Where was Oliva Benson when I needed her?
I cannot help but wonder how many people who are defending Jian Ghomeshi by saying that there are no official charges were also outraged by the lack of charges originally brought up in Steubenville, or against Rehtaeh Parsons' aggressors ... the same people who cried out 'how could this happen' ... THIS is why this happens. Victim blaming and rape culture are the why, and sadly as a collective we are all a part of that. We need to stop pointing fingers and look in the mirror.
I can see the divide on my newsfeed between those who truly understand how hard it is to get charges pressed, and those who see it depicted on TV. I do not blame these women for not wanting to go through the police process. It is lengthy and humiliating to tell your story over and over again, to have your character questioned, your body examined and photographed, and then to be told that while the police believe you it's "she says versus he says".
The day after this story broke my morning subway ride was filled with people glued to the metro eating up all of the scandalous details with gusto. I could also see women who like me had stayed up all night watching some of their friends defend Ghomeshi over 'lack of evidence'. People who were reliving their own experience of guilt, blame, and disbelief in the middle of the crowded subway car. I was one of them.
I'm worried about how this will influence young girl and women. They will see this and maybe decide that there is no protection for them or course of action they can take. That people will doubt them and call them out as liars and shame them for speaking out, or staying silent, or waiting too long. I feel that shows like #CSI may have created a false idea that forensic evidence is easily acquired and convictions should be easily as a result of that. But the opposite is very true. The system is backed up and constant victim shaming causes people to wait longer periods of time before seeking help or support.
Would these same people be as doubtful and judgemental if their own daughters were sexually assaulted or otherwise. Would they still tell them that because charges were not laid, it could not of possibly happened?
(thank you Jeremy Moore for helping make my angry mouth words into angry text words)