「A famous rapper trio looking to open their relationship. A charismatic dancer looking to open your mind. A myriad of possibilities, none of them tame. In at least one thing, Chan was right. This can't end PG.」
║ Genre ║
「3racha au, fwb au, free use, friends to lovers, fujoshi reader, polyamory and enm, lgbtq+ representation. Contains themes of love and romance, explicit sexual content, angst, exploration of regressive kinks, fetishism, relationships, fame and friendship.」
║ Characters & Pairings ║
「Female reader insert. Focused around 3racha and Lee Know. FxM and MxM sexual content. Contains original characters.」
sharing a bed series part 2/8. because it’s the cheesiest most classic trope and it’s FUN.
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pairing: lee know/reader
content info: sexual content. friends2lovers, sharing a bed trope. reader&minho had an argument. reader gets pussy eaten. minho likes to tease.
inspired by the cinematic masterpiece known to the world as lee know log 9, aka that vlog where minho went camping and i never recovered.
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There is a perpetual hum around the campsite, heaters and lamps and cookers buzzing through the night, plus the rain has started coming down harder. Its restless patter over the tarp of the luxury tent is more a nuisance than relaxing.
The noise is not why you are still awake. Your insomnia is the cause of good old-fashioned guilt.
You and Minho lost your reservation thanks to some traffic delays and the campsite only had single-bed tents available by the time you arrived. You have been sharing a bed all weekend, but right now you are alone. Minho stormed out an hour ago, claiming he needed a walk to clear his head after your argument.
The argument you started.
All weekend, you’ve been testing Minho’s seemingly infallible patience. Minho might joke around sharply, but he’s a secret softy and it’s hard to get him genuinely angry. You could feel yourself being a ridiculous ass but, like everything else of late, it felt out of control. You were like a third party watching your own stupid argument, unable to stop yourself and unable to help him. He was the mature one, leaving to find some space.
Even if it was after calling you ridiculous and uptight.
You didn’t cry. You didn’t let yourself cry. Maybe you can’t control anything else, but you can control that.
Now, you just lay in bed and listen to the rain. You can’t sleep anyway, so you leave the lights on for Minho. The rain is coming down pretty hard. You hope he gets back soon. Much as you don’t want to face him, you are worried about him.
As if summoned by your thoughts, the tent opens and Minho stomps inside. He is wearing a backwards hat and a hoodie, neither of which did much to protect him from the downpour. You look over your shoulder at him, watching him shake himself out. The wet hat comes off and hits the ground with a slap, the hoodie following. It leaves him shivering in a t-shirt and shorts, his jaw clenched.
He turns abruptly, looking right at you. There is so much intensity in his gaze as he stares at you, slicking his wet hair back. An unbidden spark of heat bursts inside you. I want him to look at me like that when he fucks me, you think. The thought makes you whip away to stare at the white tent wall. Your heart pounds. That pounding intensifies when Minho struts up to bed, crossing the space in a few quick strides. You don’t dare turn around, clutching the blankets and staring at the wall.
He turns off the lights. Then you hear him leave, disappearing into the small bathroom joined to your tent.
You exhale. It takes a while to come down from the burst of adrenaline, but it has mostly dwindled by the time Minho returns. You hear him moving about in the dark. You lay straight as a board, your back to him.
You stare through the dark at nothing. You know you should apologize for earlier but you can’t bring yourself to speak. You just breathe.
Minho climbs into the bed. It dips under his weight and you feel a flood of warmth from his company. He has toweled himself dry and changed into sweatpants and a dry t-shirt. He smells fresh and clean, and just a little woodsy. The bed is not very big so he bumps you as he lays down. It makes your heart race again, which just makes you cringe.
The rain has slowed. It still patters against the roof of the tent, but gently.
The quiet makes the silence between you even more tense. It feels heavier than the blankets, dense and suffocating. You swallow.
The argument was your fault. Everything that went wrong this weekend was your fault. You’ve been on edge and quick to overreaction, uncharacteristic to your usual composure. You could tell it was worrying Minho but he has never been the type to pry. No, he waits until he is asked, which would be great if you knew how to ask. Hug me, hold me, help me. You don’t know how to ask for the things you want. So you just continued to spiral, taking it out on him.
It should be you turning around, you facing him, you apologizing, but it’s Minho who rolls over. You freeze when he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight from behind. He doesn’t quite kiss your shoulder, but he presses his face there for a second. Wisps of his dyed blonde hair tickle your face. You can imagine his eyes closing when he sighs.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have said that shit. I don’t even know why we were fighting. Just call it my fault, okay? I shouldn’t have taken a city girl camping.”
He is trying to joke with you. His friendliness is what gets you. Even after everything, he is still so good to you.
You put a hand over your mouth, trying to stifle the sound when you start crying. It’s a useless effort because your shoulders shake and Minho can feel it. Resigned to your pitiful state, you let your gasps shudder out of you.
“Hey, hey,” he says, rolling you onto your back. He wipes his thumbs over your wet cheeks, staring down at you with his brow furrowed in confusion. “I was just kidding. I’m sorry. Take a free slap.” He grabs your hand and lightly taps his own cheek with it.
It does make you laugh, but it’s a watery sound, rippling through your tears.
“Minho,” you say miserably, “I lost my job.”
Understanding fills his expression. You can’t bear to look at him, so you roll towards him to hide your face in his chest. He lets you, wrapping an arm around you and rubbing your back as you make a blubbery mess on his shirt. You tell him the whole story, about the promotion you lost to someone else, about the sudden downsizing and subsequent firing. You are someone who functions with meticulous planning so your life being upended sent you hurtling into an unfamiliar state of panic.
“That’s why I went out alone the other night,” you say. Your tears have slowed to hiccups by now. “I know it was stupid and it made you mad. I just felt like I was gonna explode.”
Hopping bars and picking up random men is very out of wont for you. That’s why you did it. Minho was less than pleased when he found out you went wandering around downtown at night, inebriated and alone. His scolding was reasonable but you were beyond reason.
He goes stiff when you mention it now, though he doesn’t stop rubbing your back.
“I wasn’t mad,” he says after a minute. “I was just worried. And…”
You peek up at him. He sighs and groans and yells all at once, an amazing feat of sound, throwing his head back so it thumps hard against the headboard.
“I was jealous,” he says bitterly.
“Jealous,” you say. “Of me?”
“Yes.” He gives you a very sarcastic look. “I wished it was me in that little black dress going out and—no. Obviously not of you. Why do you always torture me like this? Go cry on the floor.” He jostles you but jokingly, still holding you against him.
You laugh a little, resting your head on his shoulder. Your head feels fuzzy and you don’t think it’s from crying. Minho just admitted he was jealous of you going out with some other guy. It feels like your heart is doing circus tricks.
“There was nothing to be jealous of anyway,” you say softly. “We didn’t do anything. He insisted he was, um, really good with, uh, his mouth, you know, but then, like, the more he insisted, um, you know me, I started thinking too hard and, um, he couldn’t make me, well…”
“Keep stammering. It makes me feel less embarrassed about myself.”
“Minho.” You slap his chest. His laugh is more of a maniacal cackle, his demeanour having shifted back to glee at your admission. You lift your head to look at him, biting your lip, noticing how his eyes go to your mouth. “He wound up leaving before it could go farther,” you say, your words startling him into meeting your gaze. You know it’s a petty blow, but you can’t help but admit, “He said I was too uptight and left.”
Minho’s whole face scrunches up like he just got punched in the gut.
“No,” he says. “No. You’re just saying that to bully me. I didn’t call you the same thing as that idiot.”
“It’s okay,” you say.
“No.” He groans again, closing his eyes and kicking his feet. “Ahhhhhhh. I should be shot!”
You are laughing properly now, clinging to him as he squirms in horror.
“I’m sorry,” you say. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“Oh really?” He cocks an eyebrow at you, his mouth a grim line.
“Well.” You burst into laughter all over again. “Maybe just a little!”
He laughs hard at that, shaking his head, but still retaliates by tickling you. Your laughter turns hysterical, peels of giggles as he pokes every ticklish inch of skin.
“Minhoooo,” you whine to no avail. He just grins and continues his attack.
Your wriggling pushes the blankets off the bed. You try and whack him with a pillow so that hits the floor too. Soon it is just you and Minho and some dishevelled bedsheets, you on your back with him leaning over you. You are both out of breath, both smiling. His hands are by your head, cradling you under him, while yours are on his chest as if preparing to push.
The room feels quiet, the silence again tense. But this tension is not rife with the same uncertainty as before. It is not guilt or shame, but a longing that comes from the whispered confession that he was jealous of the last man in your bed, the simple reality that he is sharing your bed right now.
You do not push him away. You hook your fingers in the collar of his shirt and pull. His elbows bend as he swoops down, meeting your raised head. He kisses you, deep and hot and slow, gently pressing your head back into the plush bed. Your squirming is very different now, legs opening to make room for him to settle between them. He feels so good on top of you, the feeling of his strong thighs between your legs, of his chest under your hands, wisps of hair brushing your face as he kisses and kisses and kisses you.
The kiss ends when you are simply too breathless to continue. He rests his forehead against yours, breathing hard.
“Wow,” you say softly. You look at him. His dark eyes are often severe in a playful way and right now they are intense, seductive, and it isn’t a joke. You touch his bottom lip, holding his gaze while he kisses the tips of your fingers. “Just so you know, that kiss was way better than everything that happened the other night.”
He grins at that.
“Oh,” he says. “Really?”
“Yeah.” You watch him kiss your fingers again, then your palm. He looks at you as he dips a little lower, kissing the inside of your wrist. You are hypnotized by the heat of his dark stare, so you speak without thinking much. “Everything you do turns me on, though,” you say. “Even earlier, when you were crushing that garlic with the knife—”
His seduction breaks with a little laugh and he raises both eyebrows.
“Garlic?” he asks. “The garlic got you hot?”
“Don’t make fun of me,” you say, pouting. “You already made me cry once tonight…”
“Oh, is that what happened?” he says. “Sure, okay, let’s play. I made you cry. I should make it up to you?”
“Mhm…”
“Well then.” He leans in close to kiss you but he lingers for a torturously long time, just hovering above your lips. Then he abruptly pulls away. He kneels upright and sits back on his heels.
Confused, you push yourself up on your elbows. He is looking around the room and tapping his chin thoughtfully.
“What is it?” you ask.
“Hmm?” He looks at you, tilting his head as if you are the confusing one. “What? I’m just looking for some garlic, since you’re into that for some reason. Give me a minute to remember where I put it.”
“Ahhh, I hate you!” You flop back down, covering your face with your hands.
Minho, diabolical creature that he is, throws back his head and laughs. He tries to pry your hands off your face but you stubbornly hold on. He sighs with theatrical exasperation and gives up.
You hear the rustle of fabric. Curious, you peek between your fingers. Minho is staring down at you with a single eyebrow cocked, a smug little smirk tugging at his lips. That smirk grows as he reaches back, flexing his arms before grabbing the back of his t-shirt and pulling. Your hands fall away from your face completely, your eyes drinking in the gradual reveal of skin as he pulls his shirt off. It lands somewhere on the floor, forgotten.
“Okay,” he says, nodding curtly. “Your turn.” He makes a come-hither motion with two fingers. “Come on. Hurry up.”
Your brain has short-circuited. It takes a second to make sense of his request and another minute to actually do it. You sit up long enough to peel your shirt off, then flop back down where you continue to stare at him. You are checking each other out, looking up and down. Your eyes goes over his bare chest and down, your mouth falling open.
You breath catches when he cups his hardening dick through his sweatpants, rubbing the heel of his hand there.
You meet his gaze, already breathing harder.
“What else then?” he says, still stroking himself through his clothes as he looks at you.
“Uh, ah, erm, hm—”
“You said everything I do turns you on.” He falls forward and catches himself on both hands, so suddenly you gasp. Once again his arms cage you in, his face close to yours. His hips come down heavy between your legs, his dick hard where it presses intimately against you. “So,” he says. “What else then?”
“Oh.” You are staring at his mouth, gaze heavy-lidded when he rocks against you. “Um. Well. Sometimes when you’re driving in reverse and you put your hand on my headrest, it kinda—”
Once again, his seduction attempt is thwarted when he can’t help but laugh. He drops his head, laughing harder when you lightly smack him.
“Stop asking if you’re just gonna laugh!” you say, even while laughing too.
“Okay,” he says. “Garlic and driving in reverse. I’m learning so much.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
“That would be very rude,” he says. “Especially since I’m about to go down on you.”
“You—wha—ohhh—”
You grab his head instinctively, fingers sinking into the natural dark roots of his dyed hair, just as he dips down to press kisses on your chest. You arch under him as his mouth finds every sensitive spot, licking sweetly and biting meanly, as to be expected from Minho. By the time he reaches the waistband of your shorts, you are panting and wriggling and clawing at him desperately.
You don’t even have time to overthink. The world and all its troubles fall away for the time being.
You will figure things out. You always do. Right now, you let yourself lose control. You usually hate the feeling, but in this moment you don’t mind at all, because Minho has you. You trust him completely. Surrender is easy.
The rest of your clothes join the messy heap on the floor. He runs his hand smoothly along the inside of your thigh before guiding it over his shoulder. He kisses there, then kisses you excruciatingly chastely between your legs. When you try and move, he keeps you steady, the sturdy hands that captivated you now holding you firmly in place.
When he finally stops torturing you, he gives you everything at once: a long, hot lick right up your centre. Again, your fingers find his hair. He doesn’t complain or lose focus even though you are scratching at him a bit ferociously. Ever a skilled worker, he stays on task. It is so deft and swift and thorough; you get so wet and slippery that you can feel it running it down your skin.
When you get close, your hips lift but he brings you back. He looks up between your thighs as he brings you over the edge. Your legs shake and your eyes close and you bite your hand just a little, trying not to be too noisy in the middle of the night at a campsite.
He climbs back up when finished, looking like a very smug feline as he wipes his face on the back of his hand.
“On a scale of garlic to driving in reverse—” he starts.
You playfully cuff the side of his head.
“That good?” he continues to tease.
You roll your eyes but smile. You think it is a seductive smile, but you do feel a little wrecked. Still, you stay on task too, sliding your hand down his chest, down, down, down and—
“Oh,” you say. You look down at the same time as him. A noticeable wet stain is on the front of his sweatpants. “You already—”
He flops down beside you and sighs.
“Sorry,” he says. “You weren’t the only one amazed with my sexy performance.”
“That’s okay,” you say with a laugh. You roll over to rest your head on his chest. His arm comes down around you, hand running down your naked back. You giggle when he cups and squeezes your ass. You dance your fingers down his pants to the wet spot where he came. “I think it’s kinda hot, actually.”
Minho came from eating you out. Of course you think it’s hot.
And of course he has to be Minho about it.
“Okay,” he says. “Garlic. Driving in reverse. Premature ejaculation. Uptight was definitely the wrong word. I honestly don’t know if I can keep up with a freak like you—”
“Ugh!” You roll away and turn your back to him, mostly to hide the fact you are laughing at his stupid joke.
He follows you, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you from behind. This time he kisses your shoulder properly, once, twice, three times. All the way up your neck to your ear and just behind it.
“You’re lucky I like you so much,” you whisper.
“I like you too,” he whispers back, kissing your shoulder again.
You smile and close your eyes, listening to the rain and letting yourself snuggle safely in his arms.
This is exactly how I imagine Lee Know to behave. Godddddd!!!!! This is so on point. Loved the dynamic anddddddd!!!!the BANTER!!!!!!!!!! My god!!!!! Loved this sosososososo much. This put such a huge smile on my face.
Ps it was also raining as I read this so it was even more immersive.
━ about: angst, hurt/ some comfort ? a little bit of crack?? In this economy?
━ pictures taken from Pinterest
━ w/c: 9.1k, rip.
━ previously posted on soraviii
NAMJOON: When hearing his pleading voice for the thousandth time, in the span of this one day only mind you, you slammed the phone on the desk with an irritated huff. The knowledge that people were still even capable of leaving voicemails had cost you dearly. For good measure, hurling the accursed device into the corner, you tightened the shawl around your neck, managed to grab onto the umbrella and lumbered out. Anywhere, to any direction and earth's current, if only you didn't have to think about him.
Recalling Namjoon, the grip on your handle tightened, making it produce a tortured groan.
"Shut up!" you barked at it. Rain pelted harshly on the world below, making it both difficult to see and walk. Rather detrimental to the whole thing to be outside. It took approximately 0.5s and 2 steps for your thoughts to begin curling around Namjoon. Who does he think he is? Does he think he's so unforgettable? Does he think he's some sort of God graced upon the world that you should take him back even after you tried so hard to erase him?! After you put all that hard work to return him back to the sea of strangeness and unfamiliarity?!
"Baby, baby, please, I beg of you, I am begging, just hear me out. Five minutes! Please, just five minutes!"
That was his last voicemail and chiefly the rest of them as well.
It was just five minutes... What were five minutes exactly? A little bit more than your favourite song. A scene in a movie. Passing. Fleeting. Just a slip in time...
No! No, no, no! Five minutes meant meeting his eyes, five minutes meant thousands of good memories, and five minutes meant remembering laying in his arms, reading a book together in quiet content. But Namjoon was gone. All of it was gone. It was down the drain just like this rain pooling around the sewer grates. Useless to remember, useless to yearn for. Just. Gone.
Shaking off the water onto the carpet inside the coffee shop, you were greeted by the pleasant ding of the gold-coated bell over your head and warmly smiling, you greeted the barista.
"One large coffee and a slice of marzipan cake for ____________. To go, please."
The scrape of the chair disturbed the previous mellow of the corner coffee shop with such vibrancy, not a soul was left unstirred. A tall figure, standing in the middle of the floor, gaping like a deer in headlights with mouth flopping open and closed like a fish.
You prayed he didn't see you.
But it was hard to believe given that Namjoon was staring right at you.
Without a moment's hesitation, you turned on the heel and ran into the rain, not even bothering to open up the umbrella again. The rain was cold and unforgiving, making you shudder in practically no time. Yes, it was the cold that made you tremble so.
"Baby! Baby! Please, wait!"
You could hear his voice travelling fast from behind, gaining much-unwanted attention. Namjoon's unfair genetic advantage that had granted him those very same legs you once drooled over, caught up with you in no time and soon enough you were forced to look at his grief-stricken visage. Seeing him up close, without the hindrance of anger and resentment, made your breath catch in your throat. It could hardly be believed you were ever together, given how beautiful he was. Despite his hair stuck to his forehead, bags so blue you'd think he was punched and, quite honestly, the smell he emitted, Namjoon was stunning.
Gorgeous Namjoon. Gorgeous...lying, arrogant, conceited douchebag of a scum!
"Baby," he leaned down to your face. "Baby, please, just listen!"
"I'm not your fucking baby," you screamed. "I told you we are done!"
Pushing past him, you tried to haul yourself away, only to be caught by an elbow.
"Unhand me, sir!"
A glitch of a faint smile appeared on his lips, only deepening your glare. Keeping arms firmly to himself, he began:
"I can't say how sorry I am."
"Then don't!"
"I can't live without you."
"Are you dying?" you scoffed, tossing him a pointed glower. "Right at this moment are you dying?"
Shit...he might just be. Those were definitely two different shoes on his feet.
"Might as well," he cried back. "Please, I'm going crazy! I need you back," you opened your mouth but Namjoon rushed faster. "And I understand I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I understand all of that! But all the same, I'm begging. I'll do anything! Anything! I promise!"
"And how many things you promised before you broke them all?" you asked him trying to sound stern, uncaring but the eternal treachery of your voice betrayed you. You sounded hurt. Just as hurt as he appeared to be. "I will spend time with you, _____________. I would never blow you off like that, _____________. I will never make you feel jealous, ___________!"
You felt your bottom lip wobble whilst he stood like that in front of you - absolutely drenched, gaze lowered miserably at the ground.
"I know," he croaked. "I know I didn't treat you as well as I should have and I'm sorry. I was stupid. I thought...I took you for granted and didn't think that you could leave."
It took a whole half a minute for his words to settle and be recognized for all their meaning but once they did, you turned red from fury.
"You fucking arrogant asshole! Kim Namjoon, you're...You're!" failing to think of anything, you yelped out of frustration. Now people were definitely looking. Who did he think he was?! The man you loved?! The tall and gorgeous lover of your dreams who had dimples and spoke softly to animals and would rather go bike riding than flex the money he had with some dumb overpriced car?! Did he really think that being sorry could tempt you back to him?!
Doesn't it, a faint yet lingering voice whispered to the forefront of your mind.
"Please, if you don't want to listen, then don't," at last he quietly muttered. Chills racked your body upon hearing the quiver in his voice. He was actually crying. The strongest man you knew. Was crying. Over you, no less.
"Just please, read this," from the pocket of his jacket, he thrust a handful of papers at you. "And uhm don't toss it out and uhh just...remember I do love you."
With the long jacket flapping in the wind, he ran off, palm pressed to his mouth.
It was hard to see him like this. Especially considering you always assumed it'd be you who was the only broken one once the relationship had fizzled. Returning back home, now thoughtful and dragging your feet, you poured over the rain-distorted pages. Letters? Pages of a diary? Poems? It was hard to describe what you were reading but nonetheless, it was a strenuous read.
Namjoon had kept a chaotic but remarkably consistent journal that started with the first day you met. You never knew he had to work up the courage to speak to you for whole two weeks. You had merely assumed that the sly handsome idol had no business being shy. Reading about yourself made you blush and paradoxically understand Namjoon better than ever. He did love you. He still does if today's entry was anything to go by. This love overwhelms him
"Like an ocean in the hold of a single cup," he wrote. That night he'd been watching you sleep and had a panic attack, breaking down in the bathroom thinking of all the things that could go wrong.
"Why didn't you just wake me and talk?" you whispered at the pages, feeling the familiar sting of tears. You'd been tired from work, he wrote on the next page, he dared not to trouble you, dared not to ask too much, having in his mind done so already.
Having read that you snapped the book shut and after unlocking the phone wrote one concise message.
"Kim Namjoon, you're an idiot and I love you all too much."
YOONGI: Chapter Three. Paradise Lost. The words and the blinking cursor stared at you with open mockery. Ten whole minutes you sat here and couldn't think of a single word. How could you when you felt the weight of his gaze - lingering, smothering, flattering. Like you were the centre of his whole universe...
