*
currently into:
Star Wars • SPN • everything tbh honestly this is such a mishmash of content
Sun | Sunny | Sun My name's Sun and I mostly post fics that I write or like, fandom garbage, and pictures of clouds or whatever.
um hello??? this is your sign to give some fic recs !!
[breathes out a sigh of relief] thank you
everything here is under 10k hits because i wanted it to be focused on Fics People Should Talk About More
ROCKING AND ROLLING | a_good_soldier | 21k | if the season 12 “dean and sam go to prison” plotline had been taken seriously
let me lay here so slow (i need never grow old) | vaudelin | 10k | dean's birthday fic, outsider pov
Blessed Are Those Who Hunger | pollutedstar | 3k | dean & Food Issues fic
what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) | sobsicles | 27k | obviously sobsicles is Not Underrated By Design but this does fit the criteria and is also special to me!! kaia and dean's interactions in this my beloved
the remembered earth | a_good_soldier | 12k | deals with the john's journal entry about dean's 17th birthday and has lines that i think about literally every day of my life ("took me a lifetime to grow it back") please read this one.
The Mask That Comes Undone | aeli_kindara | 11k | michael traps dean in his own memories, aka "so much trauma in dean's mind" "well, yeah"
In Through The Out Door | sometimeswelose | 37k | literally another fic about Unpacking All Of That re: dean's memories
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) | courfeyrac | 20k | jack's fourth birthday build a bear fic to cut thru all of the angst on this list so far
what fun it all would be | 8sword | 20k | dean and cas find emma in purgatory. every single 8sword fic that involves emma is my absolute beloved but this is a good starting point <3
Occursus | PallasPerilus | 4k | this is heaven endgame compliant but it's such a minor part of it you can ignore it <3 i just really love the dean/cas dynamic here and their voices are very in character
Use Cinderblocks To Build A Stairway | pollutedstar | 3k | another ptsd Dean Studies fic i have literally never claimed to have a variety of interests
the lover's choice | watchriverdale | 44k | yes i made a fic rec post for this before but it makes me so happy <3 beloved finale fix it
a language i don't know, but long to learn | resident_longwinded_anon | 10k | genderfluid dean fic that is honestly closest i've seen to my personal headcanons And So it makes me really happy
Get Out In Times Of Declared Emergency | JayneL | 6k | castiel & post-lucifer vessel trauma with a claire & cas bit that i Treasure
canticles & Romantic Theory | 2street2car | 10k and 6k | these are going in 2-in-1 bc i read both last night and they are enmeshed in my brain. canticles is a ftbyam post-brothel fic where dean takes cas to dinner and dancing and is Super Repressed About All Of It <3, romantic theory is a REALLY cool retelling of lazarus rising where dean remembers being raised from hell and comes out of the grave already half in love and everyone around him is like "what the fuck."
Binary Stars | fourdaysofrain | 9k | cas possessing dean fic that lives in my brain
in this louisiana bar | fleeceframe | 8k | late seasons cas time travels to meet s1 dean… there's crying involved
Crossing Lines | sometimeswelose | 146k | i am super breaking my own rules with this one because it does have a lot of hits but it is my all time fav spn fic so i feel sick not including it. preseries dean gets transported into s15
they're all already on this list but i do generally blanket recommend everything i've read from aeli_kindara, a_good_soldier & pollutedstar… beloveds
also if jack is rory gilmore then is Cas lorelai driving her to her posh private school on her first day in denim cut offs and cowboy boots because it's laundry day and is dean the gruff but overly involved and overprotective coffee shop guy who has been in love with cas for 6 years or is it the other way around OR is sam rory gilmore and dean is lorelai and cas is luke
ok so me and @lesbiancowboyy have made a lot of progress and have decided that dean is lorelai (messy bisexuals with adhd, mommy AND daddy issues, unhinged cultural references, deflection with humour), sam is rory (bookish little brother who is more than a decade younger than dean, dean runs away with him when he's 16 like lorelai), cas is luke (stoic and blunt and in love with dean from the moment he met him (saves the note in his wallet from 6 years ago!) and has to watch dean date other people) BENNY IS MAX MEDINA, CROWLEY IS DIGGER I'M
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
He can fit all his worldly possessions on the passenger seat of his car.
