We're Not Going to Be Friends - Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!Reader
summary: in which y/n promises the viscount they aren't going to be friends no matter how hard they try
warnings: sad, classism, regency-era misogyny, cursing
author's note: a.) sorry for the hiatus life got crazy b.) i was actually considering making this a full fanfic? would you guys be interested? and c.) guess who started watching bridgerton! :)
"they must've gotten the wrong person." y/n declared, looking at the cream paper embellished with golden borders.
what an anomaly for her to have received such a letter—a letter from the queen of england, nonetheless
You have been royally invited to the annual gala. Your presence is requested by the majesty, herself.
We look forward to seeing you.
The Royal Palace of England
she read it once, and than twice, and than thrice. y/n was not from england, but she knew enough that if your presence was requested, it was a polite way of saying "you are required."
she couldn't help but chuckle. why the hell did the queen of england wish to seen an american physician working in london?
well, perhaps the answer was in the question.
y/n was the first certified female physician. she had gone to school (after a hard fight), she had studied and practiced, and now she spent her days providing care to the less fortunate. she had come to england to expand her work, making healthcare avaliable no matter the size of the purse; as she had worked to do in new york city.
the london newspaper called her the american dream: a child of immigrants, a young woman, turned into an independent physician who bowed to no royal nor shrunk for no man. she was infamous rather, for her unconventionality.
which posed another question. why was high society suddenly interested in the unconventional?
"well, are you going to attend?" her assistant, mary, inquired.
"i suppose i have no choice." she smiled, the transatlantic accent slipping out. "but i am anticipating this event."
"and why is that, doctor?" mary inquired.
"to expand my knowledge of the english culture. to become associated with interesting people. to possibly find some charitable ladies and gentlemen." she explained.
"well, i wish you the utmost luck." mary giggled.
the evening arrived faster than Y/N had expected it. she was clad in an enchanting light purple dress. it shimmered with delicate embroidery and jewels. as she stepped down from the carriage, she took in the sight of the gorgeous palace in front of her.
"thank you, sir." she smiled at the carriage man. "take care of yourself."
"i-i will, doctor." he smiled back.
y/n took one last deep breath. here goes nothing.
as the grand double doors opened, she was absolutely fascinated with the ballroom inside. large windows looking out to a garden covered an entire wall. the wall trim was golden. the chandeliers were bright and shimmering. it was breathtaking.
the people matched the scene. women in elegant gowns that brought out the most beautiful of their features; men in well-tailored waist coats. this was unlike anything she had seen in the states.
"incredible." she whispered, more to herself than anyone else.
as she trailed across the ballroom, she could not help but feel eyes tracking her. from her peripheral, she noticed a few women exchanging glances as she walked by. she noticed a couple of men looking at her.
they tracked her, as if she were somesort of exotic animal that had arrived in an extravagant cage.
perhaps, she felt that way. but that was of irrelevance. suddenly, a footman appeared in front of her. he nodded before speaking
"her majesty summons you." he informed.
"yes, of course. may i ask where she is?"
suddenly, the crowd began to split like the red sea. the lively chatter died down as y/n was left standing in the middle of century-old aristocracy. if she had thought eyes were on her before, it was nothing compared to now. she could feel the weight of judgement, of analysis, and of keen observation.
and alas, y/n saw the woman herself. queen charlotte, in all her glory. she wore a ravishing green ballgown. her gray hair was up in, y/n's opinion, a rather ridiculous fashion. her skin was illuminated by the golden lighting as she sat on a grand throne.
y/n curtsied elegantly, going admirably low.
"doctor y/n l/n." the queen acknowledged.
y/n returned to standing, her posture impeccable.
"at your service." y/n smiled.
the queen took a long look at the woman in front of her. it was true; she was utterly beautiful. from the gown she wore to the look in her eyes, she was a diamond.
"where have you come from?" the queen inquired.
"the united states; new york city, your majesty." she responded confidently.
"i am a doctor." she answered. "your highness."
"and what is an american doing in england?" queen charlotte continued, curiosity seeping through her authoritative voice.
"healing the sick and preserving the healthy."
