Firstly, SSC IS NOT THE ONLY MANTRA IN BDSM. Can we /PLEASE/ stop forgetting that RACK exists as well and is just as valid?
Secondly, BDSM IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE.
What is considered an abusive relationship and what are considered abusive behaviors in Vanilla (non BDSM) terms, standards, and relationships IS STILL CONSIDERED AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IN D/S TERMS, and both can be just as damaging.
Warning Signs of a Predator Dom/me Part 1
Warning Signs of a Predator Dom/me Part 2
When Does Punishment Go Too Far?
Thinking More Clearly About BDSM and Abuse
The Abuse Debate: A matter of Acceptance, Not Consent
A Field Guide to the Creepy Dom
10 Red Flags of A Bad or Abusive Dominant
Can I Be Abused in a BDSM Relationship
Trigger Warnings for abuse, assault, rape, etc.
Now. Let’s get on to the bullshit:
"But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. It is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction."
1. It being an adult erotica novel makes absolutely NO fucking difference. In fact, as an adult, the author should have known better and should have known to do her fucking research- which she did not.
In fact, there’s a FAR better example of Fictional Adult BDSM literature out there called Sunstone. Here’s the funny part though: Both SS and FFoG were both written by people uninvolved in and heavily removed from the BDSM community (which we call “Vanillas”). Except the author of Sunstone managed to do enough research to get it RIGHT and produce an amazing, well thought out, subculture accurate graphic novel…. And the author of FSoG managed to produce a steaming, inaccurate, completely abusive pile of shit.
Even better? The author of of SS even manages to accurately talk about and illustrate important topics in BDSM relationships like abuse, subdrop, and similar problems, WITHOUT CONDONING THEM, AND WHILE POINTING OUT HOW HARMFUL THEY CAN BE. FSoG on the other hand DOES NOT DO THIS AND INSTEAD ENCOURAGES AND ROMANTICIZES THEM.
So don’t give me that “oh it’s an adult fictional BDSM erotic novel!!!” tripe when there are actually perfect examples of how to do “Adult Fictional BDSM Erotica” CORRECTLY AND IN A MANNER THAT DOES NOT ROMANTICIZE OR EXCUSE ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS AND RELATIONSHIPS.
2. “The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim”.
That is an inaccurate representation of Domestic violence and abuse. Abuse may also sometimes involve manipulation, coercion, refusing resources, controlling behaviors, random and unpredictable (sometimes violent) mood swings, etc.
Physical abuse IS NOT THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE THAT ONE MAY EXPERIENCE OR ENCOUNTER. Psychological Abuse, Emotional Abuse, and Verbal Abuse ALSO EXIST AND ARE JUST AS DAMAGING.
Furthermore? Not all victims are aware, at the time, that they are being abused- I wasn’t in the first 3 abusive relationships I found myself in until I learned how to recognize the signs.
3. “So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction”
THAT IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING PROBLEM. THIS IS FICTIONAL ABUSE. IT IS ROMANTICIZED FICTIONAL ABUSE THAT ANYONE EVEN REMOTELY INVOLVED IN THE BDSM COMMUNITY KNOWS IS FUCKING ABUSE.
4. “actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.”
To those who are uneducated about BDSM IT IS DANGEROUS MATERIAL BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY ROMANTICIZES THIS ABUSE AND PASSES IT OFF AS ACCEPTABLE “BECAUSE IT’S BDSM”, IT ALSO REINFORCES PRE-EXISTING NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMUNITY AND LIFESTYLE.
Someone being a fucking ADULT doesn’t make a goddamned lick of difference when they are uneducated about a subject and a book romanticizes it into being the norm and/or acceptable.
romaincrisis
andulkaphoto
discoholicmusic
annaxmalina
