IT BOWMAN.

"His legacy is sealed," the coach saidSANG.

Ledecky agreed that Phelps has nothing to lose by diving back in THIS AP PUN DUMPSTER IS AS DEEP AS THE DEEP END OF A SWIMMERS' POOL! HUZZAH FOR WRITING!

"It's just for his own personal kind of thing," she said. "He's already done so much. Whether he adds a couple more gold medals or not, what he's done has been so incredible, whatever he does next should be accepted by all."

YEAH.

DESPITE EVERYONE CARING A LOT Phelps had vowed that he wouldn't swim into his 30s. Since retiring less than two years ago, he has stayed busy with a chain of swim schools, a foundation focused on water safety YOU *CAN* GET PREGNANT IN A HOT TUB YOU KNOW and appearances on behalf of his sponsors. He devoted lots of time to golf and participated in a reality show with famed coach Hank Haney. BASICALLY JUST VOWING THE SHIT OUT OF HIS VOW.

His camp is being low-key about the return.

"I think he's just really enjoying it," Bowman said. "He enjoys the training and being physically fit. He just kind of wants to see where he's at. It's more really for fun. It's been nice for me to see him swim just for the joy of it really."

GOSH. SOUNDS FUN AS FUCK, BOB, REALLY. BUT SERIOUSLY...

Phelps will stick to the shorter races and some relays rather than the grueling individual medleys he swam during the height of his career.

"He's really doing this because he wants to," Bowman said. "There's no outside pressure at all, WHICH IS WHY THE WRITE UP ABOUT IT IS SO SHORT AND CONCISE AND TWO YEARS IN ADVANCE OF RIO."

Depending on his early results, Phelps could compete in the U.S. national championships in August in Irvine, Calif., where teams will be selected for the 2015 world championships. SOLDIERS DIE SO THAT THIS WRITER CAN GO WITH CALIF. AND NOT CA.

"I wouldn't say it's 100 percent on the radar," Bowman said UNFAMILIAR WITH THE ABSOLUTE NATURE OF BEING ON OR OFF A RADAR. "After Mesa, we're going to sit down and talk about it."

[sportswords]

They're playing amazing right now...

San Antonio rolled to a 111-90 victory over the Golden State Warriors on Wednesday night, extending the Spurs' franchise record winning streak to 19 games.

"They're playing Aamazing right now," Golden State guard Stephen Curry said, ENJOYING AEROSMITH'S PATENTED ROCK AND ROLL SWAGGER. "That's the best in the league right now."

Spurs coach Gregg Popovich was able to rest his core players with his team leading by as many as 26 BUT FEWER THAN 1,000 points and never trailing after the opening three minutes IN WHICH THEY TRAILED LIKE A REAL BITCH.

"Our minutes stayed low and it's just like Pop likes it, so we'll see what happens tomorrow (against Oklahoma City)((OH SO NOT LIKE, AT THE MALL, SPORTSWRITER?))," Duncan said.

After struggling with his outside shot for much of the season, Duncan is regaining his soft touch AND EVEN SOFTER EYES just in time for San Antonio's 17th consecutive postseason appearance. BUT THEIR FIRST WITH A GAY IN THE LEAGUE. WHICH MATTERS.

"The Big Dog is always a key for us," Spurs reserve post (WAS NO ONE ELSE AVAILABLE TO COMMENT) Jeff Ayres said. "We pretty much go as he goes. If he's hooping like that, it just lifts everybody up. It opens everything up for everybody else."

Klay Thompson finished with 15 points and Stephen Curry 11 for Golden State, which was playing on the second night of back-to-back games, AS IT'S HARD TO WORK FOR ~90 MINUTES A DAY.

The "Splash Brothers" struggled TO FIND A BETTER NICKNAME offensively, especially in the first half against San Antonio's perpetual motion.

"Just the way they move the ball," Curry said. "It seems like they're always on the attack. They force you to make decisions on both ends of the floor AND WE'RE USED TO JUST FUCKING OFF HALF THE TIME AND WINGING IT."

Marreese Speights provided the team with a needed boost inside. He was 10 for 16 from field and had nine rebounds in 30 minutes.

"Coach keeps giving me a chance, and I'm just trying to make the best out of it," Speights said. "Coach is a good coach and he finds guys THEY'RE ON THE BENCH, HIRED TO PLAY BASKETBALL FOR THE TEAM and gets the best out of them, COACH DOES, THAT IS."