"when no man is capable, it surely becomes one." she smiled politely, the transatlantic accent coming in.
the queen smiled back; amusement, perhaps, but more-so recognition between two women thriving in positiond not intended for them.
to y/n, it seemed the conversation was ending.
"it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, your majesty." she smiled, beginning to courtsy.
the ballroom held its breath. a beat of silence.
"who said you were dismissed?" the queen bellowed, her authority commanding the room.
but it did not command y/n, who looked back up. a confident smile spread across her face; one that only appears for people who do not understand the weight of a monarch.
"my apologies, your highness. there are no kings where i'm from."
a pause. than, laughter, loud and unguarded from the queen.
"of course." the queen smiled. "i assume your preference lies with parliament."
"congress. but ultimately, my preference lies with freedom."
"you carry the countenance of a patriot." she commented; her own historical reference.
"i'm whatever you'd like me to be, your majesty." y/n chuckled, smooth and easy, as if this were a conversation occurring in the pub.
to the rest of the room, the conversation was charged and exciting. there was no predicting y/n's responses; that's what made it anticipatory.
and anthony bridgerton had been anticipating, alright. he had been watching her speak to the queen of england as if she were a fiery affair. he had been watching her dismantle every belief society held about women as if she were discussing the weather. he had been watching, and yet, he could not decide whether he liked her.
frankly, he found her pretentious. the first female doctor from a famed city in the americas. but unfortunately, his desire found her beautiful and his twisted mind found her charming.
"i am pleased to make your acquaintance." the queen stated. "you are dismissed."
"the pleasure is all mine." y/n finished.
the crowd began to reform and chatter began to rise. people slowly approached y/n, dukes, lords, ladies, and other distinguished nobility. they inquired, more interested than y/n believed people of such social status would be. the ladies had many questions about america; whether women were allowed to study, if the cities were as loud and vibrant as the news portrayed them to be, whether or not she was married. the gentlemen had similar questions; why she chose to study instead of getting married, who manages her finances and properties (like it was any of their business), and when she was planning on getting married.
y/n found herself with the refreshments, holding a cup of lemonade.
"what lovely eyes you have." she smiled warmly at the worker who stood by the station.
"oh-i, thank you doctor. i've been told i greatly resemble my mother." the worker, a young girl, stammered back.
she hesitatingly made eye-contact.
"she must've been a very beautiful woman."
anthony watched from across the room as y/n engaged in some conversation with one of the servants. he had never seen a servant so relaxed at such an event. perhaps this doctor was dealing psychedelics. he began making his way across the ballroom. gorgeous she was, but unfathomably out of place. there was no way she was as interesting to gain the attention of the queen, the ton, and the servants. perhaps, he could make an affair out of her, if she allowed him to tape her mouth.
y/n found herself gilding through the ballroom once more, but suddenly, a man was standing in front of her. he was tall with dark eyes and thick brown hair. his clothes were tailored and he stood with confidence. he was handsome—dashing even.
"i see you're making many friends...doctor." he began, his voice fittingly smooth and delicious.
"i do my best..." y/n smiled, waiting for him to introduce himself.
"my dearest apologies." he smiled. "i am the viscount of bridgerton house—anthony bridgerton."
the man in front of her was unfairly charismatic. she felt the intensity of his gaze as if it were burning her soul.
"ahh. how are you doing this evening, viscount?" she asked, stressing the title.
"no different than yesterday." he shrugged. "but perhaps you would be able to change that."
"for better or worse?" she chuckled.
he could not stand her. but yet, he still wanted to speak to her.
"you are quite the anomaly, doctor." he grinned, though he meant it. "an admirable anomaly, but an anomaly nonetheless."
as charming as he was, the hunger in his eyes subtly gave him away.
"and my deviation excites you?" she questioned, quirking an eyebrow up.
she could feel the subtle arrogance. she could feel the inherent need to assert dominance. i mean, she incites him.
"how insightful." she commented. "now tell me, viscount, an honorable man such as yourself, surely would not approach me for the sole purpose of persuading me to be your mistress, correct?"
anthony faltered for a split-second, before smooth recovery. oh, he really disliked her now.
