[stultify-ing]

i woke up at 8pm last night (pretty typical when elias isn't here, i work 9pm-5:30am but thankfully it's my weekend right now) and i haven't slept again despite the fact that i have to leave in about 45 minutes for a TWO HOUR LONG anatomy ultrasound. i have to pick elias up right after. looks like i'm going to hit the 24 hour mark before i get to sleep.

thank fuck i'm off tonight but i have to work tomorrow night and i'm gonna screw up my sleep schedule. oh well, i do that every week.

i picked up overtime on both of my nights off last week and boy was that dumb. i waited two weeks for this weekend and now i feel like i'm squandering it.

[sosuperawesome]

Memorial Stitches on Instagram

Follow So Super Awesome on Instagram

[sj0]

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

[hersheyhipster]

Couldn’t risk it.

[justjengie]

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

[pinayputa]

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

[stultify-ing]

hey tumblr

i'm feeling very pregnant and very weird about life (maybe i should stop listening to mount eerie before i move to an island) so tumblr feels like the place to be.

how's it going?

[stultify-ing]

so i guess andy caved and got elias his own phone. elias thinks he's old enough for a phone "and also probably a twitter". i do not agree. i'm sick as hell, in july, because fuck me i guess. if only that meant i got to relax or convalesce or even slow down for half a goddamn second. but nope! my house is a wreck and i still have to go to work and even though i bought stardew valley on the switch for ME because john has been hogging the ps4 24/7 for literally a year and a half, guess who suddenly loves stardew valley? john woke up before me today and has been playing it literally all day and i want to rip his eyes out. god forbid i actually have something for myself.

[sugarforsalt]

Looking to save a little this summer, so I turned the thermostat to 77. So far it’s not too bad. It’s not as comfortable as I’m used to but it’s not bad. Where’s your ac set?

[ropeandcoffee]

Ours is set to 81. If it’s cooler, then I freeze.

But it gets 100 here so 80 in my house is fine.

I know I know, call me crazy 🤪

[acertainjennuhsaisquoi]

Ours is programmed for 66° at night and 71° during the day.

I dont care what I have to pay, I refuse to sweat in my own home lol

[stillcrazyafterallthesebeers-de]

Mine is set to, “Alexa, please turn on the window units,” because I am a poor people.

[stjeffofthenorth-deactivated202]

I live in a house with two other guys and ours is set to whatever the fuck the last guy who walked by it decided was good. I swear I am going to set it at a reasonable temperature and superglue it. (currently wearing a hoodie because I am freezing)

[canwestopforrocks]

My thermomostat is original to the stupid, janky house so while the number I put it to is 78, it reads that it’s 64 so, who knows? It’s cold enough that my candles don’t melt once it gets to 120 outside but sometimes the coconut oil does.

[404-patience-not-found]

The people we rent the house from have the thermostat programmed so that it turns to 77 at 9am and then it goes to 77 again at 6pm and then at 10pm, it goes down to 73. I cannot figure out how to change the program. But I can feel as soon as it gets to 77 and I’m sweating. (I’m still hormonal okay?) I asked my fiancé to figure it out. He said “77 isn’t bad. That’s what money conscious people set it to.” I said, “😑 No. that’s what people who aren’t home all day set it to. 77 is not okay.” Especially since this place is poorly insulated. If it’s 99 outside and the thermostat reads 77, it is only accurate to that square foot around the thermostat.

[juneofthemoon-deactivated202002]

Mine is turned off 98% of the time (which means I sweat my balls off in my bedroom most nights because old house gets very hot upstairs) because I can’t afford a $200 bill every month for using it.

[momentswithmonsters]

Ours is set to 72, because our unit sits in the fucking sun & any higher means the apartment temperature hits 85+ inside

[zbornak-deactivated-deactivated]

I keep ours at 72 during the day & 69 at night plus I have 2 fans blowing on me at all times. I have a heat intolerance so I overheat fast. If the windows in our apartment didnt open horizontally I would put an a/c unit in my room. I like it to be 65 all the time.

[stultify-ing]

i keep mine at 71 as much as possible. any higher than that and i literally can't sleep, even with two fans. my partner bitches incessantly that it's too cold but my mantra to him is: you can put on a sweater or use a blanket if you're cold. i cannot rip off my skin when i'm too hot. our house is small and our central ac is only a couple years old so the electric bill usually isn't that bad.

[femaleshits]

[stultify-ing]

HA.

[stultify-ing]

i need to go to the grocery store but my back and neck are so fucked up today that i can't move my head without extreme pain and my right arm is basically useless. and i get overwhelmed trying to shop with elias because he's hard to keep focused unless he's in the cart and i can't physically lift him right now. normally i'd go alone and elias would stay home with john, but john's schedule changed this week and now he works on thursdays. not that that really matters, because we're not even making eye contact at this point so i wouldn't do it regardless.

