I donât know, yâall. Iâm not a psychologist or anything but having a baby made me hate my dog for a little while there 𤣠(donât worry, our love recovered)
Iâm going to be abolishing my tag list. Iâm simply not posting enough to warrant having one.
However, I am going to continue to tag those whoâd like to be notified for chapters of The Only Exception, so please let me know directly via DMâs or discord if youâd like to be tagged âĽď¸ if I donât hear from you, Iâll assume youâd like to be left alone and there are zero hard feelings!
Summary: an immediate continuation from the previous chapter, as it was split in two at the last minute. June learns that her perception is her reality, but not ALL reality, and for the first time is a long time, she stays instead of running away.
Rating + Tags: all chapters are rated 16+ unless otherwise specified. No specific tags⌠itâs pretty soft.
A/N: call me crazy, but I really wanted June and Howzer to face hurdles early in their relationship. It was important to me that June quickly learns from her interactions with him, that the prejudice sheâs been carrying for so long may have been doing her more harm than good. The next chapter is one of my favourites, I canât WAIT to share it.
PLEASE ENSURE YOUâVE READ THE FOREWORD LINKED BELOW FOR AN IN-DEPTH DESCRIPTION OF WHAT DEGREE OF CONTENT YOU CAN EXPECT THROUGHOUT THIS STORY BEFORE PROCEEDING.
PREV | NEXT | FOREWORD | MASTER | AO3
Half expecting herself to have gone grey in the century it took them to reach the glorified hallway leading to the speeder lot, she cast a quick glance at her reflection in the tinted glass of a passing door. Though still sticking up in several places from the long-forgotten chaos of her morning, she was relieved to see that her locks remained the deep ebony hue of which sheâd always known. Making her exit from the oppression of those tangled halls and duplicate faces, June immediately shoved her still clammy hand to the depths of her bag. Sighing heavily from her nose, she dug around until the rigid edges of her speeder keys found the tips of her fingers.
âThank you for the company,â Howzer gushed as he followed in her wake, boots crunching noisily atop the gravel with each heavy step. âAnd for buying the caf. Rex said heâd save me one but I guarantee Iâll get stuck with a pointless cup of decaf.â
She offered him only a fleeting glare and a tight-lipped, unforgiving smile. Even the stones below their shoes could tell the Captain was probing for a laugh⌠a gentle titter⌠anything to absolve the tension that had failed to remain behind in the halls of that unwelcoming base, but granting him a polite âyouâre welcome,â or âmy pleasure,â felt simply too mendacious.
âIt might have been a pleasure had I not just been led like a prized racing fathier through a crowd of rich gamblers,â she fumed silently, redirecting her gaze back to the ignition of her bike as those beguiling brown eyes wordlessly beseeched for whatever degree of normalcy theyâd once established. âMight have enjoyed my afternoon off⌠Now all I want to do is go home and scrub my skin raw.â
Turning her back on his voiceless plea, June deftly unlocked the under-seat compartment and tossed her bag into its depths with a thunk. Once it was securely latched closed again, she wasted no time throwing a leg over the seat and bringing that engine to life, actions fueled by a palpable eagerness to be rid of this entire place for at least a few days. Though her lips parted to offer Howzer some pitiful farewell as she revved that motor, those measly words were halted atop her tongue at first sight of Howzerâs own sudden display of discomfort. Jovial pleasantries lost with the sun as a large cloud bathed their position in shadow, his large calloused hand rose awkwardly to stroke the back of his neck, brows knitted tightly atop eyes framed by an emotion sheâd yet to see embedded into those always handsome features.
âLook June,â he murmured, fidgeting fingers finding place on his hips as the toe of his boot trailed uselessly amidst the crushed pebbles below. He paused only to momentarily seek her gaze as he relentlessly did, eyes rapidly surveying her expression while his jaw flexed atop words not yet spoken.
When her silence persisted, he sighed. âMaybe itâs just in my head⌠but it seems like something is bugging yâ?â
âI have to get going,â she curtly interrupted, fearful that if she lingered to acknowledge his continued probes, the sea of acerbic thoughts sheâd been struggling to repress for some minutes might just erupt like a volcano and douse him, armour and all, in an irrevocable blanket of venom.
âAlright,â Howzer answered. âBut⌠just so you know. Mal has been a full blown diâkut his entire life. Donât let anything he said get to you, andââ
âAnd the cadets in my class just donât know how to behave off Kamino?â The bite neath her tone stole the remainder of the appeal from his tongue, brown eyes widening as the severity of her displeasure encompassed him like the shadow that had overtaken that speeder lot. âBarracks too crowded for what you had in mind? Or did you pay your buddy to say that so you could parade me past every soldier in the hangar instead?â
âBarracksâ?â
Eyes unfocussing under tightly knitted brows, June watched his face contort as he fought to comprehend the accusations now-spilling unbridled past her lips. âAnd just so youâre aware,â she continued in earnest, hands beginning to tremble atop those cool durasteel handlebars, âI donât sell day passes to my bed. There are no visiting hours, you horned up Gamorrean.â
The confusion neath his expression intensified in the wake of that rash, biting insult, and unwilling to spend another second in the presence of the man that had charmed and tricked her into wasting her afternoon of precipitous freedom, she revved the engine again and moved to pull her feet from the ground.
