studzzi535 @studzzi535 - Tumblr Blog

˖᯽ ݁˖ Stuck in Love

ꕥ chapter three: i thought that i was dreaming when you said you loved me

summary: paige spends lockdown with azzi’s family and everything changes in a way neither of them expected.

tags: azzi being an overthinker, injury grief, paige being another overthinker, talks about coming out, making out with your best friend so you don’t have to talk about your feelings, kinda angsty ig

a/n: i finally kept my word, chapter 3 is here! this one kinda sucks but is really hard to make a series when your characters don’t leave the house and they live together.

this one is also kinda personal bc chronic pain/injuries are a big thing in my life, it feels weird to relate that much to a character.

anyway! one more chapter left! and a bonus! yay! let’s see how long it’ll take me to finish lol

thank yall so much for all the love, i love reading your comments and reactions, it really keeps me going. - A <3

wc: 6,217

Azzi was the first to wake up the next day. She stirred awake slowly, embracing the now-so-usual warmth around her. Running her nose along the skin of Paige’s white neck under her, she smiled to herself as she noticed the scent of her own vanilla body wash.

It was familiar to have Paige like that, as if she had waited all her life to finally give in to that feeling. She watched as her chest rose and fell rhythmically, a small reminder that she was real, that last night had actually happened.

Flashes of the night before came to Azzi’s mind, sending butterflies all over her body. The way their lips fit perfectly against one another, the way Paige seemed to melt every time Azzi touched her waist, her hips, her face. The way they forced themselves to sleep when the late night turned into early morning, separating their mouths, but not their bodies.

Azzi looked away, feeling like Paige could wake up at any moment and know exactly what she was just thinking. She stretched herself away from the girl, pretending not to notice the blonde’s grip on her shirt, a plea for her not to leave.

She couldn't believe Paige was that touch-starved even in her sleep.

Giggling, she dodged herself away from the girl’s body to leave the bed, stretching herself properly once her feet hit the ground. With her arms above her head, Azzi noticed the steady pull on her knee, one she was used to by now, and took a mental note to give it more attention later.

She heard her family’s voices in the kitchen and the soft tinkle of teaspoons against mugs as she went down the stairs, and her heart beat faster with the realization of what she had actually done last night.

They couldn't know, at least not yet.

“Good morning, sleepyhead!”, her father called once she reached their line of sight.

“Where’s Paige?”, her mother asked. “Are you still mad at her?”.

“She’s asleep, she couldn't sleep last night and we were up pretty late”, Azzi explained, reaching for her plate of pancakes. “And I wasn't mad at her”.

Katie stepped to her side, eyes warm like every time she wanted her to talk about her feelings. “Do you wanna talk about it, baby?”, she whispered.

Azzi met her glance, trying to seem as confident as possible that ‘no, nothing happened and no, I don't need to talk about it’, because she knew her mother could read her like nobody else.

“No, mom, thanks”, she answered, trying not to look away and give her mom the wrong idea.

Azzi blankly stared at her pancakes while she ate as if they'd give her every answer she needed.

She couldn't possibly let her parents find out, not now. She didn't even know exactly what had happened between her and Paige, she couldn't risk everything that they didn't yet have, nothing solid to call theirs - only one night of hushed kisses wasn't a promise of anything, it was just the beginning of something yet to be named, to be claimed.

Deep down, Azzi knew her parents would be supportive, as they were when it came to her, no matter what. She was the oldest child, their only daughter - they were, and would always be, by her side.

But she’d also be the first lesbian in the family, the first girl to bring another girl to family events as a girlfriend. It was different, it came with the weight of what other people would think - her grandparents, uncles, cousins - not only her parents.

And what would happen if her parents didn't approve of it? Would they send Paige back to Minnesota? Make sure they’d never speak again? Make Azzi go to some all-girls boarding school in Switzerland, only for her to meet another blonde girl who’d ruin her life?

No, she couldn't let any of that happen.

Azzi only stopped spiraling when she felt familiar arms wrapping around her shoulders from behind her back, Paige’s warm face burrowed in her neck just like a few hours before.

“Morning”, the blonde mumbled, her voice muffled by Azzi’s curls.

Azzi turned her head back, feeling a sudden heat wave run through her bloodstream with the reminder of last night. Paige wore one of her St. John’s hoodies, one she probably stole from her closet sometime last week, and her sweatpants sat low on her hips, followed by the mismatched socks she put on blindly at night. It was definitely a look.

