#enneagram 6

[funkymbtifiction]

Also a question, how do you distinguish between cp6 and 8 for characters, especially when they're...let's just say incredibly dysfunctional or outright cruel to others?

To be honest, I would scout around the internet and read everyone's arguments either for dominant 8 or 6, then go back and read profiles about cp 6 and about 8, then ask myself if they are a dominant head type (if all their reactivity and aggression is coming out of fear) or if they are a gut type (not thinking, just aggression and boundary enforcement). CP6s are usually also more suspicious of authority than 8s are, since an 8 won't give that person respect unless it's earned.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello Charity, I've been reading this blog for some time now, it's my favorite typology source. I was able to type myself as INFP through your posts and also your 16 Kinds of Crazy book. But when it comes to the Enneagram I'm lost. I know which types I absolutely can't be (like 3, 5 and 8 since I'm Fi dom) but I see aspects of me in several types, as well as things that don't fit in each one. How did you find your type, what was your approach? Should I focus on behavior or motivation?

Hey!

I got lucky in that the first Enneagram book I read, I immediately knew I was a 6, because their self-questioning, unable to settle, fixating on what was wrong, etc., were my patterns, as well as me being aware that fear has always motivated my decisions.

For you, if you identify with several types but at the same time, notice what doesn’t fit and let that cause questioning, rethinking, or evaluating over again… I would start with 6 with 9 as a backup. 6 is the type who fixates on the one or two things that don’t fit them about their own type and uses that as a reason to reexamine all the evidence and not settle on a type for long (evidence of its own unproductive thinking!) whereas 9 gets confused because their sense of self is hazy and/or they identify with something about every type.

Since most people are not self-aware enough until they find the Enneagram and study it for awhile to know their own motives, the only way you can start as a beginner is to focus on behaviors and the traits of the various types. Pick a type, say 6, for a week, and watch yourself. Notice if/when any of your behaviors or reasoning align with the traits and motives of a 6. Stop yourself, and ask, “Am I doing this because of [insert 6 thing here]?” Am I actually projecting my fears onto someone else’s reactions to me? Is fear motivating this cautiousness? Try out one of the self-healing methods for that type; ie, if I am projecting my fears onto someone else, rather than hasten to clear the air or find out if they are mad with an apology in advance, I’m going to wait and see if they are actually angry.

It’s also helpful to look at how you act under stress, and see if any of the patterns line up with that type’s stress patterns. Under stress, for example, 6s become more 3ish and concerned with “they think I’m stupid!” and with proving themselves competent. Or they can move to 9 and go hide out for a few days.

It may be also helpful to look at the centers, decide which you belong to, and move on from there; head types live life from above the neck, in their mind and imagination; image types are constantly pruning the self to present an image to others that fits who they want to be; gut types live from the body and what it tells them, and react on a visceral level to things.

[typologyland]

SO6s believe that they must obey certain laws and codes to feel secure and socially accepted. They become devoted and obedient to leaders and groups, believing that they must fulfill their social role dutifully. They're strict and even fanatical in some cases with their beliefs. They fear going against social norms and believe that they must fully adapt to authority. They're extremely formal and efficient people. They work incredibly hard in the interests of whatever group or ideology they've attached themselves to.

SX6s fear not being seen as strong or desirable, so to compensate for their self-doubt they exaggerate their strength and/or beauty. They're the most counterphobic E6 subtype, going against fear with aggression. They act intimidating and aggressive, believing that appearing threatening will make people believe in their strength and desirability. They bark but rarely bite, as their intimidation is a tactic to not appear weak, not so much a way to actually hurt others.

SP6s see others as a threat, so to avoid this fear they act warm and submissive. They ally themselves with others to ensure that they won't be lashed out at, doing everything they can to appear likable. They desire warm and affectionate treatment from others, so they repress aggression, believing that they must always be good. They fear loneliness and dealing with the harshness of life on their own. Their strategy to avoid this is relying on others for warmth and protection. They also see everything in shades of gray to avoid conflict with others.

[funkymbtifiction]

I have 2 questions:

One is about the "main" defense mechanism of type 6 which is Projection. From what I've read it does make sense for it to be assigned to 6 because their main focus of attention is looking out for dangers, including the motives and intentions of other people to know who is potentially an "ally" or not. But I personally find it hard to imagine how it manifests in real time, the best example I could think of in my own personal experience is whenever I feel insecure or anxious, I imagine others around me as judging me or criticizing me hard in their minds. A common example I've read is apparently when you are angry but you see others as angrier than yourself, to which I'm quite confused with because what does that benefit 6s in projecting their own feelings towards others? How does Projection can overall look like anyways from an outside perspective?