Violently you shook your head. Flattering. You were the centre of his whole universe. Lies. Meagre pillows of comfort, you shielded yourself with. You were not his anything, he had made it abundantly clear. Whatever this was...well, it was misguided all the same. You even managed to work up some anger. This was your place, your quiet solitude in the night, a beacon in whose light you could bask when the familiarity of your burrowed apartment was too much to bear. In this small night coffee shop, you could drown. You could forget all about him and yet here he was intruding upon the very sanctity he himself created the need for.
Reddening, you slammed your laptop shut, briefly meeting his gaze. Without shame or inhibition, he stared at you, long fingers twiddling with the cooling cup of black coffee. You knew he knew you knew and so on. Just two idiots both staring at each other without saying a word. With your head spinning from the implications, you stomped your way to the door, chin raised high. Whatever he wanted it was too late now. You hated him. Just like you said.
"I hate you, Min Yoongi!" you yelped, whipping around to tear your hand away from his, tears running down your face. Batting them harshly away, you let the poison out. It was strangely cathartic. As violent as it was there was some peace to be had in the raw honesty, finally fleeing into the aether.
Yoongi recoiled as though burnt, shock painting his features into something you'd not seen before.
"You don't mean that," he breathed weakly. "Please, don't say that."
"You're the worst thing that has ever happened to me! We're done! It's over!"
And alright maybe you didn't hate him. Maybe you still thought, weeks after you parted, did he eat anything at all today, was he tired, but in the face of your own wounded pride, it felt critical to be cruel. Repay his own, even if he hadn't meant it and maybe hadn't even seen it.
He was squirming in his red, upholstered seat; the closer you got, the more anxious he became, like a hamster realizing it was caught in a cage, he visibly flitted between various scenarios. You tried your best to not pay him any mind and continue your escape, out into the cold night. Alone, yes but with your ego preserved.
If that made anything better...
At last, just before you were past his booth, a warm yet roughened palm reached to encircle your wrist. Cautiously, as if he was frightened his own touch hurt.
"Please, don't leave..." fell broken out of his lips. Muffled behind the mask but still loud enough for you to hear. Grinding your teeth, you tried to recall every single night of disappointment. Every night that you cried yourself to sleep because he lied. He had lied when he said he'd be there for you.
"I don't want to hear it," you snapped but it sounded too uncertain; written on a prompt message that had flashed too fast for you to properly read.
"Please, just sit down. Let's talk... even if it's for the last time."
"Funny, you never wanted to talk before."
Yoongi cringed, his gaze darting to sit guilty on the dirtied table. Ah, there it was - the poison. It felt bad to be cruel; before at least it was the steady hand of rage that guided you towards being this person that you truly hated to be, but now...now, it just felt hollow.
Sitting down opposite him, you watched silently as he removed the mask. Kindly put, Yoongi looked like death warmed over.
"You look like shit," you reckoned and he gave a brittle, weary laugh, running a hand through the squished, clearly unwashed hair.
"Yeah, well, a living hell does that to a person."
"Don't exag-"
"I'm not," sternly, he shook his head, briefly closing his eyes as though carding through rows and rows of pain-filled memories. "I've barely slept, barely eaten anything since you left. I...I keep replaying those words in my head," he grasped at the roots of his hair, panting dejectedly at his lap. "I wanted to hate you. No one has ever broken my heart like this."
You scoffed, crossing your arms over chest. If you do this, it'll mean you won't shatter like fine glass.
"Then go on!" you urged. "Hate me! Loathe me! Curse my name and spit on any reminder of my existence!"
"I can't!" he cried out. "No matter how hard I try, I want you more than ever. I want to drag you away from your writing, I want to complain about the half-empty cups you leave across the house, I want to make you that stupid mac-and-cheese you love so much!"
Your breath stuttered.
"Yoongi -"
"I want you to be angry with me, I want you to nag me, I want to be annoyed," eyes shining with unshed tears, he continued to drop the words so fat you could barely make them apart anymore. "Want to wear your scrunchies around my wrist, want to make furniture for you, want to clean the shower because you hate doing it."
Then, he bowed his head, leaving you for the first time ever, utterly and properly speechless.
"Please, take me back. Let me come home to you."
"Music was your home," you argued but with his head still low, Yoongi disagreed.
"It's not anymore. It's just a house now. Just a roof over the head. I'm...I'm not the same as I was before and yes, it scared me, yes, I was a coward, yes, I ran away from you and you have the right to be angry!"
More than the guilt in them, you hated Yoongi's eyes. It was the first thing you notice about him when he was just a masked stranger asking to split the table in a busy cafe. Sitting across each other just like this, you remember being entranced by the way his feline eyes darted all over the place, subtly observing each life going in their own ways. You hated how much you had stared at him that day, so much so, the only thing written down was cat, cat, cat, cat, to appear as though you were working. You hated to remember how happy those eyes were when you finally mustered up the courage to show him your work and how they had squinted in noiseless laughter when he realized that the black cat guarding your main hero was just him reimagined as a feline.
There was so much to be hated about Min Yoongi...so why you couldn't do it?
"Let me crawl back home to you."
"What of your precious pride?" you tried to hiss but it came out like a genuine question.
"It's meaningless," he murmured. "What pride is there to sit staring at the wall, whole days and nights passing by. So, please, take me back. I'll do everything you ask just please, let me be your home again."
"My home?" you echoed, faintly.
"You'll always be mine even if you're gone."
JIN: The greeting got stuck in your throat like a bite of a dry chicken. Grazing just down the windpipe, making it impossible to speak. The sight of him standing there, over the sink of your childhood home, washing dishes of all things and shifting anxiously from one foot to another, was enough to knock the air out of your lungs.
"Hello! Oh, ___________!" your mother chastised. "Why didn't you tell me you had such a lovely fiance?"
Your gaze fixated numbly on Jin. On his stupid face, on his stupid curls on that stupid jumper you gifted him on the first birthday you'd been there to celebrate.
Jin had been many firsts and most of all the first man you failed to get rid of the second things were off. He was like a rash on the butt, definitely nothing more complimentary - an annoying thing making it impossible to live, to have a peaceful breather. He was always there, reminding you that he did exist, making you miserable.
"Fiance?" dumbly, you echoed, too taken aback to even be angry. Being with Jin was another life, one you left behind at that; to see him here was as jarring as having a tree fall on top of your head.
"Yes, he arrived here late at night, yesterday," your mother continued to chatter on, oblivious to the lingering tension. "Introduced him all proper, asked for my blessing, helped me to lug in the Christmas tree this morning. Didn't you, Seokjinnie?"
If the red ears were anything to go by, then your mother had put him through Machiavellian levels of mortification for many consecutive hours now. So why was he here?
Meeting his gaze you wanted to ask just that.
Why are you here? What was this charade all about?
"I see," you, stated flatly. "I'll put my things away."
Quickly, you brushed past him to your bedroom, hearing a vague -
"Seokjin, dry your hands! Don't run off all dripping wet."
"Sorry, ma'am."
- coming from behind. Slamming the doors, you were unsurprised to find Jin's things already waiting for you there, having invaded this corner of your life that he had no business being in. He wasn't anything to you anymore. Just a stranger returned back to the tides of faceless crowds from which he emerged in a moment of delirious, star-stricken fancy. That's all that ever was to it. That's all you ever were to him, just a fleeting fancy he got caught up in too eagerly. The familiar ball and chain that everyone complained about were not as sturdy as they made it seem, engagements could be called off, relationships torn apart and hearts broken with the same ease it took to dust off a jacket.
"________________! Come decorate the tree!"
Languidly, you put one bauble around the piercing branches, ignoring the swelter of his lingering glance. At last, when he'd been drilling in the back of our head for so long you could swear it physically gave you a fever, you hissed surreptitiously at him, pretending to smile so your mother wouldn't have to know of how her precious Seokjinnie was by far the last person on the planet you wanted to speak with.
"How dare you come here," you accused him and he withered, hearing the sheer vitriol in your voice. "How dare you tell her you're my fiance? When we're done?!"
Jin frowned at the tree, haphazardly shoving the silver-coated balls on the needles.
"Please, we can't be done," he replied. "Let's just talk it out, okay?"
"I don't want to talk it out! If me leaving Seoul was not abundantly clear."
"You still kept the ring."
"Oh my god, is that what it's all about? The ring?" you yanked at the chain around your neck. Perhaps you shouldn't have kept it at all but it was an antique family heirloom and by the time you realized it was still around your neck, having grown so used to it, the jewellery felt like a natural part of your body, and the plane had already landed. "Here, you can have it!"
"Don't you dare," he growled, squeezing your palm to be still before falling quiet as your mother entered the living room. Jin was still wearing his own ring, it glistened around his finger in the sparkling Christmas lights.
Your mother's eyes darted between the two of you, clearly confused over the fraught expressions you both wore.
"Seokjin, do you mind helping me with the bean sprouts?"
Hell-bent on playing the role of the perfect upcoming son-in-law, Jin could only nod with a tight smile, unwillingly letting his hand drop.
"Be right there," nasally, he promised and dragged his feet towards the kitchen. As your hands trembled, one of the baubles fell onto the floor. In what seemed like slow motion, you watched it fly through the air, determinately swinging towards its own destruction and then shatter, shards flinging all over the hardwood floor.
"_____________, don't," Jin cried out but you didn't listen, squatting down to pick it up. Just as expected the tremors in your hands though small were enough for the sharpened edge to ungainly scrape against the skin, slicing it open.
Suddenly, it all felt too much and with tears threatening to burst, you ran outside the door, into the sobering winter where nothing was happy enough to pour any more bitterness into your heart. Unlike the ever-present bustle, your home was quiet. It lay on the edge of an unfarmed field with nary neighbours around. It was frighteningly quiet but soothing in a fevered moment such as this. Coming to a stop by an old shed, one you used to sneak cigarettes with a couple of friends in a reckless youth, you leaned against it and panted into the bristling cold. Clumps of snow fell lazily from the sky. Without hurry, completely careless. You yearned for that kind of serenity.
Hearing the crunch of the snow, you glimpsed around the corner, watching as Jin fell face-first into the thick snow, cursing as he did so. You almost laughed at the sight, only to remember that you promised to never, ever see him again.
He found you with relative ease, there was nothing else in the snowed-in field anyhow and he peered down at you with storming judgement.
"What are you doing running out in this weather?" he scolded, throwing a jacket over your shoulders.
"You have no right to reprimand me," you grumbled but he didn't listen and instead reached to examine the small cut on your finger, fishing a band-aid from the pocket of his jeans. Quietly you watched his brows furrow in concentration, treating this scrape as vitally as one would a heart surgery. Circling the band-aid around your finger, he breathed a soft:
"There we go," and pressed your palm against his cold lips.
"Jin -"
"I want you to take me back," he stated honestly, leaving another kiss, this time higher up the arm. "Yell at me if you need to, curse me out in front of your mother if you want to but please take me back."
"Your family -"
"I explained either me and you or no one at all," he murmured, slowly inching upwards and on instinct, your eyes closed, when tepidly he kissed your neck. "I was wrong for not saying so in the first place but now it's clear. If they love me, they'll accept you."
"And if they don't?"
"I'll move here if I must," he grunted, lightly breezing past your chin. Your fingers dug into that stupid green sweater. In the monochrome grey of a desolate winter, it stood out like a blood-curdling scream.
Graceless, he walked with you backwards, pinning you to the broken shed. You felt its wet cold seep through the clothing.
You should really slap this bastard and yet when he kissed you, you moaned, eyes popping wide open. The Jin you knew would never do this - he wouldn't press you up against a wall, so needy, so assured, he wouldn't fly out into the middle of nowhere and charm your mother.
"Have you gone insane?" you whispered, pushing him away and yet he refused to budge more than two centimetres. When he exhaled, you could feel the warmth on your face.
"Quite possibly," Jin nodded, chasing your lips, the glimpse in his eye almost look crazed, desperate - without a doubt. "Please, I'll do anything for you. Take me back and I'll build a home for you. Be it Seoul, here, or anywhere you like."
"You wouldn't be happy outside of home."
"You are my home," he twirled the ring between his fingers, enveloping you in his embrace as you shuddered from the cold. "And won't let anyone ruin that."
HOSEOK: He darted from the seat, the second you were escorted into the private room. Gentle music and easy conversation swayed in the background, illuminated by the soft romantic lights of numerous candles adorning the white-clothed tables which you imagined looked much like the one Hoseok had sat by just a second ago. Tugging at your clothes, you couldn't help but flush from embarrassment. You were so clearly from a different tax bracket but carding through the closet, the best clothes you found were his. His presents to be exact, however, after everything that happened, it felt wrong. Showcasing his numerous gifts on you would just give the wrong kind of signal - that you were still his and that...You weren't anymore. That should be the end of that. Even if he clearly had something to say against it.
"___________," he gasped, appearing shocked. "Thank you for coming."
You waited for the server to leave, and only then you spoke. Calm, collected, without any emotion. You'd been practising the entire week now. But standing in front of a mirror and gazing at it with soul-sapped eyes was not the same as standing in front of the love of your life and keep insisting that it was all over.
"You hardly gave me a choice," you shrugged. "You hounded my co-workers, friends, landlord, my parents, Hoseok. My parents."
He cringed, biting on his lip.
"I know," Hoseok drawled guiltily. "But I was...I was desperate. You were just gone and I was going crazy."
With a sigh, silence settled between you.
"I believe fifteen minutes is what you asked for," you sat down, firmly rejecting his feeble attempts to pull out your chair. "So fifteen minutes is what you're going to get."
"Thank you," he bowed, quickly rushing to sit in front of you. "You're too gracious."
"That I am," you murmured, taking a long sip from the wine glass. Some couldn't hurt. Maybe even a lot. After all, he'd hurt you enough, no amount of alcohol could deal that kind of damage. Whether or not he'd heard you, you couldn't tell, either way, he ignored the remark.
Exhaling, a nerve-riddled breath, he fixed the lapels of his suit jacket and after fixating you with a firm gaze, said:
"I beg of you to take me back."
The wine splattered all over the white tablecloth. Feeling it drip unhandsomely down your chin, you reached for a napkin but Hoseok was quicker. He wiped the wine away, letting his fingers graze past your lips. Your heart hammered and h you wished that it would be from indignance.
"You can't be serious!"
"I am."
From the look in his eye, he really was not lying. That sort of cutthroat determination you'd seen on him only once - when he was dancing and trying to beat someone or something. The difference between the smiling, jovial man who asked you out on a date and that one was so startling it took you whole two business days to get over.
Hoseok was like a box of chocolates with the labels all crossed out. You could reach for one candy, expecting a sour tangy filling, of rum, perhaps, or a lemon zest and be met in the end by the sweetness of dripping caramel. It was fun for a while, it kept you on your toes and then...then it was less fun when you realized you never really knew the man you were with. When you couldn't reach for him on the saddest of days and expect assuredness of a well-rehearsed answer. He was always different and what you got, in the end, was no more than just a repainted mask he wielded against everyone else. Chocolates were good and fun but they couldn't substitute meals and expensive presents couldn't buy true love.
"________________, please, take m-"
"Hors d' oeuvres are served," the waiter, literally having spawned out of thin air, stated. Hoseok pulled away, jaw clenching in annoyance. "Tzaziki Shrimp Cucumber Rounds. Enjoy!"
"Thank you," you bid the waiter thinly. When the doors closed behind him, another pause of stilted silence lingered in the air.
"I know I'm asking much," Hoseok began but with a furious shake of the head, you interrupted.
"You're asking the impossible, Hoseok! What even? How did you? I mean, what?" stumbling, upon the words, you suppressed the deceitful sting in the corners of your eyes. "You're just saying these things because you know I'm weak."
"You're not weak!" he argued with a furrowed brow. "Don't you ever say such a thing about yourself!"
"Then why are you asking - "
"Because I love you!"
Your head quirked to gaze at him. Defeated, Hoseok sighed.
"I love you. Madly, utterly, completely. I was shit at showing it and I know you have every right to be mad at me. These past few weeks..." he trembled, glimpsing to the side. "Have been an honest hell. I hate myself for making you feel -"
"Cheap?" you finished, voice quivering. "Like I could be bought?"
"Yes," he swallowed in regret. "I can never fully undo the damage or express how sorry I am enough. But I do love you. I've never loved anyone like I do you," capturing your fingers in his, he continued. "I promise I will learn, I'll listen, I'll do anything you ask of me but, please, let me love you, let me cherish you, let us grow old together. There's a future for us, I know I crave it but so must -"
"You guys enjoying your food?"
This time a scream physically tore from your chest as unexpectedly a third figure simply manifested without any warning beforehand. Hoseok's grasp on your palm tightened and so did his jaw.
"What's your name?" he inquired the waiter, not letting his gaze stray away from your face. Not even a little bit.
"Jae!"
"Jae, do yourself a favour and get lost."
"Okay!" With a hollow smile, Jae scurried through the doors. The third and final bout of silence began.
"I can't be here anymore," you spluttered, detaching your hand from his. It wasn't surgically tied together, so why, why did it hurt so much?
"______________," Hoseok whimpered. In his mouth, your name sounded like a benediction. You couldn't stand to hear so much...love in his voice. Telling yourself he'd never loved you was the only dam that prevented you from crying one lonely night after the next. With the restaurant turning into a blur of cream colours, you rushed out into the street, maniacally looking for any escape. A bus stopped near and you ran towards it, uncaring about where it took you as long as it was far, far away.
You caught a glimpse of Hoseok chasing after you, despairingly trying to find you in the pandemonium that was a Friday evening in a well-known district. Over and over again, he traced every car and window but as you had ducked out of the sight, he couldn't do so, no matter the effort. When the bus rolled away, you saw his shoulders drop, and after pressing a palm over his mouth, he simply sobbed right there in the middle of the otherwise joyful crowd.
JIMIN: Anyone has had those times in their life, right? When you'd done something crazy, something you could only gape at from this point of view, wondering what the hell were you thinking. It didn't even feel like a part of your life at most times, merely a scandalous story you'd imagined, not lived through. You were happy to say that after three months, it had finally come to the point where you could delude yourself into thinking it had not been real. It did not feel real anyhow. Returning back to normalcy had sapped any credibility of the various memories bubbling right underneath your skin. On good days, you thought of Jimin only once, in passing, and then you lived your life. On bad days, however...on bad days you'd be plagued by his visage on every billboard and poster in the city, every radio would have his voice singing, and every innocuous google search would somehow end up in compilations of his laughter. You feared to remember and feared to forget it. But no matter how bad the days were before, it was nothing compared to the clammy dread pulsating with every one of your heartbeats.
"How do you even know who I am?" you licked at your dry lips, questioning if this too was even real. The time on the clock showed 3:26 am and on the phone, with you, there was Kim Namjoon.
"Jimin stares at your pictures all the time. He also mutters your name. In his sleep."
That... that can not be true.
"I...I don't -"
"Listen, __________, frankly, I don't quite know who exactly you are to Jimin or what even happened, I just know that he is spiralling. He's drinking every moment he gets, he doesn't eat, and he sleeps only when he can't stand upright anymore. The only time he's calm is when he's staring at your picture."
You lean into your duvet, feeling much like crying yourself.
"I realize you are not obligated to help him," Namjoon continues, much softer. "But please, I am scared for him and if he meant anything to you, just please, talk to him at least one last time."
This is not real. This is not real, keeps running through your mind as you board the plane, as it takes hours to go back to the one place you thought you'd be done with forever and climb onto the once familiar elevator. Your life is once again a dream. Or a nightmare. Yeah, that felt like it.
When you climbed out onto Jimin's floor, you were horrifically met by Namjoon and Taehyung, both of whom stared at you as though you were a mythical creature, ripped out of the pages of a long-lost fantasy book.
"He's in there," curtly, Namjoon tossed a head towards the doors, dragging gaping Taehyung with him. "We'll give you some room."
You nodded in compliance, pushing open the doors with a bated breath. Dusk had settled deep over the rooms and the air was stuffed full with the stench of alcohol. You wandered quietly through the apartment until at last you stumbled upon a crumpled figure wrapped haphazardly underneath a pile of blankets.
"Jimin?" you called out cautiously and the pile wobbled until a messy head poked through. His eyes were swollen, clearly having been crying for most if not the whole day, and dry spit clung to the corner of his mouth. He squinted at you standing in the middle of his bedroom.
"Go away," he grumbled and turned away.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
At the sound of your booming voice, he jolted, gripping the sides of his head.
"How dare you behave this way? How dare you degrade yourself to this level?!"
Blinking blearily, Jimin whimpered:
"___________________? Is it really you?"
"Who else could it possibly be?" you scoffed and he hiccuped, shamefully looking at the floor.
"Dunno...when I drink enough, I see you around."
You cringed, hearing this. No wonder, Namjoon said he was scared.
"And do I yell at you also?"
"No, you just say you hate me."
"I don't hate you," you sighed and Jimin's head whipped up so fast, you swore there was a crack.
"Then take me back," he fought with the sheets, to crawl out of the bed, one leg stuck in his trousers. "Take me back, please!"
"Have you no shame? No dignity left?" you wondered aloud, seeing him on his knees, still drunk most likely.
"I don't need dignity," he cried out. "I don't need pride. I just need you back. I need you," he swayed back and forth, growing hysteric. "You're the love of my life!"
"Don't say that when you're drunk," you snapped, willing yourself to treat him fairly. You'd coddled him before and it was at the expense of your own heart. Not this time. Not even when you wanted so bad it hurt. "They're just lies."
"They're not lies!"
"Well, I still don't believe you! Do you really think by ruining yourself you're making me love you more?! Do you really think that being pitiful is enough to earn my forgiveness?"
He choked back a sob, batting at his wet cheeks.
"I know you hate me..."
"I don't hate you! Why do you always think in extremes?! I'm disappointed! I'm angry! Get your fucking shit together, for God's sake, Jimin! I want you to respect me and respect yourself and not do whatever this is because this," harshly, you gestured over his crouched figure, trembling in the cold air of his messed up apartment. "This is not cute. It's terrifying!"
Perhaps you'd been too harsh but either way, Namjoon thanked you once a week passed and Jimin had returned to some form of normalcy.
Either way, it all began to feel like a dream again once you left, gazing at Seoul through the airplane window, how it shrank smaller and smaller until it disappeared entirely. Along with Park Jimin somewhere in it. Dragging your feet into the unmade bed, like the week abroad simply didn't exist, you sighed and numbly looked around. The unnamed feeling that had plagued you for months finally had a name. This was a house, it didn't feel like a home. Home was Jimin's apartment, his stupid kitchen and stupid dishtowels, his stupid gallons of beauty products and his stupid Chelsea boots he'd bought too much of. But you left him in Seoul. It's not like he'll chase you and beg again. Who would even do that? You suspected no one would. Who could possibly love you that much to not only abandon all their principles once but twice?
