Summary: Harry and Gianna are best friends. He's been in love with her for years now, but she's dating someone else and he knows it's time to move on. When Harry finally agrees to go out on a blind date, Gianna reaches out — she just broke up with her boyfriend, and she needs her best friend.
PART ONE AU, friends to lovers +18 (explicit language) 7k words I said to myself that I wouldn't do it, but I'm doing it anyway :D
Harry knocks on the bathroom door once, and then twice. He turns his head to the side and leans in, trying to catch any indication of an answer over the music blasting from downstairs.
It's hard to focus, though. The steady and rapid beat keeps banging from his ears to every corner of his brain, it echoes between the walls, and it seems to shake the ground beneath him. On top of that, even though he's on the second floor of the house, at the end of the hallway, and standing in an empty room, he can't tune out all the shouting, laughing, and cheering. All the people he walked past on his way in feel distant and muffled now, and yet he still can't hear one single thing through the white wood, which somehow makes everything even more annoying.
"Fuck," he whispers to himself, then steps away from the door.
He can still run away. He can still let her know he's busy tonight. He can still tell her that he won't be able to make it because he has somewhere else to go. Because he has someone else to see. Because he's already on his way to the opposite side of town.
He can… He still can… And also he should, right? He should tell her that. Mostly because, for once, it wouldn't even be a lie.
Holy shit.
Isn't it funny that, for the first time in three weeks, he wouldn't be lying to her? That for the first time he actually has plans to use as an excuse to not see her? That finally — finally — he's listened to his friends and agreed to move on?
And isn't it funny that, despite all that, there he is, on a Friday night, ignoring everything and everyone, and standing inside a stranger's house just because she asked him to?
Harry chuckles and rubs one hand across his face. He's so fucking stupid.
Because yes… He can still say no to her. And he should say no to her.
Except…
He shakes his head, and grabs his phone. Who's he even trying to fool? He can't say no to her. Of course he can't. C'mon. It's Gianna we're talking about. His Gianna. His best friend. The one person in the world he would do absolutely anything for. Of course he can't say no to her. Not when she says she needs him.
So… Ok. He needs to focus, instead. He needs to go straight to the point. He can't say no to her, but he can still say a quick hello and jump right into a goodbye. In and out. In a blink of an eye. He can be there for a friend, and still make it to his date.
Yes.
C'mon!
He checks her last text one more time, the one she sent forty-three minutes ago: second floor, last door. hiding in the bathroom. With a sigh, he puts his phone back into his pocket and takes a step forward, then turns his head to the side and presses his ear against the white wood. He lifts his hand in a fist, and knocks again. And again. And again. And again.
First comes some cursing, and then her loud and muffled voice. "Go away!"
Harry closes his eyes and, before he can even register what's happening, his lips have already turned up into a smile.
Gianna's voice is unmistakable. Not because there is something unusual or peculiar about it, but because it feels extremely characteristic of hers. Never too high, never too low. Always enough. It captures everything about her personality: the softness, the certainty, the brightness, the stubbornness, the kindness, the understanding, the annoyance, the reasoning, the confidence, the innocence, the strength, the—
Harry blinks his eyes open, and clears his throat.
He is there on a mission, so again, he needs to focus. Make sure she's ok, and make it in time for his date.
"You're the one who asked me to be here," he points out, raising his voice, but not actually yelling.
And then, it only takes three seconds for him to hear the click of the door being unlocked. He steps back and faces the bathroom, then takes a deep breath and pulls his curls away from his forehead.
Truth is, he hasn't seen Gianna in three weeks, and he can't deny he's dying to be around her again. To see the wrinkles on her face when she smiles, or the sparkles in her eyes when she tells him about something exciting that happened to her.
Fuck.
His stomach feels funny, and he gulps down. He absolutely hates this.
The door cracks open, but Gianna barely gives herself enough space to look outside, let alone to give him the chance to look at her.
"Is it just you?" she asks, peeking around him through the tiny gap she's created.
Harry frowns, and snorts. "No, I just met a bunch of strangers downstairs and brought them up here to check on my friend who apparently locked herself in some random bathroom and—"
"Okay, okay." She rolls her eyes and sighs, then steps aside. "I get it."
She hides behind the door, and silently offers him more room to walk in.