Car keys, red bic lighter, a toothbrush in a ziplock bag. Cellphone, charger, brown faux leather wallet. A maxed out credit card with the name James Ledbetter on it, and a fake ID to match the card. Fourteen American dollars, one Canadian quarter, a Blimpie’s buy-one-get-one coupon.
A pen with the name of a bank on it, a tin of salt. A paperback with a four leaf clover carefully pressed into the pages between the title and the acknowledgments, and that’s it.
Castiel taps the book in the spot where the clover is pressed. He can feel the slight bump of it.
“They’re supposed to be good luck,” Dean had told him with a shrug when Cas asked why he was rooting around in the grass that day. Dean had handed Cas the book with the clover inside and said, “I used to search for them sometimes when I was a kid. It’s dumb but, hey, I figure we could use all the luck we can get.” Dean had smiled softly then, a bit sheepish. The tips of his ears had gone red.
Back then the world had been ending, so Cas supposed Dean was right, they could use luck.
He remembers trying to be encouraging, saying something about the placebo effect that made Dean roll his eyes and laugh at the same time. He can’t quite recall the specifics of it anymore.
A while later he had reached out to the clover with his grace and found nothing particularly special about it, but kept it and the book anyway. He reaches out again, now, with what little of his power he has left. It’s still just as lucky as any other dead plant.
He takes stock of his possessions again, focusing in particular on the fourteen American dollars and the one Canadian quarter. He checks how much gas he has left in his car and it’s not much. If he keeps going he’ll have to choose between food and gas, just to run out of it again anyway.
He needs to eat sometimes now, and drink water. He needs a shower and a bed if he can get them. Clothes, shoes, soap, toothpaste. All of it costs money, and to get money you have to trade time. Castiel has always found that a little ridiculous but it’s not like he makes the rules anymore.
He’s been pulled over in a dark parking lot in a truck stop town called Laurel for a while now thinking about what to do. Sam and Dean had set him up with the card and the fake ID before he left and Cas doesn’t want to ask them for any more help. He decides Laurel is as good a place as any other to get stuck in.
It’s 9:52 on a Tuesday.
++
A day and a half later Castiel is once again employed at a gas station. He’d tried a diner, a vegetable canning factory, a hardware store, and a rundown CVS but the gas station is the first place that got back to him. They were short staffed after someone named Ricky had walked out, and desperately needed a replacement. Kendra, the manager, had said “it’s like you were sent by an angel!” When she read through his mostly fictional work history. It had made Cas laugh.
This one is called Sunshine Gas and Go. They have to wear ugly yellow polo shirts that say “Let me know how I can help make your day sunny!” On the back. They keep the beer on the left side of the cooler bank instead of the right and the jerky next to the self-serve coffee but aside from that it’s remarkably similar to a Gas-N-Sip.
He wonders bleakly if he should have been the patron of gas stations while he had the ability.
The angel of Thursday, the angel of gas stations, that’s Cas. The guardian of the spaces you have to pass through on your way to better days, better places.
He sometimes wonders how Nora’s doing; if her kid’s okay.
++
It takes Sam and Dean five weeks to cave and check in on him. Cas has been in Laurel for the last three.
They pretend to be on their way back from a hunt, a totally routine salt and burn, and just so happen to be refueling at that particular gas station in this particular truck stop, exactly fifteen minutes after his coworker leaves Cas alone to cover the overnight shift. It’s an obvious and flimsy excuse to make sure he’s okay, but he’s known them long enough to understand that obviousness and flimsy excuses to see one another are gestures of affection in the Winchester family. He finds it somewhat exhausting to witness, and even more so to experience but he doesn’t call them out on it.
He does, however, make pointed eye contact with Sam who waves his hands in a placating gesture behind Dean’s back and excuses himself to go stare at the overpriced air fresheners on the other side of the store. He had hoped Sam, at least, would have had the sense to text first.
On the counter next to the cash register there’s a plastic bin with a picture of a bald child in a hospital bed taped to it and some loose change inside. Dean picks the can up, looks inside it, shakes it a bit, puts it down. It’s mostly empty.
