Did you like her in the morning?
PAIRING: Oikawa Toru x gn!Reader
Synopsis: Being Oikawa's partner is easily something anyone would be proud of. More so if you were his first love. That's the thing, you weren't his first love. And being jealous was easier than accepting that fact. Afterall, insecurity was a battle for the weak hearted.
Contents: Angst, maybe with comfort, retroactive jealousy, mentions of anxiety attack through meltdown, Oikawa can't choose his words right sometimes, he's not a cheater! Mattsun and Makki are unintentional assholes because when something's funny they can't read the room. Also, I named Oikawa's ex-girlfriend Aoi.
Oikawa's never one to be hung up with his ex. Sure, he loved his ex-girlfriend, but they were done. She was in the past. He would never be caught dead dwelling back to reminisce her presence. Especially now that he had you.
But nothing hurts more than not knowing more.
Oikawa never talked about her around you. Not that he was hiding anything, he simply didn't care enough to tellyou meaningless stories of the past.
And it should be left at that, you think. But it's hard not to ignore the comparisons that leave Makki and Mattsun's lips when you were around, even when Oikawa glares at them and they receive a blow to the nape from Iwaizumi.
Oikawa assures you it's over, hell, it's been years since her. You weren't replacing anyone.
But when he wasn't around, curiosity will always seep its way into your brain. It just so happens that when asmall reunion for your friend group is set, and you came early with only Makki and Mattsun with you in the long table, you can't help but ask them a few questions.
"I mean, come on, you were our manager. Surely you heard a few stuff about her." Matsukawa nudges your shoulder as he laughs.
"I always left early after cleaning and checking..." You mutter, fiddling with the cuffs of your sleeves.
Hanamaki let's out a prolonged "oh" before he points out a detail. "That's right! You were so nonchalant back in high school."
You laugh awkwardly at the reminder. Mattsun leans back in his seat, sighing in satisfaction. "Oh, I remember Oikawa kept gushing about her back then. Always flaunting that he wasn't gonna be a virgin anymore." He laughs heartily.
"Yeah, yeah, and that time where he would beg Iwaizumi to lead practice cause he'd go in this stupid dates with her!" Hanamaki adds.
And you start to remember to muffled conversation Oikawa and Iwaizumi had. You learned to muffle conversation near you that weren't your business mostly because back when you and Oikawa weren't together, you found his whines annoying like ringing in your ears.
"Didn't he get her that stupid expensive bracelet for their first anniversary?" Makki turns his head to Matsukawa after drinking down a cold glass of water.
"Their only anniversary." Matsukawa corrects.
Your heart breaks, he's never gifted you an accessory. "A bracelet?"
"Yeah. It was Vivienne Westwood, I think." Matsukawa recalls.
Hanamaki starts to cackle, "He gave her a sweater too! The red one, I think."
"It was a cardigan, dumbass!" Mattsun cackles too. "And she gave it back after she dumped him."
You wonder if it was the same red plaid cardigan he likes to wear for cozy nights. One that was a size smaller than the usual he would buy now. Maybe it was a personal one, he just grew out of it. It couldn't have been the one he gave her back then.
You look back and remember how you accidentally stretched it out a bit, too. Oikawa has never yelled at you more than he has that night 2 years ago. He forbid you from touching it after that. Not that he let you touch it in the first place.
Pulled out of your thoughts. you felt Oikawa's arms wrap around your neck from behind. "Baby!" He kisses your cheek before sitting beside you, Iwaizumi following behind to seat between him and Hanamaki.
"How long were you waiting here?" Your boyfriend asks, letting an arm rest behind your chair's top rail. "Just 10 minutes before Matsukawa and Hanamaki came." You answer, almost too quietly than your usual, casual volume.
He stares at you with concern, not just him but Iwaizumi too. Though the latter reads the room easily, kicking Matsukawa's leg from under the table as he glares at the duo.
"Alright, so we talked about Aoi a bit, so what?" Matsukawa grumbles while rubbing the front of his calf.
Oikawa feels a panic rush through his body, looking at you from the side. His fingers twitch, slowly moving to let his hand rest on your shoulder only to fly away when a waitress comes to your table to take your order. A waitress who sounds just like his ex-girlfriend. Not to be mistaken for her though, of course.
When she leaves with your orders, Oikawa is still uneasy, watching the light in your eyes kill itself through the night. Matsukawa and Hanamaki still crack jokes and reminisce about the past, some of which Iwaizumi would retort with faux annoyance.
As dinner comes to an end, Oikawa's the first one to depart with you in tow, leaving a bundle of cash in Iwaizumi's hand for his share of the bill. Once seated in his car, he doesn't start the engine just yet, he gives your more time and space in the silence.
Until he gets impatient about the silence too. So as the engine starts and he backs out of the driveway, he starts speaking.
"What did they say about her?"
You frown, leaning against the window, looking at the street lights and people you drive past. "Was the red cardigan the same one you gave her back then."
