Regret Nothing. @stuckinthegloriouspast - Tumblr Blog

a revival? a renewal.

Based on my previous posts, it seems like I come back to this tumblr around the same time of the year, ahaha. Anyway, new tumblr is strange. Glad to see my mix of emotional angsty posts and hilarious reblogs hasn't stopped making me smile (both the "lol" and the "ugh" sort). You'll always have a piece of my heart because I love you, but I'm learning to love you from a distance now, for my sake. Consider this one of my final open letters to you.

breakfastburritosattiffanys

I HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING

RING TING TINGLING TOOOOOOOOOOOOO

COME ON IT’S LOVELY WEATHER

FOR A SLEIGH RIDE TOGETHER WITH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

phils-mum-and-llama-placentas

IT’S STARTED

itsfantasticallyhomoerotic

IT’S BEEN NOVEMBER JUST FOR FEW HOURS YOU ANIMALS

peri-space-dorito

IM SAVING THIS IN MY FUCKKING QUEUE AND EVERY FUCKING NOVEMBER AT 12:00 AM IM FUCKING POSTING THIS

#well I'll be

I guess it says something if a couple minutes of scrolling through my tumblr feed curated by the me from 6 years ago can actually take my mind off of you. I don’t know whether I’d call it personal growth or the proof that giving yourself 10 years to get over that one mistake really can dull the pain, but I’ll take what I can get. It seems you’ve moved on, so I’ll just leave this here for now. There’s more below, but it’s *wordy*. Every time I write anything to you, it gets so wordy and then I feel like a crazy person. You’re gonna open it and go, “woah,” so just know that I warned you.