The other question involves with wings. I've read somewhere before that one may use the strategies of their type's wings more first when the person feels more secure, comfortable or not too stressed out in a situation, but once it piles up and the issue becomes worse, that is when their core type's strategies and mechanisms come out. Apparently the reason for this is because the more unfamiliar a situation/environment is, or when the person becomes more stressed out or unhealthy, the more they fall back into their core type's main defenses and BS and therefore more fixated. Is that actually how it usually works? (at least for most people?), like an example being me (6w7) who does rely on rationalizing and cushioning bad experiences through positive reasoning and distracting to get through life, but when the stress piles up and patience is strained, the core 6 reactivity comes out and it looks like I've blew up for other people. Is that how it works usually?

Question 1: Your first example is a good actual way that projection presents itself in 6; it’s basically where the 6 takes its own insecurities and self-doubts or feelings and assigns them to other people, as if the criticism or judgment is coming from outside rather than inside their own mind. So yes, stuff like: “they are doubting me” (I am doubting myself), “they think I am incompetent” (I feel like I am dumb!), “they are up to something” (I am anxious that they might be up to something), etc.

I don’t know that the example of anger is a good one, although I would need to read the original context; I suppose if the 6 is fearful of a situation escalating, they might misread a mild sense of annoyance as something louder than it is. IF the 6 is repressing and denying their own anger, it would be because they would judge themselves harshly for being “too” angry (good people are not angry people, a 6’s super-ego inner voice might say), so they could deny being angry and insist that the other person is the one who is upset, to save face and to be in accordance with their “I am a good person” desire.

Projection in a 6 to a third party looks like them… being paranoid or insecure, insisting they know people’s motives (but it is all negative), etc. A 6w7 can also assume they know what people are up to, but waffle between negativity and optimism or giving them the benefit of the doubt, in order to stay attached. (They upset me, but I won’t allow myself to be upset about it, and I will assign pure motives to them.) But again, this depends on how many positive influences they have in their tritype and wings. A 6-8 will cut people off forever in a way that a 6-1 or a 6-9 is less inclined to do.

Question 2: I haven’t heard that theory, but it seems fair. A 6w7 who is at home, safe, and has all their needs provided for, is going to be pretty funny, light-hearted, interested in a wide variety of things, and able to make light of most situations in a way that is less likely when things go wrong, and out of stress, they start worrying or becoming intense. Most of the time, though, your wing is just a “flavor” on your 6. You’ll still be overthinking things, because that is your default, but you have an inner comedian who also likes to say stuff like “we’re all gonna die for sure” and laugh about it, because it’s tongue in cheek.

[madnessmemory9]

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[funkymbtifiction]

Do head types in general just... come up with almost many different reasons and explanations to something when they experienced something bad or embarrassing? I kinda noticed this about myself where my mind just seems to be on fire on coming up with multiple different things to lighten up a rather negative situation every now and then (I.e. "No one's gonna notice." "They may not even care just go for it!" "It will be funny it's not that bad!" "They may notice for a bit but it will pass it's fine!" and etc. etc.), it's like a rapid fire of rationalizing and stream of thoughts on top of one another. Some cases it works, some it does not.

Even my mom and aunt notice this about me everytime they try to lecture or tell me off. Apparently according to them, I can easily come up with a justification or a response to what they are saying that my aunt calls me an "over-reasoner" at one point. I don't do this a lot towards strangers, acquaintances and friends since... well, I find that embarrassing or something I'm not confident with, but it is a habit of mine it seems even if I don't intend on being argumentative or combative, and I just want to explain my own position and my pov.

I know 6s are known to be argumentative especially towards people they are close with, but can other head types also be this way too? Or at least the part where they can come up with multiple reasons and explanations to cope with something?

Also unrelated: ... did I just accidentally created a series with my previous ask? Cause ngl that's kinda funny to me :P.

That is specifically a 7 thing (wiggling out of being held responsible with verbal responses), so 7w6/6w7s do it the most.

It sounds like you are also a Ne-dom from this ask, so that would exacerbate the "you can't pin me down, I can justify anything with a zillion excuses" tendency.

Yes, you did. Everyone loves a trend. ;)

[funkymbtifiction]

How would core 6 manifest in an ESFP?

It gets rid of the carefree spontaneous ESFP trope, for sure. They go for more calculated spontaneity, and only jump in when they feel sure of themselves; they think before they act, but are still rooted in the moment and in the self, and poor at calculating for the long term (which probably ignites some anxiety or self-consciousness in them; why am I not better at this?! I really need an end goal in mind! I need to focus and plan out my life, but it feels like there’s nothing there? What do you think this means, what are your ideas for me to ponder?). They may be cautious about some things, but not others, and trust their Se in terms of bodily engagement; cautious trying out, then increasing confidence as they get the hang of it. Might have more trouble than other ESFPs in being purely in their bodies, since their mind wants to take over, but if they trust their body, it will take them the rest of the way.