Harry shakes his head and presses his lips into a tight line, but shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walks forward anyway.
The space is tiny, but enough for both of them. White walls match the toilet, the bathtub, the countertop with the sink, and the medicine cabinet. The only sources of color are the orange towel hanging on the wall next to the sink, the bottles of shampoo on a corner shelf, the yellow shower curtain crumpled on one side of the tub, and a bowl of Doritos on top of the closed toilet lid.
He quirks one corner of his mouth up, but also furrows his brows. What the hell is going on? How long has she been here? And why is she even hiding in the bathroom in the first place?
Gianna closes and locks the door, and Harry jolts.
He turns on his feet, just in time to see her twirling around, too.
She glares at him with a frown on her face and hands on her hips. Her chest moves up and down, quickly and heavily, and her nostrils flare every time she takes a deep breath in. It's easy to notice, because the green overall she's wearing does a great job at hiding everything from her belly to her midcalf, but it isn't covering that much of her cleavage. Nor the soft skin on her shoulders. Nor the smoothness of her arms. And her long necklace — the one she got for herself after her first paycheck — follows the movements of her lungs, and the big, golden pendant is this close to get lost between the swells of her breasts.
Fuck. Heat rushes through his body, and his breath gets stuck in his throat.
He can't make her uncomfortable, though. He can't let her know the thoughts that keep crossing his mind every time he looks at her body. He can't even let her know he (sometimes and unwillingly) glances at her body. Fuck no. He can't be inappropriate.
He can't, under any circumstance, cross that line with her.
He just can't.
He clears his throat and forces himself to focus on her face, then. Taking in her infuriated expression first, and then her puffy cheeks, and then her smudged makeup…
And then her red eyes…
And then her washed-out stare…
He drops his shoulders, then exhales through his nose.
Here we go again…
"What did he do now?"
She opens her mouth, then closes it. And Harry's seen that same reaction so many times before that he already knows she's changing her mind about the kind of answer she wants to give him. That she will somehow deflect the truth. And that she will once again try to protect that fucking son of a bitch.
"I just…" Gianna says, and shrugs. "I just hate him."
Harry stares at her for a moment, then tilts his chin down and looks at his feet. Ok. Maybe not what he expected her to say, but still… He shakes his head and laughs, and the sound comes out of him as humorless and exhausted as he feels.
"Right," he offers, because it's the only thing he can come up with.
Is it possible for him to feel concerned about her, but also extremely annoyed at her? Because he can swear he is.
Gianna's big pleading eyes and cherry pouty mouth have always been some of his biggest weaknesses, but he promised himself he wouldn't do this again. He promised he wouldn't interfere anymore. He promised he would let her go. And he promised he would move on.
"I do, Harry," she insists. "I truly do."
He nods, then takes one hand out of his pocket and rubs one finger under his nose. Whatever. He really isn't in the mood for this drama. Not again. Not tonight. Not when he has finally decided to move on and is supposed to be on a date instead.
"You texted," he says, dropping his arm and lifting his head to face her again. He hides his hand inside his pocket again, secretly wriggling his fingers and trying to get some of his tension off his body. "Thought something happened to you."
She looks away from him, then shrugs. Her hand falls from her hip to hang by the side of her body, and she tilts her chin down, staring at her fidgety fingers.
Harry notices the moment she swallows hard, as if burying her emotions down her throat, and his entire body goes cold.
Gianna isn't happy, and she hasn't been for such a long time. And at the end of the day, it kills him to see her like this. It kills him to see her so sad. It really does. He wants to take her pain away, he wants to hold her, and he wants to protect her. And yet he can't. Not how he would like to, at least. And he doesn't know how to help her anymore. He doesn't know what else he can do. Or what else he can say. He's already tried everything and, to be honest, he feels as if he has completely run out of options. As if he has failed her.
He's powerless, and he's useless.
And he's also really fucking lost.
"I hate him," she finally says, glancing at him and repeating herself. Ignoring his attempt to change the subject.
And for a moment, Harry can swear he sees a flicker of certainty inside her. He sees it, and he feels it.
Maybe…
Yeah. Maybe she finally means it. Maybe this time is actually different.
Maybe she finally realized that fucking son of a bitch isn't worth a second of her day and she's finally going to—
No.
Harry looks away.
He'll just never learn the lesson, will he?
