Always Love You | Dean Winchester x reader, Bucky Barnes x reader
Summary: The Avengers call you for the first time after years asking for your help which Dean isn’t too happy about. After not being able to change your mind, letting you go soon becomes one his biggest regrets.
Warnings: ANGST, major character’s death, arguments, Steve being a dick, long flashbacks, injuries, violence, a bit of fluff, HURT (it’s my writing what do you expect)
Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader, Bucky Barnes x reader
Featuring: Sam Winchester, Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark
“Sweetheart you were amazing back there.” Dean said looking to the rearview mirror to look at you.
“I know I was.” You smirked winking at him making Sam and Dean laugh.
Then Dean turned on the music as usual.
Fire of the unknown origin playing
Death comes sweeping through the hallway, like a lady's dress
Death comes driving down the highway, in its Sunday best
A fire of unknown origin took my baby away
A fire of unknown origin took my baby away
You three sang along to the song happily that the hunt went well and you could take a break for the rest of the day. You couldn’t wait to get back to the bunker and take a long warm and relaxing shower, perhaps with Dean.
Suddenly you heard your phone ringing among the music. You were hoping it wasn’t a new case, you were really exhausted after this werewolf pack hunt.
When you saw the name on the screen you heart practically dropped, you hadn’t heard from them in so long. Probably two years or more, something had to be wrong.
You accepted the call and murmured “Romanoff” and yet you caught the boys attention by saying that name. Dean stopped singing turning the volume down, his smile disappeared and Sam looked curious wondering what the call could be about.
“What’s going on.” You asked your heart slowly racing.
“It’s HYDRA, we might’ve found something to destroy them, maybe not completely but a big part. We will be able to save many people that are being held hostage at the moment and we really could use your help.”
“Romanoff you know pretty well I don’t do that anymore, that’s not my job, I have a new life.”
When those words came out of your mouth the brothers knew exactly what was going. Avengers needed help. Your help. They’ve really got the nerve asking for your help after all these time ignoring you.
“No!” You yelled making the boys flinch and make them wonder more about what was going on. “You can’t just call me after years asking for my help, not even apologize for what you did and expect me to help you. You are the Avengers, earth mightiest heros, you can save these people yourself. Me? I’m just a freak remember? Don’t call me again.” You yelled your past passing through your eyes.
“I am so sorry for what Steve said to you, you didn’t deserve that. And I’m sorry we didn’t really stand up for you. I know it’s really bold of us to call you but you are one of the strongest and smartest people we know and we need as many people here as possible. I promise after this we’ll never bother you again but please help us.” Natasha pleaded making you shut your eyes together not knowing what to do. You’ll never forget the day you were abandoned by the first family you ever had.
“Y/n this is unbelievable, what do you mean you want to be a ‘hunter’ , what does that even mean.” Steve asked looking more mad than ever.
“Well Cap there are more threatening things to earth other than robots if you haven’t noticed yet. And I want to hunt those things and help other people.”
“So does that mean you don’t want to be an Avenger anymore?” Tony asked genuinely.
“No! Of course not, I– I can do both at the same time. It’s not like there’s always something crazy going on in our job, and we don’t have any lead on HYDRA yet. I might as well use the time to do something useful. Crazy creatures like Werewolves and Vampires are always out there.” You told them hoping they would understand.
“You also better tell them who you are doing this ‘job’ with.” Bucky who was standing in the corner said bitterly.
“I would have told them anyway but thanks for your help James.” You knew that he hated it when you called him James instead of Bucky, but you couldn’t help it.
“Y/n what is he talking about?” Steve asked
“I-“ you were interrupted by Bucky before you could even explain.
“She is going to be working with Dean and Sam Winchesters, two most wanted criminals by the US police.”
“Wait I know those two, aren’t they dead?” Tony asked confused by Bucky’s words.
“Well first of all they aren’t criminals, they never murdered anyone innocent. Their only ‘crime’ would be pretending to be the FBI so they can solve a case. Second of all yes they have been dead multiple times but they came back.” You explained making Steve’s eyes slightly widen.
