@stigmaticseraph - Tumblr Blog

mournfulroses

Martha Gellhorn, from a letter to Robert Sherrod featured in The Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn

medrawawi

😙!!

shane-ilya

You can have my apartment. And there will be a trust for my niece. She can have it when she's 18.

HEATED RIVALRY — 105, I'll Believe In Anything

cloudabserk

“shane and ilya’s wedding song was diamonds by rihanna” uh im pretty sure it was the moana soundtrack? as evidenced by these book screenshots my sister sent me:

sad sad sad and remembering being so little and curling up on the floor as my mom beat me with a belt i still miss her so much it aches

#how funny to think she cut me off not the other way around

cungadero

if i was a deer the first thing i would do is get a prion disease. the second thing i would do is run into traffic

kittyit

"Repeated trauma in adult life erodes the structure of the personality already formed, but repeated trauma in childhood forms and deforms the personality. The child trapped in an abusive environment is faced with formidable tasks of adaptation. She must find a way to preserve a sense of trust in people who are untrustworthy, safety in a situation that is unsafe, control in a situation that is terrifyingly unpredictable, power in a situation of helplessness. Unable to care for or protect herself, she must compensate for the failures of adult care and protection with the only means at her disposal, an immature system of psychological defenses.

The pathological environment of childhood abuse forces the development of extraordinary capacities, both creative and destructive. It fosters the development of abnormal states of consciousness in which the ordinary relations of body and mind, reality and imagination, knowledge and memory, no longer hold. These altered states of consciousness permit the elaboration of a prodigious array of symptoms, both somatic and psychological. And these symptoms simultaneously conceal and reveal their origins; they speak in disguised language of secrets too terrible for words.

Chronic childhood abuse takes place in a familial climate of pervasive terror, in which ordinary caretaking relationships have been profoundly disrupted. Survivors describe a characteristic pattern of totalitarian control, enforced by means of violence and death threats, capricious enforcement of petty rules, intermittent rewards, and destruction of all competing relationships through isolation, secrecy, and betrayal. Even more than adults, children who develop in this climate of domination develop pathological attachments to those who abuse and neglect them, attachments that they will strive to maintain even at the sacrifice of their own welfare, their own reality, or their lives."

Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence –from domestic abuse to political terror by Dr. Judith Herman (read here)

furiousgoldfish

parents will be like "We're good parents! We did our best!" while their child is alone in their room, terrified of footsteps, unable to conceptualize being loved by anyone.

porcelainbunniies

i know deep down i really am never going to make it, and this will end by my own hands

pleaseseemeibeg

I want to be held. I want someone to gently stroke my hair and sing to me. I want to be rocked on someone's lap, curled up and close to them. I want to fall asleep cradled and protected. I want to feel that safety I only ever got rarely when I was a young child.