âWait, wait, wait. Hold up,â Howzer protested, reaching forward and quickly draping a large hand atop her own, the motion successful in their intent of halting her in her tracks.
June glared down at those gloved fingers, furiously debating if she harboured the gumption to simply rip her hand from under his.
âGo-ahead and call me whatever name youâd like, but only if youâre going to be frank about why youâre upset.â His assertive grip round her fingers tightened as the ghost of a chuckle hovered neath his words; tone stern, yet, obviously lacking both the contempt she provoked, having so caustically forgone the use of his name. âWhatever it was that Mal said to you, Iâm sure it was out of line. Heâs young, dumb, has an ego the size of a bantha that he canât help but show offââ
âBââ
ââand itâs my fault for not picking up on the fact that he was pestering you sooner than I did. Whatever he said to you, Iâll give him shit for it, but that oneâs on me. Now, you can call them names too, if you really think you need to, but that doesnât change the uncomfortable truth that the cadets in your class havenât learned to respect you yetââ
âWell they shââ
âYes they should, and like I told you, they will. But we had this conversation at Hutchieâs and it seemed to make sense to you there. Iâll admit I don't know you that well yet, but I kinda feel like Iâm missing something?â
Despite the bewilderment still ravaging his handsome features, and the venom neath the words that had spilled so freely off her tongue, his voice remained level and calm. Many years spent conditioning his psyche to both master and maintain stolidity in the most harrowing of situations had clearly proven effective, as the unprecedented confrontation had him not backing away with a roll of the eyes to match her own, but⌠to Juneâs dismay, quite the opposite. He leaned forwards, intensifying the swaddle of his right hand atop hers, while his left found purchase on the back of her seat, effectively caging her in on one side.
Though any other act of a similar motion would have seen her wholly rebuke the invasion into her personal space, she simply couldnât dismiss the fact that having those twinkling eyes hardly a breath from her own failed to bring forth the characteristic wave of caution and disgust. Having Malâs dark eyes drink in her appearance had stimulated a putrid, frothing hatred in her gut. Howzerâs steady gaze, silently lobbying for the complete exposure of her truth, and the stillness he invited in spite of the assertive grip round her fingers, seemed to have the opposite effect.
âThrow whatever insults you want at me,â the captain continued, âbut just tell me what Iâve said or done to royally kriff this up because itâs going to eat me alive for longer than Iâd like to admit.â
June suppressed a snort, and still wholly lacking the gumption to tug her right hand out from under his, pulled her left from its white-knuckle grip on the handle bars and began to fidget with a small pull in the red fabric on her thigh.
She hesitated⌠now that the torrent of caustic and unbridled anger had left her lips, uttering the truth uncloaked from its armour of acerbity felt downright intimidating⌠exposing. Calling him names was simple, rolling her eyes and watching his face contort atop the snark she so casually spat at him felt near-cathartic. Now? She was left with only the remnants of that once raging ire, now naught but glowing embers smoking softly in the depths of her gut as the feeling of his hand atop hers continued to stomp out the fury that once promised to burn their entire alliance to the ground.
Still June said nothing, fingers fiddling uselessly with the stray thread atop her thigh; the relentless crinkling of massive purple tarps fluttering with every subtle gust abating the stuffy silence she knew it was her imminent duty to fill.
âI didnât appreciate the comment you made when we left Hutchies,â she forced her tongue to form, though they resisted every motion as if suddenly paralysed. âIt was gross and degrading⌠and made me regret spending any time with you.â
A small sigh escaped her nose, the insistence neath his words accompanying the reality that there was simply no escaping this conversation or the explanation she rightfully owed for the about-turn in her behaviour. âIt was so casual,â she muttered, tongue darting out to quickly wet her dry lips. âWe were talking about how Iâd slept in. I said my bed was amazing, you said that it sounded like a place you want to be. And the second we got back on base, you commâd your friend and asked him about barracks⌠told him you had company, like I'm some two credit score you can just take to coffee then chauffeur right to your bed.â
âOh kriff,â he lamented, chin sagging towards his chest amidst an utter defeat until that pristinely cropped hairline wrapping the back of his neck was perfectly visible.
âLook, Iâm not sure what youâre after,â June continued lowly in the void of a response, lifting her hand from her leg only to further shirk offering him her undivided attention by scrutinizing her cuticles. âBut itâs starting to seem like you have the wrong girl.â
âNo,â Howzer blurted, head snapping upward so quickly amidst their stillness, it near-startled her. âNothing! Iâmâ Iâm not after anything, promise. âCompanyâ seemed like the best word because⌠well I donât really know what weâre⌠you know? And I thought the hangar would be empty if everyone was gearing down in barracks. I didnât expect so many crews to land today. Andââ He paused to find and affix her gaze again, amber eyes refusing to let her blue depart now that heâd awarded him the attention she had so vehemently denied him since returning to base. âThe bed comment sounds bad, Iâll admit it. But I honestly meant nothing by it. Nothing. Iâm not afterâ I donât wantâ I just think youâre cool and getting to see you has been⌠um, wellâŚâ
It seemed as if Juneâs admission had dismantled at least a portion of that unflappability, his features robbed of the eternally composed and collected expression it seemed always to present. It was as if theyâd suddenly landed themselves back in 18-S, that weather-worn and war-torn Captain revoking his practiced and embedded stoicism in the name of gnawing discomfort.