At a quiet ring of a doorbell, you groaned. Another cat missing?
Dejectedly, you shuffled to the front door, throwing it open and then feeling a stiff weight settle on top of you, enveloping their arms around you like a greedy spider.
You blinked at the ceiling, smelling the all-too-familiar perfume and the gentle, airy voice that came with it.
"Please, take me back."
TAEHYUNG: "Please, take me back."
"No."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't care."
The small crowd gasped when he dropped onto his knees, bowing in front of you.
"Have you lost your mind?!" you hissed, trying to drag him up. "Have you no pride left? No sense of shame?!"
It was maybe seconds, seconds until someone recognized him if they haven't done so already.
"No," he replied, muttering at the snow-covered ground. "I have no need for them if only you'll come back."
You didn't know why it was always winter when Taehyung was involved. You met in winter, you broke up in winter, he cried for you to come back in winter and you rejected him during that same winter. A year had passed and once more the ground was dusted with white snow, etching cold breaths into the air. There were no calls anymore, no more texts begging to just talk, to see you one last time. Even the one inquiry about whether or not you wanted your stuff was left on read.
Served him right, the logical part of your brain sneered. He'd hurt you, this was merely a taste of his own medicine. If only this self-righteousness would make you happy.
Walking past his billboards plastered towering and unattainable over the hustle of streets below, you couldn't help but linger, staring at his soft smile, promising the release of his album in a week's time. What a strange date. It was the same one you met it. It was fake, you could tell. His smile that is. When Taehyung smiled for real it inspired others to do the same, not walk past him, uncaring. You wondered where he was...a whole year had passed since he begged you on the knees...
"I'm right here," a deep voice spoke against the shell of your ear and you yelped, turning around. His hand shot out to steady you against the slippery pavement, keeping it around the padded material of your jacket for far longer than necessary. You decided not to remark upon it, selfishly absorbing this scrap. Where was your own dignity?
The little part of his face that you could see was wholly indecipherable, the only feature you could make out through the falling snow and his mask, were the dark of his eyes, staring fixedly at you.
"Hello," you breathed faintly.
"Hello."
You'd forgotten just how warm his voice was.
"Have you been doing well?" he asked, ignoring the mass of people trying to squeeze past you, grumbling in annoyance.
"...yes," you lied. "You?"
"No," he answered honestly, before adding softly. "I miss you."
"Taehyung -"
"I'm not going to lie, ____________," he shrugged. "I've been doing awful since you left. I still love you. What more is there to say?"
Your eyes flitted down at the familiar red around his neck.
"Is that my scarf?" you pointed out and he glanced down at it.
"Yes, it is," he drawled simply. "I found it among your old stuff. I've been wearing it ever since. It's lost your scent now," he sighed ruefully before sobering up. "Is that a creepy thing to say?"
"I -" you stammered. "I don't quite know."
He hummed.
"I saw you're about to release your album," you began, swaying awkwardly on the heels. You know you rejected him but...but couldn't you also want to see him? Let the faceless crowds of judgment ridicule you for your indecisiveness but you had shared a life together with Taehyung, seeing him, just like the first time you met, in the winter, made your heart ache with longing.
"I can send it over for you to listen," he casually suggested. "You might find it interesting."
"Oh," you dragged. "Don't you have strict protocols about that sort of thing?"
"I don't care," he stated. "It's my album, my heart, if I want to give it to you I will. Even if..." he trailed off, finally removing the hand that had been squeezing yours all this time. "Even if you don't want anything to do with it anymore."
When you saw him turn and leave, you floundered, but couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say. Nothing meaningful, nothing...honest. Brutal, bold honesty was always his forte, yours was to pretend.
"I haven't changed my address!" you called out after him. "I still live -"
"I know," Taehyung replied, glancing over his shoulder, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his brown coat. "I remember."
When the postman knocked on your door with the package marked as from KTH, it took all your courage to unwrap the blue ribbon, it may have taken it a bottle or two to even put the CD and listen. A card sat attached to the plastic case.
To my only angel, I loved you yesterday, love you today, and will love you tomorrow. Forever Yours, Kim Taehyung. It had dragged a deeply ugly sound from your throat - something between a wrecked sob and snorting laughter. As if you didn't know who he was.
The album itself was deeply melancholic, something one would expect of Taehyung but this was different. How you could not say, it just was. There was almost an anxious feeling about it. It seemed to weave through the various melodies like a thread across different-sized buttons. It wasn't until the last track which ended almost on a note of a piercing scream did you put together the pieces of the puzzle why it all seemed so familiar.
To my angel,
I always believed you were in the far, far sky
Turns out you're the face next to me
And in all that ever was or is meant to be,
I'd give anything to hear your dry, dry sigh
I know what you're going to say
It's been a year, you fool
But if only you gave me a chance you would see
A year, ten, twenty?
Means no difference to me,
My lonely angel.
Here it all was, the life you lived together, the life he lived after parting, all displayed in neatly aligned 12 tracks, meaning nothing to anyone and yet bearing everything to you. Each opaque reference lyricists would brush off as wordplay were snapshots of a mourned past. You had to...You had to find him. With a sudden urgency, you felt your body tremble, seized by this one, unshakeable impulse. You had to find him. To do what exactly? Who knows. But you couldn't sit here this night alone. Jumping on one foot, you got a boot over your foot and a scarf over your neck, yet when you yanked open the doors, there he already stood, hand raised, prepared to knock.
"Hello," you breathed faintly.
"Hello," he greeted and then to your shock, surprise and heartbreak, sunk to his knees, peering up at you, both solemn and terrified out of his mind. "Take me back?
JUNGKOOK: "That guy is staring at me."
"No, he's not. Shut up and eat your food."
Your date pouted unkindly.
"You're mean and bossy," he complained. "I'm not asking you out ever again."
"I'm practically bursting into tears," dryly, you retorted, taking a long drag of the shitty white whine he'd ordered. "Keep smiling, Jack, lest you want that guy to fashion you into a skin suit."
"My name is Jake."
"Hmmm whatever."
As you met gazes with the shadowy figure sitting and glaring pure hellfire from the corner of the restaurant, you wanted to cry. Laugh? Both? It was hard to say. But either way, Jungkook was a fucking dick who made your life a living hell. It was supposed to end with you victorious, slamming a door into his stupid nose, you were meant to walk away from this whole mess with your head held high, ego unbruised and heart absolutely detached. Or at least that's the promise you made until you saw the intense brown of his eyes, tracking your every move. He was absolutely full of his own shit.
By now you knew what he wanted, what was running through that fantastically mangled piece of meat he called a brain. He wanted to be taken back - into your bed, into your arms, into your home. Like a skinned mole, he'd burrowed his sneaky way into those forbidden places, with his stupid Elmo laugh, his golden heart and his...well, it all had made you a little bit stupid. It all had made your hand shove away all concerns and throw yourself head first into what must have been the most torrent love affair this side of the globe.
You knew every dirty part of his, the flaws he was so deathly afraid of showing, the embarrassment he'd rather first chew his own tongue off instead of revealing; in your hands, he'd bloomed like a beautiful flower and despite his mountain of problems, you still want him.
Wanted him, you amended in your mind, you wanted him, now you don't. Case closed. Pinatas for all.
But if you knew Jungkook down to every sinewy muscle and vein, so did he. He knew from the first meeting of your eyes that you didn't want to be here, you'd dragged yourself out here to be with Jacklyn, kicking and screaming, with the sole goal of fruitlessly showing yourself you could live on after every man had been ruined by this dopey kangaroo.
He knew that just beneath the tongue you were itching to get back with him, to go on those ridiculous dog playdates, to have him bouncing around the room, trying to dance all sexy only for his oversized clothes to remind you too keenly of a flag rather than a human. He knew you wanted to press your face into that chest, drag him down on top of you by his body chain, and be annoyed when he wouldn't fucking stop bumping into you.
But damned if you ever admit that out loud.
Too preoccupied with various musings of intimacy, you failed to see Jungkook grab an apple, draw his hand back like a bow and launch the apple at Jacob's head.
Falling on the floor, your brave date muttered "fuck this" and scrambled off.
All too smoothly, Jungkook took the now free seat.
"Hey, babe," he said, winking. "Missed me?"
"Fuck you!"
Storming off, you wrapped your coat tighter around yourself to protect yourself from the harsh wind but fuck all it did and fuck all your legs did against the fresno nightwalker known as Jungkook. It took five maybe six long strides for him to be right up in your face.
"Baby, let's just talk about this."
"Fuck you!"
"I'm so so sorry, I was wrong, you were right; always are. I bow my head in shame."
"Fuck you!"
His expression tightened, lips pursing in annoyance.
"Don't threaten me with a good time."
Another date. Another day. Another time your gaze trailed to Jungkook, waving at you from the bar.
"You're really beautiful," the new date choked out. "T-Though I can't help but feel you're not listening to me at all."
Your gaze darted to sit guiltily upon the tablecloth. Averys was a good guy, he'd been nice, just all right and yet...yet it was not enough. And you knew that. And Jungkook knew that. And it was all so very annoying.
"Listen, Alec, you're cute, I'm just in a...weird situationship."
"My name's Alex."
"Oh," your mouth popped open and against your will you found Jungkook's eyes, staring at you with this longing across the floor. "My bad."
"Does he make you laugh?"Jungkook's arm wrapped possessively around your waist, pushing you into his chest when you tried to escape him after Alex had left, leaving you alone against Jungkook in the middle of the street. "Does he make you cum?"
"You're vulgar!" you snapped.
"So, does he?"
"No, but at least," your lip wobbled and from the sheer shock of seeing your tears, Jungkook's grip loosened. "A-At least he doesn't make me cry."
Scuffing your shoes against the gravel ground, disinterestedly you swayed on the rusty swing, hearing it screech painfully with every movement. Somehow you could relate to that sound. There was no one for you but Jungkook but he was...he also was not an option. Not anymore. Like your relationship it'd been funny at first and then it stopped. It stopped being funny when the time came to be serious, to take responsibility and he just couldn't do that.
Wiping away your tears, you jolted when someone sat beside you. Jungkook, gazing mournfully at the ground, echoed the same pitiful swinging, having no more energy to put behind it.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I never did."
"But you still did," you pointed out and he nodded sadly.
"I still did."
Sigh.
"Nothing I ever say will make it enough, right?" he clarified, reaching to gently hold your hand as you swing. "You won't believe it."
"Promises are just words," you sniffled. "Everyone says words. Most don't mean a thing with them."
"But actions speak louder than words, don't they?"
With your hand in his, it felt right but no matter how good it was, it didn't change the fact he disappeared. With a postcard in the mail, he disappeared, leaving nothing but "one day you and I will love again."
And five years passed. Five years - you're a new person, it's an all-new world, everything has changed but your heart fluttering, stumbling drunkenly in your chest remained all the same. When you opened the door Jungkook gasped, face partially hidden behind the flowers. He was changed as well, with hair much longer, tattoos covering his arm, and piercings littered across his face yet his eyes were the same and the way they stared at you brought you all those years back - when you've felt the most wanted in your entire life.
"_______________," he breathed like a prayer. "Can I come in?"
Mutely, you nodded, failing to grasp both your voice and reasons why this was a very, very bad idea. Twirling around, his eyes flitted between your private pieces, the bits of your heart displayed all around the temporary home. Every home had been temporary since him but such a thing should never be spoken aloud.
"What are you doing here?" tiredly, you asked and Jungkook reached to hand you a paper. Squinting at it you read, growing confused, messed up, teary and frightened all at the same time.
"Due to the client's personal wishes, ____________ ____________ is criminally and lawfully free of any non-disclosure agreement made between ___________ _________, the client and Hybe/Bighit Entertainment. ____________ _________ is hereby granted public and private freedom to discuss any and all information about the client. The client has been made aware of all pertaining possibilities of such an act and has consented to have this statement be signed and all of its subsequent consequences."
With the paper shuddering in your hands, you peered at him.
"Actions speak louder than words, right?" Jungkook chuckled nervously, scratching at the nape of his neck
"Why would you do such a thing?!" you yelped. " I could...I could destroy you!"
Yet he merely shrugged.
"Why not? I'm already ruined without you," his expression darkened, a frown marring the lovely features. "Five years had passed and not a day hasn't gone by without me thinking of you. You don't know how long I've stared at your pictures with Alex and wished that it was me," he sighed. "How many nights have I cried myself to sleep, praying I could just get five minutes with you."
"Don't say that."
"It's true."
After a moment of silence, you spoke faintly:
"We broke up. Alex and I."
"I know," Jungkook nodded thoughtfully. "I saw you get together and waited."
"What if we hadn't broken up?" you whispered, not noticing that he'd taken a step closer. Those damn eyes of his always entranced you. "What if we got married?"
"I'd still wait for you," he mumbled, glaring at his shoes. "I'd wait for you my whole life. When I left, I realized I needed to grow up. For you. So I did all I could and when you...when you were with him...well, I didn't want to make life hard for you. Didn't dare to make you cry again. I was good," his voice quivered. "I was really good for you, baby. All grown up now. So, please, if you can, take me back. I'll be good, I promise."
♡ the one where you ask your boyfriend to wear a harness.
⤑ word count: 2.9k
⤑ genre: idol!au, established relationship, pure smut
⤑ pairing: lee know x reader
⤑ warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected intercourse, dirty talk, mentions of bondage
⤑ a/n: yall. so i saw a very lq pic of minho in a harness and my sweet friend @joyfulhopelox helped me look for a video or a gif. in the process, i got an idea for this drabble and wrote it, and maria made the gifs below the cut ♡ this drabble will be a part of a series of drabbles about this couple because i'm lee know trash at this point
⤑ rating: 18+
⤑ next | masterlist
Your boyfriend grins as he watches you struggle to keep up your pace, your chest moving up and down with every shallow breath you take, a drop of sweat gliding down your neck and running right between your breasts as you ride his dick like you haven’t had it in you for months when it’s just been a day or two. Minho’s smirk lets you know he’s making fun of you and you know it, but you’re too weak to say something witty back and make him get all fake angry at you.
Usually, when you wanted Minho to take over and regain control, you’d just tease him or insinuate you could do it better than him, which always made him want to prove himself to you. He’d go absolutely feral, get you on your back or knees—whichever position he happened to prefer that day—and go wild, giving you his all, even after practice or performance or whatever else he did that day. Minho seemed to forget all about being tired when it was time to fuck. And, of course, he’d give it to you much better than you could ever do it yourself, and you both knew it.
Tonight, however, you don’t want Minho to take you from behind, even though having him rail you while you’re on all fours in front of the big bedroom mirror sounds appealing. You know watching him while he’s fucking you turns you on even more, which in turn makes him fuck you even harder. There’s just something really attractive about the way he stares at the point where your bodies meet, grabbing onto your cheeks as much as he can while fucking you hard and fast, eyebrows furrowed as he’s completely focused on one thing alone—fucking you until you come around his cock.
But, you don’t want it tonight, not that way at least—you want to face him, so you can look at what he’s wearing and enjoy the feel of leather against his warm skin.
Earlier, Minho sent you a video of him jacking off in the bathroom. Getting one out before the performance tonight, sorry it’s not on your face was what his cocky text said, but the confidence wasn’t the most appealing thing about the message. No, it was the fact that he was dressed in the outfit he was supposed to perform in, which included none other than the hottest harness you’d ever seen. The sight of the harness over a tight black t-shirt instantly made you text him back. Wear that harness tonight and I’ll ride you into tomorrow.
Minho isn’t the most touchy-feely boyfriend out there, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Oh, no. You know you can have whatever you want from him—as long as you ask. Nothing’s ever too much trouble, so neither was sneaking out the harness on his way home to you.
In a matter of minutes after arriving, Minho was naked, the only thing on his body the leather harness, which made you want to have him right then and there, but you went to the bedroom and pushed him down on your pillows, ready to give him the night of his life, which you are currently doing.
“Just like that, baby,” you hear him coo, and the raspiness in your boyfriend’s voice is like music to your ears—it lets you know your hips are getting the better of him.
You sometimes wonder how Minho does it: practices for the performance, puts on a show, and comes back home to fuck you, giving it his best every time. Granted, the sex doesn’t always go on for hours—and you’re the last person to blame him—but it’s always powerful and hard and makes your toes curl, which is a testament to just how great he is at it.
You, on the other hand, have a stamina problem. You want to fuck Minho until tomorrow, like promised, but your thighs are giving out already, even though your pussy is dripping wet and you can’t get enough of him. You get further proof of that when you reach behind your ass to grab his balls and give them a squeeze, instantly feeling how wet they are with your juices, but Minho doesn’t give a fuck about that. He loves it.
“Yeah, that’s all you,” he says as you move your hand forward and grab onto that fucking harness again, holding onto it tight so you can pull your weight using your hands instead of your weak thighs.
“You got me all wet, baby… We’ll have to change the sheets,” he stops with the cockiness as soon as you use your hands and the harness to slide forward so much that his cock almost slips out of you and then you release the grip and slide back down, feeling him inside of you fully, not an inch left out.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you tease him, stopping for a second just to clench around him and feel all of him, but it’s a mistake. “Fuck, you’re hard.”
Feeling his cock makes you realize he’s just as hard as he was when you first started, and the thought is driving you wild. You are making Minho that hard by riding him, and you can’t get enough of the feeling, mostly because he’s been on your mind ever since he sent that video.
Minho’s always on your mind, though, and you know he knows it. Still, it’s very rare that you can’t think of anything else other than banging the fuck out of him, yet that’s exactly what you’ve been doing all day.
Just watching that video was enough. It started kind of innocent, with Minho asking you if you liked what the makeup team did to his face, even though the answer was always yes, and you realized something’s off because his voice was shaky and cheeks flushed. Then, your pretty-faced boyfriend moved the phone down just enough to catch his crotch in the shot too. That way, Minho showed you his fingers gripping on his erect dick, fist moving fast as he hissed and told you he couldn’t wait to come home to you and have you do this for him.
You played the video on repeat for hours but didn’t touch yourself. No, you wanted tonight to be special, and it seems like the plan is working, judging by the way Minho’s looking up at you as you ride him.
“Nothing’s a bad thing with you,” Minho quips before licking his lips, his gaze flying down to your naked chest and then your crotch as he watches your pussy sucking up his cock so well. “You’re perfect at everything, but especially being a great girlfriend.”
“I think you mean being a great fuck,” you say in return just to get a rise out of him and when your sweet boyfriend opens his mouth to say something definitely along the lines of ‘a great everything’, you push yourself back down, taking all of him in.
Minho hisses at the temperature change—when you glide up, you leave his dick wet and cold, which makes him shiver, but then you slam back down on it and he feels warm and surrounded by your velvety walls and all he wants to do is paint them with cum.
“I want to stuff you full of cum, fuck,” he grunts at you, his hands finding your ass again, landing on the supple flesh with a loud smack. Minho’s face is scrunching in pain as he tries to stop himself from blowing his load prematurely,
Well, not exactly prematurely, but way earlier than you’d want him to. But, he can’t do that tonight, not right away. Usually, you don’t expect Minho to last long after performances or a full day of practice, so he gets you off, fucks you for a while more, and then cums inside of you before falling asleep like a baby next to you. However, he knows he shouldn’t do it tonight.
“That sounds so hot when you say it,” you grip onto that harness tighter and use it as support while you move your hips forward and backward, enjoying the sight of Minho’s naked and wet body strapped in it. “I can’t wait to feel you do just that…”
You’re not into bondage of any kind, at least that’s what you think, but this stupid thing around his chest is making you rethink it. Would you get even more turned on if his hands were bound in leather and tied to the bed? Legs too? The thought turns you on even more, so you ride him faster while imagining he was completely tied up in leather with you riding him until your legs gave out. “Just a little bit longer and then you come wherever you want, Minho… Wherever.”
You wanted the harness and you clearly want to use it as much as you can, he realizes. Minho risked it today when he shoved the thing in his backpack on his way out. The team wouldn’t notice right away, and he’d return it tomorrow, at least that’s what he told himself. He was thinking he could keep it for a night or two—they wouldn’t miss it right away, right? Hell, if the thing got you this horny, Minho might as well steal it. Fuck JYP anyway.
“You look so hot in it,” you keep talking, even though you can tell Minho’s out of it. He’s staring at you with wide eyes, teeth sunk into his bottom lip, forehead scrunched as he focuses on not coming, probably. But, he’s so fucking hot and you want him to know. Your boyfriend loves compliments during sex, so you want to shower him with praise for getting you exactly what you wanted. “The only guy who can make me act like this.”
“Like a needy slut?” Minho asks with a smirk, reminding himself not to think about his company while his beautiful girlfriend is riding his dick like she’s been thinking about it all day. It’s all about what you want tonight and you wanted him to wear this stupid thing and, even though his skin is sweating underneath the material and he just wants to take it off, watching you get so turned on by something he’s wearing turns him on in return. “I fucking love it.”
“Me too,” you grunt, feeling a sting in your thighs as you keep moving forward and backward frantically, sitting on his dick fully each time, feeling it rub against your walls on its way in and out, slowly getting you closer to your high. It would go a lot faster if he was the one who did the fucking, and you both know it.
Minho knows you can’t ride him for longer than five minutes, tops. He doesn’t have a problem with it—he prefers to be in control anyway. He loves setting the tempo, shoving himself into you as deep or shallow as he wants to, loves hitting that spot, loves hovering over you and watching you look up at him with widened eyes as he makes you come. That’s what he loves, knowing he’s the one who got you to feel that way. But, if you get to have this much fun doing it yourself, who was he to take it from you?
So, he leans back even further into your pillows, crosses his hands behind his head, and spreads his thighs even more, offering more support under your ass, so you can push yourself off with more ease. You do exactly that while holding onto the leather that’s cradling his chest, your hips moving rhythmically and Minho fucking adores the way you’re looking at him. Your face is sweaty, hair sticking to your face and neck, lips parted so you can moan or grunt swear words at him, eyes half-closed in what he presumes is ecstasy you’re giving yourself using his cock. “You’re so fucking pretty when you ride me like that, you know? You move so well and you take me even better… All wet and sloppy and tight, using me to get off…”
You grunt and kick your head back, exposing your neck, and Minho thinks about plunging forward and attacking it with his tongue, wrapping his hands around you and fucking you from below just to see the fucked out look on your face, the one when your eyes roll back and you scream as you let go around him. But, he stops himself in time. You want to ride him, and he needs to let you.
“Ah, baby, keep going,” you beg of him, eager to hear him talk dirty, and you sound so deliciously exhausted that Minho has to fight back the urge to come once again.
