typology blog

main blog @moodboardsbysarah. ISFP. I am here to explore patterns in the enneagram and talk about shadow work and healing

[subconsciousmysteries]

"Integration is healthy and disintegration is unhealthy" is an overly simplistic, spiritual bypassing view to throw in the bin. I'm going to invite you to view it in a different way.

Integration is your heaven. Your light. It represents what you aspire to embody, but feel scared to embody, or cannot seem to embody no matter how hard you try. You do not have enough personal development, insight or healing to embody your integration type properly. False security is when you embody your integration type in a shallow way. You indulge in your integration type without having done enough healing to make the transformation secure, deep-rooted and long-term. You're reaching up to heaven but your roots don't reach down to hell, and so your extension is very short-lived. The excess branches you have grown to reach up to your integration type quickly die or worse, get infected, as your root system down in hell is not strong enough to sustain the tree. After periods of false security you are left with a lot of trauma, a big mess in your life, and you get pulled right back into your disintegration type's grip. You indeed can integrate in an unhealthy way... and you can also disintegrate in a healthy way. Keep reading.

Disintegration is your hell. It represents your natural stress response, your toxic coping mechanism, the thing you just really hate in yourself and in other people, your default way of overcompensating for your core type's missing pieces, your darkness. Inside your disintegration type is a wealth of secrets and wisdom that you need to uncover, including your wounded inner child. When we analyze our disintegration type and our own personal disintegration experiences, we learn a lot about ourselves. We can only learn what we are missing and what we need to work on from our disintegration type, not from our integration type. Healthy disintegration provides us the necessary foundation that we need in order to reach up towards our integration type. Disintegration is not something to be resisted the same way that cleaning your room and doing exercise is not something to be resisted just because it doesn't feel good. Conscious Disintegration is an essential part of shadow work. It is what Carl Jung would call "making the unconscious conscious".

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Integration and disintegration are definitely not the same. But they are also not black and white, "one is good and the other is bad". If you view it this way you are bound to bypass your necessary shadow work and end up in a cycle of false security and extreme disintegration.

[subconsciousmysteries]

i hate to be Edgy but sx-blinds actually creep me out so much. Like they think I'm the weird one but they're the weird ones. There's only so much surface level "uwu this is my freeeend because we hang out and consoom together" bullshit I can take. But that seems to be the way they interact with each other and the world. Sx blinds have these stable friend groups where they call each other friends but nobody actually seems to know anyone on a deeper level, they just go out and do things together and have laughs and that's enough for them. It's ok that nobody really knows anybody beyond the details of each other's lives because they're all basic. It's cute I guess but also mind numbingly boring when you try to be a part of these groups because you're trying to hang out with one of the SX blind people and get to know them.

Sp-blinds are so superior at least for my needs because they come with big friend groups, but also with the SX need to bond 1-1. Ime they see themselves as "in it but not of it" when it comes to how they relate to the SOC world (regardless of sx/so or so/sx). I'm not creeped out or bored to death by the way sp-blinds interact with their friends let alone with me. and because they have SX they also tend to understand my need to withdraw, as opposed to the SX blinds who see my boredom / detachment / issues with their group as some sort of rejection of them individually. because sad fact is they have over-identified with the group they are a part of and often can't even tell themselves apart from it. Sorry Sx-blinds but you feel robo to me

[twoplustwoequalsfuckyou]

i usually dont like answering posts this long but i feel like this needs to be said

"npc/normie" girl im sorry but its very obvious to me that you dont know what sx and soc actually do. that "sx-blinds are empty and souless and can't form meaningful relationships"-spiel is sooooo 2018 fake news, turn the page over, read some Luckovich (scroll down a bit to get to the good stuff), i promise youre not more complex nor do you have deeper connections than other people just because they're sx-blind. <3

also, have u considered intj over isfp for yourself? your typology theories seem to come mostly from subjetive ideological concepts you have that seem to be very much detached from reality, without any hard concrete evidence or personal experience to back it up. the isfps i know don't do typology like that, at least. but what do i know right

[subconsciousmysteries]

i promise youre not more complex nor do you have deeper connections than other people just because they're sx-blind. <3

I'm 100% in agreement with this, that's why I made it clear that sp-blinds are better for MY needs. this is a highly subjective post that's biased by how I relate to other people. I'm sure the sx-blinds I described found a kind of meaning in the relationships they had with their friends, but it simply didn't feel meaningful to me. I know sx-blinds in meaningful intimate relationships and friendships but I don't feel like I've ever had a meaningful relationship with one beyond familial relations. They have never been my cup of tea.

have u considered intj over isfp for yourself?