âWellâŚâ she started atop another small sigh. âI donât really know what else to say other than: your version of giving Mal shit better be a firm right hook to the jaw and a year of scrubbing toilets.â
Something resembling an unsure smirk began to peel across his lips, as if not entirely convinced June wouldnât swing in his direction should he dare laugh at something she hadnât intended to be funny, but the appearance of that lopsided smile had doused whatever remained of those glowing embers, and she offered an apologetic snort of her own as the clouds overhead parted to bathe them in that familiar resplendent sun.
âI can make that happen,â Howzer assured behind smiling lips, retracting his hands and standing up straight. âAnd⌠I know you said you have to go but can wâ?â
A sudden, shrill intonation stole her attention, the persistent, bright flash of blue emanating from Howzerâs wrist comm, instantly capturing her gaze and her focus, and as if it were suddenly resuming its role as a beacon of the reality beyond the confines of this dusty gravel lot, itâs unprecedented emergence had June painfully aware that neither of them had all day to loiter beside those monstrous purple tarps and make amends; Howzer was clearly expected elsewhere, yet he continued using his valuable time to heed Juneâs unexpected conniption and attempt to mend what he could of their fractured companionship.
But that intermittent flash and melody of sharp beeps did not garner the Captainâs attention as they had her own, gloved hand reaching across his body and silencing the chirp with the press of a button, offering it nearly the same regard as the small pebble neath his boot.
âAny chance I can make this whole thing up to you?â he asked her with a nibble of the bottom lip, right eye squinting against the onslaught of that glorious sunshine.
Quickly realizing he meant not to address the summon, a prickly new emotion began to simmer neath Juneâs skin. âItâs fine,â she answered, eyes darting to and fro between his flashing comm link and the unphased glint behind his eyes. âYou donât need to. Are you going to answâ?â
âItâs not fine, and I want to,â he argued instantly. âAre you free tomorrow night?â
Chirp.
Again, she watched him lazily reach to silence the incessant subpoena, and the stewing sense of urgency that only spending years on-call at a trauma centre could imbue nearly overcame her.
âAre you not going to answer thatâ?â June probed with a nod towards the flashing on his wrist, but he simply compressed his lips into an uncaring frown of sorts and shook his head. âUm⌠Iâm done work around sundown,â she continued, casting him something near a disapproving look.
âPerfect,â Howzer answered. âGrab your holopad for me, just for a sec.â
Chirp.
Shooting him yet another stern âyou should answer that summon,â look, June reached into her side pocket of her pants and retrieved her holopad. She watched through narrowed eyes as he affixed his attention on the screen of her device, gloved fingers tapping remarkably fast as they entered data of some sort into the memory bank for her to reference later. âI think someone is trying to find you?â she mumbled as his commlink chirped for what felt like the thousandth time.
âProbably,â he agreed atop a small chortle.
June raised an eyebrow at him, sitting back in her seat and folding her arms across her chest, unable to fathom the complete void of concern he held for whoever was trying to so urgently reach him. âWhat if it's important?â she urged, mind filled with the echoes of a million holocalls that had woken her in the middle of the night, demanding she come to work for a code the night staff had not been able to handle on their own.
âCanât be more important than this,â Howzer replied, spinning her holo ceremoniously atop his palm and handing it back to her, that oh-so-familiar smile now back atop his lips. âMeet me at those coordinates tomorrow night at 2300. You know military time, right?â
â2300?!â June quickly gasped. âWhat in makerâs-name are we doing out so late?â
But Howzer answered with little more than a shrug, a mischievous smirk, and a very cryptic, âItâs a surpriseâŚâ
Wholly unsure what to make of this unusual plan, June pursed her lips and cast him one last searching look, hoping something lurking in his body language might divulge more information than just a set of coordinates and the promise of a late night rendez-vous, but when he simply folded his arms across his armoured chest, there was nothing to do other than to concede whatever he had up his sleeve would remain there until 11:00 oâclock tomorrow night.
âFine,â she finally agreed, smirking in spite of herself and taking her holopad back. âNow answer your comm before I have a panic attack on your behalf.â
Head tossing back atop a laugh she hadnât heard in some time, Howzer nodded and brought his flashing wrist to chin level, holding down the blue button until the strobing ceased and turned green.
âCanât a guy have a piss in peace?â he snarked into the small speaker.
âLongest kriffing piss Iâve ever heard of,â came a disgruntled voice from his wrist. âWe are, once again, waiting on you so get your ass back here.â
âI better go,â Howzer uttered atop a sigh, gesturing with a nod to the door behind them.
Summary: things go from bad to worse. Having put her instantly into a sour mood, being in the hustle and bustle back on base only intensifies the disdain that Howzerâs off-the-cuff comment has triggered. Further actions and remarks have June ready to run for the hills within minutes of returning⌠But is perception reality? Or are all interactions and surroundings tainted once your mood has already soured?