If Minho has one thing, it’s that dirty mouth of his. At first, you thought he was just a tease, but when you first started having sex, you learned that how he acted around his friends was just the beginning. He is much more of a tease in the bedroom, especially with someone who can reciprocate, like you. That mouth of his gets you to come every time, speeds things up, makes you forget about everything else other than two things: his dick inside of you and his mouth—the things he’s saying make your orgasm so much better.
And Minho knows it. You love it when he talks dirty and you could listen to it all day. It’s not exactly a secret either. Even when you tell him you’re not in the mood and want to cuddle, Minho knows he can change your mind by whispering all the nasty things he wants to do to you, like eat you out for hours on end, fuck you so hard he gets you to squirt all over his bed again, pin you down and use you to get off, come all over you or, even better, inside your warm pussy, let you suck all of it out.
So, Minho goes on, telling you how great you are at riding his dick, and he watches your eyes close even more, your fingers pulling on the leather harness so hard it’s starting to dig into the skin of his back and shoulders as you use it to pull yourself forward and then back to feel more of his dick. “You’re so fucking needy tonight… I send you a video and this is how you get, all dripping wet, horny for me… I bet you wanted to fuck so bad all day. I mean, I can see it, you’re so wet it’s all over me. Keep going, baby, are you close?”
You nod, unable to think straight, let alone respond. The only sounds you can make are moans and grunts. The things Minho is saying are messing with you and they are sending you over the edge a lot faster than you expected, but you don’t want to stop, even though you wanted to ride him for hours because of what he made you feel today. You’re just too weak of a woman for that.
You want to come and you want to do it around his dick, which is exactly what happens while Minho’s talking to you. “I love it when you act like such a needy slut for me. You’re ready to do anything now just to come, right? You’re riding me like it’s the first time you’re feeling me in you. Feels good, huh? Hard and big enough for you, hm? Know how to ride it just right… Can’t wait to blow my road right inside that tight pussy of yours…”
You come over his cock, screaming his name, gripping onto the leather while kicking your head back and moving your hips in circles, unable to stop. The orgasm is intense, your toes curl, everything clenches and releases fast, and it makes your boyfriend come too, as he finally knows he has permission to. When you realize he’s coming inside of you raw, it makes your walls clench and release even harder, until you stop moving and just throw yourself down on his chest.
Minho takes this as a sign to wrap his arms around you and drape his hands across your back slowly, getting you to calm down and start breathing normally. If he could go again, he would, just to see you enjoy it this much, but Minho can tell you’re exhausted and that you’ll complain about the stinging in your legs any second now.
But, you surprise him. “Ah, this thing is so uncomfortable,” you grunt and you move away from his chest, clearly unhappy with the buckles of the harness digging into the soft skin of your chest. “Does it hurt you?”
“Only when someone pulls like a madwoman, but I’m not complaining,” he breathes out in a shaky voice. “Do you think I’ll complain about anything when you literally sucked the cum right out of me with your pussy?”
“Jesus, Minho”, you mumble with a quick shake of the head and move away, throwing your leg to the other side while holding on to your crotch so his seed doesn’t drip down all over him and the sheets.
“Didn’t hear you say you have a problem with it a second ago,” Minho chuckles at your flushed cheeks, but decides to give it a rest. You’re only a needy slut who loves dirty talk when his dick is in you or about to be, and he respects that. “Anyway, shower?”
“Yes, please,” you nod and disappear into the adjacent bathroom while Minho struggles with the harness, which he carefully places on the table. He’s not returning this thing even if his life depends on it, not if it makes you act like that.
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So today i came across a picture of a harness and my brain, being the intricate maze it is, somehow connected it to Lee Know and soon enough I was reminded of this fic which I read ig a year ago and then my brain almost crashed when it realized that it had forgotten the name of both, the fic and the blog. But thankfully a quick ~30min~ search under the tag of "lee know harness" I found this fic. So reblogging this cuz I must, for my sanity and also because this fic is top tier.
stray kids
1.2k words
gender neutral reader insert
Reader x Bang Chan
NSFW
🖤 warnings: vaguely sub!chan and dom!reader dynamic, references to sex, emotional intimacy, forcing chris bang to care for his curly hair properly 🖤
🚨🚨 implied disordered eating/bad relationship with food!!
🎂 happy bang chan day~
kinktober masterlist
connect with me! / masterlist
He’s sweaty, he’s questionably messy, and the state of his hair would have him desperately trying to flatten it into place, but you’re not sure you’ve ever seen anything better.
♡summary- lee minho was supposed to love you like an elder brother, you were his best friends little sister after all.
♡genre- brothers best friend au! forbidden love au! college au! angst, fluff
♡warnings- swearing, kissing, overprotective older brother chan, emotionally constipated minho, oblivious love, repressed emotions, slow burn, mentions of menstruation, negative views on menstruation, like two mentions of clubbing and one mention of being roofied (nothing happens)one teeny tiny daddy joke (nothing happens).
lee minho was an obnoxious asshole who had an amazingly attractive face and hair that was woven with silk threads with the voice of an angel and the body of a talented dancer. lee minho was someone you detested with a burning passion and the amount of hate was unusual to carry towards someone who hadn’t done anything to ever offend you aside from the fact that he was literally so perfect that your heart sometimes pained upon his presence.
lee minho was the name of the man you were so horribly obsessed with, you chose to hide your feelings behind disgust to keep the tandem of your relationship going. after all, he was your brothers best friend and grossly off limits. some kind of stupid bro code your brother had told you about. honestly, had you not loved your brother so much, you wouldn’t have hated minho so much as well.
it was stupid of you. you knew that very well but it’s harder to pretend to not be affected by the way minho and your brother chan worked out shirtless in his room, or ignore the way your heart jumped at the sight of minho coming back from a long run with chan, or ignoring the way he was such an integral part of your family that him not being over at your place was deemed a problem.
chan was a good brother, no doubt about that but he was also one hell of a protective pain in the ass. he’d scared off almost every guy who’d ever tried to make it work with you and upon your anger he would give out the same old excuse. “how would a man who’s scared to stand up to me be able to protect you in the future?”
well there goes your plan of trying to get over minho by turning to other guys.
lee minho was no better. in some rare moments of sneakiness and stealth, you were able to get along with guys and leave chan unaware. this first began when he had a part time job interview and minho was supposed to drive you to your friends place instead of chan. being the good sister you are, you didn’t tell chan that you were in fact, going to go out with a guy you’d been seeing for the past few weeks.
“thumper, you sure this her place?” minho questioned as he narrowed his eyes at the house and you nodded.
“why? you don’t like yeji? or her house?” you frowned, collecting your bag as minho’s expression changed when he looked at you.
“nothing, have fun with her!” was all he said as he waited for you to get off, then began to back the car up to leave.
you let out a relieved breath as you saw him drive off. you were so scared he’d caught on your lie and was gonna call you out on it but he hadn’t. thank heavens hyunjin had a sister in your grade, and she was sweetie enough to lie for you both.
you and hyunjin wasted no time in leaving for the place you’d originally planned to visit. a birthday party for one of his friends- jisung. you had heard of him and you believed it was because he was famous for singing at your school, so was hyunjin for being a wonderful dancer with a wonderful face.
“you look gorgeous.” he’d commented, making you blush as you both danced in jisung’s living room. while people enjoyed themselves.
“we should go out more, on an actual date where it’s just us two.” hyunjin said to you as he glided his hands down your arm. “what do you say beautiful?”
before you could reply, an angry growl replied for you. “oh i think the fuck not hwang.”
15 minutes into sensual dancing with hyunjin and lee minho was already breathing down your neck.
“what the fuck?” you glared at minho, half angry and half scared at being caught while hyunjin blinked twice, looking between you and minho.
“oh, fuck i didn’t realise you were into her minho i’m sorry-.” hyunjin began, a slight panic and fear in his tone as minho turned his head sideways.
“save it hwang, and for the record. i’m not into her. she’s chan’s baby sister.” minho cleared the topic and hyunjins eyes widened as real fear filled his eyes.
“oh fuck!” he gasped. “tell chan i am sorry, tell him i am so fucking sorry i had absolutely no idea y/n was chan’s baby sister y/n.” he rambled while you frowned.
“so what if i am!” you yelled, making the two men look at you with an expression that read “are you fucking stupid?”
“it’s an obvious bro code y/n, you don’t date your best friends little sister.” hyunjin told you, with a tone that said that it was an obvious thing everyone should know.
“but what if you like her-.”
“no matter how hot she is, you can’t date your best bro’s baby sis.” minho cut in, looking at you with annoyed eyes. “now you come with me before chan realises what is happening and comes for all of our asses. jisung included.” minho took your hand, pulling you away from hyunjin who all but sent you a polite yet sad “i cant do anything in this scenario.” smile.
you tried to ignore the tiny jump in your heart as minho indirectly called you hot but it was short lived as he dragged you. you let him drag you till the car before you pulled your hand away, making him jerk his head back. “what? did you forget something.”
“yes.” you spat, “a good date. and because of an asshole like you.”
minho’s eyes narrowed, he took your little tantrum in as you glared at him.
“you and chan can’t keep doing this to me! if it’s not him then it’s you. what the fuck even is your problem? i can understand chan but why do you have to butt in? why cant you both just let me live like a normal woman and enjoy for once?” you stomp your left leg like little child as you crossed your arms together and pouted in anger.
minho listened intently, only responding with a “are you done?” as he opened the car door for you to sit in and you did, while grumbling curses at him and your brother.
it had been a year since that incident and almost every sneak out had been ruined by either chan or minho, what’s worse was that minho often caught you in deep trouble where as chan was relieved of that pain. safe to say, minho knew a lot more about you when it came to your little detours than chan and you couldn’t help but increase your acts more when it was minho coming to get you back.
at one point, which none of you realised, it had become some sort of game. how far could you take things before minho eventually found out and got you back. not gonna lie, you loved seeing him all riled up and angry at you or at the man you were with.
this shouldn’t be fuelling your fantasy that you knew would never come alive yet it made you look forward to something every week or month. and it was lee minho’s reaction to you trying to get laid.
a few months later, chan moved out after having accepted the job and with his music production, your parents realised the much needed privacy he would require. sadly though, lee minho moved in with him and would frequent you less and less.
but they both still fucking made sure to prevent any male interaction you had.
after a full year, you got accepted into chan and minho’s university which made your parents so proud. they agreed to let you move out to be closer to uni and you began to live with chan, in the spare room of course since minho and chan had four total rooms in their apartment. it was affordable since your parents paid more than a quarter of the rent, and minho chipped in as well.
presently, you were in a much better place. chan had eased off on letting you go out on dates and reluctantly, minho had as well. not before he made sure to lecture you on all sorts of horrid stuff boys can do to girls like you. this had resulted in a stuck out tongue from you.
“i’ll be back by monday morning, take care both of you.” chan smiled as he lugged his rucksack behind him, walking over to you to kiss your forehead. “and you have fun on your date. but not too much fun.”
you rolled your eyes, trying to make a show of disgust as minho chuckled at your childishness. “text me when you reach kay?” minho side hugged chan as he opened the door and left.
“so..” minho turned out, luckily my his lips as he took in the now empty house.
having an empty house without chan was rare, he rarely slept over at other places and barely had work or college related trips. but he was going to a two day musical workshop that he had longed to attend. this was a strange situation, the last time you and minho had been alone was when he’d caught jisung giving you a hickey in your bathroom.
needless to say, jisung had come to class with a black eye and hadn’t asked you out since. thankfully, he remained a friend. but that’s all he remained, a friend.
“who kidnapped chan and replaced him?” he joked, as you got ready for your date. and by that it meant checking your reflection in your compact mirror as you waited for hyunjin to come pick you up.
“why would you say that.” you numbly responded, not paying attention to the white almost see through t shirt minho had on, which was slightly wet due to his dance routine that he had been practising.
“nothing, just that he’s letting you out willingly. also told me to not trouble you. looks like hyunjin really proved himself.” he added, walking over to get some water as he gauged your reaction.
“hmm. maybe.” you entertained minho’s small talk with an absent mind, refusing to let yourself stare at his adam’s apple as he gulped down water. “maybe waiting around for three years really makes an impression.” you vouched in hyunjins favour and minho hummed.
“yup, three years seem like they’re enough.” he placed the water bottle down a little too roughly, making you question the way he said enough but before you could think further, the doorbell rang and you squealed as you rushed to open it.
“HYUNEEE!” you tackled him into a hug, making him chuckle as he placed his left hand on your lower back.
“woah, cutie let me breathe.” he joked, breaking part to hand you the flowers he’s gotten- a bouquet of white roses.
before you could thank him, a scoff made you frown. “she likes pink ones more.” minho grumbled as he sipped down more water.
you ignored the man as you focused on the one in front of you, reaching up to peck his cheek as you thanked him.
“be back by 1, and no staying over at his and send me your location.” minho reminded you as you flipped him off with a roll of your eyes and a “yes daddy.”
just for fun, you chuckled. watching minho’s eyes go wide and jaw go slack as he picked up on the very obvious innuendo.
boy you were one hell of a firecracker. he thought to himself, watching your back as you walked out the door with hyunjin on your side.
—
two
it was funny how dating hyunjin had you thinking of minho even more.
that charming motherfucker.
you cursed lowly in your head, of course. he just had to be on your mind 25/8 even though he was not dating you.
curse him and his stupid handsome face. it didn’t help how he was such a huge part of your life that he’d so smoothly become a part of everything you did.
everything.
ever since you were a kid, minho had been a constant presence, treating you as a little sister he never had. his little smiles and head pats would cheer you up even on the most painful days where you wanted to cry.
he’s been through each and everything in your life with you. from your first day of primary school to middle school to high school and even college. he’d been there when you’d first gotten your A, he’d been there when you’d first gotten a scar, he’d been there when you’d had your first period.
that memory always brings out a smile on your face. you remembered it clearly, it was middle school, sixth grade to be precise while minho was in the tenth grade and in high school. you’d been walking through the hallway, all care abandoned for you had no idea that the stomach ache that had been troubling you all day was your very first period.
as always, you both crossed paths during the fourth period, when he and chan would go to the west building for p.e and your class would be coming back from it.
it was kind of like a small tradition where chan and minho would play along with you a little in the hallway, ask about your day and things before bidding you bye. like always, you expected to meet the two but chan was sick and at home today so it would just be minho. you’d been walking alone since your closest “friend” had been ignoring you since the morning.
“hey y/n-.” yang jeongin, one of your classmates who had a sweet smile, nervously tapped your shoulder and you turned back. “yes jeongin?” you asked politely, wondering why the hell was he so nervous?
the rest of the class moved ahead, leaving you and jeongin behind. he licked his lips nervously, not sure about how he was supposed to approach the subject. “just say it jeongin, don’t worry.” you coaxed him softly and he blurted his thoughts out immediately.
“um, you’re on your period y/n, and your shorts are bleeding through.” he stumbled over his words, messing up a little as he quickly rushed away.
you blinked, dumbfound for a moment before the panic set in and your tears began to fill your eyes. your heartbeat sped up, your stomach contracted in pain as your head spun.
your first period.
fuck.
as if that wasn’t enough, you heard the onslaught of the tenth graders flood into the hallway and your eyes widened. you couldn’t possibly let high school boys or girls see you in that condition. the boys in your class made fun of the girls who had periods and you couldn’t even imagine how horrible the seniors might be with this.
before you could rush away, you noticed minho as he smiled brightly at you and waved. shit, what will i do now?
minho must’ve noticed the lack of response from you as he motioned for his friend group to quieted down and he rushed to you.
you did the first thing that came to your mind, you laid your back straight across the lockers and stood to hide your behind.
he jogged over to you, eyes raised in question as he noticed your teary eyes and worried face.
“hey thumper everything okay?” he mumbled, concern washing over his handsome features as he stepped close to you and you trembled lightly from the emotions barreling through you.
“y-yes-.” was all you mumbled before motioning forget him to go. “you can go, i- i - i am fine.” you reassured him to which he didn’t fully agree.
“go minho!” you yelled a little too loudly at him, his close proximity was already making you antsy and the looks his classmates were giving to the two of you were not helping.
what if they’re gossiping about me?
you worried and pushing minho away was the only thing you cared about at the moment. the sooner they leave, the earlier you can get to the restroom.
“you guys go.” he turned to his friends. “i’ll join later, tell coach i am going to the infirmary.” he nodded to them as they nodded back and began to leave as well, leaving the hallway slightly less crowded than earlier.
his gaze was dark, worried eyes looking down at you as he leaned over you, trying to figure out what was wrong. you gulped, feeling uneasy as you wanted to be as far away from a boy as possible.
students were either rushing to the next class or were busy chatting away but you felt as if every eye was on you when you pushed minho away and began to rush to the nearest restroom.
“y/n- wait-.” he began but stopped short and your tears fell when you realised that he’d probably noticed the stain and was gonna call you on it. you stopped for a second upon his calling but then shook your head.
you grit yourself teeth, letting out a deep breath as you began walking once more but you couldn’t even put your foot forward as you felt his hands pull your shoulders back.
you gasped softly as you back up against his chest and felt his arms snake around your waist, fabric grazed your lower body and your thighs as you felt him tie a knot at your abdomen.
his jacket hung from your hips as he softly held you back in his arms.
“it’s okay thumper, everything is alright.” he cooed softly in your ear and your body shook from the sobs threatening to break through.
“not here thumper.” he softly sushed you, moving away as he held your hand wand walked you to the infirmary. you knew why, you knew people or more like your classmates would find out and talk about your so called “breakdown” in the hallway and call you on it.
minho had wordlessly carried you to the infirmary only to find it empty, great. your school just got shittier. instead of going back, he led you inside. placing you on the bed and went back to the nurses station. “minho what-.” you sighed, not sure as to what he was doing but he returned with a pair of plastic covers.
“hold out your hand.” he instructed, leaving you a little confused but you did as he told.
he placed one of them on your hand. “this y/n, is a sanitary pad.” he slowly told you, looking at you with nothing but care.
you nodded. “i know what this is.” you but your lip and helpfully supplied. your mom had never told you about menstruation but you’d seen enough of your friends go through this.
“that’s good, do you know how to use it?” he asked softly and you shook your head, feeling extremely embarrassed about the entire thing.
“minho it’s okay you don’t have to-.” you tried to tell him that he didn’t have to force himself to do this disgusting thing for you but he shook his head.
“no y/n, don’t be embarrassed sweetheart, it’s okay. i don’t want you to think that i’m grossed out by this okay? this is normal. this is just another bodily function and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. if i am making you uncomfortable in another sense then i don’t mind getting one of my female friends to tell you-.” he began to explain and you shook your head.
“no no you don’t make me uncomfortable.”
“okay.” he smiled slowly as he began to unwrap the plastic and told you how to properly place it and use it.
“understood? now go and put this on for now. we’ll go home and you can change then.” he told you and you did.
when you came back, you found him sitting on the infirmary bed with vending machine snacks.
salted chocolate waffle chips and coconut water. your favourites. “i figured you’d want these. you might usually have cravings during your period so if you want to have anything, tell me i’ll get it for you.” he patted the bed for you to sit.
your eyes had not yet dried up, the situation still feeling unreal as you shook with each step.
“oh come here thumper.” he groaned before crushing you in his arms, holding you tight as you cried slowly. “it’s okay, it’s okay, let it all out.”
“i’m… i’m scared minho..” you choked out and he nodded in understanding.
“i know thumper, i know it must be confusing for you but don’t worry. it’s just growth okay? this is gonna make you stronger.” he supplied, stroking your back as he let you ruin his shirt as well.
“i’ve called your home room teacher and she called your parents, they’re gonna come and pick you up soon.” he informed you as he cooed you softly.
“once you’re home, tell them what happened and aunty will tell you more okay? remember, you don’t have to embarrassed or scared okay thumper? this is normal and it’s just another stepping stone as a teenager.” he comforted you slowly, waiting with you in the infirmary till your parents came after an hour and picked you up. not before thanking minho for being so helpful.
you remembered chan entering your room that evening with a new plushie in his hands. a smiling avocado and you loved it on sight.
“i heard from minho. y/n, baby sister. i’m proud of you, i’m happy for you, and i’m here for you.” he smiled, showing your shared dimples as he sat beside you on your bed.
you happily thanked him for the plushie. “and im also sorry for not being there for you.”
“eh, it’s alright chan. minho helped me a lot.” you patted his hand.
chan chuckled. “of course, our months of training came in handy.” he joked and you frowned.
“well, minho and i studied about this in biology and we knew you would soon go through this so minho and i prepared for this by talking to our female friends and minho suggested that we made sure you wouldn’t feel outcasted like some of our friends revealed they’d had felt during their first one so we both talked beforehand on how to-.” before he could continue, you’d pounced on him. tackling him in the biggest bear hug you could muster.
“i love you chan.”
you snapped back to present, frowning at how badly lee minho had made a place for himself in every one of your milestones and your life. to the point where actions done by other people reminded you of him.
groaning as you set your caramel coffee aside, and set your attention back to your assignment.
your period was not making it easy.
—
three
“no date today?” minho tilted his head and if you weren’t so sure, you would’ve thought you hinted a tone of mockery in his question.
“is that a problem?” you tilted your head back as you grabbed a packet of waffle chips to take back to your room.
“nope, just curious.” he shrugged before continuing to munch on his nachos and texting.
he smiled as a text came through and smiled more as he sent one back.
who was he texting?
your jealous side spoke for you but your shook your head, you were still seeing hyunjin.
the doorbell rang to reveal hyunjin and you smiled wide before welcoming him. “heyyy!!” you greeted him with a peck on his cheek since you knew chan would have his head if you kissed his lips.
“i know we didn’t plan anything but i was wondering if you wanted to go for a movie?” he asked shyly and you nodded. anything to get away from a love struck minho texting his girlfriend.
“wait hold up what now?” chan entered the room and hyunjin visibly straightened at the sight. “it’s almost midnight.” he added.
you sighed, pouting for chan to let you go but he shook his head.
“sorry y/n, but if you want he can hang out here with you. no sex though!” he yelled loudly making you turn red.
it would be very weird having sex with your brother in the next room.
“shut up!” you stuck your tongue out as you carried hyunjin to your bedroom.
you didn’t notice minho glaring daggers at you both though.
