What's up beautiful,
I wish we could talk again... Life has been so hard without you. I can't catch a break and I miss having you to vent to. I talk to the photos of you that are around the house and its not the same. I feel crazy. I feel lost. It's starting to get to the point where there are fewer people asking me for answers about you and I am starting to process how I feel without having to hold up just for the sake of everyone else around me. I am starting to accept reality. You're gone. You always said "we both know I am not going to make it to 40." I always told you to shut up, because I didn't want to believe it. I also don't think you resigned yourself to that when you said it. The last few months we were together you started to talk about dreams and your goals again. You told me you hoped you'd get out of Michigan again. You told me you hoped you'd get to be the godfather of my first kid and best man at my wedding, both things you knew were YEARS away. I'm so fucking mad at you. No, I'm not mad... I am frustrated. Why didn't you call me? You told me you could count on me to save you when you were down. I tried. I always tried. I NEVER gave up on you, and yet you're still not here. I couldn't stop this. You stayed my friend despite how much we grew into different people over the years. If anything we only got closer. We're brothers. We're supposed to fight. Now I am stuck fighting myself. We used to show each other new music because it was always a platform we could use to communicate, despite how different we became. Nobody could read the message between the imagery of the songs on our playlists like we could for each other. When we would share new songs with each other we knew exactly where the other person was at mentally. We could tell how important that message was. Well, here is where I am today.
I love you AJ. Thank you for your friendship. I will never forget you. I wish I could tell you one more time how much you meant to me. -Stoodlepoo