"i've approached you to ask when i may be considered your friend, doctor." he smirked, his gaze reflecting mischief.
she paused, and took a look at him. she knew this type of man. irresistible, but unchangeable.
a smirk spread across her face.
"we're not going to be friends." she decided, her words slow and steady.
he smiled right back. he knew what she meant.
"it was a pleasure making your acquaintance, viscount." she finished, slightly dipping her head.
"the pleasure is all mine, doctor." he winked, stealing one last glance at her before he disappeared into the crowd.
disdain? desire? y/n could not tell which was which, for him nor herself.
the next time anthony bridgerton saw dr. y/n l/n was in the countryside gardens. he was on his horse when he caught a figure strolling amongst the flowers. she looked oddly peaceful, examining the bright rows of orange and pink under the clear blue sky.
"viscount," she smiled, not turning her gaze away from the rose she held in her hand, "i did not consider you a nature enthusiast."
"doctor," he returned, climbing off his horse, "i did not consider you fond of the countryside either."
"i visit often." she spoke, finally meeting his gaze. "people here face more uncertainty when it comes to medical care."
"you are quite the hero." he remarked, half out of awe, half out of spite.
"you can be too." she said quietly, holding his gaze.
it felt to intense. it felt as if someone had seen him in a way he was not ready to be seen. the viscount quickly flashed her a smile.
"i'm better off not pretending." he continued, thinking of something else to remark on.
"you are quite unusual, miss l/n." he commented, staring at her legs.
the trousers flattered her figure more than they should've.
"forgive me for not wanting to save lives in heavy skirts. how indecent, immoral, depraved, and absolutely shameless of me." she retorted, sarcasm dripping from her voice. "i expected you to be traditional, not archaic for god's sake."
his eyebrows knitted together.
"this is coming from someone who knows nothing of tradition."
"this is coming from someone who is at equilibrium between tradition and modernity."
he hated her mouth. and yet, he yearned to hear more.
she hated his audacity. and yet, she hoped he'd pose another question.
they both looked at each other for a moment before laughing.
"until we meet again, viscount." she smiled, bowing her head down the slighest angle.
"we will not meet again." he corrected, but his own smirk betrayed him.
y/n carefully sat next to violet bridgerton, y/n's hand resting against violet's forehead.
"you are warm, my lady." she noted. "have you been around anyone with condition as of recent?"
"not that i can recall." violet answered weakly.
it hurt to see her this way. y/n had known violet to be the most gracious woman in all of aristocracy and admired her deeply, even if her son was an absolute ass.
but she did feel for her son in this very moment. anthony bridgerton stood beside y/n, his eyes tense, flickering between his mother and y/n.
anthony's heart pounded in his chest. he hadn't allowed benedict nor colin to be in the room, out of fear the sight of their ill mother would overwhelm them. it was overwhelming him.
this was the last parent he had—all of them had. he had seen his father die, he could not do it once more. not for the woman who had given him everything. he nervously watched y/n scribble in her notepad and examine his mother. he had called the doctor, unfortunately not knowing anyone more qualified and honorable to take a look at his mother.
"it appears you have mild consumption." y/n spoke, at last. "i have a pharmacist in the americas who can ship over medication in a week's time. once that arrives, i'll administer it to you for six weeks."
"will i be the..same?" violet hesitated.
this was one of the worst parts about being a physician. y/n had no way of guaranteeing whether violet would ever return to her peak health. she gently clasped her hand over violet's.
"i can only tell a couple weeks after treatment begins. however, as of now, i am confident that majority recovery is in your favor." she smiled. "until then, please rest and have only hot foods. keep yourself clean and remember to rest. no balls for you." she chuckled.
violet gave a weak smile back.
y/n packed up her items and exited the room, the viscount accompanying her. for once, he had no quips about her dressing or profession.
"a word doctor? in my study, please." he asked.
y/n followed him to his study, a classy dark room full of novels from top to bottom.