And it still made Azzi’s heart swell and her hands sweat, making it difficult for her to keep cutting her pancakes.

“Hey”, she called, leaning slightly into her touch.

It was routine, they were touchy and tender every day, there was no reason for that to change, right? Her parents wouldn't notice anything different because it was the usual, just two best friends giving each other a good morning hug, like every other day… right?

Azzi didn't know if she imagined her mother looking at them with shining eyes, but the next second she was shaking her head to make it go away, her brown eyes focusing on every move from the blonde girl.

“Good morning, kiddo”, Tim said, passing her plate. Paige grumbled, flopping down on the chair beside Azzi, like they should have been last night.

“What were you two doing last night that you didn't sleep?”, Katie asked, drinking from her coffee.

Paige stiffened by her side where she mindlessly chewed on her pancake. Azzi shot her head up instantly, feeling her airways close as she sipped on her own coffee, choking for a second, and her face grew hotter.

What a way to be subtle, Azzi.

“Just chattin’”, Paige managed to answer, both girls ignoring the piercing look from her younger brother.

“Yep”, Azzi agreed, trying not to think about whether her mother was suggesting something.

“Well”, the red-haired started. “Let’s try chatting during the day, okay? So you don't look like two little zombies”.

The two nodded, and Paige let out a quiet “Yes, ma'am”, blue eyes wide, before continuing to eat.

They didn't look at each other when Paige’s foot intertwined with Azzi’s under the wooden table, nor when the brunette’s pinky brushed her clothed knee. But they both knew what it meant - an unspoken promise that it was okay, that no matter what changed yesterday, they were alright.

“I was thinking we go to the gym later”, Katie suggested after a while. “Get some shots in”.

Paige’s head shot up as soon as she heard the word ‘gym’, letting out an excited “yes!”, before turning to Azzi.

Azzi hesitated, remembering the constant ache in her knee, which hadn't left since the moment she stepped out of bed. Then she glanced at Paige, her bright eyes looking bluer than ever, and suddenly she couldn't say no.

Her shot was off from the moment they stepped into the gym, hitting the rim, circling it, and falling out.

Usually, she would get frustrated with herself, attempting shots from every spot on the floor until they constantly fell in, and listening attentively to her parents' coaching, but clearly that wasn't an usual day.

Azzi didn't huff when the ball fell out for the third time in a row, didn't even seem to acknowledge it, just kept shooting like it was normal.

She mindlessly nodded at her mother’s corrections, as the pain shooting from her knee when she tried to square her feet took up all her mind.

Flashes of last year ran through her head, a reminder of the blinding pain and the uncertainty of whether her body would ever be the same. Azzi tried to take a deep breath when she realized that no, her body wasn't the same as before, and that was the reason her shots kept falling off the rim.

Her parents eventually stopped trying to correct her, holding each other’s look in a silent conversation, one they had many times before in the course of the past year.

She was extremely aware of her surroundings - the sorry luster in her mother’s blue eyes, the hesitation lingering in the air, the caution in every step her brothers took when they played 2v2, Azzi and Jose on the same team, the softness of Paige’s eyes before guarding her.

Paige noticed what was happening, because of course she did. Azzi knew it from the way her eyes glimmered, not with pity, but aching for her, comforting, and how her touch seemed to linger on the defense, warm hands on her back, her arms, her waist.

Still, Azzi couldn't get to focus on what she should be doing. Square your feet, square your hips, elbows, and shoulders, aim, shoot. She knew everything she should do, but it was difficult to be successful when she couldn't get through step one.

And it was especially difficult when her mind was elsewhere, ruminating on the fact that her body would possibly never be the same from a year ago, that maybe she’ll always have days where she feels off because of an injury that was long gone.

Azzi didn't get frustrated with her own performance when she and Jose lost, she didn't trash-talk with Paige and Jon, who didn't cheer when they won, and she didn't ask for a rematch.

Instead, Azzi resented her own body, her own knee, silently in her head, uncertain of how an injury that was already treated could get her off her tracks in a way that made her unable to do the one thing she was exceptional at.

She felt her heart beat faster in her chest, hearing the constant thump in her ears as she looked down at her shaky hands. Azzi left the gym without a word, gathering her things to wait by the car. If she were with anyone else, they’d think she was mad about losing, but she was with her family, and they knew her like nobody else.

Well, except for one tiny detail.