"I mean it."
"Right. Ok, then."
"Ugh," Gianna grunts, then clenches her teeth. "Stop saying that!"
"Saying what?" he asks, walking to the bathtub.
"Right," Gianna mimics.
Her attempt to imitate his voice and accent is endearing, and as he sits on the edge of the bathtub, he also purses his lips to hold back a smile.
"It's truly annoying," she adds. "Especially when you say it like that."
He places his elbows on his knees and tilts his chin up, looking at her.
Her arms are crossed, and she is glaring at him again.
Harry shrugs. "Like what?"
Gianna shakes her head and looks away—first at the floor, then at the sink. It takes her a moment to sigh and shrug, and when she finally speaks, her voice is only a weak whisper. "Like you don't believe in me anymore."
And just like that, Harry's entire body softens.
He didn't mean to make her think that. He didn't mean to hurt her or to be mean to her. He didn't mean to make her sad. He just… He just can't understand the situation. He just doesn't know what to do about it, and he also doesn't know how to bring it up to her anymore.
There is nothing in the world he wishes more than for those words to be true. For her to actually hate that fucking guy and leave him for good. So of course he wants to believe her, and he would if he hadn't heard the same story countless times before. But what good getting his hopes up for nothing, once again, would even do?
"Gi…" Harry says, stretching one arm to poke her knee. She flinches away, and he sighs. "Gi, c'mon, look at me."
"No."
He leans forward, stretching both of his arms now. When he still doesn't reach her, he lifts his bum a little and groans, then finally grabs her waist and pulls her closer. "Just come here."
Gianna doesn't fight him, letting him guide her until she is standing in front of him and in between his knees. Still, she doesn't look at him, keeping her arms crossed under her chest and focusing on the yellow curtain to his left, instead.
Truthfully speaking, her stubbornness is usually one of the traits Harry enjoys the least, because it tends to make her act like a grumpy, annoying little girl. On the other hand, it is also one of the things he envies the most about her, because it drives her forward to achieve whatever she wants — like when she plays it in her favor to get interviews or exclusive content for the magazine she works at.
Besides, Gianna isn't perfect, Harry knows that. And he doesn't expect her to be. So he humors her childish behavior sometimes. Like right now, when he's determined to bury himself inside her eyes. Tilting his chin up, dropping his head back and straightening his back just to look at her. Searching for her sight even if she won't give in and share it with him.
"Gi," he calls, as careful, soft, and tender as he can be. "Hey… I'm sorry, ok?"
She bites her lip, and shrugs.
And because she's also old and mature enough to act like an adult, he doesn't hold himself back from trying to put some sense into her.
"You gotta understand where I'm coming from, yeah? We've been here before, and—"
"I know, but—"
"No, you don't know, Gi. So let me say this."
She sighs, but peeks at him through the corner of her eyes and nods.
It is more than enough for him, and he gives her a half-smile, placing the tip of his fingers on the side of her knees—just to hold her somehow, just to make sure she won't run away from him before he can explain himself.
"We've been through this thousands of times, and I fucking hate when you still stay with him every single one of them. Because I hate the guy."
"I know sometimes you don't like him, but—"
"Gi, no. Listen to what I'm saying. I don't like that guy from work who chews too loudly and makes boring jokes. But Miles? I'm telling you I fucking hate him."
Gianna drops her shoulders, and her arms fall to her sides.
"Harry…" She dips her chin down and draws her eyebrows together, finally fully looking at him. "But that's… I mean… He's my boyfriend."
A new kind of heat flushes through his body, and Harry tenses.
Is she being fucking serious right now?
Is she actually going to defend him?
Is she going to stand up for him or something?
He closes his eyes for a second and clenches his jaw, taking a deep breath and trying his best to keep himself together.
He can't do this anymore. He can't keep running in circles. He can't keep dodging the truth just to protect their friendship. Mostly because, at this point, he isn't really protecting any of them anymore.
"I know," he says, blinking his eyes open and meeting her gaze one more time. "I know he is. But you're my best friend and I love you, and I hate the way he treats you. I hate that we can't see each other without it turning into a fight between you two. I hate that he won't support the things you love. I hate that he's always tricking you into changing your mind about things. I hate that you're always sad because of him. I hate that he's always making you cry. So yeah, Gi… I know he's your boyfriend, but I hate him. And I'm not sorry for that."
