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@still-for-delilah
I’m so happy for you!! Was it planned? How old was Gloria when you got pregnant? How is Gloria doing??
Absolutely not planned at all. Gloria was like 3 months old? If she’d been born when she was meant to be at Christmas I think she would’ve been like 3 weeks old when we conceived 🤦🏼♀️
Glo bug is doing good! It’s actually her first birthday today 🎉 she’s a bit delayed but that’s okay, I’m sure we’ll get there just at our own pace.
“About to have anyone one” are you pregnant again!!?? Congratulations!!!!
An anonymous message, what the heck
Yes, I am pregnant again. I’m 26+3 with a boyyyy
I am having the hardest time right now and no matter how much I tell the person I’m with that I feel really alone and I am struggling, nothing changes. I get no extra support. Part of me wonders if this is just what it’s like, like dads don’t have to help much and mums do everything and don’t get me wrong he helps, he does the overnight bottles and cooks dinner when he comes home from work, he does do stuff but there’s nothing for ‘us’ or me. And he doesn’t even want it. He doesn’t want to spend any time together or do anything as a family. He wants to do what is required of him and then have his own time which is usually PlayStation or going to the pub with his friends and spending hundreds of dollars, going out while I stay at home with the kids. I go to bed alone every night, I’m alone all day. I can’t tell you the last time I went anywhere or did anything that I didn’t rush home from to get back to the baby. I get my nails done once a fortnight with my mum and my eyelashes done once a month/6 weeks but I have to organise the time with him, remind him he’s going to watch the baby. And I’m about to have another one. And have all my baby making bits cut out as well or possibly die on the table. What a fucking joke my life is. It was never this hard when I had Delilah, I thought I could do this but I am so overwhelmed. I don’t feel like I am good or right for this. I don’t want to anymore. I’m so tired of doing everything alone.
You know what else is sad, three months ago things were exactly like they are now. I know this isn’t working for me and I need to change something. Our lease is up in three months so I’ll find us a new house and maybe things will be better for me. It’s sad when you imagine things to be a certain way and things don’t end up like that. I can do this, I’ve done it before, everything will be okay.
I’m really sad and I don’t have anywhere else I can say that so I’m saying it here because there’s no one around.
May or may not have been highly emotional last night and slightly overreacted hehe
I really just want to have a whinge..
I’m so overwhelmed and tired of doing everything on my own. Aaron has been away working for 3 weeks and I’m so desperate for help when he comes back. Just a break so I can sleep or have a shower longer than 30 seconds, wash my fucking hair, do some cleaning. Some adult contact. I don’t have anyone to ask for help. My dad is about to get married so they’re organising the last few things. Mum works and just has other things and every time I ask I know she’d rather shoot herself, it’s out of the way and an inconvenience. I’m struggling and I literally have no one to ask to help. I can’t have anyone over because the house is so trashed all the time- it’s embarrassing, I can’t get back on top of it. Aaron’s idea of cleaning is stuffing things into random spots or the cupboard under the stairs which I then have to redo because it’s half assed. He got home from being away yesterday and wanted to go to the pub with his friends, invited Delilah, Gloria and I, but Gloria has been vomiting and has really bad reflux so I don’t want to move her or take her out. She’s not holding her feeds so she’s not gaining weight as well as she should, and I’m the ass hole who has to be like nah I don’t want too instead of him considering the child as well. Tonight, can we go to the pub, again. I said sure, we can go for dinner. Then he asks are you sure you want to come? Okay you obviously don’t want me too because otherwise you wouldn’t have triple checked. Gloria needed to go to the hospital to have her tube replaced so had to rush through that so he could get to the pub asap. Says he’ll only be a bit and he’ll do the feeds tonight so I can have a break and then spends hours there. I fucking hate being the girlfriend who makes him come home and stops him from doing the things he wants, I want him to want to be at home with us considering he was away all week, I want him to stay for a while and come home because Aimèe needs help and he cares, you know. But no. Messages me at 9.30pm and says I’ll be home for the midnight feed. Oh yes, I’m going to hand you the baby after you’ve been at the pub for four hours, that’s a great idea. He leaves again Valentines morning so we were doing a little family thing tomorrow but I can’t shower and wash my hair so I don’t want to fucking go. I don’t even know why I’m bothering. I just want to go to sleep for a long time. He’s home now having his second nice long shower for the day, how nice. I literally haven’t washed my hair in so long, like over 8-9 days. “Well I’m home now” cool, I love showering, washing and blow drying my hair at fucking 11pm at night. Thank you so much ✨
Gloria Faie ✨
Born 16 weeks early on the 7th September, weighing only 480g. Unexpected but perfect and fighting to be here 💛
