last night (this morning) my brain pulled out its favorite anxiety/stress nightmare: home invasion. except this time i managed to lock the door before they got in, so they smashed all of the windows of my car with a crowbar while i sat alone in my house, crying and trying to make my fingers work so i could call 911. fun!
i have so much to do and no help doing it. my house is fucking disgusting. i have easily 8 loads of laundry to do. most of the dishes are dirty. the floors and rugs are dirty. the litter boxes need to be cleaned out. grocery shopping needs to get done. elias has a piano lesson tonight that is timed so perfectly between the end of school and dinner time that it's impossible to run errands on either side of it. i could go shopping now, before i pick him up, but i'm in bed because i got like 3 hours of sleep this morning and less yesterday, so i need a fucking nap. and all of these things must be done by me, because if they're not, they won't get done. if i was just cleaning up after me and elias that would be one thing, but i'm not. i'm also cleaning up after a 42 year old man, who doesn't work any more than i do, AND has days off when elias isn't here and i'm at work. i don't have that privilege. oh! and i'm also the only one who gives a shit about bills, and the fact that we can't fucking pay them 9 times out of 10.