“Steve…fucking hell..” he muttered, when he heard footsteps shuffling in the bedroom. Tiny steps soon turned into worried stomps and he could hear Steve rushing out of the bedroom into the living room.
Hwoarang tried to wipe away his stray tears, but he couldn’t hide them.
A hand quickly made its way onto his wrist… He still had his back turned, facing the door, facing the exit that he wanted to reach so badly.
God, this is the last thing he wanted.
He never wanted Steve to see him in this state. Still so upset, so paranoid so..
And suddenly, warm arms enveloped him for a hug. Steve’s grip was too strong, too questioning, and once again, Hwoarang felt the need to run.
please don’t let me go. never let me go
“If you don’t fucking let me go, Steve, I’m going to kick your ass.”
But his threats were idle. He knew Steve wouldn’t let him go. He wanted Steve to release him and yet he wanted Steve to hold him tighter.
It was a scenario Hwoarang was always so afraid to face.
Last night was wonderful. It was a bro’s night out that turned into a morning after.
It was something he should have never done.
But Steve was so gorgeous, so receptive, so…
Steve is the perfect catch. He could see why people wanted to be near him. He had a wonderful persona, well-mannered, if not a bit cocky-well, if you were the world’s best, you’d be cocky too-handsome…every guy and girl’s dream.
So Hwoarang should be lucky that someone like Steve would want him, right?
Except behind every affection was deception.
It wasn’t that Hwoarang doubted Steve, but…
He was afraid that Steve would slip through his fingers and leave him like Jin did. That he’d break his heart into pieces like Jin did.
“Let me go, Steve!” Hwoarang suddenly shouted, pushing Steve away.
Once he was out of his grip, he turned and looked at the blonde. “I am not crying, damn it! I just..”
He couldn’t finish his sentence, as more tears fell down his eyes.
“Maybe it’s because you’re so fucking perfect, and-”
He couldn’t finish his sentence, because he had fallen to his knees, his face against the rug, trying his damnest to stifle his tears.
“Because Jin told me I wasn’t allowed to be happy. And I fucking believed him. That this is all a lie, and you don’t love me either, Steve..”
That wasn’t what he was supposed to say. He was supposed to run. He was supposed to escape. But his body was stuck to Steve’s floor, tears running down his eyes like an everflowing stream, gripping his hair, too goddamn afraid to look up.
And too afraid to tell Steve the truth
When he pulled Hwoarang close to him for a hug, he knew that this was something he needed to do. It wasn’t that Steve thought about it, his body just moved on its own accord and now, he felt the redhead tremble in his arms as he cried.
The blond questioned again and again “Why? How did this happen?” Steve couldn’t fathom as to how Hwoarang came to cry.
“Then, hurt me.” Steve replied back as he kept his arms tight around Hwoarang. How cruel would Steve have to be to release Hwoarang and let him go out of the blond’s house in this state? Although, Steve has next to no idea as to how Hwoarang came to this state, he just knows that some part of this was his fault.
How Steve it was fault, he had no idea at all. But, Hwoarang was in Steve house, in his room, his bed, and in Steve’s arms so why else would the red head become like this if he had no fault in it?
“Hwoarang, if you want to punch me, kick me, or beat the living shit out of me then, fine!” Steve retorted back, loud enough for the other to hear. “But, I want you to know that I don’t want to let you go. Not right here and not right now.”
Steve’s hoping to fuck that what he’s doing and saying is the right thing. It feels so right to do it, so how could it be wrong?
One hand grabbed a hold of the shirt on Hwoarang back as the other went to Hwoarang’s red locks. He wanted to look Hwoarang in the eyes, want to talk to him properly but, could he?
What if Steve moved from this hug and Hwoarang found the opportunity to slip away from his grasp and run towards the door?
He can’t let Hwoarang go.
But, the decision wasn’t his to make as Hwoarang had suddenly pushed him away. The force was one that had all of the other’s strength to make Steve let go.
Steve never wanted to let Hwoarang go.
“What?” Steve uttered out a question. Hwoarang told him he was perfect and the blond couldn’t be more confused than, he already was.
He was still puzzled, didn’t know what to do exactly. ‘How can I calm him down?’ was the question that constantly roamed in his head over and over again.
He knelt down to the ground as Hwoarang seemed to have collapsed himself down on the floor. The other looked so weak and vulnerable; unlike his usual self that it broke Steve’s heart.
‘I never want to see him like this.’ Steve said internally. ‘I’ll never hurt you for you to turn like this Hwoa.’
Steve reached a hand out to touch Hwoarang but, the other’s next words made him come to a stop. ‘He said that to you?’ was the thought that came into mind and Steve couldn’t help his hand turning into a fist.
‘How dare he hurt you like this’ His gritted in anger.
In one fell swoop, Steve grabbed a hold of Hwoarang. He didn’t care anymore whether Hwoarang wanted to push Steve away or was too ashamed to let Steve see how weak he was right now.
Right, Steve knew exactly what he needed to do.
“Don’t you ever believe an asshole like him!” Steve shouted as he pulled Hwoarang close to him. Here they were, kneeling down on the floor shouting to each other as Hwoarang cried. Steve himself felt tears prickle his eyes but, no. Steve needed to stay strong for now and tell Hwoarang how wrong Jin was.
“Who the hell does he think he is to tell you not to be happy!?” He continued off, tightening his hold onto the other. He never wants to let go of Hwoarang, ever. “Whether you deserve to be happy or not is entirely on you Hwoarang.”
“I think you’re amazing.” Steve admitted as he rested his forehead against the other’s shoulder. “I think you’re strong, and beautiful, and so fucking wonderful and I want to make you happy because I fucking love you so much.” He continued off.
“I just want to make you happy Hwoa, screw whoever the fuck told you that you don’t deserve it.” Steve himself felt he was out of breath just from talking but, right now this conversation was taking a lot of energy out from both of them but, every word Steve said was nothing but, the truth.
A hand came to cup Hwoarang’s cheek. “You deserve to be happy and loved Hwoarang.”