“Hey don’t look at me like that, you’re the dude that went in the ice and woke up 70 years later yet you look younger than me.” You objected making Steve glare at you.
“You broke up with me because of him.” Bucky spoke again making everyone’s shocked eyes turn to you.
“You guys broke up?” Sam asked not believing Bucky’s words.
“No, she broke up with me because ‚she doesn’t feel the same anymore‘.” Bucky spat slowly walking towards you.
“I wanted to keep this private Bucky but you want to let everyone know? Fine.” You said not being able to tolerate his attitude anymore.
“I think I am in love with Dean Winchester. We met on a hunt where a Vampire was trying to kill me. He helped me kill him and after that he told what other things are out there that we have no idea about. After that we went on a few hunts together with his brother so I could learn more about hunting monsters. After a while I felt like I had feelings for him so I stopped seeing him completely because I love- loved Bucky. But then I couldn’t do it anymore ok? But I never cheated and I really want us to stay friends.” She explained hoping they would understand your point of view.
“You might have not cheated on me but you broke my heart. You knew how much I needed you and you just went off working with two strangers and suddenly you’re in love with one of them. After so many years of knowing each other, going through thick and thin together, you’re leaving me for someone you don’t even know for a year. And you expect us to stay friends? Sorry Y/l/n but my friends don’t stab me from behind. Have fun with your new boyfriends.” Bucky said bitterly before walking out.
Your heart broke because of his words. You knew he was kinda right. You had known Bucky since you were in the Red Room where he used to train you when he was the Winter Soldier. After you and Natasha killed Dreykov and escaped the Red Room you assumed Bucky was long dead. Until he came back still controlled by HYDRA. After he almost killed you and Steve as the Winter Soldier he came back to his right mind by the words you used to tell him years before.
“I will always love you.”
After running off you met again a few years after when he was framed for killing the King of Wakanda. After the Avengers fell apart and being arrested by the government, Tony ripped the Sokovian record apart and even with a lot of trouble brought the Avengers back together including Bucky. He forgave him soon after realizing Bucky really wasn’t in his right mind and about the record he found out Ross tried to manipulate him by getting him and the other avengers to sign it.
So by saying you were thick and thin together he pretty much meant hell and back which was true. But you made it, Together. Now you were in love with Dean Winchester another messed up man with self blaming problems. Guess you have a type. You still loved Bucky but not the way you used to, not the way you now love Dean. It was wrong but it would be even more wrong to stay with someone while your heart belongs to someone else.
“You really are in love with that monster?” Steve asked in disbelief.
“He’s not a monster Steve.”
“Well he definitely has killed some people and-“
“NOT ANYONE INNOCENT!.” You yelled not being to control your anger anymore.
“But Y/n-“ Tony started before he was cut off by you.
“No I’m talking. We all have done something we aren’t proud of, there’s something in our past that will hunt us forever no matter how much we try to bury it under dirt. So don’t pretend like we are all some goodie innocent superheroes always saving the world when it needs us. At least I know these guys don’t even profit from what they are doing while sometimes we are being praised on tv. They get called ‘crazy’ daily so we get to do the ‘normalized’ work. So don’t you dare call him a monster Rogers.” You finished your eyes sending daggers at him. They knew you were mad because you never called Steve ‘Rogers’, you respected him too much.
“But Y/n how are you even going to manage that. I’m sure it’s not easy being a hunter and an Avenger at the same time.” Natasha asked clearly worried for you.
“Well she’s not going to manage that because if she becomes whatever these guys do she’s not going to be an avenger anymore.”
“What!?” You, Natasha and Tony all asked at the same time turning your head to Steve.
“You heard me, first you break Bucky’s heart and now you want to do the job that these freaks do. I’m telling you Y/n if you do that, you’ll be thrown out of the team.”
“Steve you are taking it too far.” Tony said while Natasha nodded.
“Tony I’m pretty sure I’m in charge of who stays in team and who doesn’t.”
“You know what.” You started turning the attention back at you.
“If you can’t respect me, what I do and who I like, I don’t really see why I should stay.”