As I’ve started off my three other lengthy and unsent letters, I have so much to say, and at the same time, nothing at all. I guess that’s how it’s always been for me, thinking back to all those times of me being unable to speak my mind and tell you how I really feel and sitting in what felt like the most comfortable uncomfortable silence. In short, I love you. I always have and I think I always will. I don’t know if it’s possible to just... unlove a person that you’ve loved for so long, and if the past... wow, 13 years is anything to go by... I think for now, I’d like to turn this love into something more familial. So that when you get married and have kids, I can go and not have to cry in the bathroom between the ceremony and reception, and I can spoil your adorable kids without secretly resenting them. I really do want to be happy for you. It just hurts a little that it kind of seems like she has the same name as me? I’m really just making shots in the dark, making connections where there may, in fact, be nothing, and perhaps overthinking, as I always do. But some part of me hopes I’m not overthinking things, because you really do deserve someone better than your exes. Someone better than me, who can never seem to get it together when it really matters. It just hurts that all the people after me have seemed so similar to me. Some sick part of me is almost proud that I’ve made such an impact on you. The sane part of me knows that I’m just lashing out in hurt. This isn’t working out, and I know that there’s almost no way it ever could. Not after what we went through. Not after all the things we did to each other (this is what I call personal growth, being able to acknowledge that not everything is my fault!). Not after all this time. The part of me that reads too much shoujo manga is on her hands and knees begging the rest of me to not let go. Luckily for that part of me, I don’t know how to let go. There’s a lot to unpack in my mind. 20+ years of blaming myself for everything doesn’t get untangled in just a couple of years. Just cause the pandemic left me too much time to actually take on the challenge, I have to admit that I don’t think I’ve made much headway in this area of my life. More than anything, I just don’t want to seem like a crazy person to you, even though I’m sure I already do at this point. Not that you’d ever see this. But that’s the thing. If I sent this to you, I’m sure you’d really take the time to put the URL into your browser and read the entire thing. Because you care. A little too much, maybe, but that’s what I’ve loved about you too. I’ve loved everything about you. The dumb faces you make. The way you are when you’re jealous. The way you treat everyone like they’re special. The way you love on and care for everyone. Your thoughtfulness. The silly things you’d come up with to make me smile. The way you never wanted to hurt me. I always seemed to be hurt, huh? I’m learning now that it’s mostly my fault. Not that I’m to blame, but you weren’t the one hurting me. Just me getting a little too far in my own head, and in my attempts to never be a bother to anyone, to never make anyone upset, to never hurt anyone else, I was hurting myself (and I’ve learned that hurting myself hurts others too, sorry). I know that now. It’s a work in progress. I don’t think it’s anything to apologize for, but I am sorry that you were caught up in it. I may not know much about you anymore, after all, 6-ish years is a long time to go without really seeing or talking to someone, but I still know you. Your kind and loving heart shouldn’t have had to try to pry mine open. I swear that behind the seemingly endless layers of protection, my heart tried. It tried to tell you that one time at the Metreon that I was indeed hurt by how affectionate you were towards others. It wanted to hug you and tell you that you were more than enough when we were at youth camp and I told you I was cutting myself. It begged me to kiss you again when you were dropping me off after that one date when you said you wanted to be friends. Wait, is that what you said? Actually, I remember a lot from that date, but I am still so confused about what happened after that. That afternoon and the years after were all one big jumbled mess to me. Kind of like when you wake up not knowing whether you’re late for work or it’s your day off. “Friends don’t kiss,” is what I remember saying to you that day. I remember... not a lot. My mind was racing, I think you said that you didn’t know if you wanted to do those kinds of things with me. I remember that you said you liked hugging better (and honestly, same). That’s why we were just going to be friends? Was I just being a crazy person all this time? Like actually? Omg. It does make the years that followed a little confusing though. How did we get from there to there? Teenage hormones, I’m sure. How did I even get here? I just wanted to tell you that I want to be happy for you. I’m really trying. For the most part, I don’t even cry anymore when I think about what we had, and it doesn’t hurt so much seeing you with other girls. Just a little. A rather normal amount, I think. If we had another chance, I know I’d do better. All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you, to live together and spend my days with you. Nothing special or extravagant, just to go places together, to cook and eat meals together, to watch movies and anime and other shows together, to play games together, to read the Bible together, to go to school events together, to go to games together, to lie next to each other and cuddle, to just be. And the me now has grown to be able to really open up, with minimal prying, I might add. Motion City Soundtrack is still one of my favorite bands, and I swear I’m gonna make you listen to them someday. In one of their songs, Timelines, he says, “It’s not a matter of time, it’s just a matter of timing. Do you ever wonder how you got to here?” It’s something I’ve never thought about, but it’s how I’ve thought for a long time since I heard those lines. It’s not a matter of how much time I give this relationship, it was the timing that mattered. We couldn’t be there for each other in the ways that we needed, when we needed, that’s all. Sometimes, giving it time doesn’t fix that. It’s just hard when you were such a big part of my life growing up. I have so many memories of you, so many things that remind me of you. People have told me that you’re no good for me. That you don’t actually feel anything for me. That you’re just stringing me along. But I think I’m just doing it to myself, haha. There’s just something about you. Something that’s telling me to stick with it for just a little longer. To wait just a little longer. Something that’s telling me to not let go just yet. Honestly I don’t know whether it’s God or the devil at this point, but... I’m just taking each day as it comes. I have good days where I‘m really okay, and bad days where I lie in bed at night and cry cause I miss you. I also have days where I’m too busy and tired to think, but on half of those days I wish I was able to snuggle up to you when I sleep. You’ve put up with me a lot over the years, and I’m really thankful. Thanks, much love.

#I think I just spent the past hour writing this #I was meant to make a coffee and eat some pastries and enjoy this rainy day in bed #I guess this was pretty therapeutic though