The air outside was thick after the storm of the day before, clinging to Azzi’s sweat-beaded skin, but it was definitely better than the hot, sweaty atmosphere inside, from where she could still hear the silent hesitation remain, even from afar.

She closed her eyes, inhaling the earthy scent of the still-wet grass around her as she tried her best to ignore the pain radiating from her right knee.

Good, Azzi, you couldn't say no to those perfect blue eyes and now your knee hurts like a bitch… what a time to be a big fat lesbian.

“Hey”, speaking of those particular blue eyes, they were the first thing Azzi saw as she opened her own.

Paige’s tank top clung to her damp skin, her hair and eyes looking brighter underneath the sunlight, and if Azzi’s mind was just a tiny bit more organized, she sure would’ve given it more thought.

“Told ‘em to give us a minute”, she explained, making their shoulders touch as she leaned to the car.

“Thanks”, the brunette said for the first time since they left the house.

They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Azzi could notice the hesitation coming from Paige, clenching and flexing her hands repetitively like she always did when nervous, and she had to suppress a smile at how thoughtful the blonde was.

Paige opened her arms after a beat, closing them tightly around her body when Azzi leaned her entire weight on her. She tried hard to fight back the tears that insisted on emerging after Paige whispered a sweet “It's okay, Az” in her ear, kissing her temple right after.

The ride home was quiet, unlike any other car ride with the Fudd’s. Azzi had her bad leg draped across the blonde’s lap and, out of anyone’s eyesight, their pinkies were linked atop the leather-cushioned seat, only for them to see.

After a nice, long warm shower, long enough that she almost ran out of hot water, Azzi was back in her bedroom, finding Paige already in her bed like that was her room.

The brunette lightly limped towards her, watching Paige’s face open when she got closer. They stayed quiet for a moment, side by side, drinking from each other's presence. The only sound in the room was from each of their disheveled breaths that mingled in the small distance between their faces.

The blonde shifted so that their shoulders touched, this time without the post-workout sweat, halting as she started: “Are we not gonna talk about it?”.

Azzi’s breath caught in her throat, feeling her heart beating faster with the lack of oxygen. “Talk about what?”, she deflected, sighing.

“I don't know, yesterday? Today? Your knee?”, Paige said, furrowing her blonde-haired brows in concern.

“There’s nothing to be talked about”, she whispered, raising her guard.

“Az, c’mon”, she turned to Azzi, taking one of her hands to get her attention. Which worked, obviously, because when would Azzi not look at Paige if she asked? “Talk to me”, she asked. “Please”.

Azzi took a shaky breath in, feeling her eyes start to swell without even talking yet. “I just woke up with my knee hurting a little, and you looked too cute for me to say no to the gym”, she rolled her eyes, tenderly. “And now it hurts more, but I’m fine, really”.

“You could've told me, Az. I wouldn't be mad if we spent the day together at home, y’know”, she teased, knowing it wasn't the entire truth but letting it pass for now, making Azzi let out a watery laugh.

“I know, but your face was too cute, and your eyes were shining, and I didn't want to let you down after you got so excited… I know it's dumb, alright?”.

“I dunno, Az, it kinda sounds like you're in love with me”, Paige hummed, smiling.

Azzi’s jaw fell open, baffled. “What?!”, she exclaimed, feeling her blood flow directly to her cheeks.

“You heard me”.

Azzi huffed, the usual annoyance she felt at Paige masking the feeling like she was just put on the jumbotron, naked with nothing but her secrets.

Was it that obvious that she was in love with Paige? And if so, were other people able to notice it too?

“You’re so full of yourself, Paige Madison”, she started, rolling her eyes affectionately and ignoring Paige’s ‘I don't think so’. “It's not because I think you're cute and I kissed you last night, and wouldn't mind if we kissed again, that I’m in love with you!”.

“Really?”, Paige snickered, clearly amused with the situation.

“Yes-”.

This time, it was Paige who interrupted her, linking their mouths in a hushed kiss. It was different from all the kisses they shared at night - it felt more charged, more confident, more sure.

Azzi smiled against her thin lips, not even trying to pretend she wasn't craving Paige’s mouth on hers since the moment she woke up. She cradled one of her cheeks with her shaky hand, the other wrapping around her pale neck to softly pull at the baby hairs on the nape of her neck.

It elicited a low sigh from Paige, asking for permission to enter Azzi’s mouth. Their tongues brushed against each other unhurriedly, trying not to break the kiss in a smile as they savored each second.