For a long moment, there's nothing but silence between them. Music and people are completely muffled by the walls and the closed door, almost making it easy to forget there is even a party going on out there.
Harry sits there patiently. Watching her. Waiting for her.
And Gianna watches him back. Attentive. Curious. Puzzled. Thoughtful. Scanning him with those beautiful, big, meaningful eyes. Standing right in front of him, between his knees. So close that, if he faced forward, he would only need to lean a couple inches to kiss her body. And she smells heavenly, too, like she always does when she's wearing that same perfume — fresh, captivating, sexy.
The woman of his dreams, embarrassingly as it may sound. And embarrassingly as it may be.
"Is that…" she murmurs, so quietly she really doesn't mean for anyone but him to hear. "I mean, is he the reason why you've been avoiding me these past few weeks?"
He closes his eyes for half a moment, then looks back at her. "You noticed, huh?"
"You thought I wouldn't?"
"I don't know." He shrugs. "Wasn't trying to make it obvious."
"Well, it sucked, okay? One morning I even cried listening to you on the radio."
Harry tilts his head, and pulls the corners of his mouth into a smile. "No you didn't."
She rolls her eyes, holding back a smile of her own. "Trust me, I wish it was a lie."
"Ugh." He dips his head down for a moment, rolling his shoulders before looking up again. "'M sorry, Gi."
"Yeah…" She crosses her arms once again, pressing them against her stomach and clenching her hands into fists. "I'm sorry, too."
She looks away, and he taps the tip of his fingers on the back of her knees. Already missing her undivided attention.
"What happened, Gi?" he carefully asks. "How long have you been hiding here?"
"I… I don't know. An hour? Maybe more…"
Harry sighs. "Gi… C'mon."
"I know."
"You see how insane it is, right?" he asks, staring directly at her just to observe her reaction. To make sure he isn't pushing too much. To make sure he's actually helping her, and not making it worse. "Hiding in someone's bathroom for over an hour while he's out there throwing a party for people half his age?"
She closes her eyes, then bites her bottom lip and nods.
She knows.
She actually knows.
Whatever happened this time, it finally woke her up. It finally made her see it.
He drops his shoulders, scanning her face.
Then why is she still here? Why does she keep waiting around for him? Why does she keep putting herself in this position? Over and over again? What is so special about this fucking guy that is worth all the pain he constantly puts her through?
And most importantly, what is it going to take for her to finally realize that she deserves so much better than to be treated like… This?
What can he do to help her? What's left for him to try? If he's run out of ideas, if he's said everything he could say to her, what difference can he still make?
Maybe…
No.
A thought creeps in, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it. He doesn't want to engage with it.
Although he should, because it is a new idea, and it is something he hasn't tried yet. It includes being honest, not filtering his thoughts just to make sure she won't end up hating him, and stop playing safe. It also forces him to finally take a chance, and to finally stop holding himself back.
It's too risky, though. Especially right now, when she's so vulnerable and still dating the guy.
Ok… So maybe not the entire truth, then? Maybe just the facts she needs to hear to break away from whatever curse that asshole spread on her.
And he can try that. He did it just minutes ago, when he told her how much he hates the guy — and that seemed to work more than fine so far, right?
Yes.
Ok, then.
He slides his tongue between his lips, and rolls his shoulders. And then, keeping his eyes on her, he finally says, "Gi, you deserve a lot better than this."
Gianna doesn't seem to react, although the way her breasts suddenly pop up into his eye-line suggests she's holding all the breath in her chest.
He insists, then — mostly because he knows she's actively listening to him, but also because he can't allow his fucking hormones distract him from what's really important right now.
"You deserve to be treated so much better than the way he treats you."
She stays still, frozen in front of him.
So he places his hands on the back of her knees and gently squeezes her. Briefly, though. Just one time. Just to make sure he gets her attention when he asks, "You know that, right?"
Gianna shrugs, then. And Harry catches the moment her bottom lip trembles. And how her breath quivers when she exhales.
"Hey," he says, squeezing her again. "Sorry, love. Don't wanna make you cry."
He's crossing the line.
He shouldn't touch her like this.
He knows that.
Even if it's an innocent hold on top of her clothes. Even if she barely notices it. Even if it means nothing to her.