Rating + Tags: all chapters are 16+ unless otherwise specified. This chapter is filled with sexual innuendoâs, distasteful behaviour, comments from people youâd probably want to smack IRL.
A/N: I decided last minute to split this chapter into two⌠(it was 22 pages LOL) so the next will be an immediate continuation. Itâs done being written and tweaked, I just need to make a header image before posting. ALSO (and more importantly), I know this chapter is a tough read. Itâll annoy you reading it, it annoyed me writing it. But⌠unfortunately⌠people with personalities like the ones included in this chapter exist. June needs to learn to cope with meeting people that trigger her, just like we all do. She just sucks at it right now. Donât worry⌠she gets better at it. And, these next two chapters need to have her crawling on hot coals so that the one after can see her soaring. This one has to make us mad so the next one can make us squee. We love a roller coaster. That is all for now.
PLEASE ENSURE YOUâVE READ THE FOREWORD LINKED BELOW FOR AN IN-DEPTH DESCRIPTION OF WHAT DEGREE OF CONTENT YOU CAN EXPECT THROUGHOUT THIS STORY BEFORE PROCEEDING.
PREV | NEXT | FOREWORD | MASTER | AO3
A blend of both the surging desire to not get lost, and the resentment now simmering in the depths of her gut, kept June a full pace behind that teal-painted Captain as he steered them back through the glass doors and down those vapid corridors. Yet, despite that enduring urge to stomp her feet with every step, she trod delicately as she followed him over thresholds of doors sheâd never previously noticed, and down flights of stairs she would have never otherwise found; the threat of scalding hot caf cascading down her body amidst one irritable step demanding that she maintain some fraction of composure in spite of the hankering to simply turn on her heel and depart that unwelcome space.
She offered hardly more than curt, one word answers to his continued probes at conversation, and the way he ceaselessly sought her gaze by turning that annoyingly handsome face around to find her eyes every triad-or-so of steps wholly corroborated she was doing a great job at concealing the disdain neath her skin as they journeyed further into the belly of the base.
At the tail end of yet another durasteel staircase, the pair and their teetering cargo were forced into an alarmingly abrupt halt, Howzer briskly (and somewhat awkwardly) shifting what he could of his laden hands to offer some semblance of a salute as a pair of strangers emerged over the threshold just ahead.
âAt ease, Captain,â one instructed instantly, voice entirely void of the Clone accent June had grown accustomed to hearing âround every corner, and it was this unheralded anecdote that pulled her attention from the floor.
Jedi. A pair of Jedi
Try as she might not to let her widening eyes betray her wonder as they passed, not even affixing her gaze to her shoes could entirely conceal the way her jaw slackened and fell open to gawk in near-childlike amazement as that enigmatic duo casually resumed their murmured conversation and began to ascend the stairs. And though those infamously prosaic robes had June instantly certain of their roles as both wielders of the force and peacekeepers of the galaxy, anything beyond the arcane nature of their power remained largely unfamiliar to her.
The taller of the pair had been the one to acknowledge Howzerâs knee-jerk address, and there could be no mistaking the deep and inherent stoicism etched into those foreign, dark features, brow contracted neath a sense of severity that had Juneâs presence alone, messy hair and sunburn included, feeling wildly improper.
The second linen-draped wizard was unlike any humanoid species June had ever laid eyes upon, the extravagance of his long pointed ears and the vibrant verdancy of his skin seemed locked in a silent battle for the apex position of what made him so inexplicably enamoring. Perhaps it was the wrinkles embedded around that pair of bright eyes, or the subtle yet knowing smirk atop thin, wizened lips. Or perhaps it was the muffled taps of a walking stick accompanying every mildly afflicted step, that petite frame betrayed by the only thing capable of plaguing a being so intelligentâ so commanding⌠age.
âCominâ?â
The return of Howzerâs voice broke her stupor, eyes glazed whilst peering sightlessly at the spot that recondite pair had vanished, but she offered him only a nod before turning to follow him toward the door steps ahead.
Larger than any June had seen amongst her limited travels around the base, that giant, corrugated durasteel entry was as foreboding as it was oversized, and the nearer they reached that barricade, the more her skin prickled neath a timidity she couldnât entirely connect to the brief encounter with those Jedi. Yes, theyâd enamoured her instantly, but something lay just beyond that doorway that had the fine hairs atop her arms standing erect, and as they trod ever nearer⌠Howzer shifting to scan his wrist below an infrared sensor on the wall⌠a near-paralyzing sound met her ears.
Chatter. Laughter. Deep chested, thunderous cries of reunion and delight. Idling engines⌠unidentifiable yet deafening booms⌠hundreds, maybe a thousand voices yattering atop each other until one was simply indiscernible from the next amidst that radiating cacophony.
Something to the tune of, âOh Kriff,â wafted past her as the door slid open to permit their entry, though whatever expletive Howzer had muttered atop his own surging shock was instantly devoured by the sheer din welcoming their emergence. For the second time in as many minutes, Juneâs jaw fell open. Theyâd found the hangar, all right⌠as had all eleven other shoreside battalions.