—
four
a few weeks later when you and hyunjin broke up, chan was livid. he had half a mind to march over to his place and hurt him for breaking his little sisters heart. and while you were sad and did cry at losing him, you accepted what he had done for he had realised that your heart didn’t belong to you. he’d somehow seen the secret feelings you’d adorned for another man that you’d tried to hide in your heart and let you go.
as painful as that had been, it was very much needed for you.
you were able to calm chan down, but you also made a pact to yourself that day.
that you would get over lee minho no matter what happens.
you couldn’t let him rule over your heart for life and ruin every thing you had with another man, you wanted your silly heart to get over this crush of yours you knew would never get reciprocated so you made a pact to sleep with any guy possible to get him out of your head.
and your heart.
you trudged into the living in an oversized t shirt that you’d stolen from chan, your legs barely covered in your pajama shorts as you made a beeline for the fridge. you shuffled through the freezer as you looked for your favourite black currant ice cream to quench your boredom and empty heart.
“thumper-.” minho’s impossibly soft voice rang through the room as you froze, hand on the ice cream tub as you debated your response.
“umhm.” you hummed, collecting yourself as you kept up a non chalant expression and turned to him.
“thumper are, are you okay?” he mumbled, his adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped and for a second he almost seemed nervous.
you puckered your lips, placing the ice cream tub on the counter as you began hunting for a spoon. “yup, as fit as a fiddle. why won’t i be?” you squeaked and mentally face palmed yourself.
really y/n? as fit as a fiddle? who even uses that anymore?
you prayed your red eyes were well shielded by your unruly hair covering your face but this was lee minho, the man who refused to let himself ignore your life’s problems and be your saviour.
“you sure? you don’t….” he trailed off as he noticed your bottom lip trembling. “oh fuck-.” he breathed out as he noticed the early signs of your frustration cry.
“fucking hwang-.” he began as he walked over to you, holding you by your shoulders to make you look up at him. “listen, y/n, you don’t have to pretend with me okay? i am here to listen to you, i will be here to listen to anything you have to say… you’re allowed to be sad. breakups hurt and there’s nothing to be ashamed about.” he spoke to you with a strange concern in his eyes that had your final resolve breaking.
the worry in his starry eyes made you feel like an idiot. the very man responsible for your breakup was also the one comforting you, blissfully unaware of the trouble plaguing your weighing heart. his caring words towards you made the pain worse as your tears left your eyes and found their way down your cheeks.
“oh come here thumper.” minho whispered, pulling you into a warm hug that had you shivering from the feelings threatening to break you.
his arms felt so comfortable, so loving and so like your home, you never wanted to leave.
“i need to have a word or two with hwang. that mongoose looking no good piece of dirt slime-.” minho began swearing the innocent man out and you patted his hand to stop him.
“no.” you choked out. “you and chan promised me you both won’t change your friendship with him.”
minho sighed, remembering the promise he and chan had made to you a few days ago when you’d told them about your breakup. “okay thumper, but just because you told us to. i have no problem walking over to his house right now to sock him in his jaw.”
you breathed deeply in his arms as your tears shook you. his hands were patting your back slowly in hopes of calming you down.
“i hate him for breaking your heart.” lee minho, of all people mumbled.
oh how ironic. your heart replied.
—
five
chan hated your new habits. it was pretty obvious since you would try to go out more often, break more rules, try dating more guys and he was not able to stop you.
“i just fucking want to protect you y/n! don’t you see what happened with hyunjin?” he’d yelled at you one day and you’d refused to speak to him for the weekend.
if it wasn’t chan on your case, it was lee fucking minho and it frustrated you to no end. not only was this high school all over again, the man fucking had the audacity to make remarks at you.
you hated how that man had such a leverage over you and you foolishly gave into him every time. he’d begun plaguing your mind and you hated every second of it.
drinking, partying, hooking up were the only ways you could find the least semblance of ignorance but he had to ruin that too.
you fucking hated how you’d gone from going out to want to get over minho to going out to get minho to come and collect you.
you wanted him to see you getting guys, you wanted him to see you in sexy little dresses, you wanted him to see you as more than just a little sister.
“hands off her dude.” he growled at a guy who’d tried to hit it up with you at the club you had made your hunting ground for the night.
“sorry, didn’t know she was your girl.” he mumbled.
“baby sister.” he corrected and the man walked away quicker.
instances like these just had you rolling your eyes. lee minho was attracted to you but was just too stubborn to admit it. you could see it in the way he would make majorly green flag guys walk away too.
and it made you angry. he was too afraid to have you yet he wouldn’t let others do the same.
after one frightening incident at the club where you’d almost gotten roofied, chan banned you from going out alone and you agreed to his terms. even apologising for being to reckless.
chan didn’t let any guys come over anymore and you respected that. and you realised how foolish you’d been.
if lee minho wasn’t going to admit his attraction towards you, you weren’t going to act out to get his attention. he had decide for himself and there was no point in destroying yourself to get over him.
“i am not going to let another man break your heart again y/n. i should’ve guessed that by seeing how hyunjin was so fucking scared of me.”
and the only men who were not afraid of chan were lee minho and han jisung.
so when you began to hang out more and more with jisung, the more did lee minho disappear from your thoughts. being one of the only two men who were brave enough to withstand your brothers wrath, jisung took full advantage of every opportunity to spend time with you.
“you know, i’m really surprised with how we fit in so well.” jisung mused one day, as you both stood in the line for popcorn. “i mean, a few years ago i would’ve never been expected us to get so close.”
you nodded, listening to his words intently. “true, but i guess, times change and people change.”
people change
yes, people changed so fucking much and lee minho was one of them.
“do you want a large or medium?” he asked as you neared the counter.
“large, i don’t care if there barely no difference i just want a lot more than medium.” you shrugged and jisung grinned.
“as expected of y/n.” he chuckled before he turned to order.
as he spelled out your order, you glanced around the movie theatre, finding all sorts of people even though it was an early morning show. well, 9 am was not too early but by a college students standard it was.
you didn’t really trust anyone to take you out at night, not after 11 atleast. the last few times had been not too pretty in the streets and you didn’t want a repeat of those times.
the last few times when some drunk men had tried to touch you up and you had to punch them away. or that time when a biker gang followed you halfway before minho had arrived and pulled you into his car, or that time at the club where the bartender was flirting a little too explicitly for your liking and minho had shut him down with threats so vile, they sent a shiver down your spine. or that time when a guy wouldn’t let you walk back alone even though it was a blind day and you obviously didn’t want him knowing your address. minho had showed up, like he always did and made sure the guy walked back with a sore eye.
“here.” minho had wrapped his jacket around your shoulders as he’d walked you back, cuddled deep in his arm.
“here-.” jisung handed you your drink, him carrying a tray of your food as you both progressed to your movie hall.
“i wonder how this one will turn out, hopefully there aren’t any man eating sharks and black magic practising witches in this one.” jisung wondered, making you grin.
you and jisung had a simple tradition, a little pact of yours where the two of you would watch the worst movies at the box office and compare them. while it was a lot of fun watching good, hit movies, watching flop movies made it a lot more fun with all your thesis and criticism which followed.
“hey! that was a good one too! don’t look down on talking sharks and crazy witches.” you rolled your eyes slightly as you both settled in your seats and let the movie begin.
you didn’t notice how minho had not shown up at all that day.
—
six
“i take it that jisung treats you well?” chan inquired as he painted your toenails and you read your book. “let me know if he doesn’t-.”
“chan we’re not dating-.” you interrupted him, making him look up in confusion.
“what?”
“i said we’re not dating. me and han.” you confirmed, placing your book back down.
“wait really? but aren’t you two, attached at your hips like all the time? and didn’t you just say you love him on the phone the other night?” he placed the nail polish down, looking at you as he waited for an explanation. "minho told me you guys are dating?"
"well, then tell minho that he caught it wrong." you sighed. “we’re just very close friends channie, and that was a purely friendly and platonic i love you okay? there’s nothing between us. we both just really enjoy each other’s company. that’s all there is to it.”
“besides, i’m done dating boys. they’re good for nothing aside from breaking your heart”. you softly added, alluding to minho but chan believe you meant to aim that at hyunjin.
chan sighed, picking the nail paint back up as he resumed his strokes. “well baby sis, it’s always tough finding the one for you. there are a lot of creeps out there and i just want you stay safe and protected. i don’t mean to say that you can’t date, i just want you to be careful and find a man who cares for you. someone who can always stay by your side and love you forever.”
he finished the final coat and smiled at you. “and dating around does not help. i cant help but feel this sense of panic. what if the guy is a pervert, what if he’s only there for sex? what if he’s this misogynistic alpha male-.”
“channie-.” you mumbled, reaching out for his hand.
“i just want you to find love, real true love.” he finished, placing the bottle down with a sad smile. “and i won’t let just any man ruin the idea of true love for you.”
“i understand.” you whispered, letting chan bare his innermost thoughts to you.
“i will find true love, don’t worry chan.”
if only lee minho ever gained control of his feelings that is.
—
seven
"so there's this dance thingy at the end of the next month-" jisung flopped down on your bed as you read your book. "and i was wondering if you would go with me."
you turned the page, eyes focused on the printed words in front of you as you took his words in. you knew he was talking about the dance that the theatre club had planned. a themed 90s-style ballroom event. "sure, i thought we were going together anyway."
"yes but." jisung paused, getting his head propped up on one hand as he stared at you. "i was wondering if you'd maybe go as my date." he finished, cheeks slightly pink as you paused reading to look at him.
you'd been so caught up in trying to get over minho and a hopeless unrequited love story that you knew would never change, that you'd forgotten what it had felt like dating people with actual feelings for you. dates, going out, hangouts and romance had all blurred in your life for the past few months but a deeper look at jisung's face told you that maybe, you'd felt for the squirrel-cheeked boy in the past few months.
"you mean, like a romantic date?" you slowly bit your lip, considering the possibility.
"um yeah, only if you're comfortable with it though. i know you have some reservations when to comes to dating and i totally understand that so you can say no if you want to and i won't feel bad and i'll still even go as a friend so you don't have to worry about that at all-" he began blabbering but you cut him off with a swift kiss to his lips.
he almosy froze as you leaned back, smiling sneakily at him as you took in his dazed wide eyed expression. "how about that for an answer?"
"you!" jisung cried out, immediately straightening up to take a hold of your face to kiss you once more.
you giggled, feeling him grab your face to his as he placed a big smooch on your lips. "now you're gonna get thousand such kisses!" he joked as he tackled you in a hug, not taking his lips off of yours as he placed multiple kisses.
"ji! stop! it tickles!!" you laughed as he kissed you face.
your heart was finally soaring and it felt good.
-
"i'll see you tomorrow morning then my lady." jisung bowed, putting on his best cat noir expressions and voice. "try not to think of my handsome face too much."
you frowned, sticking your tongue out at him as you led him down the hallway to the door. "trust me, that won't be a problem."
he sighed as he reached the door, then turned to look at you with a deep look in his eyes. you raised your eyebrows in a silent question but the quick shifting of his eyes from your lips to your eyes had you smiling softly.
you pulled him closer by his hoodie as you planted a soft peck on his lips which he turned into a deep kiss. you sighed happily, feeling the crevices of his lips on yours as they covered yours and made you feel so light, so free-
"you should go-" you broke apart hastily and he nodded as he said the same thing as you. "i should go-"
the two of you broke out into identical snickers as you bid him a goodbye and he left with a devastating wink.
you walked to the kitchen to fix yourself some dinner when minho walked into the room, looking extremely angry at something. his whole body was tensed, fists clenched at his sides as his eyes were transformed into two slits of fury.
you blinked at his angry figure before shrugging it away and decided to make the easiest thing- pasta.
"would you like some pasta for dinner?" you gingerly asked minho, afraid of riling him up.
"oh are you making pasta for dinner?" he snapped his head up from his phone as he looked at you pointedly from his place on the sofa. "are you really?"
you were taken aback by the sudden hostility in his voice as you dropped the packet of penne back on the counter and turned to look at him. "what is that supposed to mean?"
he sighed, tilting his head as looked at you with anger in his eyes. "oh you never know if you actually mean what you say. you know, with your whole lying streak?" he sneered and your eyebrows furrowed as you placed your hands on your hips.
"excuse me? what are you on about?"
minho scoffed, looking away in disbelief. "oh look, the prim and proper princess is now denying her own actions. how cute." he mocked you and your cheeks turned red in frustration.
"what the fuck are you saying? are you fucking drunk?" you cried out, not liking this minho one bit.
"and there you go. pretending not to know anything about things that are painfully obvious right in front of you!" minho suddenly blurted his words out, snapping his gaze to yours. "do not even pretend to play innocent y/n you know very well what you did wrong."
your expression morphed into one of intense confusion as you tried to understand minho's words. "min what even-"
"DON'T Y/N!" he stood up, exasperated at this conversation. "i don't want anymore of your ignorant bullshit okay? i have had enough of dealing with the mess of your heartbreak and your rebellious little teenage acts and i won't have a second more of them okay? it's about time you considered others feelings and fucking noticed what was happening right under your fucking nose!" he yelled, making you blink rapidly at the situation.
"are you angry with me? for acting out? well news flash you dick- there would be no acting out had it not been for your stupid ass that's always on my clock stopping from doing things i actually want to do and hell, its not even acting out, its normal teenage behavior which everyone engages in at least once in your life so fucking save us both the trouble of this useless argument and fucking tell me what is actually wrong!" you responded back with equal anger in your voice as minho looked at you with red cheeks.
"oh really? you call it 'normal behaviour'? going out and hooking up with random guys is fucking acting out!" minho spluttered and you gasped.
"oh and so being on my case, your best friend's little sister's case all the time is perfectly normal? that's not fuckign weird to you?" you made sure to specify the best friend's little sister part and this statement actually made minho blink twice. he looked shaken up for a moment as he didn't respond for a good ten seconds.
"so why do you have to act so reckless?"
"i don't act reckless! you don't even let me act normal! you never let me even date or go out so what am i supposed to do? slave my life away in this apartment?"
minho inhaled deeply before he let out a deep sigh. "oh y/n. you will never understand it will you." he groaned, and you could've sworn you saw a tear in his eye.
"have fun making your past, if that is what you're fucking making." he mumbled as he turned away dejectedly. you watched his retreating back with glossy eyes as he stopped near the door. "oh, and i wish you and han fucking good luck."
realisation rang through you.
"well, then tell minho that he caught it wrong." you sighed. “we’re just very close friends channie, and that was a purely friendly and platonic i love you okay? there’s nothing between us. we both just really enjoy each other’s company. that’s all there is to it.”
oh-
but it was too late.
__
eight
you were dressed up in a beautiful dress that you adored. tight and fluffed out at the right parts, it hung on your body so perfectly it felt like it was made just for you to wear. the make up and the hair made it all the more magical as you felt ethereal walking through the doors of the ballroom.
jisung at your side, with your hand locked around his elbow, looked especially more handsome today. his otherwise fluffy hair was combed neatly and slicked back with gel as he wore a white dress shirt, black pants and red and black corset to emphasise his built shoulders and tiny waist. he matched your dress in every sense from the fabric to the gold accessories you both had on.
“you look so beautiful.” he murmured in your ear as you both neared your friend circle.
you waved hi at chan, hyunjin and changbin. effectively ignoring minho and not making it too obvious. the two of you had not yet revolved the tension nor talked about the argument and it was honestly making you feel horrible about what you did. or did not in this situation.
you felt the obligation to walk up to him to tell him that you didn’t mean to lie to him and that you and jisung had very well not been dating when you’d said that to chan, but his closed off and cold attitude towards you had you thinking otherwise. why should you care about putting his feelings first if he was refusing to do the same for you?
“you guys!” hyunjin clapped his hands, wolf whistling at you two. “i knew you two would hit it off. and honestly you both look amazing together!” he complimented with a happy smile and you knew it was genuine.
there was no reason for it to not be genuine since you both knew the real reason for your break up. hyunjin and you had made peace with your situation. lee minho on the other hand, scoffed loudly enough to make the group look at him. he frowned at hyunjin before turning his attention to the coca cola in his hands.
you tried not to stare at minho and how handsome he looked. he was dressed in a black dress shirt, black pants and a red and gold corset that snug up to his built chest and emphasised his strong arms.
his hair was styled neatly, with a few strands falling into his eyes while the rest was combed back in the most decently messy way. it gave him the air of a messed up horse rider, straight out from the infernal devices.
he looked as devastatingly handsome as will herondale.
“is there a problem?” hyunjin rose an eyebrow, his distaste for minho obvious since he knew what others didn’t.
minho rolled his eyes before he walked away, ignoring all of you.
“he’s been that way for the past few days. says he’s going through a rough patch with his dancing.” chan explained but you saw through minho’s excuse very well. he’d been saying that to you both for the past month, but you knew better. “he’ll be fine.” chan shrugged the concerns away.
no he won’t. he’ll probably brood in a dark corner all night.
“oh, makes sense.” jisung nodded, slipping his fingers down to yours as he interlaced them. “should we go and dance pretty lady?”
you smiled at him, letting him take you away to the dance floor.
you could notice someone’s gaze on you from afar. and for some reason you knew who it would belong it.
you caught a glimpse of minho staring at you as you turned in jisung’s arms.
jisung had pulled you close, his hands on your waist and your on his shoulders and chest. he smiled softly as he shook to it body lightly under the soft lights of the dance floor.
you blushed under the adoring stare, but refused to back away. letting yourself away along the beautiful music, you enjoyed dancing with jisung.
but minho’s eyes had never left your dancing figure for even a minute.
when the song came to an end, jisung tastefully dipped you into a bow, his hands secured around the curve of your waist and lower back to ensure your safety. “you look gorgeous.” he smiled with genuine grace as he helped you back up and stand straight. “thank you, you look heart wrenching handsome too jisung.” you whispered, swaying slowly with him as the music changed to a slower tempo. and he did, he looked exceptionally good tonight as he’d put in extra efforts to make his best features stand out.
without meaning to, your eyes wandered over to the side lines, for some reason near the area where minho had stood. staring at you without interruptions as you’d danced your way with jisung.
like you expected, minho’s gaze was trained on you, expression stoic with no emotion on his face as neither his eyes nor face revealed what he was thinking.
“and now! we crown our best dressed couple!” the host yelled into the mic, making your attention snap to the stage. this resulted in cheers from the crowd.
“huh?” you mumbled, surprised at the sudden intervention.
“oh, the club is gonna crown a couple for being the best dressed. they wanted to keep it as an incentive for people to dress up.” jisung mumbled, his eyes a little unfocused as he frowned softly.
“and… the best dressed couple goes to…” the host, jennie, built up the atmosphere along with the drumrolls. “kim taehyung from year 4 and choi heewon from year 4!” she finished with a loud smile and the crowd erupted into loud cheers as the two shyly walked up to the stage to receive their crowns.
you clapped along with the others, and had to admit that the two really did look the best dressed around here.
they were given sashes and crowns with bouquets, pictures were clicked and then were ushered back down for the couple dance.
you waited for the music to start and for them to start dancing, but jennie halted everyone’s eyes. “there’s a small surprise this year round, since we focus on 90s style romantic dances, we decided to give away one more title- to the best couple.” she smiled and people cheered louder.
“any guesses?” she questioned, making people yell out various names. you had to give it to her, she knew how to keep a crowd going.
you sneaked a smile to jisung who was holding your hand loosely, smiling softly at you. he brought up a hand to cast away a strand of a stray curl before leaning in. “i won’t blame you.”
he whispered hastily in your ear, placed a soft kiss on your cheek before swiftly leaning away. you frowned, eyes asking him to explain further but the entire crowd was now looking at you, cheering your name as you realised with a sudden shock.
you and jisung had won.
“let’s go princess.” he took your hand and dragged you to the stage as people yelled- y/n and jisung! y/n and jisung!
you gulped as the flowers and sash was handed to you, the blinding lights of the stage poked your eye but thankfully you accepted all the gifts with proper words.
“and now the best couples will dance!” jennie yelled out, and the lights dimmed, finally letting you see lee minho, he stared at you right in your eyes once as you readied yourself to dance with jisung. then he moved to turn on his back with a hurtful frown on his face, as he left the hall.
you watched him back away as the music began and you forced a smile to dance. “congratulations.” you stifled out to jisung who mumbled one back.
“look here princess.” he placed two fingers under your chin, making you look up at him. “i will say this again, i won’t blame you.”
“what-.” you gazed into his concerned eyes as jisung sighed, slowing his pace.
“i won’t blame you if you go after him right now princess, leave. i know how bad it is to be in love with someone who can’t be yours.” he wistfully smiled, locking another stray curl in its place as he caressed your cheek.
“go get him tiger.” he placed a quick kiss to your cheek as you stared at him with teary eyes.
“but but he-.” you stumbled out and he shook his head.
“he is an idiot who can’t digest feelings. go and fucking show that idiot that he’s missing out on the best thing that’s happened to him.” jisung completed, dragging you away from the dance circle as he left your hands.
“go tell him you love him for me y/n.” he sighed, taking off the crown. “he is yours after all.”
you smiled gratefully as you engulfed him in a hug. “thank you thank you thank you!” you gushed, heart twisting in painful ways as you rushed to find minho.
and you did find him in the hallway.
kissing another girl.
—
nine
chan was right.
boys are stupid.
you sniffed your heartache away as you turned away from the scene with a heart wrenching punch to your gut. you couldn’t bear to see the man you loved kiss another woman and you wanted to get out of that place as soon as possible. you didn’t wait for a seconds breath as you rushed back to the exit, ignoring the pang in your heart.
“woah y/n!” you ran into hyunjin, he’d been leaving as well but with a girl on his side. clearly they had plans.
“i am sorry,” you quickly apologise for bumping into the two and kept your face down to hide your tears.
“no wait!” hyunjin called after you, rushing to hold your elbow. “y/n wait.”
“i’m fine hyunjin, go back to your date please.” you stammered through your breathy tone, blinking rapidly.
“no.” he said and turned to walk back to the girl.
he came back within seconds, taking a hold of your shoulders as he made you look at him. “oh sweetheart what happened to you?”
you licked your lips, tears still falling as you stared back at him. “i need to get out of here.” you muttered and hyunjin nodded. “of course let’s go.”
“take care y/n, hyunjin if you guys need anything, call me okay?” the girl who was with hyunjin squeezed your arm and smiled caringly before walking away.
as you walked out of the building, hyunjin on your side, you felt the panic rush back to you. the image of minho kissing that woman haunted your eyes. you hated how terrible it made you feel.
“i’ll call chan, shit.” hyunjin mumbled in panic as he saw your broken face and more tears flooded through.
“no.” you held out a hand. “i don’t want to trouble him.”
you couldn’t possibly tell your big brother that the men he was so hellbent on protecting you from had hurt you, and in the form of his best friend.