Because he notices. He feels her body under his palm, and he feels the way her flesh sinks when he digs each one of his fingertips to get her attention.
And he notices how she fits perfectly into his grip. And now he can't stop thinking how there isn't even an inch of her body he doesn't want to squeeze and feel just like this, but also way, way more.
"I'm not—It's not…" Gianna says (or tries to say).
Harry blinks, and loosens up his craving fingers.
Gianna shakes her head and opens her eyes, looking at him again. "He didn't look for me, y'know? I've been here all this time and he didn't… Not even a text."
Harry doesn't know what to say to that, so he brushes his thumb up and down once. Trying to comfort her. Trying to sooth her. Trying to remind her he is there, and he is listening to her. He is taking care of her.
"Something could've happened to me and he just… He just doesn't care at all."
He repeats the movement of his fingers one more time, and when she still doesn't seem to mind or be bothered by it, he repeats it again. Over and over. Drawing small, tiny circles on the back of her knees.
"'M sorry, love."
"I hate him."
And this time, Harry genuinely believes her.
"Me too," he says, keeping the steady stroke of his thumbs.
"He's just so fucking stupid."
"He is. Most fucking stupid guy I've—"
"And he broke up with me!"
Harry shuts his mouth.
What?
He did what?!
"It was so… Humiliating…" Gianna laughs, painfully, shortly and bitterly. And then the first tear rolls down her cheek, and although she quickly wipes it off, it's like she can't stop the next ones from following the exact same path.
Holy shit.
"Gi," Harry whispers.
She shakes her head and looks down to his chest, or maybe to his thighs, or just to anywhere in between them that doesn't include his eyes. She sniffs once, and, amidst new tears, she finally shares with him the one thing she's been avoiding to face the entire night.
"I don't… I don't even know what I did this time. Honestly… He came early to set everything up, so Crystal gave me a ride and… And then when we arrived he just… I just went to say hello to him… I didn't… He just broke up with me, H… Out of nowhere, and in front of everyone."
Jesus Christ.
There are suddenly a lot of things to unpack.
Too many things to point out. Too many things to ask.
Questions.
Yes.
So many questions.
Hundreds of them.
But the first one he blurts out is, "Crystal is here?"
Gianna sniffs, rubbing both hands on her cheeks, and nods.
"Angela too?"
"Yes."
Harry frowns. "Well, and where are they right now?"
"I don't know."
He can feel his muscles twitching. The urge to crack his knuckles and run after those two little b—
"Were they there when it happened?"
Gianna nods.
"And do they know you're here? Did they at least try to reach out to you?"
"I don't—I don't know, H…" she murmurs, dropping her arms to her sides and fidgeting with her fingers. "And to be honest I don't care… I don't want to see them… They'll tell me it was nothing… That he didn't mean it… And then they'll say I should forgive him and I just… I don't… I can't…"
Harry shuffles on the bathtub, and suddenly he's awfully aware of how much he'll, sooner or later, regret sitting there for so long. Still, right now, as he leans just a little bit closer to her, that's definitely the least of his worries.
"You can't forgive him, Gi," he pleads. "Not this time. Not after all this."
"I know… I know I can't… I just…"
She shakes her head, and Harry twitches his fingers around her knees. Digging them slightly, begging her not to stop. Not now. Not after all the progress they've made.
"What? Tell me… I'm here, yeah? I'm listening."
She takes one hand to her forehead and rubs the tips of her fingers from one side to the other. As if trying to slide the words out of her brain.
"I'm just… Scared."
"Ok…" Harry tilts his head, searching for her eyes. "Scared of what, love? Of him? Because you know I'll never let—"
"No." She shakes her head. "I'm not scared of him… It's not—Ugh… Look, I don't want to keep doing this anymore, okay? I really don't. But I'm… I'm scared I'll end up calling him anyway… And I know I shouldn't, I know that, but I… I mean, I don't know… I just… I don't know…"
"Ok, just breathe, yeah?" He moves his thumbs up and down again, foolishly hoping his touch will be enough to soothe her.
"I don't want to be that girl," she says, then takes a deep breath in, and lets the air out through her mouth. "I swear I don't."
"Ok… That's—"
"I'm scared I'll be, tho. And I don't want to. I don't—"
"Gi, hey… Listen to me."