Lots of people-reading, using Se signals to get a read on people and their intentions, less speculative and more grounded than an ENFP 6; will “ride or die” for their loved ones, and take risks for them that they might not do for themselves; they will act on their anxiety rather than withdraw or continually hesitate; it will feel more natural to get ‘into motion’ in some way (fix it, deal with it, stop it from happening, consult friends, etc).

ESFP 6w7 – may seem like a 7 at first, but caution and distrust are ruling them, and making them more reliable.

ESFP 6w5 – more guarded, observant, skeptical, and independent than the 6w7, but it also depends on the fixes to some extent.

[funkymbtifiction]

How does having 6 as a core influence an ENFP? Does it make them prone to mistype as INFPs (due to seemly having more Si) or even STJs? And what's the influence of a wing 5 vs a wing 7? Lastly I've read the 6 chapter in your book and I've noticed you didn't distinguish between phobic and couter phobics 6s. Is it because you don't think this concept is real (some people say all 6s can be phobic and counter phobic depending on the circumstance)?

Too bad you can't just watch me for a couple of days; that would answer all your questions about ENFP 6s, lol. And I'm too tired to write a 12k word analysis on what it's like, not that I wouldn't like to, since I love nothing more than talking about myself at length.

In short? I doubt my assumptions but never my ethics; I am often right about other people but may ignore my own instincts in favor of being more 'fair' or there being 600 different reasons why they did something than I have thought of yet; I will ask myself if I have a 'right' to feel what I am feeling or if I should get over myself; I have spirals in which when something is out of my control, I will start thinking of endless ways it will go wrong and be bad, and trying to find solutions (Ne/Te) without being able to land on anything; people often tell me that I think too fast for them to keep up with me, that I change topics too rapidly, and that I change my mind and second-guess myself instantly (I do the latter a lot less than I used to, since finding out that's a 6 trait and deciding I hate it about myself and intended to stop). I am in a weird place between respect for tradition and total disrespect for it; my spiritual beliefs do not fit in anywhere and almost no one shares them, for example. I get weird looks for being such a walking contradiction and so inconsistent, for holding views that to other people, seemingly conflict, but make sense to me. I am extremely sensitive toward other people, aware of not wanting to offend them, but unable to read their feelings; I intensely monitor their face and try to read into it, to assume whether they are having fun, are bored, want me to do something else, etc.

Yes, there are endless typing spirals; I still regularly demand to know of ChatGPT what MBTI type it sees me as (ENFP 6w7, 9 times out of 10, lol) because I don't want to bother anyone else with my inability to land. Ne never stops reframing myself, and 6 never stops fearing I may be a fraud. In answer to your question, yes, my hesitancy to speak without thinking, my wanting to reflect before I act, etc., does make me seem more introverted. I find it exhausting to be out in the world, because I am hyper-attuned to my environment in a 6ish way -- watching people, being careful while driving, feeling over-stimulated in a busy store. A few people have typed me INFP based off typing videos, because I thought about things carefully and was not going off in 100 directions all at once. 6s are pretty linear, way more than 7s or 5s. It gives me some 'direction' and if something goes wrong, I can't think about anything else until it's resolved.

I am a 6w7, so I do reach a point where despite my self-doubt, I go "screw it, let's do this and learn as we go." I will get tired of questioning and thinking in multiple or opposite directions and just pick something to have a direction, then revise on the fly. 6w5s would be even more withdrawn, hesitant to act, and never feeling like they are ready. I literally started this blog knowing almost nothing about MBTI, but I thought "doesn't seem hard, I can learn as I go," and along the way I became an expert because I never stopped learning and applying, but I know other 6w5s who go "I want to feel ready before I do something like that." Not sure if it stalls out an ENFP forever, though, the way it does introverts.

I don't believe any type has a counter-type, and that includes 6s. I think people lean more phobic or counter-phobic, but that they can still move between the two on a daily basis, depending on their comfort levels. I've had moments where I was totally intimidated and kept my head down, and other moments when I totally challenged authority, and realized in hindsight that was a bloody stupid thing to do. I contradicted a cop over a traffic ticket :P but I shy away from most online arguments.

Same goes for other 6s I know. Some of them confront what they are afraid of one minute, and avoid it the next. 6s aren't great at calculating when it's the best time to put up or shut up sometimes, lol. I am semi-aggressive in a work environment (low Te has a "is everyone stupid today, why the hell can't you just answer me?" when stressed bluntness) but fairly accommodating and passive with my friends.

I will say that now that I'm older, I'm a lot less insecure, I put up with a lot less bullshit, and I have a lot more faith in myself. Part of that is natural aging and part of it is growing through my 6-ness for the last 12 years. I can look back and see steady, massive changes over the last decade, and I feel good about that. Beats being neurotic and insecure!