INTJ over ISFP for myself, I get that a lot, and I understand why if you only know my edgy online rants. this blog is where I go to waste my time and indulge in Ni like a plaything. it's tertiary and immature, it doesn't inform my life decisions to the extent a dominant function would.

without any hard concrete evidence or personal experience to back it up.

I have plenty of experience and my personality theory is based on my experiences interacting with and knowing a lot of people. "hard concrete evidence" is impossible in a field as subjective as personality theory. you can't even get "hard concrete evidence" that personality disorders exist let alone evidence that personality types do. Do you think anything Lucko writes is more evidence than anything I write? Do you think that guy is unbiased in his observations about other people in any way shape or form? Like every ennea guru who makes groups about it where they type others, he pressures people to conform to the type he gives them or gtfo. He has his own typing, his own ego heavily invested in every typing he makes of others. His approach is full of confirmation bias and it's ridiculous that you'd take him seriously. I like some of the things he's written myself but I only take the parts that resonate with me and my experience. Understanding personality theory is a personal journey that literally can't be approached through a scientific method.

[subconsciousmysteries]

enneagram is a game, don't overdose, DSM musings

Have a very knowledgeable friend who's sick of enneagram, not the legit spiritualist version of it a la Almaas and before him, but the version where people go around trying to "accurately type" "correctly type" everyone else, including themselves.

she says it's just a social power game and she's literally right. I've never seen any enneagram discourse end constructively. even i've been guilty of misusing enneagram, because there's no natural progression to discussing "my type" "that person's type", other than forcing either others or yourself (or both) to identify with the ego fixations that we're supposed to be transcending.

at best enneagram is something to be picked up occasionally and then rapidly put down and forgotten about for a long while so that you can experience life without the filter of enneagram getting in the way. you can draw profound new insights from personality theories for a very brief window in time before you start overdosing on them and distorting your reality with them. it's like acid / LSD. it's a once-every-few-months drug (at most) and that's assuming you have an eventful life with lots of novelty.

(this goes for any personality framework btw. MBTI, IV, Big Five, DSM personality disorders, are all included)

coz when you try to process life through the framework of personality theories, you start to see everything through the lens of your own confirmation bias very quickly. this confirmation bias leads you to miss essential parts of other people's personalities, which interferes with your ability to form meaningful bonds and connections, on top of causing other problems. and this isn't a skill issue. there is no way around this problem of personality theory distorting reality if you use it too much, because personality theory is subjective by nature. there are no clear scientific metrics to tell you that your observations about other people's personalities are wrong and you need to rethink your approach. Most who try to create these scientific metrics just end up becoming dictators, imposing their personal interpretation of how humans work and who everyone else secretly is onto others, with no objective basis.

the problem I'm describing doesn't just describe enneatards online. it plagues the entire field of psychology which is heavily dependent on personality theories. this is where the endless debate about "is psychology a science or an art?" comes from. as I've talked about before, the DSM is little different to an abstract, interpretive personality type theory. there are no objective metrics (i.e. a brain scan) to confidently tell if someone has a DSM personality disorder. diagnosis is 100% based on observations and reports of your behavior and personality, and how this picture of you fits into boxes arbitrarily defined by some other person. just like personality typing is.

despite its myriad of issues I have to praise the DSM for one thing: at least it has the courage to call a disorder a disorder. It admits that good and bad exist. that there is a hierarchy of morality. unlike personality theories which too often try to pass off dysfunctional traits as "just another type" "just another part of the human experience that we have to accept and cater to uwu" "all personality types are equal".

but you have a lot of people in the psychiatric community who are dangerously changing the way we view disorders. they want to turn personality disorders from rightfully looked-down-upon spiritual ailments, to normalized "disabilities" that deserve to be catered to. they've turned psychiatry into just as much of a moral relativist, narcissist-enabling clusterfuck as online personality discourse is. the type of people who say, "uwu Cluster Bs are valid it's just a different way of being it's not wrong it's not a disorder". "uwu delusions that people were born in the wrong body need to be coddled and enabled" are leading this change.

[subconsciousmysteries]

i hate to be Edgy but sx-blinds actually creep me out so much. Like they think I'm the weird one but they're the weird ones. There's only so much surface level "uwu this is my freeeend because we hang out and consoom together" bullshit I can take. But that seems to be the way they interact with each other and the world. Sx blinds have these stable friend groups where they call each other friends but nobody actually seems to know anyone on a deeper level, they just go out and do things together and have laughs and that's enough for them. It's ok that nobody really knows anybody beyond the details of each other's lives because they're all basic. It's cute I guess but also mind numbingly boring when you try to be a part of these groups because you're trying to hang out with one of the SX blind people and get to know them.