“Y/n please-“ Natasha started before she got interrupted.
“No I’ll be leaving till tomorrow. But if one day you need my help don’t bother calling me.”
And that was the last time you ever saw them. There were some protests but nobody could change Steve’s mind. Yet here they are asking for your help.
“I can’t, j-just call someone else.” You mumbled wanting to hang up. Dean nodded slowly supporting your answers.
You hadn’t heard that name in so long.
“He’s getting worse again. He has been having so many nightmares lately and every time he wakes up he thinks he’s being mind controlled again and then he’s most likely to have a panic attack.” She explained making your heart break.
“Bucky baby wake up” you said softly tapping on his cheek.
“Stop please it hurts.” He whined in his sleep.
“Bucky it’s me please you’re having a nightmare.”
Suddenly he gasped sitting up looking around with widened eyes. You didn’t hesitate and just hugged him tightly while slowly brushing through his hair trying your best to calm him down.
After a few seconds he wraps his arms around you too and buried his face in the crook of your neck.
“Don’t apologize please.” You cut him off, it hurt you how much he blamed himself for no reason.
“I love you.” He said softly.
“I love you too Bucky, I always will.”
“I’ll meet you In front of the Avengers Tower in two days.” You said hanging up not waiting for an answer back.
You have no idea how you just agreed so quickly, maybe because you still feel guilty for leaving him. Or maybe because you want to see him again.
“What the hell? Y/n what are you doing?” Dean asked shocked by what he just heard.
“They really need help Dean.” You said softly.
“Well let them deal with it themselves. Aren’t there like 20 of those superhumans in the Tower? Plus they have other people working for them too.”
“I don’t know they said my help is really needed.”
“Well I don’t understand-“ he then stopped talking like he remembered something.
“Is this about Barnes?” He asked accusingly.
“Are you going because of him? Because you changed your mind in like 5 seconds.”
“Dean I’m going because peoples lives are involved and they might finally be able to take HYDRA down.” You defended yourself. He was a bit right and you hated lying to him, but if there was a chance to end Bucky’s suffering, you would do anything because you saw with your own eyes what he has been through.
Sam stayed silence the whole time not wanting to interrupt you guys. Dean sighed loudly clearly not wanting to continue talking about this in the car with Sam.
You didn’t know how you felt about seeing the Avengers again. You practically lived together with them for years, you wondered how many new people are there now. Sometimes you would see them on tv but it was definitely going to be different in person.
You would never forget the day when the news of you not being an Avenger anymore got public.
“Y/n Y/l/n, why isn’t she an Avenger anymore?”
“Y/n Y/l/n vs Steve Rogers”
“Where is Y/n Y/l/n now ?”
“Y/n Y/l/n cheating news on James Barnes.”
It was the worst feeling seeing how fast peoples opinions on you changed just because you weren’t part of the Avengers anymore.
“It’s going to be ok sweetheart, just ignore the news.” Dean said softly caressing your cheek.
“They are everywhere Dean, kinda hard to ignore.” You sighed putting your phone away.
“Well their opinions don’t matter, you did nothing wrong. If anything they should be thanking you for still saving their asses.”
“I don’t know, did I make a mistake?” You looked up at him regretting your words after seeing his hurt expression.
“No honey I don’t mean you, I mean leaving the Tower, maybe I should’ve tried harder.”
“Does it feel like a mistake? Do you regret moving in the bunker with me and Sam?” He asked genuinely putting his hands on your shoulders.
“Well then don’t overthink it, you made the right choice.” Then he embraces you in his tough arms and you wrap your arms around his neck while standing on your tiptoes.
“I love you sweetheart.” He whispered softly in your ear.
“I love you too Dean, I always will.”
The rest of the ride back to the bunker from the back seat of the Impala was tense. There was no conversation and no music. From time to time, Dean’s eyes flicked to the rearview mirror to look back at you. Then his eyes would return to the view in front of him as he shook his head. After arriving Dean pulled the Impala into her usual parking space in the bunker’s garage and you guys took your duffels out of the trunk and made your way inside.