She stops talking, and she also glances back at him. The look on her face is so scared, though, that it makes Harry's chest hurt.
He sighs, and asks. "Why would you call him, tho, hm?"
Gianna shrugs.
"If you don't want to… And if you're saying you know you shouldn't… Why are you so scared you'll call him anyway?"
"I don't know…"
She looks away again, and Harry notices that, unlike him, the only way she can get the words out of her mind is if she isn't staring at him.
"It's just what I did every other time before… He'll break up with me, then I'll get lonely at home and call him. And then he'll—"
"Wait." Harry frowns. "Just... Hold on a minute. This isn't the first time?"
She looks down to the floor, and shakes her head.
"How many times did he break up with you?"
Gianna laughs — humorlessly, tirelessly, unwillingly.
"Please don't make me answer that."
Harry freezes for a moment, and cautiously watches her. He examines her. Studies her. Trying to find any of the sparks she's usually radiating off her. Or any traces of joy. Or at least some peace in between everything that's happening. But she's just so sad. And she also looks so ashamed, and so scared, that he just… He can't do it anymore.
Honestly.
It's beyond whatever he can handle right now.
So he squeezes the back of her knees and pushes her closer, then leans in and places his head against her belly.
He closes his eyes, and sighs.
Holly shit.
Harry doesn't want to be dramatic, ok? So he'll never admit this out loud, but this shit physically pains him. It just does. He can't grasp his mind around the fact that getting into fights with her, making her cry, and diminishing her ideas wasn't enough for that fucking asshole. That he still needed to mess around with her feelings, and that he got away with it for so long that she now believes she'll end up crawling back to him no matter what.
He also hates the fact that he never knew "breaking up" was a common thing between them. That Gianna wasn't just forgiving all the childish and fucked up things Miles did, but that she was actively calling him up and asking to go back to him. And he doesn't blame her for that, ok? He doesn't. He loves her. So he just… Y'know…
He just…
"Fuck," he murmurs, clenching his teeth. "That fucking son of a bitch."
Gianna breathes in, and Harry feels the way her stomach slowly fills up with air, moving his head along with it. And then she exhales out, heavily and through her nose, and her stomach empties again, and Harry's head follows the movement again.
"I'm sorry, H," she murmurs, too. "I didn't—"
He shakes his head, burying his forehead on the fabric of her overall, and lifts his hands slightly, just an inch above the back of her knees. Being mindful to not overstep, but also deeply struggling to contain himself.
"Please don't apologize," he says, intentionally keeping his voice down. "You didn't do anything wrong."
She places her hands on the back of his head. Softly and gently. Almost like she's unsure of what she's doing.
"It feels like I did, tho."
"You didn't. I promise you didn't."
Gianna doesn't seem to have an answer for that, and she also doesn't seem to know what to do with her hands. Tapping his hair as if she's trying to figure out where to put them.
Harry brushes his thumbs up and down, just like before — although he's now hesitantly venturing himself on the back of her thighs, and that embarrassingly feels way more dangerous and thrilling than whatever he did with (or to) any other person up until then.
And it seems to have some sort of effect on her, too, because she relaxes underneath him. Her muscles seem to loosen up, and she finally drops the weight of her palms on the back of his head.
Next thing he knows, Gianna's already threading her fingers through his hair. Running her nails over his scalp, and entertaining herself while fiddling with his curls.
Harry smiles, and slows down under her touch. His breathing follows the rhythm of her hands, and his heart is loud and heavy, but it doesn't seem to squash his chest anymore. It's not painful anymore.
Time goes by unnoticed. And it's like the world around them doesn't even exist anymore.
It's good.
And it's new.
And it's peaceful.
And it's refreshing.
So much so that, when Gianna speaks again, even the pain and the sadness in her voice sound lighter.
"I hate myself for calling him," she says, keeping up with the strokes on his head, "and I really don't want to do it again."
Harry nods.
"I'm scared I will anyway, H…"
He squeezes her once, just to let her know he's listening, and then he rummages through his brain, trying to find something useful to say.
He can't say he understands her fear, because he isn't sure he does. What he knows is that he always struggled to say no to Gianna, and that no matter how hard he tried he was never able to let her go. But he can't compare both situations, can he? After all, she never played with his feelings, because she doesn't know about them. Miles, on the other hand, was pretty much aware of the relationship they were in. Miles knew what he was doing, and Miles actively chose to string her along.