“you should go back to your date hyune, it’s okay i’ll be alright.” you choked out, wiping your messed up eyes.
you were sure you looked like horrible right now, with messed up eyes and teary eyes.
hyunjin scoffed, unlocking his cars door as he waited for you to sit in. “she is not more important than you y/n. now get in the car. i’m taking you home.”
—
han jisung saw lee minho walk back into the hall alone and immediately walks over to him. minho raised an eyebrow, but jisung simply handed him his crown with a smile on his face.
"thanks?" minho said, frowning at the crown and jisung felt doubtful.
“dude, where’s y/n?” jisung asked, confused on why minho was alone. and why did minho look so annoyed?
“um i don’t know?” minho mumbled, his confusion growing. "isn't she YOUR date han?" he gave jisung a pointed look to which jisung bit his lip.
"oh my god you didn't meet y/n? she left fifteen minutes to meet you!" jisung revealed to which minho's eyes widened.
"WHAT?" minho cried out. "what did you say?"
jisung groaned, slapping his face as he cursed lowly. "what the fuck man, she left me to go to you!" jisung explained. "we realised how she didn't really want to be with me and ran to meet you to tell you something important. what the fuck did you do lee? where is she and why did she not meet you halfway?"
minho's heart raced as panic overtook his emotions. about fifteen minutes ago so that means-
fuck.
he cursed out loud as he held in his hands, crying out in frustration. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!!"
"what? what happened?" jisung asked, his threatening look toward minho was still obvious.
"i think she saw me and yuna kiss." minho mumbled slowly, each word dripping with a sense of regret, anger and pain.
jisung's expression changed to one of disbelief as he couldn't process that blunder that had taken place. "wonderful. wonderful man this is just fucking peachy!" jisung growled, doubling down on minho who looked scared.
"where is she then?"
"i don't know!"
"you guys good?" chan appeared at their side, a drink in his hand and a concerned look on his face. "you both looked like you were having a fight from there."
minho and jisung stiffened. if chan was unaware of your whereabouts, and minho and jisung were none the wiser then it could mean only one thing.
hyunjin.
minho's eyes scanned the party at light speed and found no trace of hyunjin, infact, his plus one was talking to her girlfriends.
fucking hell.
there was no way he was going to let hwang stay with her when she was vulnerable. he couldn't lose to fucking hwang hyunjin again.
"yup, we're good. just a minor disageement about a group project. nothing to worry about." jisung answered and chan nodded.
"cool, have you guys seen y/n? where is she han, i've been trying to get a hold of her. she isn't even picking up."
jisung's eyes widened as he thought of a possible excuse but chan's phone rang and saved the two.
chan picked up the call with a normal face that slowly morphed into one of anger. minho had an inkling that the caller was hwang.
chan yelled into his phone "what? why is she crying?" minho's heart broke further at that.
"fuck okay ill be right there."
"you two." he pointed a dangerous finger at the two of them. "we are not done okay? hwang told me some things and this discussion is overdue."
"and you, don't fucking tell me when you come home tonight and you better stay out of y/n's sight till we talk this out."
and with that chan sent them a glare, one of betrayal at minho and rushed out of the hall.
minho cursed slowly as he realised the gravity of the situation. he realised that the stone weighing down on his heart was not going to save him anymore and that he really had ruined the beautiful relationship between you and him.
"fuck i'm sorry thumper." he mumbled as a tear made his way down his right cheek. "i really am so fucking sorry thumper."
--
END
__
a/n- hope this was enjoyable, also this is not proofread so excuse any errors/typos.
LMFAO THIS IS NOT THE END THE SECOND PART IS BEING DRAFTED AS YOU READ PLEASE THIS IS NOT THE ANGST FIC THERE ARE FOUR OTHER ANGST ONES I CANT GIVE YALL SO MUCH PAIN.
How the fuck does this work? Like my heart hurts but I still love it?!?!? @etherealinowrites please explain. How the f' is this so good and sad and heartbreaking and beautiful, all at the same time?
Minho smirks triumphantly in the bathroom mirror, eyes admiring his newly decorated body.
Spots of blue and purple are painted all over; a remnant trail of where your mouth had decided to mark him, claim him. He can still make out the feeling of your soft lips kissing him up and down, sucking pretty blemishes onto his pale skin, even sinking your teeth into him when the pleasure became too overwhelming.
But the best part are the countless red scratches that litter his back and shoulders. He had you sobbing in ecstasy, clawing down his back, your cunt tightening relentlessly around his large cock being repeatedly driven deep in you.
Minho was in heaven when your nails dug into him uncontrollably, raking his skin as he fucked you hard into the mattress. You were clinging to him as if your life depended on it. Every harsh thrust forced you closer and closer to the edge; and the aid of a single, light stroke to your clit was all it took to send you flying apart at the seams, body shaking in white hot pleasure. You were in utter euphoria, eyes rolled back, his name on your lips.
He almost can’t wait for the beautiful marks to fade… just so he can get you to make new ones on him all over again.
warnings: unprotected sex(i literally write nothing else unless asked otherwise), feral chan, oral(f receiving), breeding kink cuz im gross, slight impreg kink for the same reason, overstimulation, mind breaking (kinda mutal), slapping(once and chan receives it), desperate overall kinda sex, squirting, mention of the title daddy once, few pet names, lots of filth pretty much, reader refers to him as ‘chris’ in speech
summary: schedule has been crazy and chan hasn’t been able to see you as much as he’d like to. it’s starting to get to him. all that changes when he decides to leave practice early and finds you in the dorm parading around in just his t-shirt.
chan x female reader
word count: 6.3k (i got carried away)
Chan was exhausted. For more reasons than one. Schedules were rolling into one another with no real sign of stopping. Practices seemed to last longer than usual, dragging to a point where he could feel every second ticking by. His internal thought was wracked with melodies, lyrics, and rhythms bouncing off the walls of his skull leaving him with no semblance of peace. To complete the myriad of his stress masterpiece, he was missing you.
It was nearing three weeks of minimal contact with you and he was beginning to feel guilty in addition to everything else he was feeling. Every moment he had a chance to glance at his phone, it would be ripped from him just as quickly—the text that he was typing dying at his fingertips.
You understood what you were agreeing to when you decided to not only let Chan into your life but to let him in as your partner. You didn’t mind these long stretches of time where you didn’t get to see him. In fact, you almost preferred it. Allowing you to really indulge in the time you got to spend with him with nary an interruption. No matter how many times you reminded him of this, it still ate away at his emotions. Making him feel like this was yet another area in his life where he felt his promises were not being fulfilled, ultimately making him feel less than.
You had flown out to Seoul in an attempt to surprise him and hopefully pick up his spirits, but with all the craziness of upcoming schedules you, unfortunately, came at a time where you didn’t get to see him as often as you thought. You understood though. Not holding it against him. Chan also more than appreciated being able to nestle up to your body when he finally trucked into the dorms early in the morning finding it easier to sleep with you near him. He felt an unspoken comfort with you around that he needed more than he realized.
With a five hour dance practice finally wrapping up, Chan moved in silence. Grabbing his belongings he came to the conclusion that he needed a bit of a break. A moment to decompress from everything. Letting out a sigh he turned back around to the boys informing them of his next moves.
“So…I was going to go to the studio after we were finished here, but I think I need a break honestly. It’s all a little bit too much right now.”
Everyone went a bit silent, feeling the tense energy radiating off of him. Felix took the opportunity to offer a hand recognizing that Chan was in a funk, in a feeble attempt to ask if he was okay.
“You sure you’re good, man? Like you don’t need anything from us?”
Not wanting to pry too much knowing how his emotions could fire up from nowhere, he was trying his best to keep it open ended.
“Yeah. I just prolly need to sleep or something.”
“Okay. If anything we’re here for you. And I’m sure Y/N will be more than willing to help you with anything you need.”
He knew Felix meant well, but it just struck a nerve in him that ultimately made him feel worse. Feeling like even when he was supposed to enjoy spending time with you, you were always snubbed to “taking care” of him when it should’ve been the other way around. Sighing, Chan closed his eyes and nodded.
“Yeah–alright, I’ll see you guys back at the dorm later.”
With quiet goodbyes, Chan left the practice room and walked towards the exit of the JYP building where someone would be waiting to take the boys home when needed. No questions were asked as he looked at the driver silently signaling that he was in need of being taken back to the dorms. The ride back was even more silent. Every self deprecating and stressful thought ran through his mind like a traumatic PowerPoint stuck on a loop. The buildings passing by were just distant figures in his vision no matter how close they actually were.
The car finally came to a stop and Chan lowly thanked the driver before getting out of the car and walking towards the entrance of the dorms. He didn’t realize he took the stairs until he was already halfway up to the floor he was supposed to be on. Laughing through his nose he shook his head.
“I can’t even pay attention to where I’m going, my gosh.”
Reaching the floor he was supposed to be on, he opened the door and walked down the hallway to the dorm. Approaching the front door, he could hear music playing inside and a small smile designed his face, wondering what it was you were doing on the other side. Opening the door, he entered and kicked his shoes off immediately. The confines of his shoes adding to his irritation unknowingly. He dropped his bag at the front door as well, not wanting to be bothered with dragging it to his bedroom.
Turning the corner he was acquainted with you in your own little world dancing to the music playing from a speaker that was perched on the island of the kitchen. His smile slowly faded into something a little more lustful when your figure moved from behind the island, showing that you were wearing nothing but one of his shirts and some underwear. He walked up to you and slipped his hands around your torso, his hands connecting over your tummy.
It startled you, to say the least, but only for a quick second before you settled into his touch recognizing it was him.
“Chris! You scared the shit outta me. What are you doing home so early? Where are the rest of the boys?”
Chan just hummed not answering you right away, swaying you against him. You rested your hands on top of his and tried to turn your head to see him resting his head on your shoulder. You couldn’t get the look at him that you wanted, so you tried to move to turn around and look at him, but Chan just held your body tighter and closer to him.
“Don’t move, I’ll tell you in a second.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, feeling concerned with how his mannerisms were. Before if you could ask if he was okay he inhaled to speak.
“Just…really tired. Schedules and all that and I also kinda feel like a bad boyfriend.”
Hearing that, you just couldn’t stay in the position he was trying so desperately to keep you in. You turned around and cupped his face to bring it up to face your own. As quickly as you turned around, he dropped his head not ready to face you. You moved your head to look at him but he was refusing.
“Chris…where’s all this coming from? How are you being a bad boyfriend?”
He sighed, taking another long silence before he spoke.
“Ch-”
“-I’m never around. And, you came to see me and you can’t see me because I’m literally never here. And when you do see me I feel like, you feel like you just have to take care of me and I can’t help but feel like an ass for that.”
“Chris, c’mon. You know I’d never feel that way.”
“See! Like that. I know what you're gonna say next and it just doesn’t make it any better because I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”
Dropping your hands you dropped your head as well, having a hunch where you could tell where this was going.
“Chris, I knew what I was getting into from jump when I said yes to being yours. And it’s my fault for not telling you I was gonna come out here. You had so much going on that you didn’t mention it and that’s okay! I’m not upset about any of that let alone upset with you. Stop beating yourself up.”
He stepped away, running his hand through his hair.
“You’re missing the point.”
You furrowed your brow and grabbed your phone off the counter to lower the volume of the music.
“What point am I missing exactly?”
“That you deserve better than me and I need to do better and you-”
“-Hold on, stop right there because you’re already off track.”
“No! You’re not hearing me Y/N.”
The last thing you expected was for him to get loud. You knew Chan didn’t regulate his emotions as he should, but you didn’t think he would take them out on you. You pressed your lips together and slowly it formed into a frown. You knew he didn’t mean it but nonetheless, it left a sour taste in your mouth. Chan was standing with his hand over his eyes, seemingly even more stressed than when he came in and you couldn’t help but feel guilty.
“I’m gonna just, give you a moment and let this kinda settle because I know how you can get.”
You turned to walk out of the kitchen and began to walk towards his bedroom to wait for him. But before you could even make it out of the kitchen, Chan’s hand wrapped around your wrist, halting you in your tracks. His breath was heavy like he was trying to calm a panic attack and his eyes were blown.
“Don’t. Don’t walk away right now. Please.”
“Chris, the last thing I want right now is to add to your stress so I think it’s-”
“Y/N!, No it’s not what’s best right now! I need you and you’re trying to walk away from me. What aren’t you getting from that.”
Now you were looking at him as if he was mad. You had never seen him act out in such a way and especially with you. It left you confused and moreover concerned for him. But now you were on track with getting annoyed. He was leaving you with little explanation expecting you to just understand verbatim what he needed without telling you. Any time you tried to speak he cut you off and was actively creating more conflict.
“Chris. I don’t want us to do this right now.”
You tried to step away again but your body ended up pressed against the counter. Chan’s body pressed so closely into yours it was almost like he was trying to become one with you. His brows furrowed and he dropped his head again, his breathing picking up once more.
“I. Need. You.”
You were unsure of where to step. He was unhinging himself by the second. Leaving you stuck in a hard place on what to do next. He was getting closer to you, pushing himself closer.
“Chris, I don’t know what you need from me unless you tell–why are you hard right now?”
He was almost grinding into you now. His head dipped into your neck again except now there was a different feeling attached to it. He dragged his nose up your neck landing underneath your ear. Biting lightly at your earlobe, his hands moved to your hips gripping at your flesh trying to bring you even closer.
“You smell so good, baby.”
Your breathing began to quicken in response to this change of behavior. Your body reacting a lot more quickly than your brain would allow you to comprehend.
“Wearing just my shirt, what if it wasn’t me that came home early, huh?”
Chan backed up so he could stare at you, trying to read just your expression.
“I-I, you guys have normally been home really late so I just didn’t expect anyone to be here.”
“You just wanna show yourself off to them?”
“Nono not at all I just-”
Before you had the chance to explain your case, Chan’s large hands trailed down to your ass, squeezing at the fat. A small moan choked out of you surprised at the action.
“You don’t understand how much I need you, do you?”
Panting, anticipation running through your veins, you looked up into his eyes.
“Why don’t you show me?”
Any control he had left in him, completely dissipated in just five words. Everything that was too hard for him to verbalize no longer had the capacity to stress him out. Your consent finding the perfect way to let him express himself without something to dwell on. His mouth landed on yours, a certain kind of anguish running through the kiss. His hands were all over you. Trying to grab at every inch he could.
You kissed him back with equal intensity. The irritation you previously felt was soon gone as he stopped trying to haphazardly explain his needs to you. He lifted you up onto the counter, placing himself between your legs. Rolling his hips into yours, you could feel his need attempting to break through the cotton of his shorts which sent a heartbeat straight to your core. You could feel him smirk against you as he felt you clench against him, your underwear providing you with little decency to hide.
“Oh, seems like somebody is a little needy too.”
“Chris, I…”
You didn’t know what came over you but you felt that what you were about to offer would solve what he was feeling at such an overwhelming capacity. You rolled your hips against him, desperate for some type of friction. Looking at him you made sure that he could see the sincerity in your eyes.
“Use me. Whatever it is that you’re feeling right now, take it out on me. We’ll talk about it later.”
Chan pulled away from you and the Chan you’d become accustomed to made a quick visit, searching your eyes for any hesitation. When he couldn’t find any he spoke wanting every form of confirmation.
“Are you sure? Once I let go I don’t think I can hold back.”
You nodded quickly, wanting nothing more than to have him ruin you in whatever way he was imagining.
“I can take it.”
Verifying your words, Chan picked you up and carried you to his room. Laying you on his bed he hovered over you gazing down at your body.
“You have, no idea what you do to me, do you?”
Licking your lips you found his eyes
“I’m sure you can show me better than you can tell me, baby.”
His sexual appetite was ravenous and it was more than he could handle. Chan felt as if he was gonna bust at his seams and staring at your body in his shirt made him feel all the more manic. He moved his body down toward the foot of the bed and stared up at you from the apex of your legs. Your scent dripping through the fabric of your underwear.
“Look at you. Already soaking through your panties for me.”
You whined out, slightly embarrassed by his observation. He had barely done anything and yet everything he did made you feel so enticed and bound to him.
He brought his hands up to the lining of your underwear and slowly dragged them down your legs, letting them hit the floor. He kissed up your legs ending his travels at the fat of your thighs. Sucking small hickies into your tender skin.
You moaned out, the sensation of the hickey in that area making you clench a little tighter than you had before. Chan chuckled and noticed the way your body was already beginning to squirm under his touch. Bringing his face closer to your heat, he finally licked a fat stripe up your lips. Your walls clenching uncontrollably at the wanted touch.
Chan moved his tongue in a way that had you on the brink of orgasm faster than you ever had before. He bounced back between sucking lightly on your clit and circling his tongue around it to break up the intensity. He could tell by the way your breathing changed that you were approaching your climax. Wanting to see you fall apart underneath him, he brought his hand up to tease at your entrance. Prodding just the tip of his fingers inside.
Your hand made way to his curls. Scrunching at his hair in an attempt to ground yourself from your impending euphoria. He moaned against your pussy, the extra stimulation causing you to clench around nothing yet again. Chan’s fingers finally found their way inside your soaking hole and a loud moan escaped your throat. Unable to control the reaction of how it felt.
Chan moved his fingers in a come hither motion, rubbing at that special little spongy spot inside of you.
“C’mon baby, cum for me. I can feel you’re almost there.”
His fingers began moving a little faster to be in tandem with his tongue. The double stimulation had you soaring over your inhibitions and you came around his fingers. Squeezing around him uncontrollably. It felt so undeniably good. It had been so long since you two had a moment to have this and he was relishing in it.
Watching you fall apart in front of him, he wanted nothing more than to see it again. On the come down of your high, his tongue began moving around your clit again.
“Shit, shit, Chris!”
He lapped at your arousal, your juices coating his chin.
“C’mon Y/N, baby. One more. For me?”
Your back arched from the bed, his tongue sending you tunneling into your pleasure.
“Fuck, Chris, I’m cumming!
All he did was moan into you, the vibrations sending you into your second orgasm. The overstimulation hitting you a little harder than usual. When Chan lifted his head up, you watched a bead of wetness fall from his chin.
“I’m going to make you do that, every fuckin time now. So fuckin sexy.”
You were almost too fucked out to comprehend what he was talking about until you felt a coolness stick to your inner thigh. Your eyes widened in horror. Coming to terms that you just squirted on his face. Panting, you finally found the breath to say something.
“Holy shit. I did not just do that.”
“Sure did. Kinda wanna see if I can make you do it again.”
Chan smiled as he dragged his finger up your folds, causing your body to jolt at the stimulation of his finger running across your clit. Your body was covered in goosebumps. Anticipating his next move. Trying to sit up, you wanted to return the favor, but Chan bound your wrists in his hands pinning you back down to the bed.
“Nuh uh babygirl. As much as I wanna watch your lips wrap around my cock, I won’t make it.”
Chan crawled back up to you so you could be face to face with him.
“And as much as I love you in my clothes…I wanna see all of you while I make you mine. Over and over again.
His hands pawed up your body and removed you from his shirt. His head came down to leave a trail of kisses starting from your stomach and ending their journey at your nipples. Sucking at your supple flesh, he kneaded your other breast in his hand. You moaned out, back arching slightly as you rubbed your head into the pillow beneath you. You felt so small beneath him. His energy was massive and brooding. He was domineering but still, when you looked into his eyes you could see the softness swirling somewhere beneath it all.
Your hands found their way back into his hair, gripping at his locks as you rolled your hips up into his painfully hard cock. With each roll, you could feel his cock twitching behind the cotton of his pants.
“Take it off, baby. For me.”
Your hand trailed down to his pants rubbing over the fabric to play with his cock. A low growl rumbled in his throat as he wiggled out of his pants and threw his shirt somewhere in the room. His hands roamed up your sides again, making you feel smaller than you were. He was eating you alive with just his eyes. Devouring you in every way fathomable before even thinking of entering you.
He kissed you, with a yearning you hadn’t felt from him before. It was rough yet gentle. Giving and taking all in the same breath. He was grabbing at you like he couldn’t get close enough to you. His hands traveled down to your hips and lifted your lower body up just a bit before worming his way in between your legs.
You moved your hand to stroke his cock earning a loud groan to expel from his throat. He hissed as you played with the head, thumbing over his painfully sensitive slit. Taking his hand to wrap around your wrist, he brought your hands up to your head pinning you to the bed again. He took the tip of his cock and rubbed it back and forth between your folds, teasing you. He wanted you to whine out for him. So he could hear that you needed him just as much as he needed you.
“Chris, please. Don’t tease me like this.”
He halted his movements, a smirk spreading across his face.
“I thought you said I could do whatever I wanted. Use you, is how I think you put it.”
An airy laugh left him as you whined out against him, trying to get a tiny moment of friction just to satisfy the ache you were feeling.
“Use me then, don’t tease me. I need you. I need you inside of me. Want you to ruin me.”
Your voice trailed into something softer as you began to hear yourself and felt a little flustered from it all. You were so desperate for him and he didn’t even have to ask. You were feeding his current ego sending even more blood rushing to his cock.
“Didn’t even have to ask you to beg. You need me that bad?”
“Yes! Yes, I need you that bad. Please, please stop teasing me and just fuck me already.”
He chuckled. Almost sinister.
“You want me to fuck you, yeah?”
Pushing his tip into your entrance, your breathing picked up and squeezed around him.
“Fuck, Y/N. You’re gonna squeeze me out clenching that hard.”
“Please, Chris. It’s been so long.”
Your eyes were pleading. Your body was suddenly hyper aware of how long it had been since you two had been intimate with each other. Your neediness was becoming unbearable. You needed him and he was having too much fun making you squirm. You tried to push yourself onto him further, which prompted Chan to grab your hips and keep you still.
“Don’t even try it.”
Before you got the chance to respond, Chan sheathed himself fully inside you. The thickness of his cock filling you up deliciously. It had been so long since he was inside you, it feel like he got bigger. His cock was so hard and was filling you up so well.
“Fuck, you feel so much bigger, baby. Fill me up so well.”
Chan’s head dropped into your neck, rolling his cock in and out of you agonizingly slow. You could feel each ridge of his dick and his groans were so close to your ear that your body just shivered and clenched around me.
“Chris, fuck. Please move faster. I can’t take this.”
His eyes blew wide as he looked down at you. An animalistic gaze glossing over his pupils. His breath, heavy and his hands squeezing at your body.
“Want me to move faster, huh? Want me to fuck you dumb is that what you want?”
“Fuck, yes! Please. Please use me however you want fuck. I just need you to m~ah!