And oh my god, Azzi was completely, utterly sure that her mind was short-circuiting right fucking now, because there was no way she was sane after the way Paige had just grabbed her waist and pulled her in.

Azzi was also sure Paige’s kiss had some sort of spell cast into it, because from the moment Paige’s mouth touched hers, nothing else mattered. Not the pain in her knee, not her uncertainty with her own body, and definitely not her parents.

It was going well, too well if she was being honest, she should've known something was bound to go wrong. Paige had just pulled her in even more, so that their entire bodies touched.

Azzi really should’ve seen this coming, but the next second she felt her entire body go stiff as Paige accidentally hit her leg with her own knee, igniting a hiss from the brunette, breaking the kiss.

She clutched at her knee, closing her eyes tightly as Paige pulled back entirely, hands hovering over where she hurt.

“I'm so, so sorry, Az”, she said, pouting like she was the one hurt.

“It’s okay, P, I really forgot about it and wasn't careful”, Azzi promised, noticing the worried look on the blonde’s face. “Can you grab me my electrodes downstairs, please?”.

Paige nodded, leaving the room blushing after Azzi gave her a soft peck to the lips. She came back after a minute, looking even more flustered than before - crimson cheeks, lips swollen, and a wide-eyed stare.

“I had to run away from your mom”, she explained before Azzi even questioned, settling each electrode in its place before kissing the skin of her knee and getting on the bed.

Azzi now found herself between Paige’s pale legs, back against her chest, setting the exact frequencies for her treatment. She hummed as she felt the first electrical impulse run through her leg, instantly relieved.

They settled into comfortable silence again. Azzi had her head against Paige’s shoulder as long fingers worked through her scalp, eyes closed.

She sighed, feeling truly comfortable for the first time in the whole day, definitely from the mix of Paige’s steady presence all around her and the waves working on her knee.

She didn't know if her skin felt warm because of Paige’s touch or the last rays of the sun that entered her room through the window - the sky outside a beautiful shade of pinks, oranges, and purples that traded places with the dark night sky - but she was grateful for the familiar feeling nonetheless.

“I was overthinking today”, she stated, and Paige answered with a tiny ‘I know’, encouraging her to keep going. Azzi let out a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “I guess I’m kinda used to the pain by now, but I just kept wondering if I’ll have these days forever… like, days where the pain comes back and I can’t do anything about it”.

“But this was supposed to be over, y’know?”, she continued, feeling the sobs building in her chest. “I went through surgery, I went through rehab… I was supposed to be good by now. But every other day my stupid knee hurts again, and today I couldn't fucking play because of it, because I couldn't square my damn feet, or move fast enough”.

She was crying now, her entire body jostling with the weight of her own sobs, and Paige moved to be in front of her, cradling her cheeks with her hands to wipe her tears.

“It’s okay, baby”, she whispered, encouraging, and not even realizing the pet name until it was out of her mouth.

“And I’m just so mad that my body is not the same anymore”, Azzi continued after catching her breath. “I feel like I don't have control over it, and I’m afraid I’ll never play the same again because of it”.

“Az”, Paige called after giving her a second to breathe. “I know I didn't have an injury like yours, but I feel like everyone who goes through something as big as this feels this way… It’s okay to feel like this. Everything shut down right when you were supposed to come back. Your body didn't forget what it needs to do, and you didn't get bad at it, you just need to go back to action again”.

“I mean it when I say you're the best player I know. You are the best player, Az, not were, and I swear to God I’ll do anything for you to believe it”, she promised, holding Azzi’s trembling hands. “Everyone has off days, we just have to know how to get through them. You’re not less for struggling or hurting, dare I say you’re even more because of it”.

Azzi smiled shyly, feeling her chest full in the best way possible. She leaned forward, tipping her head to Paige’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around her body as she mumbled a soft “Thank you, P”.

She felt warmth all around her, not only outside, but inside too. Paige had always been sincere and attentive, but it felt different to have her like this after the line they had crossed the last night. It was more intimate, and it made her wonder if Paige felt it too.

“And I’m not saying this just because I like you”, the blonde said, and Azzi could hear when her heart quickened from where she rested on her chest. “I really mean it”.

Azzi pulled back slightly to look at her face, eyes sweeping from cerulean irises, to her pink-stained lips, to every freckle on her cheek, and back to her eyes.

