Style & Sensuality

What is done in love, is done well.

[styleandsensuality]

Guilty For Gucci

While I promised myself Marco was out of the picture, I had a weird and emotional run-in with him just the other day. We talked about a lot of the problems we experienced as a couple and even some of the darkest wounds I promised myself I’d never re-live. After hours of crying and one very serious emotional break-through later, I presumed us to be on mutual terms; at least as mutual as two exes could be at our newly found level of intimacy. But just as he began to leave, he walked into my closet as I gathered the box of his belongings I still had and told me that I needed to realize there was a life outside of the one in my head; more importantly, a life outside of the expensive brands showcased in my walk-in closet.

At first, I couldn’t tell if I was offended by his conclusion of what he presumed my world to look like or if I was offended because he had the audacity to bring my obsession with clothes and shoes into a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with that. I can’t remember the last time my Marc Fisher booties got in the way of the real world for me or a time that my Burberry kilted skirt shaded me from knowing the difference between right and wrong. While I wanted to share a few choice words with him, some of which weren’t even in English, I instead looked at him and chuckled.  

Men have this tendency to criticize women for how much they spend on shoes or find a problem with women liking expensive brands. But do brands really distort our view of the real world? And do the shoes I have showcased in my closet really affect my outlook on things going on in the world outside of my own? I’d like to think that I know about issues going on in the world considering I majored in Journalism and it’s my job to keep track of stuff like that- but a part of me felt an immense sense of guilt as I glanced up and realized how much money I collectively spent on my shoe collection alone.

After a few nights of careful consideration and a few hours of guilty thinking, I came to the conclusion that I’m allowed to spoil myself every once and a while. I take pride in the clothes I wear and I put a lot of time into the outfits I put together- and for one guy to chime in his unwarranted opinion, doesn’t mean I should feel bad for it. As long as I pay my bills on time and save money when it needs to be saved, then why does someone have the right to make me feel embarrassed for splurging some money on nice things for myself? While Marco’s opinion meant little-to-nothing in the grand scheme of things, I still felt a minor sense of security knowing that I didn’t have to rely on a man to help me afford all of the expensive clothes and shoes in my closet. And while Marco may think I’ve lost touch with reality, I’ll always be aware of the world outside of my own and no amount of expensive shoes or clothes will convince me otherwise.

Xoxo

-A

[styleandsensuality]

Good Girl Turned Bad Guy

While talking to my friend Marissa last night, we discussed the latest flaws in her relations with her recently exed-boyfriend. However, while she spilled the latest problems they had been experiencing - I soon realized that I too was experiencing the same thing. The problem with that being, while she was the victim in her scenario, I was the bad-guy in mine. 

After what seemed to be the longest most exhausting relationship a girl could have experienced, I made a pact with myself that I would never be as vulnerable as I was when I was with Marco. That I would play the dating field even harder than he played me. The only problem with that, however, is the fact that I’m messing with someone who did absolutely nothing wrong to me (yet). While Marissa continued on with her story, I was forced to confront my own thoughts harder than I ever had. If I turned into the awful manipulative person Marco was because of the pain he made me feel, how was I any better than he was? And am I making these innocent men feel the same awful and empty way Marco made me feel for the simple fact I was able to do it?

That promise I made to myself after Marco seemed so smart at an earlier point of time, but now it just seemed stupid and malicious. I realize that when the world hurts you, you want to feel angry and sometimes you even want revenge for that pain imposed on you. But at the end of the day, are you perfectly OK becoming that person that you swore you’d never talk to again, or be like for that matter? Maybe, after everything that happened, I’m an even worse person than Marco. Because after feeling all those terrifying foreign emotions he introduced me to after breaking my heart, I didn’t better myself- instead, I inflicted that same pain on someone else who in no way deserved it.

XOXO

-A

[styleandsensuality]

A Puzzle With Missing Pieces

Guys are as complicated to understand as a 500 piece puzzle is to put together with multiple missing pieces. You may think that you have all of the pieces, or at least the ones you think matter, and you may also think that you know exactly how the end image should look without those pieces- but sometimes those missing pieces are the most important part of the puzzles bigger picture. All that I’m trying to say is that you can let a man convince you that he has shared all of the pieces of himself, at least the important ones, with you, but when you realize that you’re missing more than a few pieces of information about him, there’s no reason to dwell on the things you can’t control.