Countless plastoid-clad bodies moved in scattered groups of organized chaos, bustling around the confines of the most immense room sheâd ever set foot in. The same effulgent sunshine that had blanketed their journey to Hutchieâs and back some minutes ago poured mercilessly in both ends of that truly colossal enclosure; the opposing pair of unfathomably large hangar doors rolled upward and parked inches from the ceiling to unbridle every beam of that resplendent, fall sunshine. Though despite its unquestionable power, that flood of radiance failed to reach the distant inches of that space, much of the perimeter left in shadow.
June blinked lamely from her position on the outskirts of anarchy, eyes now drawn to the center of the room where a battalion of troopers in kits of white and green stood rigidly in lines, shoulders back, arms straight, chests high, feet moving only when instructed by the imposing soldier pacing menacingly in front of them. But only the remnants of those sonorous parade calls met her ears through the muddled mixture of movement and machinery. Directly across that gargantuan space, half a dozen gunships were parked along the wall, cockpits empty and doors thrown agape whilst a handful of half-armoured men unloaded crates from their depths in near-perpetuity. Furthest on the left, a now cargo-free gunship idled in place, engine sputtering rhythmically whilst the trooper veiled by the glare atop the windshield cocked his neck and shouted requests to his companionâ a soldier naked from the waist up, forearms and chest gleaming neath a sublimely thick layer of grease and sweat while he paced round the nose of the vehicle, twirling a spanner in hand.
âMaker,â escaped her lips in little more than a whisper as her eyes watered atop the hundreds of different coloured troopers meandering before them, the ire and contempt once surging in her gut somehow abated by the exposure of that stunning crowd.
Lost in the stupor of enormity, it wasnât until a flash of teal crossed her unfocussed eyes did she realize Howzer had pulled ahead by a few paces, that immaculately crisp hairline shifting to offer a smatter of loitering troopers in purple and white a nod as he passed their splayed position around a collection of upturned crates. Again eager to not lose her guide through this seemingly infinite labyrinth of identical faces, magicians, and machinery, June hurried to follow in the Captainâs wake.
Though hardly a dozen steps into the throng passed underfoot before it met her ears, and whether the mental state of which sheâd battled whilst entering that rabble had attuned her senses for such ribald whispers or not, only seconds ticked away before her skin burned amid a submergence into unwanted attention and the characteristic need to abscond.
âOy vey,â one of the soldiers Howzer so-casually acknowledged murmured as she passed, and though the urge pluck one of those scalding cafs from its holder and toss the entire emerald cup in his face surged anew, June upheld her taciturnity and ignored him.
âStars, Howzer. Where did you find her?!â
ââŚKriff, I love chicks with glassesâŚâ
âMaker have mercyâŚâ
âMeh⌠I like âem better blonde. Brunetteâs always seem to have too much attitude.â
âI know. Thatâs the turn onâŚâ
âMaker, now thereâs something to look atâŚâ
Had the room suddenly quieted? To what distant void had that deafening din of chugging engines and mindless chatter vanished? To what other dimension had that oppressive and egregious noise suddenly jumped? Despite physically seeing those thousand or so bodies continue to amble around her, the very air in that gargantuan room suddenly felt grotesquely still, and though rage had erupted a rhythmic thundering of blood in her ears, nothing⌠nothing⌠proved loud enough to drown out those salacious comments⌠those stomach churning remarks that had June simply wishing her very existence could vaporize on demand.
âEyyyyy, thereâs the Cap! I found him!â
âYou didnât find him, Jigs. He walked into your presenceâŚâ
âSame shit.â
âLiterally not at allâŚâ
June lifted her gaze only high enough to watch her companions' large boots falter in their subsequent steps, toe turning outward hardly an inch to address the summon he obviously recognized.
âMorninâ Jigs,â Howzer answered casually, cadence halting entirely and stopping June in her tracks. âMorninâ Bruiser.â
âBetter steer clear of the south wing, sir,â the first, more gruff voice advised. â41st just landed, and the hush-in-the-halls is: theyâre hunkered down for the next few rotations. Ponds is gonna be up yer ass looking for all those outstanding brief reports.â
âKarkinâ starsâŚâ Howzer grumbled, head tipping back amid an exasperated roll of those amber eyes. âI guess Iâll just keep usinâ the regular excuse until it stops working. Ponds is a good guy. Iâd be shocked if heâŚâ
The rest of the Captainâs sentence fell upon sunburnt ears now attuned to a series of unidentified steps approaching from behind, the solid heels of those plastoid boots dragging nonchalantly yet noisily on the stone floor only inches behind her.
âAnd who do have we here?â
June turned to peer over her right shoulder, caf trays creaking slightly as her wrists continued to revolt against the weight of their cargo, and though her brow raised inquisitively at the unannounced newcomer, the rapid eradication of personal space between them instantly removed all doubt as to who he was addressing.
She swallowed and flicked her gaze upward, eyes narrowing as they fell upon the familiar features of a soldier fresh into deployment; that expression wholly unplagued by the imminent gnaw of chronic tactical cognizance; cheeks still round with the imbued youth and innocence of which all humans are born; endless rotations in the elements yet to strip that teal kit of its vibrance. A âshinyâ, sheâd heard this type of soldier referred to as. A shiny⌠and a gallish one at that.
