Ben Wyatt Is My Dad

Kristen | 26| INTJ | Libra |

[elephantlovemedleys]

[thekanucklehead-deactivated2025]

This one time I ate so much salmon I could barely move, and then my mom was like oh have some blueberry pie for desert, and in that moment I understood what it is like to be a grizzly bear

[continent-of-wild-endeavor]

[zagreus]

[yuriartillery]

i straight up do not respect your media opinions if you can't let harry potter go

[nealashitposts]

Truely the bar is on the ground. No one is asking you to rewrite history and pretend you never liked it. Just stop giving that hateful woman money.

[mino2aur]

cybertrucks are so amazing to me. sure it may be unsafe to drive and unimaginably expensive and ugly as shit but at least everyone who sees you driving it thinks youre a nazi

[assiraphales]

westley in the princess bride was so funny for being like ‘talk about this dead guy you loved lol’ and getting the tea about himself

[assiraphales]

oh he was ur true love? you thought he was hot n strong? rate him 1-10 and why

[wiiwheel]

I can tell when a straight guy has a moustache for the wrong reasons

[jeanritchie]

i love sending people my totaled car as a reaction image it’s so funny

[jeanritchie]

[teaboot]

My coworker asked me a question about Queer culture the other day and it was a really good question but I couldn’t think of a polite way to tell them that they didn’t have the foundational knowledge required to support full comprehension of the answer

[teaboot]

Coworker: So why do some people say they’re bisexual and other people say they’re pansexual? They sound like the same thing

Me: Do you want the real answer or the answer that will make sense to you

Coworker: I guess the real answer?

Me: Do you have three hours and a notepad

Coworker: No

Me: The flags are different

[diane-nguyen-watches-cartoons-d]

[teaboot]

^

[caats]

[lenetaylor]

band on the run

[cutemech]

she got stage fright

[justsheerfilth1]

all my favourite characters have a deep desire to be loved which says nothing about me also I am normal

[androidboy]

most notable times of being hit on by customers:

guy who tried to impress me with card tricks and failed every single one of them

old man who attempted to get my number when his wife walked away and slipped me his email address ending with “@ aol.com” when i said i don’t do that

cute gay couple that came back to tell me i was cute and then called the shop to ask me out

older professor who i talked to about folklore and told me he dressed as a wizard for recitals saying “this is really embarrassing but umm.. i’d love to get to know you more..” and gave me a receipt with his email address on it

dude in his 40s asking me on a movie date and me saying yes but then he kept starting text conversations with “ahoi hoi”

military guy who said it’d be hot if i killed him with a baseball bat

most notable time a customer did not ask me out:

a man who i knew had a wife and children getting really flustered and saying “um. ive been, uh.. idk if you remember me but um. i come in here a lot and ive uhhh haha umm ive been wanting to ask you for a couple weeks now.. um. have you read the green lantern issue i recommended??????”

[androidboy]

[cottoncandylesbo]

squeezing my pussy and concentrating all the microplastics in my body to print a perfect tiny figurine of a fruit bat

[the-lumpfish-queen]

[instant-yuri-machine]

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

The dumpster is a lot less likely to catch fire and kill people

[prof-grace-aspen]

The dumpster keeps trash OFF the streets.

[krisrisk]

the design of the dumpster had more thought put into it.

[fullyfunctionalminiaturebeehive]

The dumpster will last longer

[kyatra]

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

[woodox-earthtaurus]

Do you hate them or do they frustrate you? Cause hate is a strong word to use

[kyatra]

i hate them also i’m done with my worksheet now. is the first session free

[daily-spooky]

[boostmobilemastershake]

tough fucking luck losing my cart and my pack of camels in the same 48 hour period i suspect that it may have been ghouls

[ja-khajay]

are you a medieval silk road merchant