So, no, it is not the same thing.
On top of that… Harry can't imagine her calling him out of nowhere. Not when she's so sure she doesn't want him anymore. Not when she's so sure she hates him.
Unless… Well, is she still in love with him? Is that why she thinks she'll go back to him? Because she loves him so much that she'll miss him?
No… C'mon… She doesn't.
Does she?
Shit.
Certainly, it's not his place to answer that, but it doesn't feel like she's in love with the guy. It feels like she's used to being with him, but because she doesn't know anything better.
Besides, he's never seen her so determined to put an end to the relationship. This is the first time he's seen it written all over her face. It's also the first time she's called him because Miles broke up with her, and the first time she even told him it happened. So how… How can she still be so unsure of herself?
Harry pulls away and blinks his eyes open. Adjusting to the bright cool light, and also searching for her eyes.
Gianna slides her hands off his hair and rests them on his shoulders. Holding herself onto him while she tilts her chin down and meets his stare.
"I know you said you called him every other time before, but… Did you also feel like this the other times?"
She frowns, and it's enough for him to already know the answer. Still, he waits for her, and lets her come to a conclusion on her own.
"I don't… Think so? I mean, no. It feels… Different this time."
Fuck yeah it does.
Just look at them!
Harry wants to chuckle, but he knows he can't, and he knows he shouldn't, so he breathes in deeply and shrugs.
"So maybe this time it will be different, yeah?" he asks, then takes a chance and drags his palms another inch further up on the back of her thighs.
Gianna takes a tiny step closer to him, and he's more than happy to take that as a little victory.
"Maybe… But I don't know if I have so much faith in myself."
"Why not, Gi? If you know he's such an idiot, and you know you don't wanna go back to him, why do you still think you will?"
"Because I'm that stupid, H. Because apparently I can't—"
"Stop," he says, and squeezes the back of her thighs
Gianna gasps softly, and widens her eyes.
Shit.
Although Harry always tries to be gentle, he knows his grip ended up being tighter than he originally meant to. He can feel it on the way his nails are digging into her flesh, and on the way he's also flexing his arms.
Part of him wants to apologize and put some distance between them before she can do it herself. Before she realizes what's happening and tell him to fuck off.
The other part, though, knows it's too late to go back from whatever he already did tonight, and that so far the truth is the only road that seems to be actually taking him somewhere.
So Harry straightens up his back and keeps his hands in the exact same place, firm and steady.
He doesn't take anything back, nor pretends it isn't actually happening.
"I can't let you do this to yourself, ok?" he says. "Because you're not stupid."
Gianna blinks.
"You're the most fascinating woman I've ever met," he adds, because now that he's started he doesn't think he'll be able to stop himself anymore. "You're kind, and smart, and creative, and funny."
He loosens up one hand and pulls it away, but only to take it up to her face and brush his thumb under her eyes.
"You're so beautiful, Gi," he says, cleaning some of her smudged makeup.
"So, so beautiful…" He strokes her cheek, and then under her other eye. "That you're just… You're breathtaking."
She blinks again, and again, and again. As if trying to absorb the information not only through her ears, but also through her eyes.
And Harry likes the way she's listening to him, the way she's leaning closer. The way she's softening in front of him. He doesn't know what it means, but he knows he likes it. So he keeps going, choosing to only stop if she asks him to.
"And you're constantly blowing my mind, for whatever reason." He drops his hand again, placing it on the back of her thigh, where it feels they belong now. "Your ideas, your point of views, your actions… Everything, Gi. Everything you do is just… Amazing. You are amazing."
She flickers her eyes around his face, and Harry gives her time to do so. He waits for her. Brushing his thumbs up and down. Subtly caressing the back of her thighs.
"I don't… I don't know what to say."
"It's ok…" He smiles. Softly. Fondly. "You don't have to say anything."
Gianna shrugs. She picks his t-shirt between her fingers, fidgeting with it while still watching him.
"Kinda feels like I have to. I mean, those are… Y'know… Really nice things to say about someone."
"I know. Yes." He smiles bigger, and nods. "Want me to say them again?"
She rolls her eyes, but it's easy to catch the way her mouth tries to curl into a smile as well. Or the way some cheerfulness brightens up her face.