"will she be alright?" he asked, his eyes finally meeting y/n's.
y/n noticed the concern in his eyes and the way he nervously toyed with his fingers. she could hear the thought he was thinking.
i can step up to be a father but i cannot be a mother.
"once we begin treatment, she should begin to feel better." y/n offered.
"that's not what i'm asking. i'm asking if she'll ever return to full health? will she live? to see my brothers and sisters marry? to hold their grandchildren? to-"
"my lord, your mother is an incredibly strong woman and i have full faith that if anyone can make a strong recovery, it will be her. the medication coming in is one of the best in the world and i will personally overlook each aspect of her care. she will be okay." y/n confirmed, knowing he needed comfort more than he needed reasoning.
"i apologize. i don't mean to be so-"
"please do not apologize. i've seen hundreds of concerned families, my lord. that's what family does; they worry. i'd be no different had something happened to my mother."
the concern and fear in his eyes softened, morphing into something closer to gratitude.
as the weeks passed, y/n would stop by bridgerton house twice a day. once in the morning and once in the evening. she would administer violet's medicine, check her symptoms, and provide much needed reassurance to the younger bridgerton siblings.
and once that was done, she often found the viscount alone in his study. holding a drink, furiously scribbling, or gazing out the window, but each time a raw sadness was present in his eyes. the concern had aged him as he spent all hours worrying about his mother. she always stopped by before she left to chat with him, providing him with the reassurance she knew he needed but was too proud to admit so.
sometimes their dawn/dusk chats would hold over as they ventured into finance, politics, arts, sciences, and even personal history. y/n learned that the viscount was not as cruel as he made himself seem. and most importantly, she could see the tension leaving his shoulders as he took her word. although none of them said it, they both knew they had crossed the line from acquaintances to companions.
one late night, as y/n was leaving bridgerton house, she noticed the study door slightly open and knocked gently.
"enter." anthony said, gazing out of the window.
"good evening anthony." she smiled
"good evening y/n. how's mama doing?"
"she's made excellent progress. it looks like she'll be making a full recovery."
"really? isn't it far too soon to decide that?"
"not at all. there's a week left of treatment and she feels close to as she did before her illness." she corrected. "i know you've been tangled in worry; that's why it appears less time has passed."
for the first time in close to six weeks, y/n saw the viscount smile. really smile.
"that's incredible. thank you y/n. i don't know how to express my gratitude."
"there is no need. this is what i do." she smiled.
"no y/n, truly, i thank you. for your splendid care of my mother and the care you've shown my siblings. they look forward to your arrival now." he laughed
"do they now?" she chuckled.
"i also thank you for the mercy you've shown me...i would not have been able to handle this situation without your expertise," he paused "and kindness. i am forever indebted to your grace." he finished.
when she caught his eye again, it was full of something new. admiration? appreciation? praise? she was not sure, but she knew it was sincere coming from the deepest depths of his heart. she offered her hand to shake. he took it light and pulled her into a tight embrace instead. she could feel his arms around her waist, holding on as if she was going to disappear. her arms came around his neck, reassuring she wasn't.
anthony had never felt an overwhelming urge to embrace someone before. as his arms wrapped around y/n, he couldn't help but continue thanking her in his mind. for the conversation, the care, and the comfort. maybe this pretentious physician wasn't ever really pretentious.
once they broke apart, y/n smiled at him before exiting the estate.
as fate would have it, y/n and anthony did grow into each other's companionship, although they'd never say it. they would often consult each other for advice on business, family, and life as it came.
as her and anthony walked along the countryside one sunny day, it occurred to her that for once instead of watching the flowers, she was watching him. she began to anticipate his visits to the clinic and hers to bridgerton house. she enjoyed arguing with him (thoroughly) and laughing about it afterwards.
anthony's favorite day of the week became thursday. on thursday's, y/n would join them for dinner. she'd help eloise with her writing, benedict with his art, and hyacinth with her dances. he began looking forward to their frequent disagreements, inciting them at times. overtime, he had learned they were much more similar than he once thought. he had found something fond within their relationship; something equal parts passionate and restrictive.
y/n watched him fall in love with another woman. kate sharma was her name. and she was beautiful, royal, and in society. she was no outsider to aristocracy and not nearly as unconventional as y/n.