After my breakup with Marco last year, I never really gave myself the chance to move on from the lies, heart-ache, and pain he induced on me. Instead, I enjoyed a solid week of gallons of Reese's peanut butter ice cream and Audrey Hepburn movies on repeat and ended up forgiving the man who destroyed my whole world before my eyes. Here I am now, a year and a half later, still attached to that same man and still reliving the same demons he introduced me to because I made him believe everything he did to me was OK. But yesterday, for the first time in forever, I felt this pain in my stomach that convinced me he had gone too far with his actions. That what he had done to me this time was unforgivable. So now, with only half of my puzzle pieces collected in my box, I must now try to find the rest of my pieces to make myself whole again and begin putting my puzzle back together. It’s going to be hard, and some of the pieces I may never find because they are gone for good, and that’s perfectly okay. The difference between losing one or two pieces compared to losing 30 or 40 is that with only one or two missing you still have a pretty solid idea of what the bigger picture looks like; but losing 30 or 40 means that a whole section is missing. 

So this week I challenge everyone to try and piece together their bigger picture. If you have a man or woman by your side than piece them in too. It’s important to make sure that the people you surround yourself with are the ones that will help you stay whole; and most importantly, help you keep track of all your pieces before you end up like me- with tens of hundreds of pieces missing that won’t, in any sense, be easy to find.

-A

[styleandsensuality]

Time Tells All

  As I've grown, one of the hardest concepts I’ve learned to grasp was the fact you can't force people to do something that they simply don't want to do. You can't force the person you like to like you in return, nor can you make a the job-hirer you're interviewing with hire you (unless you kill the interview; which you probably did), and most importantly, you can't force people who don't want to be there for you to stay around. As simple as that. There will be friends that you thought would ride-or-die until the end or boyfriends/girlfriends you built a dream future with,  that still managed to leave in the darkest of times. And after it happens you're life seems like its over; but it's important that you don’t feed into the 'world ending', because it has ended for me many times, and began even brighter the next morning.

With Love,

A

XOXO

[styleandsensuality]

2018 = The Year of ‘Self Love’

2018 is the year of self-love, self-realization and healthy improvements to better ourselves. But these improvements don't appear out of thin air and we don't simultaneously wake up in the middle of the night an all-in-all changed person (at least I never have). Instead, think of self-work as a constant journey that will not only benefit and improve you're moral but also encourage others around you to soon follow suit. Here are a few quotes I've collected help sum up my journey- that will hopefully encourage you to start yours.

“Do not be distracted by the criticism of others- remember that the only taste of success some people get is by taking a bit out of you.”

“If it makes you feel broken in any way,     you need to end it before it ends you”

“Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong and the other person is right, it means you value your relationship more than your ego”

“We can only attract the same kind of frequency we put out of ourselves”

“Going back to an old relationship is like reading your favourite book and expecting a different ending to happen”

“Never say mean words out of anger. Your anger will pass. But your mean words can scar a person for life so use kind words or be silent”

“Compliment people- but without downgrading, mocking or comparing with others.”

With love,

A

Xox

[styleandsensuality]

Single but not ready to Mingle

When I was young I used to sit with my friends and wish that one day I would finally meet a nice man, and a picture-perfect story would soon follow behind. I used to actually sit and think of my 'ideal' contender(s)- what he'd look like, what ethnicity I would want him to be and what kind of sports I'd ideally like him involved in.

Soon, the time did come around and love was no longer just a fantasy I had created in my head, but an actual feeling that existed solely because of the pure happiness and bliss I felt every time my hand intertwined with his. But unfortunately, the picture I had created in my head about how love would be and what love would look like was nowhere near close to this reality of it.

Love- doesn’t come easy and won’t stay forever unless you’re lucky. Happiness- is a constant fight that can change in the blink of an eye because one insignificant action spiraled out of control. And while the good times were good, the bad times were so bad that sleep didn't even save me from the reality that awaited me in the morning.

The worst of it all is when you finally come to the realization that the relationship itself is not healthy for you; or worse, the other party feels that way while you’re still head over heels. I looked back and realized I regrettably wasted 7 months of my life growing with someone who I presumed to be my 'soulmate', only to find out I'd have to spend the next seven getting my life back together the way it once was when I didn't rely so heavily on another individual. It absolutely pained me to wake up in the morning and turn over to see empty space occupied with meaningless extra pillows where he once laid or going out to parties and bars where my friends would mindlessly mingle with attractive boys, while I sit there isolated wondering where in my relationship I went wrong.

