John Mulaney Sentence Starters
“I was hoping by now that I would look older, but it didn’t happen.”
“I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.”
“I have been here all night. You can feel the TV, it’s warm.”
“Why do people do that? People always shush animals. They’ve never spoken.”
“Now when people make fun of me, I deserve it.”
“I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
“If you’re ever behind me on the highway, I just want you to know that I hear you honking, and I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m going.”
“If you’re comparing the badness of two words, and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worse word.”
“You’re gonna have to get used to that.”
“I don’t like robots. Thinkin’ o’ things.”
“In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”
“Hey mister, I found your treasure.”
“I think in Heaven they built three quarters of a gay person but forgot to flip the final switch.”
“You want me to do what?”
“I don’t drink, which is not what you’re supposed to do when you’re Irish.”
“I’m really sorry about last night, it’s just that I’m mean and loud. It probably will happen again.”
“Okay, let’s go over there and destroy the place.”
“Everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world.”
“I’ve never climbed a fence that high before.”
“That wasn’t what I was telling you, but alright. Let’s talk about this entirely new topic.”
“Excuse me. I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I’m new in town.”
“What are three other things about him?”
“I’ll take your advice, friend I’ve never listened to before.”
“This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”
“Psh. You’re not gonna faint.”
dededos
jacobvanloon
baratheonpilled
andulkaphoto
izzy806
areudirty
annaxmalina