Popovich found a way to do the same after screaming for a timeout 69 seconds into the game after a turnover and missed 21-foot jumper by Duncan put San Antonio in a 4-0 hole. 1:09 INTO THE GAME. SCREAMING LIKE A CHAMPION.

"They're pros," Popovich said. "They just kept playing. They tried to be solid. There's going to be runs in a 48-minute NBA game. With all the possessions, you're not going usually keep a lead like that. (Warriors) made a run and we responded well."

Source: ESPN

[sportswords]

The Knicks have a sense of what's going to happen...

All indications OTHER THAN THAT IT'S TAKEN AN ETERNITY are that Phil Jackson will accept the New York Knicks' offer to join the club's front office, according to a league source GARY DOWN IN THE MAIL ROOM.

"AS SENTIENT BEINGS The Knicks have a sense of what's going to happen," the source said. "And as of right now, it looks like Phil's taking the job. AS THE LAKERS MENTIONED There's always the possibility of something falling apart at the last minute, but the Knicks' sense is that he's joining them KINDA HOW SOME BABES JUST KNOW WHEN YER NAD GUN HITS A HOMER."

The sides are still working out the details, including what Jackson's title will be (PHIL "BO" JACKSON), how much time he will spend in New York and when in the next few months he will start his job TO KEEP THIS YEAR'S SHIT SHOW OFF HIS SHITLESS SUIT AND CASUAL TURTLENECKS.

Jackson's answer is expected to become official within the next day or so. The Knicks have not scheduled an announcement. WE KNOW NOTHING BUT MY BOSS SAID TO DO THIS. 

The longtime former coach HE'S BEEN A FORMER COACH FOR A LONG TIME IM A PAID WRITER will not be a mere PUSSYASS consultant for the Knicks, as he was recently for the Detroit Pistons. Whatever his title EVEN IF IT'S 'PHIL JACKSON, KNICKS SUCK PEENI$$$,' the source said, Jackson will be an integral part of the club's basketball operations, although I MEAN "THOUGH" BUT THE BACHELOR FINALE IS ON he will definitely not coach the team.

Lakers legend Jerry West believes Jackson could really make a difference -- if he takes it seriously. OL' CLOWNDICK JACKSON JUST FUSSIN' UP INCREDIBLY REAL AND PRESTIGIOUS PRO SPORTSBALL JOBS AGAIN. WHAT A PRANKSTER!

"BEING THAT HE'S NEW TO BASKETSPORTSBALL AND SEEMS A TAD DIM, I think if he has the wherewithal to understand that these jobs are difficult, that they're frustrating and he's not going to be able to coach the players unless he wants to, I'm sure he could do a great job," West told The New York Post during a telephone interview Monday night.

While Knicks owner James Dolan will pay Jackson handsomely to make basketball decisions, Dolan is still expected to maintain a voice in terms of decision-making, the source said. PLEASE ENJOY THE "SPORTS MANAGEMENT -- CONTROVERSIES -- NEW YORK KNICKS" SECTION OF DOLAN'S WIKIPEDIA PAGE.  Bringing Jackson aboard could move the Knicks away from their ties to Creative Artists Agency, the player- and coach- AND HYPHEN- representation firm that many league insiders, including some Knicks players, believe has an inordinate amount of influence within the franchise.

Assistant general manager Allan Houston, coach Mike Woodson, MJ IN SPACEJAM, player personnel director Mark Warkentien and star forward Carmelo Anthony are all CAA clients. A SHOCKING TOTAL OF FOUR.

One Knicks player recently told ESPN.com that the CAA ties were a problem in the locker room.

"You see how guys JUST MELO from CAA are treated differently," the player said. "How they get away with saying certain things to coaches. How coaches talk to them differently than they talk to the other guys. It's a problem."

SOURSource: ESPN

[sportswords]

Johnny Football is now property of Nike...

LIKE THE KIDS WHO MAKE THEIR PRODUCTS Johnny Football is now property of Nike.

Johnny Manziel, the 2012 Heisman Trophy winner and potential first overall pick in May’s NFL draftinformed the world’s largest shoe and apparel brand that it had QUOTE won the sweepstakes to outfit his feet and use him in marketing campaigns UNQUOTE NO WAIT I CHOSE TO PARAPHRASE WHILE HUFFING GAS, Nike spokesman KeJuan Wilkins confirmed Thursday night.