At the end of the day, I learned that there was no room for self-guilt following my broken relationship. For seven months I was so dependent on someone that I somehow lost myself along the way. After the fact, I learned to practice a little self-love. I’d go out and purchase a bushel of my favorite pink peonies and some fresh raspberries from the farmers market on Saturday mornings. But, most importantly, I worked to rebuild the relationships with my friends and family that unintentionally were damaged along the way. At the end of the day, you just need to make sure to always leave yourself a little time to focus on you.

With love,

-A

 xoxo

[styleandsensuality]

Putting A Label On It... Don’t

Sometimes we reach a point in a friendship where we can't help but question how life would be if you and your best friend were more than ‘just friends’. But the truth is that sometimes we look at these friendships-turned relationships, and dream about the impossible; we imagine it to be everything we could ever want when in reality not all friends have the ability to transcend into being the perfect companion, and that's okay.

I think that the blame falls on our obsession with finding someone who we are easily able to share all of our deepest thoughts and opinions with, without having to worry about them losing there respect or love for you. And in a close friendship we have that, and even better, they don't demand any restraints or try and control you the way typical boyfriends in relationships do. That’s because he's your best friend, and he might not see you as anything more. Even if he does, the second you try to put a label on it, things will never be the same.

Still, I can't help but sit here and wonder how different my own life would have been if my best friend and I had turned into something more. But the difference between wondering and wishing is my lack there of-of desire. I don't desire anything more than what I have in our friendship, and the possibility of jeopardizing all of it to fill my exaggerated fantasies that flood the back of my mind will never outweigh the ultimate cost of losing a best friend.

So my advice to anyone who might be falling for there best friend is-don't. Enjoy the company you have, and look instead for a companion who won't come with as many strings attached; because when push comes to shove, no sexual desires or attractions are worth jeopardizing such a valuable friendship.

xx

Love, A

[styleandsensuality]

Sequels are ‘Horrible.org’

Ever heard the saying ‘sequels are horrible.org’? If you haven’t, let me tell you a little something; other than the exception of Harry Potter, there are very few sequels that make anyone’s list of top favorite movies, and there’s a reason for that. A sequel is merely just another word for dragging on something that should have been left to be after the first go-around.

But sequels aren’t just for the big screen- sequels exist in practically everything; nearly every situation in our day-to-day lives for that matter. For example, your ex texting you out of the blue the minute you post a hot selfie on Snapchat, or an old friend who all the sudden wants to hang out again when he or she sees your finally living and thriving without them. In a way, it feels encouraging or empowering that someone who once left you behind now feels like you’re the one who ultimately left them behind. 

I know how strong some of these old memories and feelings can be, and their ability to attack certain hidden emotions you worked hard to cover, but that shouldn’t be your reasoning as to why you’re not moving on. Instead of texting back an old fling or an old toxic friend, maybe it’s time to put yourself back out there; go for the underdog, and watch him flourish with a beautiful woman by his side to help him do it. Or go out to a party with new girlfriends and make fun new memories. 

Trust me when I say start living in the moment and leave the past in the past. Everything that’s hurt you has provided a more valuable lesson than anyone could have taught you; so keep those lessons close to you, and use them as stepping stones to pave the way to a future only you could dream of achieving and let all the negativity die alone without you.

With lots of love

Xo- A

[styleandsensuality]

Rainy Days Look Good on You

To match the lazy weather, I thought it only fit to take a lazy day for myself and instead of writing you all a large paragraph on how you should respectfully and productively spend a nice rainy day like today; I'm instead going to share my favorite personal playlist "Queen A" (I'm excessive, I know), that was created for a day just like today. So get comfy, relax, and invite a cute boy (or girl) over to cuddle up and listen to some rainy day tunes with. Xoxo.

( https://8tracks.com/playlistsbya/queen-a )

1. Back to Black X Beyonce

2. Crazy in Love X Miguel

3. Gods and Monsters X Lana Del Rey

4. Undiscovered X Laura Welsh

5. Dark Paradise X Lana Del Rey

6. Wicked Games X The Weeknd

7. All Night X Beyonce

8. Work Song X Hozier

9. Haunted X Beyonce

10. Remember You (Feat. The Weeknd) X Wiz Khalifa

With love,

-A

[styleandsensuality]

Letting Go...