nicostiel

★ Victor’s Evolution ★

#Yuri On Ice!!#YoI!!#Victor Nikiforov #Victor

serizawazs

haruka: *talking about michiru* usagi&minako: 💔💔💔

#Sailor Moon #Usagi #Minako #Haruka

meowmeowoftheapocalypse

“When you get older, you notice your sheets are dirty. Sometimes, you do something about it. And sometimes, you read the front page of the newspaper and sometimes you floss and sometimes you stop biting your nails and sometimes you meet a friend for lunch. You still crave lemonade, but the taste doesn’t satisfy you as much as it used to. You still crave summer, but sometimes you mean summer, 5 years ago. You remember your umbrella, you check up on people to see if they got home, you leave places early to go home and make toast. You stand by the toaster in your underwear and a big t-shirt, wondering if you should just turn in or watch one more hour of television. You laugh at different things. You stop laughing at other things. You think about old loves almost like they are in a museum. The socks, you notice, aren’t organized into pairs and you mentally make a note of it. You cover your mouth when you sneeze, reaching for the box of tissues you bought, contains aloe. When you get older, you try toner, you experiment with trousers, you experiment with real sexy outfits, you experiment with pin curls and darker hair and orange-toned red lipstick and you date people that look good on paper. You kiss them in public and feel only a little self-conscious. You never like them, although sometimes you really do. you think about safe sex and sometimes, kids. You think about plants, maybe succulents, or maybe even a cat? When you get older, you try different shampoos. You find one you like. You try sleeping early and spin class and jogging again. You try a book you almost read but couldn’t finish. You wrap yourself in the blankets of: familiar t-shirts, caffe au lait, dim tv light, texts with old friends or new people you really want to like and love you. You lose contact with friends from college, and only sometimes you think about it. When you do, it feels bad and almost bitter. You lose people, and when other people bring them up, you almost pretend like you know what they are doing. You try to stop touching your face and become invested in things like expensive salads and trying parsnips and saving up for a vacation you really want. You keep a spare pen in a drawer. You look at old pictures of yourself and they feel foreign and misleading. You forget things like: purchasing stamps, buying more butter, putting lotion on your elbows, calling your mother back. You learn things like balance: checkbooks, social life, work life, time to work out and time to enjoy yourself. When you get older, you find things like rejection hurt less and things like nostalgia hurt more. You watch people do things you want to do, and then you do some of those things too. Things start to feel like pins on a map. You watch landmarks pass and almost note them. You eat a taco from a food truck and be careful to dab the corners of your mouth with a napkin. You smooth your shirt down. You think about details, the details of how clean the beer cup is, how you need to put the dishes away, how she smells like a perfume you wore and how his teeth are perfect and aligned. You feel a little less downtrodden by things like routine and security and a little more appreciative of things like doing nothing, finding a friend, stretching on a big couch. You hear old songs and only sometimes do they gut you. You think about your future almost always, in both a thrilling way and a very very panicked way. When you get older, you find yourself more in control. You find your convictions appealing, you find you like your body more, you learn to take things in stride. You begin to crave respect and comfort and adventure, all at the same time. You lay in your bed, fearing death, just like you did.You pull lint off your shirt. You smile less and feel content more. You think about changing and then often, you do. When you get older, you barely notice it at all. Then, you are sitting somewhere you’ve been before, staring at the nothingness of the sky, and you feel the wind moving away from you, fast and almost impossible to catch.”

—

When You Get Older, thefrenemy (via themindmovement)

I want to read this later and appreciate it when I’m in a more focused mood

#I stumbled back onto tumblr

Coming back on Tumblr after months and months of absence is like opening a time capsule because most of the posts on my dash are still the same things I liked when I used to use Tumblr a lot more than I do now and it’s nostalgic. I see the same videos, the same gifs, the same photo collections (I’m also still getting Rick Rolled, y’all). All the same things still make me laugh and I still cry over the same sad plot points and it’s nice to know there’s some form of continuity in my life when everything around me is changing.

#growing up #tumblr #life

cv-045

Yee

and i cannot stress this enough……………………………………………….

haw

#Neko Atsume #Cat Collector

sagihairius

my hot topic cashier had big buttons that said “ask me about my fursona” and “submissive” on his lanyard but no name tag because thats just too personal i guess

felderwin

The one time I check the url to see if it’s one-time-i-dreamt and it’s not

call-me-shriggy

the mood for this month

#Jenna Marbles #Jenna Marbles Halloween 2018 #Halloween costumes #costume idea #this is p legit y'all #it's kinda great and ngl I think it's the best costume I've seen so far

admiralrainbow

everything is never as it seems

minute-men

hey Op, do you accept criticism

admiralrainbow

i DO accept criticism but i WILL cry

sonnaiikanjisubs

A new subbed video translated from the Japanese again! I hope you enjoy it!

Once again, thank you @raku-fansubs for your help!

Just in case the video gets deleted, one of these will link you to a new one. https://youtu.be/Z_qQ37Y62b4 https://youtu.be/FYQ49eklW2Q

#UtaPri #Uta no Prince Sama #Kurusu Syo #Kurusu Sho #Shimono Hiro #Hiro-tan #Kurosaki Ranmaru #Tatsuhisa Suzuki #Tattsun #I'm dying this is too good #hirotan is def me tho omg

ravenel

I saw this post by @astropixie about how it’d be nice to review fics on AO3 as you read. A little while back, because I was so in awe of the Clexa fic writers, I made this userscript (can install on Firefox by using Greasemonkey and on Chrome, ETA: Opera, and Safari by using Tampermonkey) so that I could do just that. It doesn’t have the wattpad or soundcloud functionality, it’s just a little thing added on to a page, not something supported by the site itself, but it’s better than nothing.

The userscript is available here: http://pastebin.com/vYBCYWu4

ETA: FFN version: http://pastebin.com/addj3Xtm

Tampermonkey tutorial