âWhat?â she near-grunted back at him, stomach sinking like a rock in a well as she watched his brown eyes dance up and down her figure.
âIâd love to think youâre our new medic, butâŚâ he started, pausing only to permit the nauseating smirk atop his lips to spread even further toward his dark, glimmering eyes, â...the Maker doesnât like me that much.â
June snorted openly and held his gaze, a near-pitying smirk playing across her own lips as the sheer stupidity of his assumption laid bare just how green he truly was. âDo I look like a medic to you?â she nearly asked, though withheld the sentiment, as hearing any further opinions about her appearance from this pathetic excuse of a soldier might send her over the edge.
âI guess that wouldnât be the worst thingâŚâ she settled on offering, narrowed eyes boring into him with an intensity fueled by the rage erupting in her gut. âSomeone has to put your eyes back in your embarrassingly empty head. Might as well be one of the leading surgeons at GRMH.â
A repressed chorus of guffaws and snickers echoed just beyond her awareness. Too attuned into watching that repugnant smirk fall from the corners of those lips, June kept her chin high and her narrowed eyes locked upon the young, pompous punk. To her dismay, his smile only broadened, thick brows lifting in something near-surprise, as if the notion of achieving the mentioned accomplishment was nothing short of appalling for someone like her.
A patronizing, low whistle pushed past his lips as he continued to circle her, and though the tiny hairs atop her arms stood erect in warning, she held her ground as firmly as she held those leaking, nearly-forgotten trays of caf, refusing to offer him the satisfaction of either retreat or submission.
âSurgeon, eh?â he muttered, potent wafts of peppermint radiating from that smirking cavern and drifting relentlessly into her nose as a disgustingly thick wad of green chewing gum rolled about his molars. âDoctor. Blue Eyes, MD. Iâm surprised Howzer would step within six feet of you, considering how scared he is of injections. But meâ?â (June felt her nostrils flare beyond control as he stopped in front of her, peering down that infuriatingly familiar, straight nose with an unnervingly steady gaze), ââWell, you can do whatever you want to me. Iâm not scared of anything.â
Seemingly plucked from his own conversation by the mention of his name, Howzerâs profile appeared over the shoulder of her assailant, the expression of mild-curiosity shifting near-instantly as his eyes landed upon June and the ire that had flushed her face so intensely, her sunburnt back now paled in comparison.
âWhatâs going on, Mal?â the Captain interposed atop an uncharacteristic sternness as he turned to join the exchange, brows knitting above rapidly darkening eyes, gaze darting to and fro between Juneâs reddened yet unmoving features and his teal-painted fellow. Whether he picked up on the discomfort of their close proximity, or if he was simply unwilling to wait any longer for an answer, Howzer quickly clashed his helmet against the young trooper's chest plate and pushed him backward two paces. âYou hear me?â the Captain gruffed.
âNothingâs going on,â was the only response that brazen trooper granted his Captainâs requests, narrow shoulders offering a little more than a casual shrug before placing his gloved hands on his hips. âJust saying hi to your friend, here.â
June watched the Captain shift his narrowed gaze from the instigating soldier, to the smattering of tertiary troopers loitering only steps behind, many hurrying to veil the varying degrees of guilt neath their own expressions, finally back to June whose chest still heaved atop a fury she hadnât felt in many years.
âClean this shit up,â Howzer commanded to the group at large, gesturing with his helmet-laden fist to the long-forgotten remnants of a card game that must have captured and held all their attention prior to the fiasco at hand. âHell Squad, report to Lieutenant Love upstairs for PT. Everyone else, report to Spades in barracks until I say otherwise.â
âGreat,â an unknown young trooper in teal on Malâs left side grumbled as he stooped to snatch pieces of his discarded gear from the floor next to a series of crates-turned-couches. âExtra PT. Thanks, diâkut.â
âWhatever,â Mal grumbled back. Clearly more perturbed by having this sickly, flirtatious exchange stolen from him, he smacked his gum at June as he backed away, casting her a wink so unpalatable that her stomach near-heaved.
âLetâs go,â Howzer mumbled quietly some seconds later, amber eyes following the five members of Hell Squad as they proceeded to follow orders and eradicate any evidence of their card game. âYou first.â He gestured with his coffee-laden hand toward a heavy steel door on the outskirts of the room directly ahead of them, and jumping at the opportunity to set the pace for her escape, June hurried toward it.
âI told you,â her mind repeated on an infuriating loop with every step forward, ears pounding with the rhythm of her own incensed heart. âMen are pigs. Even the likeable ones. You thought Howzer was different? How about now.â
Utterly silenced by the torque of that ashamed revelation in her gut, the gleaming shard of hope that had once championed for Howzer amidst all their previous encounters could no offer no rebuttalâ there was simply nothing to say or do or think, other than to concede that this had been a huge mistake; Challaâs gift of an afternoon off, now nothing more than the culmination of reproach and regret. Though, as intensely as her hatred burned for that impudent, peppermint-breathing nerfherder, Mal was merely the catalyst for the reignition of her potent misanthrope; her present irascibility burned hottest inward, as there was no denying June had landed herself in this position by granting a smidgeon of her trust to the teal-painted Captain that had, somehow, fooled her into thinking he was intrinsically authentic. And though her eyes burned neath a shame words would not properly elucidate, any potential for tears was furiously blinked away as she finally reached that door, unwilling to grant any of those men the satisfaction of knowing their behaviour had quickly dismantled the hardened shell sheâd once manufactured to be impenetrable.