Financial terms were not disclosed, but UNDISCLOSED sources told ESPN.com that it’s an UNDISCLOSED multiyear deal that will be the highest UNDISCLOSED price paid for a rookie in this UNDISCLOSED year’s class. Manziel’s team negotiating the deal included LeBron James’ business manager, Maverick “UNDISCLOSED” Carter, and Fenway Sports Group.

Adidas, Under Armour and New Balance’s Warrior brand AND SMUGFUCKS CO. all submitted bids for Manziel’s marketing rights.

Although his future prospects PROSPECTS ARE ONLY IN THE FUTURE are far from certain AS ALL PROSPECTS ARE AND, AS PROSPECTS, MUST BE, Manziel is the prize rookie BUST of this year’s class.

Landing Manziel eventually might lead to Nike using the phrase “Johnny Football.” The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office currently is evaluating the application filed by an organization in College Station, Texas, which claims “Johnny Football” does not refer to a living person CUT TO: MANZIEL’S FATAL DUI. Manziel, who filed the application later on, obviously claims otherwise.

Manziel wore LOWERCASE adidas for the two years he was a starter at A&M.

SOURCE: ESPN

[sportswords]

Today marks the culmination of more than two years...

After previously showing off their new helmet and enhanced SCHIANO-FREE logo, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers unveiled new uniforms Monday morning.

"Today marks the culmination of more than two years of research and planning to bring the Tampa Bay Buccaneers into a new and exciting era of our history," co-chairman Edward Glazer said WITHOUT EVEN A HINT OF SARCASM. "We worked closely with our partners at Nike to design a uniform that would set the standard for both design and functionality…WHAT, IT WORKED FOR THE SEAHAWKS.

"The result is a sleek, modern design that honors our championship past while also establishing a new, bolder THAN 3 STRAIGHT LOSING SEASONS identity moving forward.”

A richer shade of pewter and a more vibrant shade of red highlight the new color scheme. As a tribute to the franchise’s early years OF HAVING ONLY FOUR WINNING SEASONS BETWEEN ‘76 AND ‘97, “Bay Orange” has been added as a trim color for the jerseys and pants FOR ADDITIONAL SHAME.

The white jerseys will carry pewter sleeves and red numbers. The red jerseys will feature pewter sleeves and shoulders with white numbers on the body and red numbers on the shoulders. OR IS IT THE RED SLEEVES WITH THE PEWTER JERS— FUCK IT NOBODY CARES.

Original article at http://tinyurl.com/TampaBayUniforms

[sportswords]

Both a thrower and a passer...

Texas A&M quarterback and aspiring first overall pick Johnny Manziel said that he would measure in at 72 inches “on the dot” when he got to the combine this week.

It’s a good thing that Manziel’s football future doesn’t hinge on his ability to guess his own height down to a precise inch OR EVEN CLOSE, WAIT ON THIS FUCKING STAT. Manziel came in a shade under six feet tall when he was measured in Indianapolis on Friday, landing at 5-foot-11 3/4 and 207 pounds in the final reckoning NOT THE MOVIE.

That’s hardly bad news for Manziel WHICH, YOU WOULD THINK MIGHT MAKE THIS POST COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT. Teams knew how tall he was generally and a quarter-inch isn’t going to be a deal breaker for a team that’s interested in Manziel’s overall package I SPOKE WITH ALL TEAMS ABOUT THIS. Teddy Bridgewater came in at 6-foot-2 1/8 and Blake Bortles towered over the other two ALMOST FOUR INCHES TALLER, TOTALLY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS projected early picks at 6-foot-5.

Even if someone is concerned about Manziel’s height BUT THEY AREN'T I CHECKED, they’ll likely be happy to see that Manziel’s hand size isn’t a problem at all. Manziel’s hands measured 9 7/8 inches, bigger than both Bridgewater or Boatels I'M IN A HURRY AND SPELL CHECK REMEMBERED BOATLES FROM THE LAST TIME I FUCKED THAT UP and big enough to handle the football as both a thrower and passer BOTH. Source: NBCSports / ProFootballTalk

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The attention on him is going to bring attention to the team...

Michael Sam's announcement that he is gay has been the story of the week in the NFL, and players in the league know the story is just beginning.

For that reason and for others, New York Giants cornerback Terrell "LEFT EYE" Thomas said Sam could find acceptance in NFL locker rooms difficult to come by.

"The attention on him is going to bring attention to the team -- unwanted attention, questions that the players, the coaches, the whole organization is going to have to answer -- and that's a lot for one player THE WHOLE ORGANIZATION, GUYS to carry by himself," Thomas told ESPN.com in a phone interview Tuesday night.