Thus began the beating of your precious little cunt at his mercy. He was drilling into you and he brought his hands under your lower back angling your body to hit every spot possible. His pace was erratic and his skin was beginning to become sticky. His tip barreling at your cervix with each thrust, your back was arched so far away from the bed.
Moans were in tandem with each other, being the only real communication now. Bring your body to become friendly with the bed beneath you again, your hands planted themselves into Chan’s back dragging down his skin, needed something to cling on to keep you grounded.
It felt so good and with the inconsistency of his thrusts, you could tell he was getting close.
“Fuck, Y/N. Cum with me. I need you to cum with me.”
You squeezed around him, his words bringing you closer to your peak than you thought.
“'m gonna fill you up, baby. Gonna make you mine~fuck!”
He picked up the speed and within a blink, you felt his warm seed spread inside of you. You convulsed around him, the feeling of his cum inside of you sending you over your edge.
“Fuckin shit Y/N. Fuck that felt so good.”
He was panting and so were you, but you needed more. You brought yourself up to your elbows and then moved yourself up enough to be able to turn the both of you over so that you were on top now. His eyes became a little wide, trying to understand what it was you were doing.
“Y/N, baby you gotta give me a little bit o-”
You cut him off as you sank down on his cock, beginning to overstimulate him.
“I need more of you, Chris. I need so much of you, fuck!”
You rode him like you never had before. You were beyond desperate, chasing your fourth release of the night. His cock was hitting all new angles and made you feel even more full than you did moments prior. You were overstimulating him and his moans were doing nothing but stirring you on. As you bounced on him, the mixture of both of your arousals was dripping down his cock and pooling near his pelvis.
His moans were getting louder and louder, letting you know that he was getting close. For a moment you felt the power roles shift. And for just that moment you wanted to relish in it. Running your hand down his chest, you ran over his nipple before bringing your hand up to rest on his collarbone deciding your next move.
“Aww, look at you being taken care of. Bet you like this don’t you?”
Chan looked up and groaned at you, not really indulging in what you were saying as the mind fucked atmosphere shared between the two of you was beginning to cloud his mind. You don’t know where it came from, but as quick as the idea came, it went. You brought your hand back into the air, only to have it land across his cheek the sound sending shock waves to your previous confidence.
“I asked you a question.”
Chan smiled with his tongue in his cheek, amused by your little number.
“You think you’re cute don’t you?”
Submissive nature found its way back into you, the demeanor Chan was radiating sent you back to its familiar nature.
“I asked you a question Y/N…what’s the matter?”
You panicked internally, knowing you just fucked up royally and that you were about to get your ass handed to you. His hands grabbed at the fat of your thighs, crippling any dominance that was lingering in you. His eyes were near black, his pupils dilated so far that the color of his iris was something only your memory could provide.
“You’re brave, I’ll give you that. And I won’t lie, I liked it. But I think you need a bit of a reminder of who’s in charge.”
In an instant, Chan had taken your body and flipped you on your hands and knees. He was rougher than he had been all night. Carnality his only motive. He grabbed your hips again to position you how he wanted. He was stalking behind you and every breath he took landed back on your neck, sending shivers down your skin. Impatient and anxious of what he was planning next.
His large hand trailed down your back until he laced it in your hair gripping at the root to control your body to his liking. You moved with him, finding yourself being pressed against his chest. Chan rested his chin on your shoulder and nibbled at your earlobe, the sensation causing you to push back into him and feel his cock standing on edge again.
“I’m going to fuck you now in a way that will ruin you for anybody else. Understand?”
Not putting any faith in your voice, you nodded as best you could with Chan’s grip on your hair.
“Y/N…words.”
“Yes, yes I understand.”
You pushed your hips down again trying to feel something. Surprisingly Chan reciprocated, thrusting his cock between your thighs, slightly grazing in between your folds. You whined out needing him to be inside of you again.
“Chris, please fuck me.”
“Okay princess, but only because you said please.”
His tone was condescending and it sent a new kind of excitement rushing to your core. Chan let go of his tight grip on your hair and let you fall forward back onto the bed. He lined himself up with your entrance not wasting any time with teasing which you were silently thanking him for.
He always filled you up so nicely. No matter how many times you had him, the feeling of him sliding in and bottoming out always felt as good as the first time. You were too gone to care about how you sounded, your moans overpowering his as he fully slipped himself into you.
The pace he was setting was unrelenting and feral. Pounding himself so that your cunt would mold perfectly to the shape of him. His hand found itself in your hair again but instead of pulling you up he was smushing your face into the sheets beneath you.
“Who’s pussy is this, huh?”
You whimpered and squeezed around him, not prepared for him to start talking. Displeased with your silence he asked again, punctuating each word with a thrust that was harder than the last.
“Answer. Me. Who’s. Pussy. Is. This?”
You screamed out, the stimulation becoming almost too much.
“Fuck! It’s yours! It’s your pussy, Chris.”
Tears were beginning to well in your eyes and fall across your nose, melting into the bed sheets. Without warning, Chan pulled out of you and flipped you onto your back. The lack of his cock inside of you pulled whines out of you. Your tears fell a little more rapidly as you were so close to another orgasm and it was just stolen from you. Chan moved the hair from your face and stared down at you. He reentered you and your back arched, any stimulation bring you so close to your edge. An arrogant smile decorated his mouth as he saw your tear stains and wet lashes.
“Aww, is it too much for your little pussy, baby? Need me to stop?”
“Nonono. N-need your c-cock. Please, daddy. Please.”
“Fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me”
A rigid pace attacked your flowery cunt, overstimulating you immediately. Chan’s thumb found your delicate clit and started to rub soft circles. You moaned out loudly, your throat feeling hoarse from all the damage you were inflicting on it. You grabbed at the sheets, Chan’s back, anything you could to keep you on the bed. It was too much. It felt too good.
“Look at my pretty baby. Can’t even take all of me anymore. Crying all over my cock. Gonna cum soon baby?”
You nodded and whimpered out a small yes trying to focus on every sensation that was ripping through you at this moment.
“Where do you want me, baby?”
You opened your eyes, staring at him showing how desperate you really were.
“I-inside. Inside me.”
Chan groaned out and picked up the pace of his thrusts. The thought of him cumming inside of you always bringing him right to the precipice of ecstasy.
“Yeah, want me to fill you up till you can’t take any more of me? Till I’m spilling out of you.”
You clenched around him so hard you were almost pushing him out of you. His words amplified everything you were feeling.
“Oh, you like that, don’t you?”
Chan was beginning to feel the mind fog of sex again and he was saying anything that came to mind. Unlocking doors for you that you didn’t even know existed.
“Want me to fill you up and make you a fuckin mommy, huh?”
Your eyes blew wide before they rolled back immersing you completely in the pleasure you were feeling.
“Chris, fuck fuck fuck, I’m gonna cum again! Fill me up again. Wanna feel all of you~ah!”
“Fuck Y/N. Take it. Take it all.”
Chan’s hand came up to your throat pressing on the pressure points just enough to bring you to the brink of your arousal. With one more roll of his thumb, you were squeezing and gushing around him.
“Fucking shit! Chris!”
His name became a mantra. Something that reminded you that this was real and not a dream. You were really being demolished like this by him. Both of your moans echoed off the walls of his bedroom, making a cacophony of sounds for anyone on the outside to catch. Chan’s thrusts almost transformed into scoops as he blew his seed inside your velvet walls one last time. Making sure that none of it had the chance to escape.
With nothing but heavy breathing and sweat being shared between you two, Chan’s body collapsed onto yours, his head nestling into your neck. Finding the strength to get off of you, he pulled out of you as well. Looking down at your swollen pussy, his cum was leaking out a bit, to which he took two of his fingers to push it back inside of you.
Your body jerked. Completely overstimulated. You shuddered and squeezed around his fingers before he took them out completely.
“Sorry.”
An airy chuckle followed his words as he laid down next to you. Popping back up as he had a thought.
“Wait, lemme go grab something.”
You were too fucked out to respond and honestly were still trying to catch your breath. You closed your eyes, a small smile spreading across your face. Your eyes opened again when you felt Chan’s hand on your leg trying to move them to open a bit more. You saw he had a warm, wet cloth in his hand and opened your legs the rest of the way so he could clean you up. You grimaced at the feeling, still sensitive from all the damage just bestowed on you.
Chan looked up as he heard a small hiss come from you, a small frown starting to take shape on his own face. Finishing the preliminary cleanup, he tossed the rag towards the hamper in his room and he laid back next to you.
“Was I too much? I’m so sorry if it was”
You slowly turned your head, trying to silently let Chan know to not start rambling. You spoke before he could again, in hopes to calm his worries before more could arise.
“Chris, if it was ever too much I would’ve told you. Think that was the best sex we’ve had in a long time.”
“Really? You’re okay?”
“Look, if that’s what being stressed does to you, by all means, use me whenever because god damn. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that before.”
“Okay, as long as you’re okay then I’m alright.”
You turned over to face him and draw shapes onto his chest.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love how we normally are. But that here and there…”
You trailed off, whistling to end your sentence instead of using words. Chan smiled lightly, moving his hand down to find yours and lace your fingers with his.
“And what was that about making me a mommy?”
It was so easy to tease him now, seeing that Chan was starting to relax. Instantly his ears went red and he tried to cover his face.
“Gosh, don’t repeat it back to me.”
“You’re the one that said it!”
You both laughed letting the topic fade into the air not wanting to push much further.
“I mean, one day I’d like to.”
You smiled as you looked up at him.
“That would be nice. Not now obviously, but sometime in the future.”
Silence fell over you. You knew he was holding back verbally about how he was feeling and you wanted to make sure that he was alright in full. You squeezed his hand to grab his focus.
“You ready to talk about everything? Or are you still on edge about it?”
He sighed, knowing that there was no way you were gonna let him get away without speaking about his feelings. Even when he thought he could, you always found a way to pull it out of him.
“Yeah…yeah, I guess I should talk about it.”
You thought for a moment.
“Why don’t we run a bath and you can tell me everything while we’re in there. We’ll clean up and have a therapy session all in one.”
You pointed at your head as if you just discovered the most mind-blowing idea. Chan chuckled as he nodded along.
“Sounds like a good idea.”
You both got up from the bed and began to gather what you would need after getting out the bath. Before you even choose a set of clothes to put on you heard a voice echo through the dorm that you recognized as Changbin’s.
“Whenever you guys are done fucking, we’re thinking of going to get dinner.”
You both looked at each other, horror and embarrassment filling your faces. You opened your mouth but nothing came out. You closed it and then opened it again, finding your words.
Oh my god!!!! This is sooooo good. Chan being extremely stressed and exhausted is so relatable to me rn n just like Chan, exam stress has me reading smut🤣🤣. But WOW. Idk how but it's hot and wholesome at the same time. Like one can easily tell that both of them care for each other so much.
Also the slap!!!! I wouldn't have said this otherwise but it was just so hot. Especially Chan's reaction to it and the power shift.
you know when you get an idea.. and you just need to get it out??? yeah that was this. *insert stuff about how this isn't proofread and idk if it makes sense*
tw: implied deaths, implied war/ongoing battle, alcohol (...misuse? yeah, kinda?), drunkeness, lots of guilt ig
wc: 0.8k
taglist: @hyuneytoast @violixs @dalkom-han @speckled-sunshine @peachy-yabbay @smrutiisiva-13 sorry if you've already seen this! i'm just reposting this
the smoke of the battlefield could still be smelt on you - it clung to your clothes like misfortune, like the weight of knowing what had happened, what had been lost.
you push open the stable doors and let the wail of the old hinges send goosebumps down your arms; the sensation, although uncomfortable, was almost grounding. the smell of hay gradually chokes out that of the smoke as you enter the stable, tentative steps echoing faintly around you.
it doesnt take long at all for you to find chan, breaths of laughter and hiccuping guiding you to him.
“chan? what on earth-”
the sight almost has you tripping over your own shoes. chan is situated on a haystack, slumped back against the wall of the stables, and his legs splayed out before him. his hands dangle in the gap between his knees, and barely managing to hang from one of them is a bottle of liquor.
“are you drinking?” you gape at him in surprise, unsure if you should be worried or amused.
“how observant,” he grins, but there's no amusement in his voice.
his eyes flicker up, barely meeting yours before they drift elsewhere. it’s silent, for a few seconds, as you try and assess the situation. was this a result of a tiring day, or more?
deciding that either way, it was unwise for someone in chan’s position to be drinking, you approach him and reach out for the liquor. “okay, chan, i think you’ve had enough-”
“dont you dare take this away from me too-” he glares at you, yanking the bottle away from you and successfully spilling some onto himself.
backing away from him, you raise your hands up in surrender. whatever had come over him today… it was not going to be an easy win for you.
“i know- i know today was a hard day-”
“today? oh, y/n,” chan laughs, and it’s a mortifying laugh unlike any you had ever seen from him. “this entire week, this entire month- we’re just fighting now because that’s what we’ve been told to do. there isn’t any point to it anymore, is there?”
“chan, i know you’re tired-”
“oh shut up, y/n!” as if he had meant to throw it, the bottle of liquor falls from his hands, a feable attempt at expressing his anger. the contents spill our steadily. “what do you know? you don’t have the lives of all these men in your hands! sure, you fight with them, and sure, you’re always supporting me, but you don’t- you don’t end up sending them to theit deaths! you don’t feign confidence and surety, don’t pretend like the plan is fool-proof. you don’t send them out to a losing battle because someone else told you to,” he finishes bitterly.
“but it’s all part of life, isn’t it? winning and losing? all part of the grand, bloody journey?” a choked laugh, a hiccup. he freezes, joyless mirth dying in his eyes as it lands on the bottle on the ground. “…sorry, about that. forget i said all that.”
every drip of liquor from the knocked over bottle was a crack in your heart.
so much death and destruction, so much hurt and grief as a result of fighting this war had weathered away your best friend into… this. an unrecognisable person, had it not been for his physical appearance. the shell of what once was, as they say.
there was no longer any light in his eyes. the boy who, at seven years of age, had wanted to protect everyone around him. who, at fifteen, had vowed to join the army, if it meant he could save people. at eighteen, eyes glowing with pride at being one of the youngest to be accepted into the royal army, and at twenty, to lead his own squad.
“just today,” chan starts, his voice so quiet and cracked you almost through he was crying. “just today. let me be broken today, y/n. let me drink away this… this burden, okay? i'm trying, y/n, but it's so hard to do this for so long. so let me forget today, okay?”
he leans down to grab the bottle and topples forward off the haystack, barely managing to bring an arm forward to ease his landing. he secures the bottle, now barely a third full, and takes a pitiful swig.
“i promise tomorrow, y/n, i’ll be the person you knew before. but just- just today, okay?” he looks at you - really looks at you, his brown eyes dark and murky and blood shot. maybe he had been crying before you had found him. “just today, let me be anyone but me, know anything else than what i do now, okay?”
you breathe in the stench of the stable, of the spilt liquor and of days old food that sat in the troughs of horses that never returned, and as if it was the smell that had really done it for you and not the sight of your bestfriend, broken on the grounds of the stable, you fall down against the wall.
“okay,” you say, the exhaled word almost brinigng you the smallest amount of relief. “just today.”
---
gentle reminder to reblog and leave comments/feedback if you enjoyed!
I wake up at an ungodly hour, chose to stay up so that I can study but then decide to read this and now I'm sobbing. 😭😭😭
The last 5 paragraphs were especially heartbreaking. We see a Chan who's not weak per se but the situation is weighing down on him so bad. Idk what else to say. @straykits you captured his helplessness, his struggle to cope with the war, him trying to forget himself so, so, so well.
a (incomplete) collection of voicemails on a phone that hasn't been charged for over a year. // if i could have this entire thing in italics i would but i won't. anyways, something a bit different imo. idk how i feel about it tho yikes
warnings: implied reader death; please do not read if that will potentially put you in a bad mindset. ; alcohol
wc: 1.3k
[ 11:23am ]
"hey, y/n. it's me. i know you probably won't hear these-"
an exhaled breath of laughter.
"'probably'? i know you won't. you never used to check your voicemails, anyway, but- but now you really never will."
silence, and then muffled cursing.
"i knew this was a stupid idea."
beep.
—
[ 07:56pm ]
silence.
"...i'm going to pretend like you'll hear this and reply."
a deep breath.
"hey, how are you? i've miss- i've missed you. we should catch up-"
inhale, exhale.
"i stopped by felix's yesterday. he's even better at baking now than he was the last time i saw him - and i know i see him a lot, but it's like he gets better every day. he made these really nice cookies. crunchy on the outside, but they're... all soft in the middle. you would have loved them. he gave me a while box to bring home - a bit too much for one person, i think, but you know how he is. always giving things to others. remember how we used to joke that he's almost like a grandmother in that way? or an aunty? the one that keeps on feeding the kids? god, that joke started years ago. when we firust met, i think. and he's still like that. i guess some people don't change."
a soft laugh.
"i wonder, sometimes, if i've changed. i mean, i know i probably have, but i wonder how noticeable it is. how much have i changed, since i met you? since we started dating? how much have i changed since you- ... since it happened?"
silence.
beep.
—
[ 03:41pm ]
"i came home and there was a parcel at the door. it has your name on it, but i don't know what it is, so i thought i would... do a live unboxing, i guess."
the sound of plastic, and then grunting and tearing.
"what the hell, why was that bag so tough to open? if i kept my shoes in there, maybe kkami wouldn't bite them... anyways, the parcel inside is wrapped in bubble wrap, but it looks blue. the object, not the bubble wrap. wait, let me get scissors- oh, never mind."
the sound of tape being torn off.
"you know, i used to think you were so annoying with bubblewrap everytime we got something. you'd keep it and say it was so you could use it if you needed to wrap something safely, but then i'd find you popping it while you studied."
a laugh.
"anyways, i'm unwrapping the bubblewrap, and- oh."
a pause, and then a gulp. the sound of a light metal dragging across the floor. a sigh.
"it's a collar for kkami. its really cute, y/n. you chose a good one. i'm sure kkami'll love it."
beep.
—
[ 03:57pm ; same day ]
"i just. i think it's a little cruel that orders are still sent and delivered to people who have already passed away. isn't that a little... messed up? it's like-"
his voice breaks.
"it's like the world is reminding me that you were alive, and it's not that i want to forget you and move on - i don't think i ever could, y/n. you were so good and you were just- just this unbelievably bright light in my life, and for the world to keep reminding me that you were here but you won't ever be here again is so fucking cruel."
beep.
—
[ 01:23am ]
"y/n, angel."
a pause, rustling of the sheets. his voice is whispered.
"i miss calling you that. i miss saying your name. seeing if you're home. asking where you're going, why you're leaving the bed when the sun isn't up. i miss sleeping next to you. i miss your stupid legs kicking me. i even miss having to pull the blanket back from you - can you believe that?"
a deep exhale.
"i haven't been able to sleep. i keep thinking about the last time i saw you, but- but i can't even remember what day that was. i can't even remember if i told you i loved you that day. i hope i did."
a shakey inhale.
"i have work tomorrow. i'll call you again soon. i love you."
a sniffle.
beep.
—
[ 10:19pm ]
"y/n? hi. hello. it's hyunjin!"
his voice is slightly slurred. he sniffles.
"y'know what today is? of course you do - it's your birthday! happy birthday! I got your favourite cake from that bakery you liked, today. and a candle. and i blew them out for you, because, y'know, you can't. and then felix came over for chicken, and we had a few drinks. he went to get some snacks, so he's not here right now. it's just us"
there's a few gulps, and the sound of something being placed back on the table.
"yesterday, i thought i would be able to cope with today. i'd celebrate your birthday with the cake, and then go to sleep, but..."
a sad, tired sigh.
"i started remembering again. remembering you. how we used to have late night snakes and watch movies. how we were in our own little world, at night. just you and me. you and me. us. i miss us. i miss you. i still can't believe that you- it was just a normal day, and then suddenly- why, y/n? why you? why did- why won't anyone help me understand why this is so hard?!"
deep breaths can be heard, but they sound forced.
"you know, it's so stupid to talk to a phone! i'm- i'm talking to a phone every second day, and its so stupid and i know you would want me to move on, but i can't-"
loud banging in the background can be heard, and a voice calling out hyunjin's name.
"ah, felix!"
"hyunjin, what the hell man? how much did you-"
"be quiet! I'm talking to y/n-"
"you're-"
the voice is in disbelief.
"give me that-"
"fuck off, i'm fine-"
"fine my ass!"
the sound of clattering and yelling; hyunjin seems to be in distress, arguing against new voice. the sound of footsteps approach, and then-
beep.
—
[ 08:21pm ]
"...i haven't done this in so long, it feels so weird now."
a moment of silence. traffic can be faintly heard in the distant.
"hey, y/n. it's me again. sorry i haven't called in... in months. i think it's been almost a whole year since i last called. you might be wondering if i've moved on, yet, but i don't think i can answer that question. not now, anyways. but that's why i'm calling- or, leaving this message.
"i moved out of our apartment. i got a new apartment, and it's only twenty minutes away, but it feels... different. not that i'm trying to forget you, but it feels like it can be a new start, you know? the sunset is really nice, here. it's a small apartment, so most of the main area is orange when the sun sets. it's really nice. there's also a spare bedroom, but i'm using it as a studio. it's got a window, so it'll help circulate the fumes out.
"um.. what else? oh, right. i've alsobeen seeing a t, and therapist. i think it's helped a lot. of course, i still have days where i just- where i just feel like i can't do this, and i just miss you so much that it hurts... but there are good days. lots of them."
hyunjin pauses, as if to let the thought settle.
"i don't know when i'll call again. i don't know if i'll call again. a lot has happened. i'll tell you all of it, bit by bit, over time. i just... wanted you to know that i'm doing better. that i still miss you, and that i love you, always, okay?"
there's a silence, bittersweetness alleviated by a sigh.
"okay. that's all. i'll visit you soon. i love you, y/n."
But I hate how much pain it was able to cause me. Reading this i again realised how powerful words can be and how powerful writers can be. This is heart wrenchingly beautiful. This 1.3k fic delivers love and pain together in such a wonderful way.
lee minho x gn!reader | 1.7k+ | [series masterlist]
the studio is a small white room. there are two seats in the middle of it. there’s minimal lighting in the room. the crew stands in silence, watching the interview unfold.
two people enter, cautiously nodding at each other and take a seat.
and so, the interview with your ex begins as the camera starts rolling.