Concealing what she could of the scowl distorting her face by bringing her empty caf cup to her lips, she paused in front of the oversized steel entry and waited for Howzer to scan his ID chip below the sensor that would finally permit their freedom.
A welcomed albeit stuffy silence encapsulated the dark corridor beyond; its blatant contradictory existence to the bustle of which theyâd just left felt immediately smothering and⌠prickly. Robbed of any potential distraction by the vapidity unfolding as that heavy door clunked closed, the relentless, painful throbs in her arms of which sheâd consistently rebuked could no longer be ignored; cold hands beginning to tremble neath both the weight of those stacked cafs and the vaporization of glee that had once distracted her from the discomfort.
Unsure of which undistinguished door guarded their destination, June stopped and waited for Howzer to overtake her, desperate to simply vanish into the air behind him until she could be free of that man, these cafs, this place, the ache in her elbow. ButâŚ
âSorry I left you hanging there for a second,â he offered the moment heâd reached her side, turning and searching for her gaze. âTruthfully, I didnât think the hangar would be that crowded, and once Jigs starts talking, itâs hard to get him to stâ uh ohâŚâ Remnants of her grievances must have remained apparent atop her blue eyes, as his own features quickly fell into something near-dejection; dark brows lifting first in undeniable surprise, then recognition, lips falling apart, twinkly eyes softening as they darted near-urgently across her poorly veiled expression. âAre you okay?â
âIâm fine,â June grunted at him, raising that empty caf cup to her lips again and forcing her throat to bob neath an empty, meaningless swallow.
To her already frothing annoyance, Howzer didnât appear convinced, jaw flexing atop clenched molars as unbridled hesitation stiffened his posture. âAreâ are you sure?â
âYup,â she bit back. âThough my left arm is half a second away from completely separating from my body, so if we could just hurry up and drop these off?â
The void of a response drew her gaze upward for little-more than a second, and though locking onto those amber eyes for even a moment failed to grant her the gleaming assurance and solace they once did, there was simply no ignoring the way that once-cherished, sharp jaw continued to flex as he surveyed her, lips thinning atop an unspoken rebuttal as he, instead, digested her obvious disdain in silence.
âStop looking at me,â she wordlessly demanded of him as a frustrated snort escaped her nose, unable to stand the way his eyes mercilessly sought any semblance of the understanding she would never give him. The energy between them, whatever it once looked like, had shifted too drastically for June to consider offering him the answers of which he silently lobbied; the pendulum had swung too far, every butterfly that had once flit about her stomach had been incinerated by the volcanic eruption of anger and betrayal, and⌠somehow⌠the adventure to Hutchies felt like a distant memory. It seemed a lifetime ago that June had clung to Howzerâs elbow for comfort amidst the bustling crowd in that cozy caf house. He was just another man now.
âSure, sorry,â he answered, the furrow between dark brows finally softening as his eyes finally left hers in favour of the trembling flimsi tray still cradled against her chest. âLet me grab Keeli.â
Her gaze fell a little too eagerly for it to have been a mere shift of focus, though in his own haste toward the second door on their left, Howzer thankfully missed the way sheâd hurried to roll her eyes at that dark, cold floor.
June sighed heavily, heart still pounding atop the adrenaline that merely walking across the main hangar had demanded. Though her old white sneakers had accumulated their fair share of grime and distress amidst her many Coruscanti miles, they beamed as if new against those dusty, dark, stone floors. Relishing that moment of quiet isolation, she lifted her left leg amid an attempt to rub a glorified scuff from her toe with the back of her pants.
Beep.
âKeels! Gimme a hand here.â
But Howzerâs booming summons near-perfectly matched the tone heâd used to interrogate his young, gum chewing comrade, and it sent a shiver down her scorched back. And though the urge to abscond was becoming nearly overwhelming as the seconds turned to minutes, the gift of distraction from the oppression of her own mind wafted down that prosaic hallway by means of a blended cloud of laughter, casual chitchat, and the grating rumble of chair legs scraping atop the floor.
âIâm buying caf for like sixteen people.â Howzerâs previous admission whilst waiting in front of the register at Hutchies rang about her ears as a familiar, scruffy-looking face, adjacent to an equally scruffy-looking maroon pauldron, emerged atop that threshold.
âSixteen captains,â June deduced, instantly recognizing the meticulously crafted and startlingly unique graphic buzzed into his cropped, dark hair. Mindlessly, her gaze darted toward that gaping entryway behind him as if the third missing puzzle piece, that blond haired, blue-pauldroned Captain sheâd observed bantering with these two some time earlier, might intrinsically know his presence was missing and depart the sightless fray beyond to join them.
