To keep growing

(AU In Character roleplay sideblog to D-D-Disgusting, I am an adult, please be 18+ to follow!)

[ssunspotted]

Hmm since I’ve actually dipped my toes back into this blog, here’s a slightly updated pinned post. Hullo! You can call me Tooth! Disclaimer: While this is an IC blog, please don’t expect strict realtime! I am unfortunately sometimes very slow,  and some things can sit in drafts for a time. I can’t always find IC justification for this, that’s just on me! Thank you to everyone for being so patient.  Here’s a quick rundown of my relevant blogs to this one!

@d-d-disgusting​: Parent blog! My Para rp blog for Vincent, the wet beast whom became this verse’s Tolya. That Verse is at an earlier and VERY different place in life than this one. No need to follow there if only interested in IC blogging! (I do occasionally post information and art about the headworld they came from there though) @ssunspotted: Tolya, Nonhuman priest to the god of decay, Extensive plant magic practitioner and newly-turned Lich. Recovered (or, always recovering, but well managed) delusional penitent, Lover of life and of people, revolutionary, and haver of horrible humor, they’re bouncing back from a decade of The Horrors to hold onto self love and finally enjoy having a family. They’ve been through a LOT through their years in the tumblr multiverse rp scene, have had several years to adapt, connect with others and to recover, and have come a very long way from mainverse Vincent. Importantly, having learned magic from their god (and partner), they accidentally developed a branch of emotion-driven plant magic which has responded in uncontrolled ways the more natural with it they’ve become. Recently turned Lich after their neurological disorder progressed too far, suffice to say they’ve become powerful enough that Strange Things Are Happening. @ssunspoiled: Tolya’s Vent and NSFW blog. There will be some freak shit over there, but also a lot of thoughts that are less acceptable or a bit too messy to share on their main, and conversations better left out of public eye. @backintodirt: This one pertains to their spirituality as a priest to the god of Decay. Mostly relevant aesthetics, but also prayer, feverish, obsessive thoughts, and such. When they catch themself monologuing about growing your understanding of your place in the world and getting more comfortable with death, things spill over here. Little Rot Priest Things. As a general rule, nothing is ever Too Late for you to respond to as far as I’m concerned, and if you’ve responded to an interaction and suspect I haven’t seen it, also feel free to let me know!

[d-d-disgusting]

perhaps awkward question but if you're a newer follower mostly familiar with tolya through osmosis how much of that applies to vince as a character? i wanted to do the opinion meme but stopped like. unsure if i'm doing apples to oranges here on Your Guy

(Not an awkward question at all! I appreciate it, actually. TLDR before I start is that they ARE pretty damn different! Big thing it helps to know is that Tolya isn't a rewrite type AU of Vincent, but one that formed organically through throwing Main verse Vincent into the ic rp multiverse and letting that develop separately and naturally over time! That means that almost everything that applies to Vincent in the default/base state that I write him in on my para here was relevant to Tolya in the past tense, while a LOT of who Tolya has become is wholly informed by years of experiences and relationships that Vincent in this timeline will never go through. Some things that come to mind Vincent: - Is not at all supernatural, and doesn't have experience with the supernatural (or is just beginning to, depending on interactions) - Frustratingly ascetic. ties his worth to the effect he's leaving on others, has an overblown sense of responsibility/agency, and it makes mutual relationships frustrating and painful.

- Obsessed with morality and being morally good. Is trying so fucking hard to be A Good Person (tm), but Unfortunately believes in something very comparable to degeneracy.

- Spiritual in the sense of a cultural belief in spirits, and the energy of intent and belief itself, prays but is agnostic re: the belief in what we would define as gods. Uses his faith to prostrate himself and elevate his idea of the rest of the world* (*or the potential of the world), because that feels like a moral good. - Unmedicated, dysregulated, only just beginning to rebuild social skills, and not infrequently in active psychosis, esp in dealing with delusional beliefs mentioned above. - Separated from the world he came from, the only way for this bitch to exist on tumblr is to isekai his ass. Doesn't know if his people are still alive. Freshly freed from the lowest spot in his life, with a lot of opportunity, depending on verse and interactions, for that to go in any number of directions.

Tolya: - Is not only very aware of the supernatural, but is something supernatural themself.

- Has had a LOT more time healing and learning to interact with the world and their own idea of themself in a more flexible and respectful way. Still very intense, but much MUCH less high strung and more genuinely passionate. Infinitely more aware of how to maintain positive relationships and how to make others feel meaningful, needed and loved. - Mostly over the moral OCD type behavior. No longer believes in objective good and evil, believes that arguments about morality are too often to cope with the instinct to prioritize oneself and their friends/family over others rather than anything actually principled. Friendly, not to be confused with good. Hiding a Lot that would get them in hot water. - A priest to the god and concept of decay, aims their passion into religious fervor. - Medicated, will probably deal with backslides and back and forths forever, but has built up their coping mechanisms, social skills, and social safety net considerably. - Have rediscovered their people, and are working on refugee efforts to preserve their people and culture.

That's a LOT of text, but it sums up a LOT of the differences between the two!)