“You like me?”, she questioned, whispering, eyebrows shooting high in her forehead.

Paige’s cheeks grew to a darker shade of pink, breaking eye contact for a beat and taking a deep breath. She then furrowed her brows, a small grin spreading through her face.

“Well, of course I like you, why else would I have kissed you yesterday?”.

Azzi gasped at her audacity. “I kissed you yesterday!”.

“Then I guess you like me too”, she said, smiling from ear to ear.

Azzi paused, playing with the strings on Paige’s (her own) hoodie, not able to contain the smile that broke through her face. “I do”, she said quietly, followed by her smile faltering. “Can we- can we talk about this later?”, she pleaded, motioning her finger between them. “I have a lot on my mind right now”.

“Of course, baby”, Paige replied with flushed ears. Azzi melted a little inside, realizing the pet name now that she wasn't on the verge of a panic attack, and thinking she wouldn't mind at all if Paige only referred to her like that. “Take your time”.

All Azzi could do was smile, pulling the blonde to another kiss. She couldn't help but feel warm inside, grateful for the last 24 hours. They weren't ideal, far from it if she was honest, but none of it mattered when she had her best friend, the one person she had been cultivating feelings for a while now, reassuring and kissing her like she was the only thing that mattered.

ꕥ

By the end of the week, Paige was sure she was going completely insane. And it was because of Azzi Fudd, with her perfect curly hair, perfect bunny teeth, and perfect mouth - and God, what a mouth, Paige was now hopelessly devoted to it.

On the following days, the affection between the two girls had grown a lot, to say the least.

They always found themselves curled together on the couch, fingers drawing loose circles around each other’s backs, until Jon appeared down the hallway and scratched his throat.

Or when they were getting ready for bed, brushing their teeth, and Azzi would always find a way to touch her - if it was from smearing toothpaste foam across her face or from holding her waist with her other hand, Azzi didn't really mind how.

And, even though she was the happiest she had ever been, Paige was also getting more and more anxious with each day that passed. Because it was already Sunday and, although she had her best friend on her lap, kissing her like it was the only thing that mattered, they still hadn't talked about what they were - or weren't.

On Wednesday, the day after what they would later call the ‘gym incident’, Paige was thriving, on Cloud 9, without a single worry in the world. Two days ago, when they were just baking in the kitchen, she never would've thought all of this would happen.

Was food really the way to the heart?

Anyhow, Paige was more than happy to give Azzi some time to think. She could see it when the brunette’s mind would drift from their conversation, or when she’d start fidgeting with the hem of Paige’s shirt, with her eyebrows pulled together and pouting lips.

So when they were finally alone by the end of the day, tucked together under the blankets on Azzi’s bed, she didn't mind when she felt Azzi scooching closer, or when her hands started to wander to Paige’s face.

She didn't feel confused, didn't wonder why they were doing this instead of talking about it, at least not yet, because Azzi had asked for some time to think, and that's what she was giving her.

Thursday was weird.

They started the day with their usual routine, the one they had since the first time Paige slept over. Paige would usually wake up first, lingering in bed with the warmth radiating from Azzi’s fast-asleep body, until the brunette awoke and they’d get downstairs for breakfast - only now Paige hugged Azzi’s figure until she woke up and begged for a good morning kiss, which she would deny because of her morning breath.

The day went on easily, as it normally did. They had breakfast with Azzi’s family, played horse outside, since her knee wasn't hurting anymore, showered, and had lunch.

It wasn't until late afternoon that it started to go wrong.

They were watching Criminal Minds in the living room, sprawled together on the couch and, as two teenage girls in love would, they were lying very close to each other - as in Azzi rested directly on top of Paige, her face turned to watch the TV as her left ear listened to her heart beating.

Paige had been teasing her for having a crush on one of the actresses, poking her repeatedly on the waist, until Azzi had enough, resting her weight on her hands as she pulled away to look at her face.

Paige smiled, and Azzi then knew that's what she had been wanting the entire time: her attention.

“Tell me I’m prettier”, Paige asked, her voice barely a whisper, looking at Azzi’s brown eyes.

“No!”, the brunette responded, pouting. “You’re annoying, that's what you are”.

“Really, princess?”, Paige teased, running her hands through the extent of Azzi’s back.

Azzi didn't have the chance to react, though, because the next moment her mother would be barging into the living room.

“Girls, have you seen my glasses?”, she asked, looking around the room until her eyes stopped on them, pausing.