Amidst the shift of her gaze, Keeliâs dark eyes locked momentarily onto her unfocussed blue. The double take that had preceded the affixture of his attention was so insouciant⌠composed⌠as was the subtle way his left brow cocked atop the burgeoning confusion of her unexpected presence.
Breath held behind pursed lips, Juneâs fingers twiddled apprehensively against that flimsi cup still clutched in clammy hands, skin prickling as she watched bridled thoughts swirl behind that unknown gaze. But to her surprise, he offered nothing more than a respectful nod before shifting his attention to his summoner.
âThis is the cadet you wrangled to go get your fancy caf?â he queried, lips miraculously void of the knowing smirk that so-clearly swaddled his every word.
âDonât start,â Howzer answered curtly, wholly unable to disguise the plea behind his features as he shook his head lightly.
Only partially acceding his fellow captainâs request, Keeli quickly snatched the flimsi travel trays from Howzerâs hand and turned on his heel, the echo of his contemptuous yet obviously amused snort echoing around that dark corridor as his grimy and abraded pauldron retreated.
Once his counterpart had vanished, Howzer wasted no time closing the space between himself and June, olive features hardened behind what could only be described as a sense of suppressed bashfulness, as if mildly humiliated by his fellow Captainâs leering query. And though she preferred it to the hardened facade heâd mustered to shut down the peccant young trooper, not even the reemergence of that once-beguiling twinkle could assuage the toxic doubt propagating in the depths of her gut.
âGimme two seconds and then Iâll walk you back.â He spoke in near-whispers, seemingly nervous that too loud of a sound might further derail this providential encounter.
ââK,â June grunted in response, though heâd since turned and disappeared into the unseen chaos of that secluded briefing room.
âThose four are decaf!â she heard him shout seconds later. âThe rest are regular, and you diâkuts better save me one. Iâm going for a piss.â
âOh come on, Howz. Weâve been waiting on you for an hour already!â
âThen five more minutes won't kill you, will it?â
June listened to their banter with a thumbnail clamped between her teeth. Though that near-unignorable spraff promised at least a mild distraction from the achy and flaccid feeling cresting down her now-freightless arm, Howzer was moving with more alacrity than expected, teal painted kit reappearing atop the threshold only moments later.
âLetâs roll,â he offered, suddenly spry atop an unprecedented sense of determination, tone confident and near-jesting as he reached her side and placed a guiding hand between her shoulder blades.
But that innocuous touch had Juneâs shoulders jerking upwards, skin prickling, eyes clamping closed for the span of a breath, scuffed sneakers taking her eagerly two steps to the right until his touch fell away.
âOh kriff, sorry,â Howzer lamented, palms lifting in surrender in front of his armoured chest. âForgot about the sunburn.â
âItâs fine,â she quickly fibbed, throat bobbing to swallow the alarm that had shot past her lips by means of an audible gasp, its intonation still echoing around that soundless corridor in the void of her deliberate omission⌠the void of her divulging that the true nature of her reaction had little to do with scorched skin.
Quickening her gait to maintain a pace and a half between them, June led herself back toward the now harrowingly familiar hangar door just ahead, hardly paying attention to, yet acutely aware of, Howzerâs tactfully wordless presence over her left shoulder. Whether the troopers meandering around that giant space had lost interest in her foreign appearance or simply moved on to more pertinent tasks, June neither knew or cared, but they permitted her a degree of peace as the pair traversed back across that bustling garage.
An update so overdue, it feels almost offensive to post. This story never had much of a following (and thatâs totally and 100% fine by me), but to those that were coming back chapter-after-chapter, it probably feels as if myself (and all these characters) simply packed up and left. For that, I owe you a sincere, genuine, deep apology, and a big dose of honesty.
This story was written, almost to completion, before I even began posting it. All the dialogue and major events were penned to a point that chapters simply needed small tweaks before I felt comfortable putting them out there. And, to this day, that has not changed.
The reasons for my hiatus are two-fold. One, I had a baby lol and let me tell you⌠they are time suckers. I fully expected to be able to sit down and write whilst the little one snoozed, but NOPE. There were never ending bottles to be washed, dishes to do, diaper pails to empty, messes to clean, things to prep, etc. To my disdain, writing had to be pushed to the very back of the burners. Two⌠I let external opinion get the better of me. As only natural, my close-knit group of online friends and I frequently shared opinions and thoughts about fics weâve found and read. And though no one is to blame but myself, hearing these opinions and thoughts only made me retreat into my own bubble of insecurity.
I know this story is not for everyone. I know my writing style is not for everyone. I know not everyone can or will enjoy the tiny world Iâve created⌠but something about knowing how others may discuss my creation with their friends paralyzed me into refusing Google Docs even a glance. For a long time. A very long time.
Motherhood has taught me many things, but the two lessons Iâm applying here are: there will never be time to do exactly what you want to do, so do it when you can. And, I can no longer GAF. This story makes me happy and thatâs the only purpose of which it needs to serve. Yes, I want it to be loved and cherished by all⌠but thatâs not realistic, and I let that silence me for too long.
So, if youâre still here⌠thank you. Thank you, and Iâm sorry.
