Subpar Parks

Real one-star reviews of US national parks: apparently America's best idea wasn't all that great. Project of illustrator Amber Share. Follow along on insta at www.instagram.com/subparparks. Shop products at www.ambersharedesign.comFor inquiries about my upcoming book: [email protected]

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It's called... Great... Sand... Dunes... ? And it *just* has the tallest sand dunes in all of North America. Meh. ⁠ @greatsanddunesnps

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Listen. I know what you're thinking. "Amber, this review of @hawaiivolcanoesnps is definitely a joke." I assumed it was too. But after a deep dive on this reviewer's other reviews, I am convinced otherwise (but I am hoping they wanted to touch HARDENED lava). ⁠

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Personally, after what it takes to get to @lakeclarknps, I'd be happy to just sit and stare at this water for several... years. ⁠

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I guess we're calling the largest wilderness east of the Mississippi, home to panthers, crocodiles, manatees, and over 350 kinds of birds, "nothing" now.⁠ @evergladesnps

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I know it's the longest cave system in the world, but you'd think @mammothcavenps could get a few hundred dehumidifiers and space heaters up in here.⁠

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I mean, it IS a completely curved arch, so yeah – there are no points #technicallytrue⁠ @gatewayarchnps

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Listen @kenaifjordsnps, can't you corral these 30 ton creatures so I can gawk at them all day? It's not like there's anything else interesting to see here.⁠

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Imagine spending the time and money to travel to a lush, beautiful, and remote Pacific island and feeling this underwhelmed with it. #whohurtyou ⁠ @npsamericansamoa

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You know when you're SUPER angry about something and you come up with the best zinger later in the shower and just have to share it with people? That's this review.⁠ @badlandsnps

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Just a canyon created over the course of 2 million years, exposing mind-blowing patterns of rock that's over 2 billion years old. Nothing interesting here.⁠

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Nevermind that @mountrainiernps is the most topographically prominent mountain in the lower 48.... so prominent in fact that locals refer to it as THE mountain. I've seen bigger. One star.⁠

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I mean, all of Earth is a giant rock, so what's interesting about a bunch of smaller rocks? One star. ⁠ @nationalparkservice @pinnaclesnps

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Forget the 40+ scenic overlooks, the iconic Skyline Drive, camping, picnic areas, etc.... nothing else to do at @shenandoahnps

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Listen @bigbendnps, can't you get control of your weather? One star. ⁠

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Yep, pretty much nothing in @denalinps but 6 million acres of Alaskan wilderness full of spruce forests, grizzly bears, wolves, moose, caribou... not to mention the highest peak in North America. One star. ⁠

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Another day, another sunrise, on top of a volcano, 10,000 feet up. Meh. ⁠

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Hoodoo you think you are giving @brycecanyonnps_gov a 1-star review? (Sorry not sorry about this pun.)⁠