"You just look at what happened this year with the Miami Dolphins' situation. YOU. JUST. LOOK. That became something we were being asked about every day in our locker room, and it wasn't even our team. And they're the kinds of questions where you have to think carefully about how you phrase things BUT NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SAYING, EVER."

Sam announced he is gay during an interview Sunday with ESPN's "Outside the Lines." Assuming he is drafted, Sam would become the first openly gay player in NFL history SINCE MANTI TE'O OPTED TO DECLINE THE OPPORTUNITY.

Thomas said he was personally unsure SO, COMPLETELY SURE about the situation because of his "views as a Christian," and he was concerned that players might act differently with Sam around.

"As a player, all you want to know is if he can play. TO CLARIFY IT UNSEXUALLY That's on the field. But in the locker room, it's different. There's a lot of talk and joking around, and some guys walk around completely naked all the time, YOU KNOW, GAY SHIT, and they might not want to do that anymore. When you add that situation to the mix, I think it's going to make some people uncomfortable NOT YELLING FAGGOT OUT LOUD ALL THE TIME.

It may make guys feel like they have to change the way they carry themselves NO MORE SASSY WALKS and some of the things they say ABOUT WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BURN IN HELL FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. You're talking about a league where things have been done a certain way for a long time, and now you're going to expect people to change, and people may not know how to do that the right way BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HELP HAVING AN EXTREMELY IRRESISTIBLE MOUTH AND ASSHOLE.

We have to look at him like a brother and can't treat him any different. But that could be difficult for some people, just the way our locker rooms work AND IT HAS KEPT THE WIFE-BEATING, DRUNK DRIVING, DOG KILLING, COCK SMOKING RIFF RAFF OUT UNTIL NOW."

Pressed on the likelihood that he's already played on teams with gay players, Thomas said,

"I'm pretty sure I have."

LOOK AT THIS SPACE. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. GAY MEN.

"But there's a difference between knowing and not knowing that changes a lot of things," he said IRONICALLY DEFINING THE MAIN FACET OF IGNORANCE.

Sam came out to his Missouri teammates before the 2013 season, and the team embraced him. The Tigers (12-2) were No. 5 in the final Associated Press poll.

"That's the hardest question: If a bunch of 18-year-olds can accept him, why can't a bunch of grown men?" Thomas said. "I just think it's different when you put him in an NFL locker room with a bunch of grown men WHO BELIEVE IN A MYSTICAL SAVIOR NO NO MAN SPIRIT, the way we are around each other, and with people who don't already know him.

"Their locker room accepted him, but at the same time, their locker room knew him before he came out. If he would have said it after his second year in the league, things might be different BECAUSE I'M ONLY FRIENDS WITH GUYS I ALREADY KNOW. But to come in as a rookie who nobody knows and have this be the big story, that could make it tough for some people WHO AREN'T 18 to handle. It's going to put people on edge. Not necessarily make everybody uncomfortable "I THINK IT'S GOING TO MAKE SOME PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE", but maybe guys just might not know how to act."

Thomas played a full season for the Giants in 2013 after missing the previous two seasons because of ACL tears in his right knee. He is eligible for unrestricted free agency when the new league year opens March 11 BUT WILL WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE DRAFT TO SEE WHICH OF THE 31 TEAMS HE'S INTERESTED IN PLAYING FOR.

[sportswords]

I probably shouldn't even say this right now...

Golden Tate says he would be willing to take less money in free agency in order to return to the Seattle Seahawks.

"I probably shouldn't even say this right now, but I'm going to say it anyway just because I love Seattle AND HATE MY AGENT," Tate said during an interview with Sports Radio 950 KJR in Seattle. "Honestly, I would rather take a little less to be happy and win ballgames than to take way more (JUSTIN BLACKMON MAKES 3X YOUR SALARY) and go to a crappy city where the fans don't give a crap about the team, you win a game once a month -- something like that. I RAGEQUIT VIDEO GAMES."

TATE DECLINED TO MENTION PHILADELPHIA, WHERE TEAMS WIN AND THEY STILL FUCKING HATE YOU.

"I would much rather stay in the situation that I have now for a little less than to go and try to break the bank somewhere else. RE: I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN TEAMS THAT ARE ALREADY WINNING AND CANNOT HELP A TEAM GET BETTER."

