sweet like candy

positivity blog for femmes | trans, nb, and ace inclusive | terfs dni | this is a positivity blog, no discourse please! | m-spec solidarity is supported!

[sugarfemmes]

I hope everyone is having a lovely day~ I am opening moodboard request!

[sugarfemmes]

Heyo! I have a question about your personal definition of femme. (I know what my answer is, so I'm not like. Wanting an opinion to parrot or anything.) Do you think it's okay for a completely cishet man to use femme? As in. Heterosexual, heteroromantic, cisgender, all that, but has a feminine presentation. Obviously this doesn't happen very often because cishet men have less reason to question gender roles than queer folks, but. I dunno do you think he could call himself femme?

Hmmmm, okay, this is actually an interesting question. Because normally I'd say femme is for any kind of queer person, like, even a demiromantic heterosexual cis person can be femme because they are queer even if it isn't very "visible" to most (which no one owes you visibility). Same thing for a heteromantic demisexual cis person obviously. But, normally I wouldn't say a cis, heteromantic, heterosexual man could use the word femme. However, this question has made me think about this a bit.

There is a certain level of femininity in day to day life a man can express without getting harassed by the queerphobes he may encounter. Now, queerness isn't inherently centered on oppression, but it can be a unifying factor. Queerphobes won't ask for your gender or sexuality first before mistreating you, to them, if you don't fit what they think a man or woman should be, they will call you slurs, harass you, etc. Doesn't matter if you're actually 100% straight and cis.

So, in my opinion, I guess if a man is femme, so visibly gender nonconforming, it wouldn't matter if he is cishet. So...I think a cishet man can call himself femme. (This is doubly so for the communities where the term originated, which are black and Latine communities.)

[sugarfemmes]

250 posts!

[sugarfemmes]

Question, how did you realize that you were femme?

I'm struggling with figuring out whether I'm one or not, and I'm wondering if this will possibly help me a little.

Well, me personally, I realized I was femme because I just felt attached to the label. I was already pretty feminine in my own right before realizing I was queer, but I was also sure my femininity felt queer. It's hard for me to explain, the label just clicked for me.

[sugarfemmes]

Was really thinking making an on/ly fa/ns would be dope, just to like bake bread in nothing but an apron, which is kinda 'tame' imo,, but I just don't want to make content that would be predominantly consumed by men... idk if that's valid or what I just liked the idea of it if it's mostly women watching my theoretical content idk why can't lesbians have anything that doesn't also exist as consumable for men

It's understandable. You have A) people you would only be comfortable watching you and B) you have people you want to appeal to specifically. Wanting something for just lesbians, or even just a sapphic audience in general, is a valid desire. Sorry for such a late response, but I hope you find happiness in whatever you're doing.

[sugarfemmes]

can butches follow in support?

Of course! Butches are loved here.

[sugarfemmes]

Shout out to trans femmes. Not just trans women either, even though they are also wonderful, but trans femme men and trans femme enbys. All of y'all rock.

[sugarfemmes]

This blog loves all femmes!

[sugarfemmes]

Sorry for not posting in forever, y'all, I'll try posting more often! - Mod Zoe

[sugarfemmes]

i'd like to start dressing more feminine, but don't want to look "like a woman", so i wanted to ask if you or any of your followers have any tips for dealing with that dysphoria?

Hmmm, I'll need to ask my followers about this one because I personally haven't experienced that kind of dysphoria before. So, anybody have any tips?

[queerbookmasterlist]

How to Use the Queer Book Master List

I have created a master list of queer fiction books which can be sorted and filtered by your preferences.  However, many have asked how to use it - so I have created a quick guide below!

This is not like google sheets - any filters you create will only be shown to you and will disappear when you exit that screen. So feel free to mess around! I promise you won’t ruin anything.

Step 1: Open the database

Step 2: Select the “Create Your Own Filter” view on the left-hand side.

Step 3: Click “filter” on the top bar.

Step 4: Input any filters you would like to organize the files by. The screen will automatically update with books that fit into all of your specifications.

[queerbookmasterlist]

Link to the master list

Reminder, if you think I am missing a book, there is also a submission link where I can review & add to the main list!

[queerbookmasterlist]

Don’t forget to submit a book if you think it’s missing from the list! 

I know I don’t have all of the indie & self-published authors, so if you’ve written a queer book, feel free to add it! Any information will at least give me a starting point. 

[sugarfemmes]

oops, sorry i sent that as a post instead if an ask 😅

thoughts in the futch label ?

Well, the futch label can be useful to those who need it, so I see nothing wrong with it. They have a femme and butch side,which is pretty dang cool.

[sugarfemmes]

Butches 🤝 Femmes

Being really cool.

[sugarfemmes]

ty for existing as a haven for all femmes

Awww thanks for the kind words! We just want all femmes to feel like they have a safe space!

[nebulaniggatry]

If y’all were curious, yes, white gays were harassing a black trans person over this & misgendering her with fingers in their ears

Edit: heads up that TERFs have found this and are clogging the replies with blatant transphobia + misgendering the person in the video. Free blocklist.

[thatspookyagent]

Encourage my non-Black followers to boost this and make sure to check yourselves when you perpetuate anti-Blackness.

[queer-nd-culture-is]

reblogging again: please please block people in the notes. there’s a disgusting amount of racism and transphobia in there, so if that’s triggering to you then don’t look through but if you can handle it, please please go through and block those dipshits.

[queer-nd-culture-is]

okay final rb but- if you want to learn more about the history of terms like femme and butch, i highly suggest you delve into these sources and more

https://www.papermag.com/gay-slang-history-black-femmes-2578325972.html

https://slate.com/human-interest/2016/08/ballroom-cultures-gender-model-offers-rich-alternative-to-cis-trans-division.html

https://haenfler.sites.grinnell.edu/subcultures-and-scenes/underground-ball-culture/

https://www.press.umich.edu/799908/butch_queens_up_in_pumps

https://www.them.us/story/inqueery-butch

[transgentleman-luke-deactivated]

Reminder that the first drag balls were held by Black and POC gay men and trans women in 1890, that butch and femme were drag ball terms back then. Not connected to lesbians until like, the 40s. Butch and femme are terms for every LGBTQ+ person and that includes every non lesbian and especially every non white LGBTQ+ person. 

[sugarfemmes]

transmasc femme culture is hunkering down and being like "okay how do I stop getting perceived as a masculine woman and start being perceived as a feminine man" bdhfsnvjbajsd

That's valid,buddy. You're a pretty boy, and let no one tell you otherwise.

[sugarfemmes]

how do i tell if im femme or not? is it just if im a feminine wlw? im sort of new to all this so im confused

In general, a femme is any feminine queer person, not just sapphic women. Definitions of femme tend to vary, and what counts as feminine can vary, but in general being femme is a desire to be seen as feminine and to be associated with femininity in an inherently queer way. I know this is a roundabout answer, but it's one of those things you gotta just vibe with.