Sarah

a mess™️

[biglawbear]

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He—wait. Why dost the Lord hath clippers.

[biglawbear]

The Lord sheareth me.

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

[ruinedchildhood]

[spaghettioverdose-deactivated20]

Reblog to save a duck

[13faeinapenguinsuit]

Quack quack

[ijustgotherebro]

It’s getting to be that time of year where more people are going outside to parks and stuff so i thought it would a good idea to reblog this again

[theofficialvincenzo]

Once I was feeding some ducks from a bag of birdseed I brought with me, and this woman next to me looked so confused and asked what I was feeding them

When I said it was birdseed she just went “oh- can they actually eat that? Is that safe?”

I didnt know how to respond like, at all, so I just pointed at the duck and said “bird”

She then had a look on her face like a new groove was just forcibly carved in her brain and said softly “oh my fucking god”

[argillaforma]

the whole boston team knowing about montreal jane and they think that ilya rozanov who can pull any girl he wants must have found a real baddie the way he keeps coming back for more and then hard cut to shane hollander on a friday night drinking tea and reading the same hockey book for the fourth time who when ilya texts him asking what are you wearing? texts back my new organic cotton pj set and ilya texts back i'm so hard tell me more

[selfship-quotes]

I love soulmates but also this-

[qilingxiong]

[aprilwitching-deactivated201808]

[pipistrellus]

Swing state gothic

[boitterfly]

ilya entering that hospital room sick to his stomach teeth ground to dust spirit crushed under the weight of their circumstances prepared to have an extremely difficult conversation and shane immediately hitting him with this

[burntblueberrywaffles]

Bestie I can feel rejected by things you wouldn’t even think of

[brehaaorgana]

Greatest hits of FIFA cultural exchanges thus far:

Learning about flyovers and pyrotechnics at American games being a thing

Non-americans discovering the size of American football stadiums....for high schools in texas. Also the size of our stadiums in general.

Going to baseball games as a side treat! Lmao.

Non-americans losing their minds over "like, 100 petrol pumps," at buc-ees.

Related: Americans often forget how huge target and Walmart is.

People discovering American BBQ

Non-americans being obsessed with mid American restaurant chains like Golden Corral and Taco Bell

A lot of them really did feel god in this chile's apparently

The rightful obsession with waffle house

New understanding of American Big Drink With Ice supremacy as summer creeps in

Americans realizing we have a Team USA and we are not, in fact, just "hosting our friends" from around the world — mostly because we won our first match and our team is decent??? Not amazing but not the worst.

Side rant: us women's football team is legendary good and we should care about that more like. Hello???

Understanding that America really is that fucking hot and summer is just starting

Related: the english team did warm ups in Florida RIP, and also the there's a video of the French team just being like fuck the heat, fuck the sun, this is so hot...

Americans who do not normally care about international football but fucking love a sport and cheering so we're just hyping whatever team is nearby, like we see a party and just show up and learn the chant. Like sorry many of us don't know shit about soccer but if we see a bunch of people in viking helmets or kilts or holding a bunch of flags and cheering we're game.

TAILGATING!!!!

I already said this but American yellow school bus is an international celebrity

The Scottish drank Boston dry of beer apparently, like they quadrupled what Boston normally sells for fourth of July weekend. SAM ADAMS HAD TO GET AN EMERGENCY BEER DELIVERY.

Also the English team fans got kicked out of The Londoner pub in Dallas after drinking 5,000 beers and going over max capacity lmao

Free refill drinks, tortilla chips & salsa.

So many non-americans are going to be here for the 4th of July for our 250th anniversary which is going to be great and hilarious

Non-americans discovering ranch as a beloved condiment

Non-americans understanding American obsession with hamburger now

Japan's homebase is in Texas and the cultural differences are frankly great and also the Japanese fans are SO NICE and helped clean up the stadium after a match???

All the short videos with the eagle screech (which I think is actually a red tail hawk but whatever)

[cronenburger]

[chantssecrets]

I am the man. I suffered,

I was there.

-Whitman

In Baldwin’s hand, cover page for the manuscript of Giovanni’s Room.

[despazito]

Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"

[lordoftheflops]

also I’m allowed to watch a little copaganda as a treat because I am immune to copaganda I’m sorry I need it. this is my cross to bear

[coffee-khaleesi-deactivated2020]

When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:

“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”

Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either. 

[bogfox]

Op I’d like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time I’ve read it I’ve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.

[charlesoberonn]

[fortunatecircus]

the people running the crayola twitter

[depsidase]

[molive-0]

There are many benefits to being a marine biologist

[baddywronglegs]

By this point Loch Ness is probably the inland body of water we can be most sure doesn't have a monster in it.

[fandomsandfeminism]

When I was 16, I went of a trip with a bunch of other G/T high schoolers to the UK and Ireland.

We visited Loch Ness. The guy who was in charge of our tour seemed to be an exhausted university intern who, with deep annoyance, informed us that NO there is not a monster.....but the tourist money *meaningful look at all of us* was too good to not play into.

And I respect that.