"At the same time, I don't want to be disrespected by any means," Tate told the radio station. "I want to be able to take care of myself and my family for the rest of my life at the same time. IF I AM DISRESPECTED I WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE, FAMILY OR MYSELF. HELLO, JACKSONVILLE? THIS IS GOLDEN...DID YOU GET MY EMAIL?

"We'll see. That's what I h̶a̶v̶e̶ HAD my agent for. I plan to have some conversations with Pete [Carroll, the Seahawks' coach] and the GM [John Schneider], and hopefully we can work something out. AND THEN MY NEW AGENT WILL TRY TO GET ME LEAGUE MINIMUM AFTER I FUCKED MY OWN BUTT IN THE ASS HERE."

TO SUMMARIZE THE ONLY TOPIC IN THE ENTIRE ARTICLE The Seahawks likely will have to make offseason roster decisions at wide receiver, a position where they have a bevy of talent. *CLOSES THESAURUS AFTER DECIDING AGAINST PLETHORA AND SHITLOAD

Original article at http://tinyurl.com/ESPNgoldentate

[sportswords]

It's not embarrassing at all...

The Denver Broncos had four turnovers and managed just one score against the mighty Seattle Seahawks defense in the Super Bowl.

"It's not embarrassing at all. I would never use that word TO DESCRIBE THE HIROSHIMA EQUIVALENT OF A SPORTS MATCH,'' Manning said after the game. "The word 'embarrassing' is an insulting word, to tell you the truth AS IF MY PREVIOUS STATEMENTS WERE A LIE."

Manning's total quarterback rating of 24.4 was his lowest of the season and the worst in a Super Bowl since Rex Grossman's 7.1 in 2006. 7.1 AGAINST THE WORST DEFENSE TO EVER WIN A SUPER BOWL, MANNING'S 2006 COLTS.

Broncos coach John Fox was at a loss for words when asked whether Manning's playoff record has tarnished his career.

"I can't really say it out loud, right here, because I get into trouble," Fox said. "Ludicrous would be proper English. SHIT PISS FUCK HAMMER LEG SHIT PISS FUCK WINDOW WOULD BE TOURETTES."

Wide receiver Wes Welker cited Manning's prolific regular season.

"He had the best year of his whole career at 37, so I wouldn't say he's slowing down," Welker said. "He's going upward (TO HEAVEN...), not downward."

A lot of pregame focus was on whether Manning would challenge Richard Sherman, the Seahawks' outspoken star cornerback. Sherman had three tackles and one pass defensed before suffering HIS COMEUPPANCE!, AMIRITE 'MERICA??? a high ankle sprain late in the game.

"When I was limping up to my press conference and trying to make it up the stairs, somebody taps me on the shoulder and extends their hand and asks if I'm all right," Sherman said during the interview. "My eyes try to make it up to see who it is, and it's Peyton ... (SPORTSWRITER TYPES THE PAUSE IN HIS OWN THOUGHTS) fully dressed in a suit and obviously very concerned about my well-being AFTER HIS DONATION TO GEORGE W. BUSH'S 2004 RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN."

Original article at http://tinyurl.com/ESPNSuperBowl

[sportswords]

No, I don't view any free passes...

Jets quarterback Geno Smith, involved in two unflattering, off-the-field incidents this offseason, was addressed recently by general manager John Idzik and coach Rex Ryan on the importance of managing his celebrity.

"No, I don’t view any free passes," Idzik said NOT VIEWING HOW DUMB THAT SOUNDS. "We hold our players to a high standard — on the field and off the field. That’s part of acting like a Jet. It’s not only playing like a Jet, it’s acting like a Jet. NO, OF COURSE NOT LIKE WINSLOW. OR GOODSON. NO, NOT NAMATH EITHER, GOD. Everyone understands that."

Smith was recently involved in an altercation with a flight attendant at Los Angeles International Airport. CHECKOUT MY COMMA SKILLS Previously, an Atlanta woman, claiming she had an affair with Smith, posted a lewd photo on Instagram that she alleged to be of the quarterback.

"When you’re a quarterback in the NFL and you’re a quarterback for a franchise in a big market such as New York IF THIS WERE RODGERS IN GREEN BAY, NO BIG DEAL, all eyes are on you 24/7," Idzik said. "I think Geno is experiencing this first-hand. Obviously, I’ve kept in close contact with him WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY KEEPING HIM OUT OF TROUBLE. This is part of learning how to deal with these things.