You knew Dean expected some explanation from you but you were so tired and if you wanted to make it Manhattan in two days, you’d have to hit the road soon. It’s going to be a long drive.
You tried your best to avoid Dean and made your way to the bathroom but stopped in your tracks when Dean called your name. You saw Sam going to his room.
“Dean can we please do that after I take a shower? I smell like shit.” You said tiredly
“No we are having this conversation now.” He snapped and you just gave up.
You both took your seats in the library and you waited for Dean to start.
“I already told you because I want to help them do something good.”
“Y/n it’s me you’re talking to, you might be right but there is another reason that changed your mind completely. You didn’t want to go at the beginning.”
“Dean I told you there’s no other reason-“
“Don’t lie to me Y/n!” He yelled standing up making you flinch slightly. “Is this about him?” He asked again. “Y/n you know I hate lies so tell me the truth.”
“Yes, this includes Bucky.” You admitted making Dean shut off his eyes his breathing getting louder and louder by seconds.
“He’s not doing well and Natasha thinks after this HYDRA mission he might calm down for a while.”
“And that’s why you’re going, just because precious Bucky needs help. Why don’t they sing him a lullaby, I don’t understand why you are needed.”
“Dean you know what he has been through and whatever you know I know ten times more and I’ve seen it with my eyes. Besides I own it to him after leaving like that.”
“Oh I’m sorry should I feel guilty that you left him for me?” He asked sarcastically.
“I didn’t say you should feel anything and you’re talking all this the wrong way I just want to help him as friends.” You stood up from your seat too and put your arms around his neck while standing on your tiptoes.
“I love you and only you, if I don’t help them on this big mission when they literally begged for my help I’d feel like a really crappy person.”
You looked into his eyes while smiling wanting him to understand. He sighed loudly before wrapping his arms around you too.
“I just don’t want to lose you like he did.” He mumbled like a child making you shake your head at his example but you didn’t say anything.
“You won’t Dean. I love you, I always will”
The tower has never felt so strange and hollow for you before, the place that used to be your home. And soon the doors were open and you went inside the familiar yet foreign place.
You took the elevator up and Friday welcomed you ‘back’ and after a lots of heavy breathing you made it to the conference room where everyone was waiting for you.
A part of you wanted to jump in their arms and tell them how much you missed them and a part of you wanted to punch them in the face. They are all smiling at you, some nervous and some happy or sad.
Tony has got wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead. He’s also wearing glasses.
Steve has got a beard and his hair seem a bit darker.
Natasha has dyed her hair blonde and she had cut them.
Thor cut his hair too and Bruce doesn’t seem too anxious like he always used to.
Wanda and Vision are standing next to each other and Vision’s hand is on Wanda’s shoulders.
Scott who you only met once was also there smiling like he saw an unicorn.
Sam hasn’t changed much, but he definitely has got more muscles. And soon enough your eyes moved towards him and your eyes met.
He has changed a lot. He cut his really short, he’s wearing gloves and his eyes- they seem so empty yet they speak a tausend words. All of them yelling ‘I can’t do this anymore’
They probably also noticed how much you have changed. You had cut your hair pretty short and some white strands were visible. You were wearing a pair of black boot and black ripped jeans. Your jacket was dark brown almost black, the flannel was red and black which Dean had given you and under it was your black t-shirt which was barely noticeable. You got dark circles under your eyes and they could tell you’ve been through a lot.
“Welcome back Y/n.” Tony spoke up smiling sweetly at you. You took a deep breath before you answered back.
“I’m not back, this will be the last mission I’ll ever participate in.”
“We understand but we’re really glad to see you again.” Natasha added.
“So what’s the plan?” You asked ignoring what Natasha said.
“There’s a high security HYDRA base located here, there are 5 flash drives in different rooms. 3 of those are more important than the other two so the most important job is to find those. We aren’t sure where each of the flash drives are, but there is a computer room placed most likely at the end of the hall when you enter the base in which 1 to 2 drives could be found. There are definitely more than 10 agents protecting just the door and there are some more in the room so at least 3 to 5 people needs to enter this. Do not go there alone. Also we assume in the basement which is possibly placed here are a lot of people being held hostage. The chances are most likely over 50 children and 50 to 80 men and women. So no matter what we should get this basement emptied.” Steve explained while everyone listened carefully.