Azzi’s face was a mere two inches away from the blonde’s, both now turned to the red-haired woman, and she couldn't help but notice the way Paige’s hands lingered on her daughter’s waist before pulling away.

Katie blinked, unsure of what to do until she cleared her throat, murmuring an astonished “Okay…”, before turning to leave.

“Fuck”, Azzi groaned, trying to completely bury her face in Paige’s neck.

The brunette didn't really talk much after that, didn't join when Paige tried profiling before the BAU team, which the blonde failed embarrassingly, and certainly didn't laugh at her terrible jokes.

And Paige noticed, of course.

She noticed the distance Azzi insisted on setting between them. Noticed how brown eyes would lock with hers, only to break it the next second, like nothing happened, like it didn't matter.

Paige knew Azzi struggled with her parents knowing about her sexuality. She didn't understand it, though. Because if there were two people who would always support Azzi, that would be Katie and Tim Fudd.

Their whole lives revolved around their daughter, Paige could see it in every little moment she shared with them.

She thought it was sweet, having both parents caring about her in person. Paige couldn't say the same about herself, though, since the last time she saw her parents together was at her 12th birthday and saying it went badly was an euphemism.

Paige knew her parents loved her, but Azzi’s parents were different, they loved loudly.

She felt her parents’ love in the quiet times, when her mother would call her after knowing she had a long day, or when her dad would stay late with her in the gym after a bad game.

It was easy, it was quiet, and it was the type of love she had always known.

She knew the Fudd’s were different the first time she actually saw their dynamic. They were always the loudest cheering by the stands, they attentively pointed to where Azzi could get better, and they kissed her cheeks goodnight every night.

It was weird when Paige started spending way too much time with their family that this love started to brush on her.

Their love was clear, and she wasn't sure how Azzi could think it’d ever change if she came out to them.

Azzi kept the distance between them the whole day, even when they were alone in her bedroom by nighttime.

“Are you gonna shut me off every time you think your parents know something?”, Paige asked when they were ready to sleep, backs turned to one another, tired of the silence that still stretched.

“I'm not shutting you off”, Azzi responded, sounding tired, maybe by her own thoughts.

“Yes, you are, Az. You didn't speak to me the whole day after your mom saw us”, she argued, slightly mad. “And mind you, we weren't doing anything!”.

“But what if we were, Paige? You don't think of what she could do? To me? To you?”.

“I think you're overthinking, because unlike my own mother, yours wouldn't think twice before accepting you!”, Paige fought back, getting up from her place on the bed with her pillow. “I'm sleeping in the guest room”.

On Friday, Paige woke up feeling like shit, not even knowing when her mind finally shut down during the night.

She blinked slowly, getting used to the sunlight directly hitting the curtain-less window, through the clear glass and into her eyes. She turned on the bed, hoping to find the usual warmth of Azzi’s body, finding nothing but cold, empty sheets on the other side of the bed.

Is this how people feel after a one-night stand?, she thought, burying her face in her hands after processing all that happened last night.

Okay, she might have overreacted a little, but it actually hurts her feelings when Azzi gives her the silent treatment. Azzi was her best friend above everything, so not speaking to her properly, even if only for a day, was actively killing her.

That's when she heard the soft knocking on the door, possibly what woke her up, letting out a hoarse “Come in”.

Azzi opened the door slowly, which Paige didn't expect, because she was never the first to apologize. She stood by the door frame, curly hair messily thrown in an overnight bun, her frame covered by one of Paige’s hoodies, and long, bronze legs peeking out of her sleep shorts.

Focus, Paige, you're supposed to be mad.

“Hey, you”, Azzi called, closing the door behind her and standing awkwardly by the bed. Paige patted the spot beside her, and she hesitantly followed.

“Hey”, she said, not really meeting Azzi’s searching brown eyes.

“I’m sorry for yesterday”, the brunette apologized after a long sigh, her long fingers playing with the comforter under her body.

“No, I'm sorry, Az, I overreacted and-”.

“Don’t”, Azzi interrupted, shaking her head. “I know it's dumb, okay? I know my mother loves me, and I know that won't change, but it's so fucking scary, Paige”.

Paige nodded, trying to block the memories from when she came out to her mother the year prior. She never talked to Azzi, or anyone, about it, just silently went through the heartbreaking pain by herself.

Her mother was getting used to it, though, it's a work in progress.

“I know it's scary, Az, but I'm right here with you. You can't shut me off like this, not when I just want to help you”.