[notajackalope]

I know why I'm a god but I don't like it. Uh. Yes

[ssunspotted]

Tell us some thing about you that you like more

[notajackalope]

I can run so fast! And I caught a fish that was as long as my arm! All my wives are the most beautiful! And so are my children! I don't know all they're names but I know they're mine. Sometimes my wives teach them songs about me and I can hear them all night long

[ssunspotted]

A fish as long as your arm iis quite impressive! Assuming you have a decent arm aha It feels excellent to run. Its changed a little for me but I know there isnt any thing quite like the cool of the wind and the heat of your muscles working Hearn.Do you ever sing back?

[notajackalope]

It was very big! I can touch the top of the barn door if I really stretch without even jumping, I've very big and tall and my fish are huge!

I don't always like running but it's better than stopping forever and never running again.

Sometimes I sing back and sometimes I listen and hear them while I sleep and know they love me for all their lives. And sometimes Shaz joins in and Thiess tells us to shut the hell up because some people need to sleep

[ssunspotted]

khhehe Sounds a very impressive fish in deed! Well, running cannot always be as one needs, yeah? The rest, the splaying in the sun, the catching the energy up in between the runs, the full stomach,I remember. Even the chewing it self. All in balance,so to stave off the end, yeah? Thiess. How is it you know Thiess?

[rxttingcorpse]

[4mtns]

[pmamtraveller]

artwork by Mira Nedyalkova

[anarchistfrogposting]

The whole “scientists use big words on purpose to be exclusive” is such a bunch of anti-intellectual bullshit. Specific and concise language exists for a reason; you need the right words to convey the right meaning, and explaining stuff right is a hugely important part of science. Cultures that live around loads of snow have loads of words to describe different types of snow; cultures that live in deserts have loads of words to describe different types of sand. Complex language is needed for complex meaning.

[d-d-disgusting]

//why do I feel like Vince and/or Tolya would eat a pumpkin ((CC aka Niki’s mun)

@miss-niki-draculesti Due to Vincent's physiology, he isn't really able to safely digest most fruits and vegetables well (or sometimes at all), but in another world, the satisfaction of breaking into something the texture of a pumpkin WOULD be very real. Alas. Tolya on the other hand, would absolutely use their plants to tear a pumpkin to shreds and drag it into the soil for compost to feed from. Enrichment!!

[bakwaaas]

adult life is crazy because you can be going through the most devastating and heartbreaking things while still having to go to work and do the laundry and grocery shopping

[chocoholicbec]

@hamletthedane’s tags are worth reading.

[a-mind-in-ruins]

[chromiumbull]

*one of these days ill actually do something else with code besides landscapes and unkillable flowers. one day

[ssunspotted]

hm. unkillable by some thing else by physical damage? Can their code still be altered , as by a virus?

[chromiumbull]

*unkillable by outside forces, yeah. originally it was simply things like environmental strain and natural decay, but ive been slowly tweaking as necessary to account for different things. like wildfires or other people's magic.

*thats a good question, actually. someone else who has more skill than me for sure could mess with them, ive severely neglected practice

[ssunspotted]

Unkillable by out side forces! It really is satisfying ,yeah?to adjust some thing, to figure out how to adapt, and play? The kindof code my plants are of are genetic, but really. That is true of every thing alive out here. and it is interesting then to wonder how similar.. Or, whenI would be in there, if I would be able to hold on to your plants, and taste them! andfeel them, and take. Or!! if it is another animal, if you will ahah. from my own. Ah, that really is some thing beautiful to make a hobby of! And too, fun to hear about your favorite flowers !

[chromiumbull]

*one of these days ill actually do something else with code besides landscapes and unkillable flowers. one day

[ssunspotted]

hm. unkillable by some thing else by physical damage? Can their code still be altered , as by a virus?

[throatslug]

I can see way more colors than a shrimp

[ssunspotted]

I should hope so !! Most shrimp ,they are what. Grey and browngrey? Pink and white? Not many colors to see there at all! :^P

[throatslug]

You-! Haha. Have you ever tried being a shrimp? Turns out they can't see that many colours at all. A lie invented by Big Shrimp

[ssunspotted]

> :^p

Ahh I never have had any kindof opportunity to be as a shrimp! Best I imagine could be shaping a part of me as one, but still, the secrets of their eyes would so allude

Now, big shrimp, I would take. you sound like you have tried being a shrimp! What would you say to have a swimtail is like?

[lustcannibalism]

I’ve started decomposing on my free time

[lustcannibalism]

thanks I’ll be worm food next time you think of me

[caroexanima]

[godkillerbrigade]

it msut feel sooooo good to be an undulating sea creature swimming around. no bones no eyes just pure wiggling

[godkillerbrigade]

eventually something comes and eats you but that's part of being an undulating sea creature #undulatingseacreature

[lady-quen]

Honest to god "came back wrong" is one of the sexiest tropes there are. Especially if the catch isn't "oh it's not them after all, it's just a monster wearing their shell" but instead it IS still them, just changed. Irrevocably so, perhaps in grotesque ways, but at the core of it all, past all the whispers and strange looks behind their back, past even their own self-doubt - lies a small part of the person they used to be. The very part that counts.

Yeah, get driven to near-insanity by what you lost and can't get back. Struggle with your identity, your own skin. Ask yourself every day and every night, was it really worth it?

And then, find the strength to eventually answer, yes, yes it was.

Despite everything.

It's still you.