Afterwards he explained who is going to do what and started pairing up everyone.
“Everyone at least needs one partner when entering. The S.H.I.E.L.D agents are mainly focused on the basement so we need to put our minds on getting the flash drives. Wanda you are with Clint, Vision you are with Natasha, Bruce and Thor, Scott and Sam, me and Stark and Bucky with Y/n.” He finished making you widen your eyes.
“Why am I with Bucky?” You asked defensively.
“I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you doll but it seems like you’re stuck.” Bucky spoke up turning your attention to him. Your intention wasn’t to make it seem like you hated being partners with him but it’d be awkward. His voice changed a lot, it got deeper yet very calm. Like he didn’t talk much.
“We don’t have much time if we want to do exactly as planned then we need to go now.” Steve interrupted you. He hasn’t changed at all.
“Fine let’s go.” You said not wanting to get in any argument right now.
“Here wear this, it’s your old suit but Tony has changed it a bit.” Natasha said before handing you a box in which your suit was found.
About one hour later you arrived at the location and waited till Steve gave the sign to go in.
Soon gunshots and yells were heard and one thing was clear. They didn’t see you coming.
You and Bucky ran to one of the rooms while shooting some agents on your way. You opened the door and saw about 5 agents which meant probably nothing important was there but better check. You two easily fought making them unconscious. You looked around and found nothing.
“I found piece number 4.” Wanda informed in the earpiece.
“Well done, it’s not an important one but we are getting closer.” Steve told her.
About one hour later two of the less important flash drives plus one important one were found. You all had small injuries which were nothing to be worried about. Everything was going well but no one had entered the computer room yet and you had the feeling the last two drives were there.
“When can we enter the computer room? I don’t see anyone guarding it.” You asked.
“No not now let’s focus on the other rooms first.” Steve demanded.
“Sorry Cap but I think I’m ready for this.” You said one last time before turning off your earpiece.
“What are you doing? You know he doesn’t like it when you disobey his orders.” Bucky said while he heard Steve yelling for you to not go in the room.
“Well I don’t like it when he acts like a dick bossing everyone around. I think I can at least do my last mission the way I want without Steve telling me what to do like the time when he threw me out of the compound.” You said smiling sarcastically.
“What?” Bucky asked with widened eyes.
“He threw you out?” He looked so lost at the moment.
“Yeah-? What did he tell you?” You asked confused by his question.
“That you left.” Bucky mumbled.
“He what?!” You snapped. “Oh I am done.” You said before making your way to the computer room.
“Y/n wait.” Bucky said while running behind you.
You kicked the door open and saw no one. Something didn’t feel right. You entered the room and turned on the computer. After a few seconds Bucky came into the room and right when he completely stepped into the room, the door closed loudly. Bucky tried to open but it felt like the metal door was locked from outside. He shot it multiple times and nothing. When the bright screen on the computer revealed itself, you knew you had messed up. This is a trap.
“Oh shit.” The computer started going crazy changing from the white background to black repeatedly.
“Great now we are trapped and my earpiece isn’t working.” Bucky said while trying to turn his earpiece back on.
“This was planned before but I don’t understand why-“
“Welcome home Soldat.” The thick Russian accent was heard making yours and Bucky’s heart fall into your stomach.
You looked around to see where the voice was coming from and found nothing.
“Where the fuck are you, you bastard?” You asked angrily still looking around.
“Oh you can’t see me but I can see you. In fact I can do much more”
You had enough and you just took out your gun and started shooting the walls. You heard the man laughing.
“Am I seeing Y/n Y/l/n the former assassin, former Avenger and hunter panicking? Well I guess you must have a reason for that, what do you think Soldat?”
You looked at Bucky and your heart ached, he looked so scared, eyes widened and face pale like a ghost. His hands and legs were slightly shaking.