Sp-blinds are so superior at least for my needs because they come with big friend groups, but also with the SX need to bond 1-1. Ime they see themselves as "in it but not of it" when it comes to how they relate to the SOC world (regardless of sx/so or so/sx). I'm not creeped out or bored to death by the way sp-blinds interact with their friends let alone with me. and because they have SX they also tend to understand my need to withdraw, as opposed to the SX blinds who see my boredom / detachment / issues with their group as some sort of rejection of them individually. because sad fact is they have over-identified with the group they are a part of and often can't even tell themselves apart from it. Sorry Sx-blinds but you feel robo to me

[subconsciousmysteries]

Men are absolutely losing it because women are seeing through their bullshit and I'm here to watch their collective narcissistic meltdown

[subconsciousmysteries]

androgyny is based, not the type where you mutilate your body to achieve it but the type where you just embody the traits of both sexes regardless of how you look. the type where you are agile and you can act like either sex depending on what the moment demands. this is true spiritual enlightenment.

[subconsciousmysteries]

I can't bear to look at my college record again so much failed potential UGH

[subconsciousmysteries]

trent Reznor being upset that Closer became a sex anthem is my new favourite thing

[subconsciousmysteries]

If alien starseeds were real I would be an Arcturian

[subconsciousmysteries]

Nothing feels quite as good as rubbing love in the face of men who don't deserve it.

[subconsciousmysteries]

when ramattra says "SUFFER! AS I HAVE!" before dissolving everyone around him into shards that is the most raw metal thing I have ever witnessed

[subconsciousmysteries]

anyone who ranks beauty on a scale of 0 to 10 deserves death. It perverts the very meaning of beauty to reduce it to a competition. Beauty is the most self-evident thing... Either it is or it isn't beautiful. You feel beauty, you don't think it. The minute you have to intellectualize beauty you have lost your perception of it.

[subconsciousmysteries]

This post is aimed at Competency types (135) yes. attractiveness hierarchies are notoriously Competency. Competency types can't comprehend that not everything is hierarchical. Stop robo-fying beauty.

[subconsciousmysteries]

anyone who ranks beauty on a scale of 0 to 10 deserves death. It perverts the very meaning of beauty to reduce it to a competition. Beauty is the most self-evident thing... Either it is or it isn't beautiful. You feel beauty, you don't think it. The minute you have to intellectualize beauty you have lost your perception of it.

[subconsciousmysteries]

love my bf love my life but that one song by Corey Taylor gives me war flashbacks to all the 48 combos I've loved before and I secretly listen to it sometimes when I'm bored with healthiness and I want to feel pain again

[subconsciousmysteries]

something I notice about unaware 4s, is that their snowflake syndrome manifests as them pretending that they're not susceptible to anything outside of themselves whilst everyone else is. the 4 is so special, they never got affected by any cultural programming, that's only what weak people and sheeple normie attachment types / superego types / socs do. the 4 is so special and so detached.

Real 4s tm are these super cool and mysterious people who never feel any influence from the outside world. every feeling, belief and ideal they form is formed in an echobubble of their own destiny and purpose. or some shit.

...even though it is literally impossible by the laws of human psychological development, to not have your personality influenced by signals of social expectations that you soaked up as a child, and by signals of expectations and norms that you soak up in general.

the unaware 4s want you to believe they are not human, basically. they want you to believe they are Gods or Fairies or some otherworldly being who doesn't follow the laws of human psychology like everybody else does.

the "i'm so cool and unimpressionable because I'm soc-blind" crowd are all 4s and 4-fixes, I say this with certainty. also I am calling out John Luckovich who types literally everyone who isn't delusional and admits to being influenced by stuff outside of themselves, as a non-4.

[subconsciousmysteries]

I talk about how my mother traumatized me a lot but I also want everyone to know that it's extremely stupid and degrading when you attribute EVERY. SINGLE. NEGATIVE. THING that a person chooses or experiences in life to "childhood trauma".

Think about it with logic here: if a person who had a perfect childhood was getting injected with heroin every day by force, would they get addicted? the answer is yes, they would, because humans are biologically wired to get addicted to certain drugs if our bodies are exposed to them.

Abusive relationships and abusive people function exactly how addictive drugs do. So it follows that if you are exposed to an abusive person, you run the risk of getting addicted to them, even if you had a perfect childhood or you "healed your trauma".

All of this "your trauma is responsible for everything bad you experience in adulthood" nonsense actually kinda feels like an elaborate, new agey, uwu way to victim-blame people for random misfortunes in their life. It's not the abusive person's fault, it's not the corrupt system's fault, it's all your fault for not being Healed enough. It's one step away from the Manifestation garbage ("you manifested everything bad in your life by not thinking Positively enough!") and it's no surprise that the manifestation crowd overlaps heavily with the Healing Your Trauma crowd.

