stella @stelladoesnoteat - Tumblr Blog

!! block, don't report !!

- pro-recovery -

☆ my [online] name is stella [they/she] and i'm 18 🧚

☆ i struggle with a restrictive ED 🦋

☆ i'm vegan 🐇

my posts: #stella doesnt eat

my meals: #my meals

✨ song i'm currently obsessed with:

DNI:

- non disordered / non mentally ill people

- under 16, over 25

- pro ana

- anyone who isn't kind

stats:

#stella doesnt eat

to my mutuals who see this, i'm probably going to stop posting on here because i'm still struggling with my ED but i don't feel the need to vent here anymore

i hope everyone is well and if you shoot me a message, i might still see it if i log back on from time to time 🫶

i'll mostly be using my regular cute blog to sapphic post about my girlfriend <3 i think i'm healing

#stella doesnt eat

been eating 'normally' for a while, but i feel a big relapse coming

it's going to be different this time, and i'm honestly a bit ashamed to say i'm excited for it

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

maintaining is better than gaining, but losing is better than maintaining

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

snacking more lately, especially since i became aware of the fact that i've lost weight instead of gaining it like i expected to on antidepressants

i'm not going to punish myself, just slowly go back to what i know works

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

okay i've been on my antidepressents for nearly 5 weeks and they're working really well! aside from some strange (but mild) side effects, i feel so much better and really productive and just less like trying is worthless :)

i was nervous about gaining weight, especially because i've not been counting my calories at all and i've just been eating (still healthy) without overthinking and allowing myself to have desserts sometimes and share baked goods i make for my friends. i really thought i'd gain weight from that but i actually lost around 7lbs in this time! not perfect but definitely pretty good considering i was barely thinking about and stressing over food like i usually do. this is a good change, i can still reach my goals but i won't let my ED take over me, i feel so much better and of course the urges are still there but this feels so much healthier! i hope this keeps going, i care about myself and wanna feel good (and lose weight hahahaha)

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

small-wrists-will-o-wisp

my eating disorder is just a war in my head i take out on my body, it really has nothing to do with anyone else

small-wrists-will-o-wisp

is it overeating or is it a reasonable amount of hunger considering the circumstances

lovem3tender

I hate the number on my bank account

I hate the number on the scale

I hate numbers 🫩

okay not having an appetite after quitting weed is great because i can lose weight without thinking, but also not because now i feel nauseous even at the thought of food and genuinely feel like i can't keep anything down if i eat more than a few bites 😬

regardless though, a win is a win...?

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

lastfoxalive

to be clear, while i myself have an ED and struggle with SH, i don't encourage any risky behaviours. please do not ask me for advice on how to "lose weight quickly" or "how to cut deeper". i don't want to take responsibility for someone potentially losing their life. i can give you tips and advice for harm reduction ONLY.

no appetite because of mary jane withdrawls...

nervous about an appetite increase because i just started antidepressants...

hopefully they'll cancel out and i won't gain weight?

#stella doesnt eat #low cal diet #low cal food #low cal meal #meal$p0 #mealspø #tw calories #tw disordered thoughts #tw weight #mealsp0

manicpanicpixiedreamgirl1

looking up symptoms of bpd makes me want to cry. it’s so medically stated like what they’re stating isn’t a normal reaction to life and trauma. they state it like there’s something wrong. what if it’s just who you are? what if life just played with me like putty, and now I’m the shape I am. Going on like nothings wrong, because nothing IS wrong. Life shapes you like putty, and along the way you look at yourself and make some adjustments. And the way I’ve gone through it will shape me in such a way that if somebody cut a bipolar blob shape out of paper, I would fit through the hole. Or at least enough to diagnose me.

i feel sick thinking about my actions

i do such stupid things sometimes and suffer appropriate but equally stupid consequences

yet somehow i've had an ED since i was 15 and i'm the same weight i was then.

where are the consequences of that? where is skinny??