"Yeah, but that was back then. It's my cardigan. Plus, she didn't keep it long."
"It barely even suits you now."
Oikawa sighs exasperatedly, he stops at a red stoplight, letting his head rest on the top of steering wheel. "Babe, that was like, a decade ago. I don't get why we're still bringing her up!"
You don't get it either, but the thought that he was happier before you crushes your heart. The fact that he loved someone more before he even thought of loving you was heart wrenching.
As the light turned green and he stepped on the gas, he spoke once again, "Honestly, didn't I tell you to forget about her?" He mutters.
The words from the past until now that leave his friends' lips when they talk about you always feels like a bucket of cold water. The reality that Toru used to look at her the same way he looks at you now feels like you just replaced her.
You didn't even know why they broke up. Rumor had it she got sick of him prioritizing volleyball over her. You should be proud of the fact that you're better, never seeing his passion for volleyball as a hindrance to your relationship is.
But you can't help but question. Did he hold her like he held you when you fall asleep in his arms? Did he eat what she cooked even if it was burned or worse? Did he talk to her until 3 am about everything and nothing at the same time? You frown at the thought. The fear that it's possible for him to do those with her now, too.
"Every time you bring her up, it's like you're accusing me of cheating on you."
Your heart breaks at his confession, but he continues to drive, glaring at the road. "That's not true," you mutter in fear.
"It feels like it is." He shoots back.
After another long silence, he speaks again, "Maybe you should stop being insecure about someone who doesn't even exist anymore." He sneers, parking in the driveway of your shared apartment. Oikawa's the first one to leave the car, unintentionally slamming the door in the process. The emotions that implode within him dissuade him to go back to you to apologize for his outburst. So he continues until he reaches the building's entrance, refusing to look back.
And when he enters the building, everything within you explodes. Tears start to flood your eyes before they fall like a giant pipe leak. You don't yell, or thrash around, you just cried. Quietly.
Your breathing is uneasy, your chest is tight, your heart pounds in fear. He was going to leave you, this was his last straw, you were done for.
If only you didn't let your insecurity get the best of you maybe you'd be sitting together in you couch, eating cold popcorn and watching old disney films.
This goes on for an hour, every 10 minutes Oikawa looks from the window of your shared room to see if you're still there. And you are. His heart clenches at the thought of you alone in the car, still crying your heart out.
When the hour passes, Oikawa leaves the apartment, quickly dashing to the elevator after locking the door. When he stops by the driver seat's door and sees you through the slightly tinted glass, still sobbing quietly, hunched over.
He frowns. Heartbroken, he opens the door. You don't lift your head. You just sob, gasping lightly for air before sobbing again.
"Baby..." He calls out, hesitantly raising his hand before it rests on your shaking figure. "Baby, I'm sorry."
"I— I didn't mean to m-make you feel t-that way, Toru... You're r— right, I'm just insecure about this. A-About her. About you..."
He shatter there and there, pulling your shoulder so he can finally see you. You face is tear-stricken, your eyes puffy, and he finally speaks. "Baby, that's not true at all. You're not insecure, you're just curious, I get that."
Oikawa sighs deeply, wiping away your tears and brushing back the hair the stuck on your forehead due to the sweat, "I should've opened up to you more. But believe me when I say I have never loved anyone more than I have loved you."
Your sobs start to subside as he continues to talk you through it. "Just because she was first, doesn't mean she'll ever compare to you."
Once you stop sobbing, Oikawa smiles softly, his hands now cupping your face as his thumb continues to wipe your falling tears away.
And now you get why he's not so caught up in his past relationship. How could he when he has you? When he has you now and plans to have you in the future too.
Because although she may have been his first love, you are and will be his greatest.
"Please stop talking about that day, Toru..." You hide your flushed face in your hands, hunched over the outdoor couch as your, now husband, Oikawa laughs heartily at the memory.
Iwaizumi shakes his head while Hanamaki and Matsukawa laugh alongside your husband. "You cried for an hour over someone from the past! I almost forgot about her too."
"Toru..." You whine. His laughter subsides, sighing before leaning to kiss the top of your head, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll stop." He pulls your hands away from your face, intertwining on of your hands in his.
"But I'll never stop loving you, baby."
"Ew! Corny! Corny!" Hanamaki groans in disgust.
"Tomato, boo! Boooo!" Matsukawa adds, tossing a pillow in Oikawa's direction, which the latter catches with ease, throwing it back.
Oikawa kisses your cheek before letting go of your hand as he moves to the stroller where your small daughter sleeps soundly.
A/n: Oikawa Angst >:). I've been listening to NIKI's "Did you like her in the morning?", guess who cried over it too. Lmaooo, it was supposed to be Kuroo, but the Kuroo x Alisa jokes were getting overused and I'm pretty sure Alisa's a scissor sister (I'm a MiwaLisa truther). Guess who canonicially had a girlfriend but was dumped though? My glorious king who didn't make it to the Nationals of course. Also, the kid in the end can be adopted/ through surrogate/biologically yours.
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