If not victim-blamey, it is just straight up unhelpful to blame everything on trauma. other things, such as ignorance, naivete, and certain personality traits that are not inherently harmful, can make a person more vulnerable to certain types of abuse and misfortune.

No amount of "healing" could have protected me from the excitement of abusive men. Only *learning about it logically*... learning that their inconsistent, manipulative behavior is akin to them injecting heroin into me by force, protected me from my ex boyfriend's abusive games in the end.

And this is also what they don't tell you: "healing" isn't this mushy emotional process. at least, the mushy emotional parts are only a small fraction of the whole picture of healing. Healing = deprogramming yourself. Children are in a state of mind where they are extremely impressionable; everything around them is leaving a lasting impression on them until they reach a certain age and those impressions are "set in stone". in other words, every experience a child has is essentially programming them for the future. So all of the abuse, general mistreatment and bad parenting that you faced in your childhood, was negatively programming you. Cultural ideas, peers, other adults and media also programmed you, and you need to consider that your negative programming might've come from that stuff instead of your parents. For instance, I think that cultural ideas about true love being super intense and passionate, and media portrayals of true love being drama-filled and unstable, had more to do with my abusive relationships than my parents did.

Healing your childhood trauma just means recognizing how certain childhood experiences negatively programmed you, and then reprogramming yourself to become more functional, more stable, more fearless, more loving... more how you would really like to be. Reprogramming yourself means understanding how your original childhood programming deceived you, and then replacing those deceptions with reality. Sometimes, this requires that you experience love and compassion from others, so that you can remember that these things exist and that you are worthy of them. Sometimes, remembering reality and undoing the negative programming, just requires that you do some logical reasoning to explain why what you previously believed was a lie. Talking about your reasoning and your truth seeking journey with others, who are open and understanding, is very helpful.

I feel like "healing" without logic is just

a) dwelling on your trauma, getting caught up in the attached emotional cycle of anger and blame... instead of dissecting WHY they got under your skin so much, WHY they behaved so badly and WHAT negative beliefs they programmed into you that you need to debunk,

or it's

b) jumping into relationships hoping that other people will love you into feeling better.

Both are a really bad fucking idea.

[subconsciousmysteries]

i surrender, i'm becoming a digital marketing entrepreneur. its literally impossible to be anything else in this clown economy unless you wanna be a wagie.

[subconsciousmysteries]

I wanna have passive income I wanna have free time on my hands like I do today and I have completely purged myself of any Protestant Work Ethic that I used to have (tbh I never had any. my parents gave me fear and guilt which led me to briefly pretend I had a slave work ethic)

fuck people who identify with their jobs.

most jobs in this economy are literally useless and people's refusal to confront this fact leads to immense cultural and spiritual damage.

people slave away their whole lives at a job that is fundamentally useless but overpaid, hate themselves for it, and live on a throne of lies to justify their existence.

my mum abused me because she cannot face how useless her job is. I was never allowed to have opinions like basic skepticism of the system was punished with her screaming at me, calling me worthless and an idiot and brainwashed. literally, the woman would SCREAM. still does. it wasn't just my skepticism that she abused me for tho. she was incapable of dishing out ANY criticism or discipline without being straight up abusive... it was never "you're doing a bad thing", it was always "YOU are bad".

so it has been very emotionally hard for me to resist the programming, but also easy in a way. because when someone is so abusive and cunty to you for believing in common sense and facts, it makes you wanna double down on common sense and facts.

anyways I'm either going to be a poor mom or a rich passive income mom, no in between. the only in-between ill settle for is self employment. being employed at other ppls companies is the most soul sucking experience for numerous reasons, mostly the pointless procedures you have to follow, the inverted dynamic where useless middlemen run things and skilled workers are treated like child slaves who know nothing, and the constant threat of being fired if you show people that you have opinions online. not only do you have to sell your time for money and be disrespected, you're also not allowed to be a human being outside of work because it's Bad For Corporate Image. you must be a 24/7 representative of a company that doesn't give a floating shit about you and its just disgusting in every way.

I recently got exposed to some literature which exposes all this crap, and it's relieving to know that so many other people share my "unorthodox" opinions about how work is all bullshit and the system is all bullshit. these are opinions that I was literally persecuted for by the woman who is supposed to love and support me the most.

every day its getting easier to speak the truth without being bogged down by the aggressive, unhinged shaming that comes from people like my mum. thanks to some eloquent writers, today I remembered that people like her only abuse the rest of us because they hate their life, they know deep down that they are defective parasites who are overpaid to be useless, and they are too weak to face this fact so they take it out on people whose lives do have meaning and whose souls aren't sold.