“I know… it's just- it's easier than talking about it. And I was so scared of my mom seeing us like that again, that I thought keeping you at arm's length was easier. I'm sorry, P”.

“It's alright, Az”, she assured, smiling. “Let's just not do it again”.

Azzi nodded, looking way lighter than when she first came in. Then it was like a light had flashed through her face, turning the corners of her mouth upwards and giving shine to her eyes.

“About that… I’m kind of paying Jon to watch the door whenever we want”.

Paige laughed, a full belly laugh she couldn't contain even if she tried. “How much?!”.

“10 bucks for each time”, Azzi smiled proudly. “He wanted 20”.

“Nice”, Paige said, still smiling as the girl pulled her in for a kiss.

She sighed into Azzi’s lips, trying to stop the pull in her chest from still not talking about it. About them. She thought it was the perfect time, but Azzi didn't seem to think so as her hands found her waist.

Paige tried hard to give in to the kiss completely, let herself think only about the feeling of Azzi’s hands on her waist, her face, Azzi’s mouth against hers.

But she couldn't. Not when the tiny voice in the back of her mind kept telling her that Azzi was dodging the “them” topic, maybe because she didn't reciprocate Paige’s feelings, or because she was only bored, or using her as a distraction.

Saturday was more of the same, but the tiny voice was even bigger.

On Sunday, Paige had enough.

It was nighttime already, so it meant they were alone in Azzi’s bedroom, hushed kisses and wandering hands, soft sighs that filled the otherwise quiet room.

Paige tried to concentrate on Azzi’s tongue against hers, on the light movement of her hips above hers, on her warm hand entering under her shirt.

It was new, it was different, and, if she was reading it correctly, she was pretty sure they were going to have sex. And that’s supposed to be a big thing, especially if it's with your lifelong crush and best friend.

But her thoughts couldn't stop running to that place where the voice grew bigger, where she doubted everyone including herself.

Paige knew Azzi asked for time, but it didn't make sense for her that they could do anything but talk about it. It didn't make sense that Azzi was ready to take a step further into their relationship but not talk about said relationship.

What even was their relationship?

She grabbed Azzi’s hand, the one drifting to the band of her sports bra, in a rush of despair, taking it off from under her shirt and breaking the kiss to look at her face.

She needed to talk about it. They needed to talk about it.

“You don't want it?”, Azzi asked, small and confused.

Paige threw her head back against the headboard, not even mind the pain shooting down her spine. “Fuck, Az, I do want it, I swear to God, but maybe… maybe we should talk first”.

“Oh”, she let out, trying to sit in the bed, but Paige kept her steady in her lap, hands firm on her hips.

The blonde closed her eyes tightly, sighing before she started. “I gave you some time to clear your head, but it's been almost a week, Az, and I can't keep doing this if we don't talk about it”.

“I really like you, Az”, she continued, tears prickling her eyes. “I’ve known you were different since that fucking flight. I know this will change everything, and maybe that's why you don't wanna talk about it, but I really, really want this”.

“I want it too, P”, Azzi secreted, fidgeting with Paige’s hands. “But there’s the whole thing with my parents, and you go back to Minnesota in less than a month, and then you'll go to college… I can't ruin this”.

“Azzi Fudd”, Paige started, holding her tear-wet face between her hands. “You’re the person I trust the most in the whole world, you could never ruin this. The distance is nothing, you can come to my games once the season starts, and when you come to UConn-”.

“If I go to UConn”, she corrected, a small smile curling her lips.

“Shhhh… When you come to UConn, and we finally play together, think of all the things we could do together, Az. All the things we could do together as girlfriends”.

“You are thinking very far ahead”, Azzi teased, but the smile on her face told Paige all she needed to know.

“I can think even further”, she answered, eyes shining.

“Paige”.

“Hm?”.

“I really like you too. And I really want this. But you can only ask me to be your girlfriend after I talk to my parents about me”, Azzi stated.

“That's okay”.

“Really?”, she asked, surprised.

“I mean, now that I know where we’re standing, yeah”.

“Okay”, Azzi smiled, seeming finally relieved after the entire week. “So we take it slowly”.

“Yeah”, Paige bashed an enamored smile, feeling all the week’s anxiety being drained from her body with each second Azzi looked at her. “I can do slow”.

#paige x azzi #pazzi fics #pazzi #pazzi fic #stuck in love

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