Both Shane and Ilya have the most severe cases of Resting Bitch Face when they’re on their own. Face cards lethal, both aesthetically and in terms of how fearful for their own safety people are if they don’t understand the context.
Ilya is Slavic. That’s really all there is to it. There is no deeper explanation and he will not provide one. If you keep being weird about it, he’ll start giving you made up reasons just to fuck with you. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why. Who just goes around asking people to explain their faces? Rude.
Shane is Shane. He’s a neurodivergent baddie who’s in his own head a lot. No, he’s not pissed off; that’s just his face. No, I promise you, he’s not plotting a murder. That’s seriously just his face. Yes, he knows, we’ve all mentioned it at least once because we thought we did something wrong. That’s just his default face.
Post-outing, Ilya’s Slavic stoicism and Shane’s…Shane-ness don’t magically go away, but the public notices a shift as they stop hiding their relationship. They show up places together now, holding hands and existing in each other’s personal space without having to excuse it with the Irina Foundation. Their respective reputations for Resting Bitch Face take a major hit when their default faces start popping up less and less in pictures. IG comments document the change.
Ummm…anybody else notice Rozanov’s always smiling now? 🤔
I thought Hollander was a robot. I ain’t never seen robots smile.
Look at them! They’re so happy 🥹
When will happiness like this find me?
Is this what married sex do? Just rewire your brain?
Bro’s Slavic face? Gone. Perma-smile.
Demons on the ice, gummy bears in real life.
Have Hollander’s teeth always been so white? I don’t think we’ve ever seen them this much.
How much you wanna bet Roz has been a loverboy this entire time? Yes Shane, anything you want Shane, anything for you Shane. 😂
Did we know Roz had a dimple on his left cheek? Holy shit.
Got Shane “RBF” Hollander smiling like it’s candy and rainbows around here…Ugh, I hate them both so bad.
- Fuck no, I love smiley Hollanov. I hate that I don’t have someone to be this cute with!
It’s funny until one comment makes Ilya squawk indignantly.
Rozanov - Looks like he’ll murder you, is actually a cinnamon roll. Hollander - Looks like he’ll murder you…probably will, just happily now.
“They know I am soft,” he whines, not doing himself any favors as he throws himself down on the couch and pouts dramatically. “My reputation is ruined! A whole career as the sleep paralysis demon of hockey players worldwide, destroyed by a beautiful man with beautiful freckles. I will never recover, Shane!”
Shane smiles softly at the comments and tangles his fingers in his husband’s wild curls. “How tragic. The world knows you’ve got a soft, gooey center.”
Ilya continues pouting (“That is lie, liar told you that.” “I can see you with my own eyes.” “Your eyes lie. Russians do not pout.” “I mean…you’re Canadian now.” “…Shane. SHANE. How can you say this?!”). He huffs and crosses his arms petulantly.
“Easy for you to say,” he grumbles, eyes drooping in relaxation as Shane massages his scalp. “They still see you as a threat. I am Mister Cinnamon Roll now.”
“Then I’ll threaten them enough for both of us, baby.”
Ilya smiles sleepily and puckers his lips, wordlessly demanding a kiss. Shane obliges without hesitation.
He doesn’t mention that Ilya’s lip balm actually tastes a little like cinnamon rolls.