“Bucky listen to my voice ok? It’s going to be fine I promise.” You said before making your way towards him and wrapping your arms around him whispering ‘I’m here, everything will be fine.’
“Oh isn’t this sweet, I totally missed you two together. Especially when I can finally do something I’ve been planning for years. You know you Heros thought we weren’t prepared and that you won. Well the thing is we had one last mission, and that wasn’t defeating you.“ the man chuckled making your blood boil.
“Our last mission was break James Buchanan Barnes forever.” He said making your eyes widened. You literally walked in their trap.
“Bucky look at me.” You put your hands on his cheek trying to calm him down as much as you could. “Don’t listen to him, listen to me. We are going to be fine, you’ll be fine.”
“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” Bucky murmured.
“Because it is.” The man shouted.
“No.” You whispered and Bucky shut his eyes.
“Семнадцать, Ржавый, Рассвет.” Bucky’s metal arm twitched.
“No no Bucky please just listen to me.”
“Печь, Девять.” His world started spinning around.
He yelled loudly and pushed you away.
“Y/n get a-away f-from me.” He said loudly.
He had to fight it, he couldn’t leave you. Not the only person he ever truly loved that made him feel safe.
“Добросердечный, Возвращение на родину.” Bucky was thrashing around, trying to stay grounded. It was becoming harder and harder with every second. He was going in and out of his own and his controlled mind.
“Bucky please don’t leave me.” You whispered not knowing what to do. You heart was beating so fast you felt like it’s going to stop. “Fight it please.”
“No!” Bucky screamed before falling on the floor and you felt like you were going to fall apart. His head was drooped forward and his eyes were closed.
“Солдат?” The unknown man asked.
Bucky’s head slowly drew up. “Готов выполнить.”
You didn’t understand Russian but you knew one thing. You lost Bucky.
“Kill her Солдат, make it painful.” The man laughed one last time before going silence.
“No Bucky please come back to me.” You yelled tears started slowly filling your eyes. Bucky got up and started walking slowly towards you making you step back until your back met the wall.
“Bucky I know you’re in there somewhere please come back to me.” You whispered.
“Who the hell is that?” He asked you, his steel blue eyes were almost black, unrecognizable.
Before you could say anything his metal fist came into contact with your jaw. You tasted blood in your mouth.
“I’m sorry I don’t blame you.” It felt incredibly painful to speak with your now bruised jaw.
Three more punches landed in your face making you spit out blood.
“Bucky I won’t fight you, please come back to me.”
“Shut up!” He yelled before throwing you on the floor. An instant wave of pain ran through your back.
He sat on your thighs and started punching you not leaving anywhere untouched.
Suddenly a picture of Dean came to your mind, he would want you to fight, he can’t lose you.
So you punched him in the face but you were already too weak and he didn’t move an inch.
You did the last thing you had the power to do at the moment. You sat up as best as you could and hugged him making him freeze.
“I love you Bucky, I always will.” You felt terrible, like you were cheating on Dean. But you did love Bucky not as much as when you were a couple but Bucky was the light in your dark nights for a long time and you will always love him deep down in your heart. So you tried the one last sentence that could bring him back just like last time.
But this time the Winter Soldier had won because soon he moved his normal arm to his waistband taking out his knife and stabbed you in the back. You arms went numb around his neck and fell to your side, your head rested on his shoulder and you let out one last breath. He didn’t move or let go of the knife.
You guys just stayed like this for a few more minutes until Steve and Tony kicked the door open and were met with the most heartbreaking sight ever while Bucky’s loud sobs filled the room.
Meanwhile at the bunker Dean was making your favorite pie while Sam was decorating the rooms for your birthday.
Dean wasn’t sure about what to buy you this year, he wanted your birthday to be special. His brother bought you some books and two flannels.
He has thought about his gift a lot and asked for advices from different people. Sam, Jody, Donna, Claire and some more. Everyone gave him just the reaction he needed. They were pretty excited but no one was as excited as him. He couldn’t wait to call you his wife…