[interviewer: hello, you’re the second couple today we’re going to interview, are you guys ready?]
minho: [nods slowly]
y/n: [smiles at the camera before nodding]
[interviewer: can you guys introduce yourselves while looking at the camera and state your relation?]
minho: [waving at the camera] hi, i’m lee minho. i’m y/n’s ex.
y/n: i’m l/n y/n…uh, his ex.
[they catch each other’s eyes, immediately looking away. the studio already feels awkward]
[interviewer: how did you guys first meet?]
y/n: we were actually–
minho: [at the same time] we had–
[another awkward glance passes between them]
minho: you go first
y/n: oh umm, we met on a blind date.
minho: [chuckling ]we were both forced to actually
y/n: you’re right haha, i remember you almost stood me up
minho: yeah, but then it started raining and i felt bad for making you wait
y/n: [relaxing their shoulders with a smile] always a gentleman
minho:
y/n: …
[interviewer: did you two hit it off instantly?]
y/n: ….
minho: well, isn’t this awkward…
y/n: [hesitantly] minho was…let’s just say, he wasn’t the best at being not-so-blunt
minho: [nodding his head solemnly] fair enough, which is why i see no point in beating about the bush. i was having a hard couple of days and my friend had set me up on a blind date without asking me…now that i think about it, i guess i had been a bit too rude.
y/n: he did turn up to the date, drenched in the rain. i was about to leave, and honestly i should have been mad at him but seeing as how he had still made it, especially dripping like a soaked cat…it was cute. i guess.
y/n: but then he yelled at me
minho:
y/n: we got off the wrong foot, because somehow a stranger’s words, for whatever reason, had actually hurt me? [confused]
minho: y-yeah, that…
[another strained silence passes between the two. minho casts furtive glances at y/n, but they keep staring at the floor]
[interviewer: so how did you two start dating?]
minho: do we…do we have to answer these?
y/n: we had this…cat and mouse kind of a relationship. i don’t know, i never take offence to what people have to say about me, but i guess when he yelled at me for still waiting for him to turn up for a blind date, i was upset?
minho: [sighs]
y/n: [waving their hands] not because he yelled at me, but because...he said i was insane to wait for someone who was going to stand me up anyway
minho: you always said that made me sound so self depriciating
y/n: you were though; always putting yourself down for the smallest inconvenience. i hated that.
minho: they helped me get over it, though i can't admit i haven't fallen back to those habits...i deserve it
y/n: [blinking down at their hands]
y/n: it was a bit like friends to lovers kind of a situation, you know?
y/n: [after a hesitant pause] at least for me...
minho: how many times do i need to apologise for that?
y/n: [sighing at their hands in their lap] you still don’t get it, do you?
minho: …
y/n: anyway… if you know lee minho as i do, you’d know he’s not one to apologise outright. we fought a lot, even before we started dating…
minho: i’m not sure if i was right to assume that they were just friendly bickering anymore.
y/n: before? or after?
minho: …before
y/n: oh. no, those didn’t hurt me. you and me and everyone around us seemed to know that we were just flirting.
minho: good.
y/n: …
y/n: we were always teasing each other
minho: uh huh, it was fun to get on each other’s nerves [chuckles]
y/n: [grinning] true. it did make us closer.
minho: …
y/n: i suppose i really was delusional.
minho: [coughs into his hand]
[interviewer: i think it would be safe to assume you had been sort of 'frenemies' at one point? and that eventually led to dating?]
y/n: [shaking their head] not entirely. it was the reason we dated, but the intentions were not entirely similar.
minho: [clearing his throat] y/n asked me out first and…
y/n: and he accepted out of pity.
minho: y/n…
y/n: because he never liked me that way.
minho: i did like you. just not romantically. not then...
[interviewer: hold on, i thought you two dated?]
minho: we did
y/n: yes. he was gracious enough to do that.
minho: how are you still hung up on this? it’s been a year already, why can’t you just believe me that i did like you?
y/n: after we broke up? because you lied to me for six months and kissed me out of pity–
minho: i did not kiss you out of pity–
[a sob resounds in the studio. someone hands y/n a tissue to wipe their cheeks. minho stops talking and looks down at his feet in silence.]
minho: i didn’t want you to feel bad.
y/n: [sniffling] and you thought the best way to do that was to pretend to like me?
minho: i felt like i had to do it, especially after…after everything i had put you through. people always told me that you only pretended to not care about my teasing. i thought i genuinely hurt you with my words.
y/n: …
y/n: that was a shitty move on your part.
[interviewer, to y/n: how do you feel about this now?]
y/n: [waving their hands with a breathy chuckle] obviously i don’t seem to be over it.
[interviewer turns to minho, gesturing him to answer the same question]
minho: i’m sorry. that’s all i have to say about this. but y/n [he swivels his chair to face them], i never meant to hurt you and what i said was…is true.
[interviewer: how did you two break up?]
minho: [agitated, glancing across y/n] honestly, i thought that was clear enough by now.
y/n: he told me. it was a stupid fight, something to do with his cats. one thing led to another and…he just confessed.
minho: [biting his lips, running a hand through his hair]
y/n: it was messed up, i thought i was an idiot to have gone through all that. now…i don’t even know why i liked him in the first place.
[the camera pans into minho’s face. he blinks slowly at the ground, then looks over to where y/n is sitting.]
y/n: it explained why he was so…detached all the time. i thought he just wanted his personal space respected, i didn’t know i was a living a fantasy all by myself.
y/n: [turning to look at minho] did you…even for a second, like me at all in those six months?
minho: i did. i’m not sure when i started having genuine feelings for you, but the reason i told you was because i didn’t want to be confused with what i was feeling and what i should have been feeling.
minho: it was all muddled up in my head. i just…didn’t know that losing you would be the way i realised it.
y/n: you should hate me for putting you through all that
minho: you should hate me for being such a dick
y/n: …
[interviewer: do you regret dating?]
y/n: [shaking their head] i can’t say i do. even though it might have all been a lie, i…i couldn’t hate him in the end for it. it does hurt me, but i’m still touched that he’d do that for me. it was twisted but…[shrugs]
minho: i regret not being sincere about it. but the time i spent with them is precious to me, even now. it’s made me realise a lot of things, their value and…i wish i could say more about this, but i feel like i don’t deserve to answer this question.
[both of them refuse to say any more on this matter]
[interviewer, to y/n: would you say you loved him?]
minho: [watches in anticipation]
y/n: ...
y/n: [softly] i wish i didn't
minho: [runs a hand over his face]
[interviewer: do you think you would give this another try?]
minho: …
y/n: …
minho: would it be too hopeful of me to say yes?
y/n: [looking at him warily] you know you don’t mean that…
minho: how would you know?
y/n: and how would you? wouldn’t it be the same thing all over again, just your guilt eating you up?
minho: would it help if i said i missed you?
[minho is looking at y/n, the camera fails to capture his expression though]
y/n: [looking away from him with a shake of their head] no. i don’t think so.
y/n: i don’t think i will be able to.
[interviewer: that’s a wrap for today. thank you both, for agreeing to do this interview. we wish you the best for the future.]
the crew dissipates with a sombre sigh, murmuring amongst themselves. someone hands y/n another tissue.
minho: [handing them a bottle of water after unscrewing it] i’m sorry you had to go through that.
y/n: actually, i’m glad we did this. we never really had closure...we kind of just, let things be the way they were, so i think i needed this.
minho: am i...will you ever forgive me?
y/n: maybe. maybe not. i can't bring myself to consider your feelings anymore.
minho [bowing his head, in a careful tone so hushed the mic doesn't catch it]: is what you said final?
y/n: …
y/n: i don’t think i’ve ever seen you tear up like you did before, i almost feel bad…
y/n: but you have to understand, i’m just looking out for myself now.
minho: [nodding, opening his mouth to say something but you’ve already turned your back on him]
y/n: good luck minho.
the camera catches minho letting his hands fall limply by his side, a defeated smile on his face, unable to ask for the hug he had gathered his courage to ask you for. the last shot is of him staring at your back before it’s shut down.
bang chan x gn!reader | 1.5k+ | [series masterlist]
the studio is a small white room. there are two seats in the middle of it. there’s minimal lighting in the room. the crew stands in silence, watching the interview unfold.
two people enter, flashing a knowing smile at each other and take a seat.
and so, the interview with your ex begins as the camera starts rolling.
[interviewer: hi guys, thanks for agreeing to do this interview, we’re glad to have you here. could you introduce yourselves and state your relationship?]
y/n: hi guys, i’m l/n y/n.
chan: hi, i’m bang chan!
y/n: we’re exes.
chan: [with an awkward chuckle] yeah.
[interviewer: so, how did you two meet?]
y/n: i thought he was a serial killer!
chan: [bursts out laughing] god, you should have seen your face when you tripped, i almost felt bad for you
y/n: [grumbling] shut up, you were covered up in all black, not to mention that face mask and black beanie…speaking of, do you still only wear black clothes?
chan: hey hey hey, black is easy to pull off and it’s my favourite colour!
[interviewer, interrupting]: uh…you said you thought he was a serial killer?
y/n: oh right! sorry, we get caught up in our banters sometimes…uh, i mean, we used to...
chan: [rubs a hand on his neck with an awkward smile]
y/n: [clearing their throat] right so…i was roommates with changbin, our mutual friend. the first time i saw him was when i was returning from a really late night shift and he was dropping by to meet changbin. honestly, you would have thought the same because he just kept walking behind me without a word. i legit thought he was going to kill me.
chan: [laughs again, slightly embarrassed] we didn’t have the best first impressions. y/n almost tripped and i reached out to catch them but they just yelled so loud…i never knew a person could screech like a banshee.
y/n: are you calling me a banshee, you walking corpse?
chan: i am not that pale!
[so what changed? how did you two start dating?]
y/n: …
chan: …
[a mild awkward tension falls on the studio]
y/n: gosh it seems so childish now…
chan: kinda. we were playing this stupid game and the next thing we know…we were locked inside a cupboard.
y/n: we didn’t even know each other that well. we barely even saw each other on campus, but i suppose there’s perks of being changbin’s friend.
chan: ah yeah, that jerk [laughs fondly]
[camera zooms in on y/n looking at chan with a similar fond smile that mirrored his]
chan: [clearing his throat] it was at one of his parties right?
y/n: [nods]
chan: i don’t know why i kissed you, i just…at that moment, i just wanted to
y/n: [looks up at chan in surprise]
chan: [adamantly looking anywhere but at them]
y/n: i thought you said you never wished you had kissed me…
chan:
y/n:
[interviewer: what happened then?]
y/n: [shrugging] we just started dating
chan: yeah. it just sorta happened. we met up a few times after that party, i honestly expected things to be more awkward, but we were just comfortable with it all?
y/n: it wasn’t all in vain though. you were a great boyfriend, really…
chan: oh?
y/n: [looking down at their hands] yeah…and i loved spending time with you, getting to know you. i think…i think i may have even found all that stuff endearing about you at some point
chan: all ‘that’ stuff?
y/n:
chan:
y/n: ….
chan: oh
chan: oh, i see…
y/n: do you still pull all nighters at the studio?
chan: [bashfully] i-uh yeah.
y/n:
chan: i know i’ve never said this before but…i loved you for putting up with me back then. i don’t know how i would have gotten through everything had you not been there. i guess i’m…sorry. for everything.
y/n: as you should be. i felt even lonelier than ever with you.
chan: [looks down, ashamed]
[interviewer: so why did you two break up?]
y/n: it was a bit like puppy love turning sour…
chan: yeah…we realised that a lot of things between us weren’t…that compatible
y/n: …
chan: i…i was to blame really. i never made time for them, and i…may have been harsh with some of my words.
y/n: i don’t think i minded him prioritising his work over me. i was just upset that he didn’t love me anymore
chan: don’t say that, i always loved you!
y/n: did you?
chan: [looks flustered for a moment, then adamantly, firmly] yes. i never stopped loving you.
y/n: [stares at chan with wide eyes]
y/n: i was the one who ended it. i was…well, i don’t really remember much of what happened that entire week, except that i cried a lot and…i knew we needed to end it.
chan: still, i think we had a good one year
y/n: [nodding gently] we did.
chan: [looking at the camera in front] it was bad timing.
[camera zooms in on y/n]
y/n: i agree with that
[interviewer: i thought you said you both weren’t compatible?]
chan: [in a hurry] oh no! i mean, yes, but–
y/n: i think what he meant was that time and circumstances hadn’t been kind to us. we were both busy with uni and trying to keep up with our commitments at the same time. i suppose we both grew tired of the cancelled dates and loneliness.
chan: ye-es, exactly.
[interviewer: what did you like about each other?]
y/n: i don’t know [turns their chair to face chan] just, being with him.
chan: [blushing slightly]
y/n: everything about him, how he was always striving to do his best at whatever he did and just…
chan: [looking at them curiously]
y/n: you know...safe. he was so comfortable to be around, i felt like i could trust him with my life.
chan: [chuckling] that's intense, but i'm glad i made you feel that way.
y/n: what about you?
chan: i liked how you put up with me
y/n: seriously?
chan: that sounded bad...i meant the way you were always there for me? the way you would check up on me, and look out for me. it made me feel loved.
[camera pans on y/n’s face, a flush on their face]
[interviewer: what about the things you didn’t like?]
y/n: [promptly, but with a smile they can’t seem to hide] his god awful wardrobe, everything’s black!
chan: [acting offended] i thought you said i looked sexy in black!
y/n: hmmm, who knows, maybe i lied
chan: [playfully shoving them]
[and just like that the tension previously is lifted up]
chan: i hated their giant duck plushie and all the attention they gave it
y/n: i knew it! i knew you looked at mr. ducky weirdly. but…you bought that for me?
chan: oh god have i regretted that decision more than ever. you never cuddled me after i gave that to you, not even at night!
y/n: [opening their mouth to say something, but shut it close when they look at chan pouting playfully, a wistful smile on their own face]
y/n: [mouthing to themselves, but the camera doesn’t catch it and the mic doesn’t pick up on it]: that’s because i got used to sleeping without you.
[interviewer: would you date again if you had the chance to?]
chan: …
y/n: ….
[the camera zooms in on them looking at each other carefully.]
chan: yes
y/n: [surprised and blinking back and forth between the camera and chan]
chan: i wish i could put things right. properly apologise for everything. but that’s not why i said yes.
y/n: no?
chan: [sighing] after we ended things, i realised how much of an ass i had been. and i missed you. i-i don’t think i can ever put it in words, but i really messed up.
y/n: …
chan: so yes, i’d like to start over…if i had the chance to.
y/n: …
[interviewer: that’s all your time we’ll be taking up. thank you for doing this interview guys!]
the crew starts packing up, leaving y/n and chan to pick up their belongings from the staff.
chan: [slowly and in a hushed tone as someone helped him remove his mic] you didn’t answer the last question.
y/n: [shrugging] i didn’t know how to answer it.
chan: i understand.
y/n: [putting their phone in their pocket] i would like to hang out with you though.
chan: [looking up to see them smiling at him] i would like that.
they walk away, voices growing fainter
chan: do you still have mr. ducky?
y/n: [stifling a laugh] yeah…
the camera catches a last glimpse of chan as he holds the door open for y/n, who doesn’t notice the wide smile on his face
Why does it feel like I went through all the heartbreak?????? This was like 1.5k words filled with nostalgia, longing, tension and lingering feelings. Also the concept!!!!!!! I've never read anything like this.
including; bang chan, lee felix, hwang hyunjin, seo changbin, han jisung, lee minho, kim seungmin, yang jeongin
genre; suggestive, fluff
BANG CHAN didn’t initially notice the short skirt you wore to the studio until his eyes traveled down to notice the thin lacing of your panties becoming eerily visible with your walking movements. almost immediately as if it were a second instinct he hurried behind you, face slightly flushed from the encounter. the blushy facade maintained before he took note of the looks you received, the states. especially the stares. quite funny actually, how you hardly blinked—oblivious to the gazes while chan took his sweet time sending them a venomous glare. like some sort of protective bear, guarding its cubs. trust me, the ride home was a bit of a long one with chan ushering you into his lap to ‘save space.’ otherwise, he would’ve probably melted into the seat from the situation alone. it was a good thing you gave in.
FELIX was not anticipating such a sight whatsoever. that short cool toned skirt that hugged your waist and hips so well, flowing effortlessly with you. breathtaking couldn’t describe it well enough. despite this absolute jaw-dropping sight, felix couldn’t help but feel the need to hide you away, as if you were too pretty to be seen by anyone except for him. the thing being you were too pretty for everyone else in his eyes. “dove, you’re too good.” he sighed into your arms, head nuzzled into your neck in a warm embrace. felix’s embrace. “what do you mean lix ?” you sighed with him, confused at his statement. a long silence followed, the bbokari’s face tainted with red. “this, is too much.” he softly tugged at the edge of your skirt, your shoulders vibrating with amused giggles. too cute.
HYUNJIN tried his absolute hardest to conceal his expressions. but as we all know, the llama is as transparent as ever and there is simply no fix to his faces. it would’ve been fine if he was only shocked, but the looks he gave the people at the cafe became a bit hazardous at a certain point. “jinnie quit it .. we’re gonna get kicked out.” you tugged at his sleeve, nervously acknowledging the startled by-goers. “so be it.” he pouted, plush lips pursing outwards like a stubborn child. he looked like a ruffled puffin right now. after what felt to be an eternity, you were seated at a small two-chair-table sharing a cozy view of the flower shop befriending the cafe you inhabited at the moment. “should we go home then ?” you sadly pondered, wanting to spend this time carefree, but it seemed the experience wasn’t pleasant. this utterly broke hyunjin’s heart. feeling as if he ruined this fun date with you. “i’m sorry baby, i was acting out.” the jiniret fiddled with his fingers awkwardly, hiding his face in the menu. “…just wanted to make sure they knew you were mine..”
CHANGBIN had invited you to learn a choreography with the rest of 3racha, you’d been thinking about the offer and it seemed interesting, so why not tag along? well, your clothing choice was a measly amount foolish with the new short white skirt you’d purchased beforehand—but already arriving at the location it would be pointless to turn back now. “so, are we ready?” bang chan asked, nodding to han. the first few steps weren’t complicated, but did require a bit of hopping. luckily, changbin as attentive as ever placed his big hands on your hips, easing your back to his chest. “not a wise choice today.” he whispered in a hushed tone, quietly tugging down the fabric to barricade any inconveniences. “don’t worry, i’ve got you.” leaving a soft peck on your cheek out of the others eyesight. as cute as this was, it still didn’t keep from the choreography including more jumping and such. taking the safer route, you resorted to watching the three practice while sitting on the couch. “bored?” a sweaty changbin sauntered beside you, leaning over with his back facing you. “hop on.” — “huh?” — “it’ll make it less boring.” he implied, nudging you in his direction. this being the reasoning behind why you were practically soaring around the studio room on changbin’s back like some sort of horse. although chaotic, worth it.
HAN could hardly look at you, his chubby cheeks the color of the bright red shirt slacked comfortably on his form. he’d proposed the idea of shopping the day before after endless complaining about his lacking wardrobe. “i can’t be walking around with a model, that makes me look even more like an idol.” chuckling lowly to suppress his bubbling embarrassment. “you don’t have much to say, you look like this all the time.” you gestured to yourself from how he called you a ‘model.’ he was one to talk. only rolling his eyes half heartedly at your comment, he feebly attempted to shop normally to no avail. wherever he went it felt like your distracting mini skirt was magnetizing his eyes, the guilty gnawing fueling those reddened chipmunk cheeks of his. “how about this one?” holding the jeans up to your legs, he almost cried with relief at the coverage. “those are good.” nodding his head frantically, the han you knew returned for a moment, when you placed the jeans back and turned around abruptly though he was done for. to say less, he was more than ready to go home after this dreadfully teasing date.
MINHO is immune to your attacks. you’ve tried. skimpy shorts, tops, skin tight yoga pants, nothing. at this point it’s a question of whether he even is attracted to you in the first place. slightly concerning but nothing to worry about in all honesty because on the inside, lee minho leeknow is freaking out. legitimately throwing things and screaming at the top of his lungs over you. challenging if anything. and today, today was the day. the day you’d see minho lose control of the tame face he wore. as we all know leeknow, is not unfamiliar with alcohol. in this relationship, trips to bars around town are not foreign. even if you simply sit around on the bar stools and make small talk like strangers. today though was a bit frisky, also known as another testing session. a time you’d choose to wear something revealing or daring to grasp minho’s attention and hopefully steer him off the path—being a tiny black skirt. however your outfit wasn’t the reasoning behind his thrash out, it was the shameless mutters of an aged bar-goer which he could hear perfectly well. “if you have something to say about her, we’d all love to hear it.” he ripped the drink from the man’s hands, pulling him by his collar to face the sneering opponent. “nothing at all..” the other stammering incoherently. “that’s what i thought too, good decision.” very, very hot.
SEUNGMIN‘s low tolerance for your skin was easily laughable. simply off the shoulder shirts had this man flustered. he found your skin like porcelain, soft and delicate and the thought of random people gazing upon that of which was precious to him filled a sinking feeling in his chest. although this may apply, he wasn’t against you wearing only outfits he approved of, he didn’t want you to be restricted on your clothing—something he’d say for this would be “that’s up to your parents to decide, not me.” and then laugh at himself over the stickiness of the sentence. “ah, i’m fine.” he stiffly answered to your worried ‘are you okay?’ after all, he’d been prepared for this picnic with you to the local park; you informing him of your new purchase. handing the statue a sandwich gingerly, you both ate comfortably however when it came to walking he was stiff once again. “i promise i won’t spin.” you soothed, fingers intertwined giving his a light squeeze. this apparently laxed the nerves jumbling in seungmin, the end of the path nearing. “we’re here! yes!” you twirled, bewildering all the peaceful behavior. “you said no spinning…” he groaned depressingly. a puppy.
I.N encouraged you to wear this ne skirt, he’d noticed how enticed you were by it so why not? either way, he was looking forward to seeing your happy face shine with glee when he drove to get ice cream ( something he’d promised earlier ) with you. “it’s really flattering on you, i like the white.” he complimented with a shy fox-like smile. the smile that jeongin wore endlessly. the innocent little fox paid for your ice cream along with his, but as innocent as it may appear, he was not expecting how much the clothing piece would rise up. so upon recognition he jerked his head away, avoiding eye contact at all measures. “huh? what is it?” you nervously looked to your left and right, mildly confuzzled. “oh i see..” you hummed, grinning from ear to ear. “innie, you’ve seen me it’s okay to look.” — “uhmm i’m good...” you concealed your joking expression, trying hard not to laugh. so so innocent.