And there she is again…
Harry tilts his head, hooked and charmed by the way she looks. By the woman she is.
Chest warm and fuzzy.
Head over the moon.
Pathetically in love.
"I think very highly of you, Gi."
"You do?"
"Mhmm… You should know that by now."
She drums her fingers on his shoulders, and he brushes his thumbs on the back of her thighs.
"This is… I mean…"
"What?"
"Ugh." She groans, throwing her head back and glancing at the ceiling. "I don't know. I'm just really confused right now."
"Oh. It's... It's ok," he says, eyes suddenly too focused and mind too distracted.
Her neck is pretty, isn't it? And her skin looks the sweetest, softest place he could lay his lips on.
Harry swallows.
He looks down, and meets her chest — which only makes it worse.
Fuck.
He closes his eyes, and shakes his head.
When he looks at her again, she's thankfully already facing down and staring back at him. Making it easier for him to talk again.
"Don't wanna confuse you right now," he says, then clears his throat. "It's not the right time to reveal all of my thoughts about you, anyway."
"All of your thoughts about me? What—How many do you have?"
Harry chuckles. She's so fucking cute.
"Not today, yeah?"
She narrows her eyes. "Harry…"
He shrugs. "Look, all you need to know right now is that you're not stupid. And I know you're scared, but this time you have me by your side, yeah? And I won't let that son of a bitch hurt you again. Ok?"
"I appreciate that, but you don't have to—"
"Gi. Ok?"
She sighs.
"Okay."
"Good."
A beat of silence echoes between them.
Gianna and Harry fill it by staring at each other. Consciously ignoring the fact that time is ticking by. And also ignoring the fact that, although they probably should feel awkward by whatever is going on right now, they actually don't feel awkward at all.
And then clattering and shattering thunder from downstairs, and Gianna and Harry jolt. They both turn their heads to face the door, waiting for something to happen. And when people seem to erupt into desperate cheering and yelling, they both turn again, and look at each other. Again.
"Do you think it'll be okay if I spend the night at yours?" she asks. "Most of my things are at Miles' and I… I don't know. To be honest I don't want to spend the night at my place."
Harry nods. "Yeah, of course. You can sleep back at mine."
He rolls his shoulders, then tilts his head to one side, and to the other.
"Do you think it'll be ok if we leave this place right now, tho?" he asks, brushing his palms up and down the back of her thighs, then sliding them to gently tap the sides of her legs. "Can't stand this place anymore."
"Yeah." Gianna smiles, and squeezes his shoulders. "We should go."
"Great." He squeezes her legs, and brushes his thumbs in wide, slow circles. "Good."
She nods and slides her hands down his shoulders, letting her fingers brush down his chest. "Mhmm…"
"We'll go, then." He spreads his legs even wider and nudges her forward, holding her legs tightly while forcing her to take a step closer.
"We will." She draws her hands back to his shoulders, fully holding onto him. "Whenever you want to."
Harry closes his eyes and leans forward, pressing his face to her stomach, and then a kiss on top of her clothes. Without pulling away, he groans against the green fabric, then murmurs, "You're not making this any easier for me, y'know?"
Gianna chuckles, allowing her hands to timidly explore his back. "I swear to God I have no idea what's going on right now."
He pulls away, tilting his chin up and looking at her. "We'll have plenty of time to figure it out. But right now, let's just get the fuck out of here. Please."
"Okay," she says, and smiles, but doesn't make any attempt to actually move.
"Ugh." He grabs her waist and pushes her off, standing up and stumbling along with her feet as they both step away from the bathtub.
She bites her lip and giggles, and it honestly takes absolutely everything inside him to not kiss her right then and there.
"C'mon," he says, finding her hand and holding it tightly. "Let's take this back to mine."
Hiii :)
Someone sent me a request back in 2022 and I came up with 85% of this. Then last week I decided to finish it and finally post it (always better late than never, huh? hehe).
There are soooo many things I have in mind for this one, so many things I haven't explored yet, and so many things that I intentionally left unanswered... But for now, this right here, is all I have, and I wanted to share it anyway :) I'm basically just challenging myself and my overthinking, so let's hope I don't regret it lol.
ANYWAY, thanks for reading.
Dani.
scREAMING