"We’ve addressed them, he’s addressed them, so [I have] no real concerns that way JUST IN MANY OTHER WAYS. ALL OTHER WAYS, REALLY. I TOLD JOHNNY It’s just how to deal with your celebrity and the visibility that goes along with that position WAIT ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT GENO SHIT I WAS THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE."

Smith, addressing reporters at the same team event, refused to answer questions about the airplane fracas. He issued a joint statement with Virgin America, basically (SO…60%) accepting its apology.

Smith acknowledged that he spoke to Ryan about the potential pitfalls of life in the limelight.

"Rex basically explained that he and I, because of the position we’re in — head coach and quarterback — we’re looked at differently AND THAT HE WILL KEEP HIS JOB NO MATTER HOW POORLY HIS QUARTERBACK PERFORMS."

"It’s not a big deal," he said. "I just have to continue to do things that got me here, which is be myself AND BE AVAILABLE IN A WEAK DRAFT CLASS."

[FROM ESPN.COM]

[sportswords]

But others have also done well...

The Cleveland Browns will hire Kyle Shanahan as their new offensive coordinator, sources confirmed to ESPN.

Shanahan had been the offensive coordinator for the last four seasons under his father, Mike Shanahan, with the Washington Redskins. I WISH THE ORDER OF THAT STATEMENT WERE DIFFERENT. 

The younger Shanahan IT'S A FATHER/SON THING also was the offensive coordinator for the Houston Texans under Gary Kubiak; he was the NFL's youngest coordinator in 2008 at 28 years old. I'M BREAKING THESE SINGLE SENTENCES INTO THEIR OWN PARAGRAPHS TO HELP YOUR BRAIN WRAP AROUND ALL THIS TRUTH.

A team source told ESPN that while Shanahan "did well" "BLEW  UNCLE JOE BANNER" / NO REASON FOR QUOTES AT ALL. AT ALL. in his interview for the position, the Browns do still plan to conduct more interviews.

"We have interviewed four people," the source told ESPN. "[The] [THANKS] plan now is still to interview either one or two more. Would be surprised if that changes. LIKE, IF SIX OR SEVEN MORE DUDES SHOWED UP. I'D BE SHOCKED, FOR REAL. He did well, and has a real chance, but others have also done well." NO ONE DID REAL BAD. BASICALLY WE'RE IN THIS LOOP WHERE MOST PEOPLE AREN'T AWFUL SO IT'S JUST REAL HARD TO STOP. 

The Redskins fired both Shanahans on Dec. 30, one day after completing a 3-13 season.

Kyle Shanahan would replace Norv Turner, who presided over the NFL's 18th-ranked offense OOH, JAB in his one season as the Browns' offensive coordinator. 

The Browns fired offensive-minded head coach Rob Chudzinski after one season and replaced him with Mike Pettine, the former Buffalo Bills defensive coordinator. I'M GOING TO END WITH THIS RANDOM FACT, IN CASE YOU READ THROUGH THIS ENTIRE THING HOPING TO GET A REAL UPDATE. I HAVE SHIT LOADS OF INFORMATION ABOUT FOOTBALL TEAMS AND COORDINATORS ON THOSE FOOTBALL TEAMS. MY WHOLE THING IS GETTING ON SITES AND SEEING WHO WORKED WHERE, THEN LETTING EVERYONE KNOW AND SAVING THEM ALL THE TROUBLE. THAT IS SORT OF A SPECIALTY OF MINE. 

ESPN.COM

[sportswords]

He's got healing ahead...

Coach Harbaugh on NaVorro Bowman's injury.

"He's got healing ahead," Harbaugh said Tuesday, GRACIOUSLY. "He's got grueling rehab ahead. WAIT, WHAT. That is not the way that you would've wanted foreseen his offseason to be after coming off what many have talked about, and deservedly so, of a defensive-player-of-the-year type of performance," SAID THE HARBAUGH "AFTER" HOLOGRAM IN THE CONCUSSION HALL OF FAME. 

"Great year by NaVorro. ... Knowing what's inside of NaVorro Bowman AFTER DR. JIM'S OTAs, I have great faith in the human agencyof WESTERN MEDICINE NaVorro Bowman to continue to be great AT BEING NAVORRO BOW--OH DID I ALREADY USE IT THREE TIMES MY BAD."

APPARENTLY THE WRITER FAILED TO MENTION THIS INTERVIEW WAS CONDUCTED IN A POOL OF QUAALUDES.

[ESPN]

[sportswords]

Quarterback Indicates To Offensive Line That He Walked Through A Spiderweb 

http://www.instagram.com/sports_words