Gloria means immortal glory and Faie means fairy, so she is an immortal fairy. We didn’t know if she was going to stay with us or fly away, her name is so perfect and suits her so well
Baby girl is three weeks old today. We waited two weeks to announce her because I was terrified something would happen and we’d also have to explain her passing as well. I keep being asked if I got my dates wrong because she’s doing so well, the doctors don’t understand it. They explained being in the nicu like being on a roller coaster, there are ups and downs, and sometimes you feel like you’re at the top of the really high bit right before you drop down, and then you come back up again.. but so far it’s been mostly smooth sailing. Little miss was breathing on her own for the first two weeks then she was put on the ventilator because she was getting tired from using all her strength to breathe. She started to have apnea’s and her heart would drop off so being tubed was the safest thing for her. Now she’s off and breathing her own again, she’s got a little bit of support through the cpap but not a whole lot. While she was on the ventilator they upped her feeds and hoped that it would give her body the chance to focus on growing. She’s gone from 480g to 620g in three weeks which is pretty good and all her organs are working just fine. Today I changed her nappy and she projectile shit all over the place, it was insane and hilarious, I’ve never seen anything like it. I didn’t realise how much poop one tiny person could hold. Her belly was super bloated and I figured it was full of air bc the cpap blows air into her stomach as well as her lungs and the nurses just aspirate her stomach but they weren’t getting much out.. and then while I’m doing her cares, I change her nappy and she blows shit everywhere. We did bicycle legs and it kept coming, poor babe was just full of poop and afterwards her belly was much better, hahaha
She made it, and she’s breathing on her own as much as she can. She’s a fighter, hopefully she can do this. She’s so tiny, only weighs 480g.
I had to have an emergency cesarian, cut to the uterus horizontal and then into my uterus top to bottom. I can never give birth naturally again and all future pregnancies will be super high risk.
I’m in so much pain and I can’t walk but I have to hurry up and get my shit together so I can go in and visit her. Right now I have to have someone take me up in the bed, she was only born this morning but I need to be able to move into a chair so Aaron and I can go whenever we want.
What a 24 hours.
I’m 24 weeks, and I have to give birth sometime soon. She probably isn’t going to survive. I can’t believe this is happening. I don’t want to go home without my baby. This is Aaron’s first baby, he doesn’t deserve this.
We’ve officially announced baby gals on her way! It wasn’t what I had envisioned but cute anyway. Covid got in the way as it has done with lots of life plants lately. We have our photos scheduled for the weekend so I’m looking forward to those. Just like last time I’m struggling with baby names so if you have any suggestions pls let me know. I can’t find anything that is as pretty as Delilah, ugh.
Top picture is baby #2 and bottom picture is Delilah. I think they’re going to look very different and I don’t know how I feel about it, I throughly enjoyed Delilah being a mini version of me.
Today I had an ultrasound. We got to see little miss wriggling around and hear her heartbeat. She’s definitely alive in there, I’m a hypochondriac. My placenta is at the front of my uterus so the ultrasound tech said that is probably why I’m not feeling a whole heap of movement yet.
I can’t remember when you’re meant to feel the baby. Is it weird that I don’t believe I’m pregnant? I’ve seen the ultrasounds, I have a belly.. I just don’t believe it?? Part of me thinks I’ve made it all up and the other part is thinking that she was there.. but she isn’t anymore, you know.. there was a big portion of my pregnancy with Delilah where I thought she wasn’t in there as well. When I was born I wasn’t breathing and I was scared of that happening when I had Delilah, and I guess I’m scared of that this time too. I just want to feel her so I know she’s there. South Australia has gone into seven day lockdown from 6pm tonight, we had an ultrasound on Saturday (purely to put my mind at ease and just look at her), and we had a photo shoot booked for Sunday to announce the pregnancy- all which has been cancelled/rescheduled.. I can’t decide if I want to wait even longer to announce it the way I wanted OR if I just tell everyone. We’ve already waited so long and it’s started to get hard to keep it a secret. First world problems, hey.
Sometimes Aaron pisses me off so much.. he’s very messy, he walks through the house and turns on every light as he goes, he leaves all the doors open on all the cupboards while he’s cooking.. but then I think about how thoughtful and caring he is.. the millions of tiny things he does because he loves us and wants to take care of us. He cooks us dinner most nights, he helps me wash my hair almost every time, everyday I get home from work and I’m tired and grumpy, he’s always there telling me it’s a crap day not a crap life and he’s so right. He encourages me to take care of myself and gives me time and space to do so. I get so scared that I’m not as good of a partner for him as he is for me.. I am so lucky, and I hope he feels he is too.
Am I fat or am I pregnant, who can tell??