[stultify-ing]

tw self harm

i'm honestly embarrassed to post this because it feels like i'm the sole absolute shitshow of my remaining tumblr community. i feel like scum. but today i had to wear an ace bandage on my right wrist and say over and over to people at work, "oh nothing, i have chronic tendinitis!" which is true but i'm not having a flare up. it's just easier and more socially acceptable than people seeing what i did to myself. there are times when self harm can be passed off as cat scratches or clumsy accidents but this isn't one. this is an i'm going to get myself involuntarily committed if the wrong person sees this kind of scenario.

i'm fucking 30 years old. this is pathetic. i thought i'd be different by now. i thought i'd be better.

[stultify-ing]

a friend of mine bought some adderall for recreational purposes and i expressed how much i miss it. she gave me one and i took half before work today. god, i forgot what a difference it makes. i'm so calm. my anxiety is massively diminished. i don't feel like ripping my skin off. everything in my life is falling down around me but hey, at least i can handle this shift.

[stultify-ing]

i think my relationship is ending.

my coping mechanisms are dissociating and self harming so that's where i'm at

i can't tell if there's something going seriously wrong with me physically or if it's a reaction to the absolute fucking breakdown i'm in

this is bad. it's going to get worse.

[stultify-ing]

today i did dishes (a lot of them) and i'm going to make real food for dinner so i'm done for the day.

it's the first day of summer vacation and i'm already anticipating how sleep deprived i'm gonna be for the next two and a half months. i'm used to sleeping while elias is at school, and he's not doing day camp this year. oh well.

it's been raining for pretty much the entirety of may and i don't mind but goddamn does it make me lethargic.

rent is gonna get paid tomorrow and i'll have enough for car insurance too. and i should have enough time for john and i to get paid again before my electric gets shut off, so that's a plus. those are our only bills at this point. we're on our best friend's family plan for our phones (he's a fucking saint and helps us so much) and we haven't had home internet since like... august or so? it blows but honestly, if we get to a point where we can take on more financially then my priority is getting back on my medication, not internet.

my back is all kinds of fucked up today and i'm mad about it. getting older sucks.

[stultify-ing]

last night (this morning) my brain pulled out its favorite anxiety/stress nightmare: home invasion. except this time i managed to lock the door before they got in, so they smashed all of the windows of my car with a crowbar while i sat alone in my house, crying and trying to make my fingers work so i could call 911. fun!

i have so much to do and no help doing it. my house is fucking disgusting. i have easily 8 loads of laundry to do. most of the dishes are dirty. the floors and rugs are dirty. the litter boxes need to be cleaned out. grocery shopping needs to get done. elias has a piano lesson tonight that is timed so perfectly between the end of school and dinner time that it's impossible to run errands on either side of it. i could go shopping now, before i pick him up, but i'm in bed because i got like 3 hours of sleep this morning and less yesterday, so i need a fucking nap. and all of these things must be done by me, because if they're not, they won't get done. if i was just cleaning up after me and elias that would be one thing, but i'm not. i'm also cleaning up after a 42 year old man, who doesn't work any more than i do, AND has days off when elias isn't here and i'm at work. i don't have that privilege. oh! and i'm also the only one who gives a shit about bills, and the fact that we can't fucking pay them 9 times out of 10.

and did i mention he's still not speaking to me? yeah. life is fucking grand.

[stultify-ing]

it's 7:30 in the morning and i can't sleep. my whole body hurts and i've been nauseated for hours. i'm watching steven universe and crying over every little thing. john is pissed at me and has been ignoring me since thursday night.

everything is shitty and i can't deal with it.

[stultify-ing]

welp. i have officially become the person who emails companies when their dickhead employees drive like dickheads.

here's a thought: don't ride a foot from my bumper in your bigass truck and then illegally pass me, and especially don't do it in a 15mph school zone.

[stultify-ing]

there have been big thunderstorms every day this week. i love it, and also it makes me feel slightly off-kilter.

i've been telling people for like 8 months that i want to be a locksmith. it started as halfway a joke, but the more i think about it the more i legitimately want to do it. it's a solid trade, and how cool of a skill is lock picking?? anyway there's a locksmith company hiring in my area and it's no experience required, they fully train. i'm gonna apply.

i want to cross stitch or play a video game or read something. most likely i'm just going to keep watching harry potter with elias and john, though.

[stultify-ing]

i'm going through a really bad binge phase and my weight has seriously ballooned. i already don't have any goddamn clothes that fit and i sure as fuck don't have money to buy new clothes. i'm constantly uncomfortable. i don't know how to stop the binging and i'm too tired/have too much joint pain to work out. i want out of this meatsack.