y/n knew she would have to distance herself from the viscount eventually. when he began speaking endlessly about kate and when she watched him say "i do" to her, y/n knew it was time to step back. that was no longer her companion; that was another woman's husband.
she was not bitter, no. it was closer to resignation. she knew that she would always be a commoner and he would always be a noble. those titles decided their fate from the very beginning. she knew their differences were etched into their blood—irrefutable and irremovable. had she fallen in love with him? no, not quite. but had she given herself the chance? without a question, she would have.
as the golden hues of dusk painted y/n's clinic, she took one last look around. fives years and thousands of people. the clinic had not only secured the funding it needed, but the physicians too. women and men of all backgrounds now carried on her mission of delivering care for humanity, not for title.
suddenly, the door opened. y/n turned to see someone she hadn't seen in close to eight months.
"my lord." she smiled. "to whom do i owe the honor?"
"doctor." he smiled back. "to me."
she rolled her eyes as he chuckled.
"how's everything going? with the family? with kate and the new property?"
"it's well. colin and benedict are in line now for marriage. hyacinth is jumping up to get married. mama is jumping up for all three of them to get married. gregory is still a bit clueless." he chuckled. "eloise misses you dearly."
"oh, i do hope to see her soon." y/n expressed, a tinge of sadness in her voice.
"the property is also quite nice. kate and i enjoy it thoroughly." he offered.
the antique dark wood of the clinic bathed in the golden sunlight, illuminating the space between them and their features. a moment of silence passed.
"actually, kate is...with child." he announced, a smile blooming on his face.
"oh my-well congratulations anthony!" she laughed. "isn't that just incredible! have you thought of any names or nursery colors?"
"thank you, thank you. for a boy, we were thinking edmund, after my father."
"that's beautiful." she smiled. "i wish you, and especially kate a safe and happy journey."
"actually y/n, i was hoping you'd be willing to accompany us for the journey?" he paused, looking at her eyes. "i've known you for years and you're the best doctor in all of england. it'd mean the world to us if you'd be willing to supervise kate's term and her health. and perhaps, help us deliver the baby."
y/n paused. she'd watch him fall in love with another woman and marry her. she'd stepped away from his family and his legacy. was she to hurt herself more by watching him live out his fairytale life?
"my lord, i am honored, truly." she smiled, after a moment. she watched his eyes grow with joy. "but i am unable to supervise the viscountess' term."
the gleam in his eyes slowly seeped away.
"why..why not, doctor? you and i have known each other for years and there is no one i trust more to look after my wife and future child." he questioned, the confusion evident in his voice.
"my lord, i am-" she paused, and took a deep breath. she hadn't told him. hadn't told anyone. "i am returning to the americas tomorrow."
"what?" he asked, pain and bewilderment present in his tone. "when will you be back?
"i won't be. my work here has been satisfied." she said softly.
she'd done her job of creating an accessible healthcare system in england. now, she planned to return to the americas and continue to do the same.
"and when were you planning on informing me of this?" he further questioned, moving closer to her.
"i've not told anyone anthony. it is nothing personal; this is my line of work. this is what i do. i will refer you to one of my colleagues."
his eyes wore a look of perplexity and hurt.
"very well then." he said softly. "i suppose you will write me though?"
"i cannot write to you anthony. you-you are a married man, a soon-to-be father." she reminded.
she knew anthony loved kate more than anything in the world and she accepted that, she just didn't want to be reminded of it every day or in a country an ocean away.
"write me as a friend." he proposed confidently, like the first day they met at that ball.
she looked at him for a long time. writing to him meant continuing whatever they had. and what they had was not only friendship. it was something more intimate; something none of them ever named but had awareness of.
"we're not going to be friends." she chuckled.
he chuckled right back; he knew what she meant.
y/n watched the english coast slip away from her eyesight as she sailed back to the americas. for a moment, she shut her eyes remembering the first night she met him. his easy confidence, intent gaze, and domineering aroma.
she smiled as the memory came back to her.
they really were never going to be friends.