The hardest part of growing up is making yourself responsible for weeding out the good and bad seeds in your life. In high school it was easy, your mom, for the most part, was infamous for calling out the bad ones before you had the chance to, and was right about 99% of the time. As much as we hated her for it and was embarrassed that we hadn't recognized it in the first place, we began to really see the damage bad friends can impose in our lives.

But in college, you're on your own to weed out your own seeds. You're abruptly submerged into a completely new environment, one in which you are able to re-invent yourself and meet all new people who help the change really happen. But sometimes, no matter how great the friend, your time isn't worth theirs. And the worst of it all is that feeling of emptiness that fills the pit of your stomach every time you go to text or call them and realize that they won't be on the other end of the phone like they once were.

Letting that person go is going to be one of the hardest things you'll have to do, and it's even harder to see them still living a happy & eventful life even without you by there side. But losing friends shouldn't always be considered a loss or you giving up, but instead you owning up to the fact you deserve better. You deserve to be surrounded by people who only make you feel beautiful and make you feel like you're a part of something much bigger than you could ever imagine. So don't always consider a friend-breakup a loss, unless your ex-friend happens you be Sarah Jessica Parker or Lauren Conrad. Instead, consider it a lesson. You learned that they just didn't serve a meaningful purpose in the broader scope of things, thus you cut that chapter short to move on to a more eventful and productive next chapter.

XX- A

[styleandsensuality]

Girls Night is the Goal

In lieu of it being Friday, I thought it was only fitting that I wrote to you all today about going out; or not going out, and still making memories while doing so. My favorite part of the weekend has always been the part where all my friends would meet up at one of our apartments, and six or more of us would cram into our tiny compact excuse for a room, to get ready to go out for the night. While Kygo radio blares in the background and pieces of clothing fly like birds over our heads as we frantically trade clothes to find the perfect outfit, I began to realize that times like these won’t stay this way forever. My girls are my everything, my main source of gossip, the ones I can count on no matter how tough life gets and most importantly my college family.  Sadly, everything good must come to an end, as these weekend-night rituals soon will too. College years are some of the best years of your life, but what happens when college finally ends? Will you look back and remember the good times spent with your close girlfriends? Or will the memories of all those meaningless fraternity events and bar nights shade all the intimate time you spent with your real friends? I’ll leave it up to you to figure out for yourself, but I am in fact able to offer you some advice- and that advice is that: Girls night is the goal.   Going out on the weekend used to be centered around finding a cute boy to bring home or if you were lucky, meeting a guy that could be more than just a one-night-stand. But the best nights of them all were when I finally retired my bottle of Grey Goose I had been locking lips since classes let out, and instead called it a night with all my best friends by my side to do so. I get that sometimes the fear of missing out, or fomo, can be more powerful than your desire to chill at home for a single night while catching up on life with all your girls; but, the secret to all of it is that there will always be another ‘party of the century’ and there will always be more guys for you to meet. However, at the end of the day, there will never be friends that compare to the ones who made college feel more like a home than your own house did. So, as the weekend approaches, decide for yourself which route you will choose- and if you end up choosing your girlfriends kudos to you! With love, A

[styleandsensuality]

Welcome To A World Of Style & Sensuality

Welcome to a world of Style & Sensuality created by me, A. I’m just a girl in my early 20’s who still believes in true love and insists that fairytale endings happen to those who wait. I’ve created this blog to discuss relationships, friendships and even some talk on shoes & brands considering half of my world is centered around it. I am not the typical spoon-feeding blogger that tells you what you think you want to here, but more like a Carrie Bradshaw 2.0 that brings sex and style into a world outside of Manhattan. Sure, I’ve had my share of misadventures, but with every disastrous relationship gone wrong, I’ve learned a valuable lesson that will hopefully be formative for my readers in the broader scope of things.

This is my safe zone to openly discuss the truths behind relationships and dating, but also a place I can talk about my own experiences in the open that will hopefully help someone else learn from it before they make that same mistake. So, without further ado, buckle up and stay tuned because every Sunday morning a new post will go live within the world of Style and Sensuality.

Sincerely,

A