“You’d think people’d be a little more generous, what with the cancer kid at stake and all,” he says. When Cas doesn’t immediately reply Dean continues, “Or is this one of those, uh, charity scams? You know, where the evil mega corporation asks you to pretty please donate so they can use it as a tax write off?”
Castiel shrugs, he doesn’t know what the Sunshine Gas and Go does with the money. Says: “I’m not sure, Dean.”
He pretends not to see Dean stick some gum from the display under the counter into his coat pocket. He’s watched Dean do this before to other casheers, leaning close to flirt and making off with what he can. Cas supposes old habits die hard. The gum is sugar free cinnamon.
Dean sees him pretending not to see. He smiles big and bright, his nose does a little crinkle that Cas always liked. The term “shit eating grin” comes to mind, Cas must have heard it somewhere, probably about Dean that time too. He rolls his eyes and says, “How was your hunt? Were you or Sam hurt at all?” He can’t do much besides heal minor cuts and bruises these days, but for the Winchesters he’d still offer what he can.
Dean waves him off, “Fine, fine, got shoved around a bit but it’s nothing a cold compress and a good night’s sleep can’t fix.”
“Speaking of,” Dean segues in a breezyl tone Castiel knows is dangerous territory, “Where are you sleeping these days? You gotta sleep now right?”
The ghost of Rexford sits heavy between them, though it’s been years since then. Cas realizes being back at a gas station might have caught Dean off guard, or felt like some kind of dig at him. He doesn’t know how to explain that it’s just bad luck, and he’s not sure Dean would believe him if he did.
This time around he’s not squatting in the back room with the cleaning chemicals but he is sleeping in his car, just until he has enough money for a place to stay or decides to hit the road again. He knows that’s not anything Dean wants to hear.
“Yes, Dean, I need to sleep” he answers, then pauses. He considers lying but it never works out when he does, and this isn’t life or death; just embarrassing.
Besides, Sam and Dean are observant and thorough even during a glorified social visit, so Cas figures they’d put two and two together as soon as they walked in the door. There’s no way they hadn’t clocked his too-big thrift store jeans under the uniform shirt, or the circles under his eyes. The way his beard is a little patchy from shaving in the bathroom mirror in the truck stop visitor center. It’s likely they’d found his car in it’s discreet parking space at the edge of the lot before coming into the Sunshine Gas and Go.
Cas tries tactful honesty: “I’m saving up.”
And it’s true, he is, though he’s not sure what he’s saving up for. But every Friday he gets a paycheck and brings it to the check cashing place in town. After the fee, and groceries, and little necessities he carefully stores what little he has left in the locked glove compartment of his car, under the book with the clover in it.
Dean’s lips press flat together. He stops leaning over the counter and stands at his full height. He makes an aborted head shaking gesture. He speaks like there’s an awful taste in his mouth.
“So,” he says, slightly too loudly to pay it off as cool. Out of the corner of his eye Castiel sees Sam’s head wip towards them, no longer pretending he’s not eavesdropping.
“So, ah—“ Dean repeats, “you’re gonna, what? Drift around? Lay low in some podunk shit hole for the rest of your life?“ he stops, puts his hands on the counter to steady himself, or to keep from reaching over and grabbing him, Cas isn’t sure. A beat.
“You know what?” Dean says, “Nevermind.”
Cas deflates. He knows Dean disagrees with him leaving so soon after becoming human again, and feels guilty about so many things it’s hard for Cas to keep track of them all, but he knows he couldn’t stay either. Just like lying to the Winchesters, it never works out in the end. With almost no power, he’s no help to anyone, not Sam and Dean, not heaven, not even himself. It hurts to think about but maybe that’s just part of being human.
“Dean—“ he starts to say but he’s cut off.
“Don’t worry about it, man” Dean says, he taps the counter twice with his knuckles, “nice place you got here. I’m glad you’re doing alright.”
Dean swallows and abruptly turns to leave, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. Cas watches him go until Sam comes to the counter with two bottles of water, a coffee, and an energy bar.
He puts a twenty down, says apologetically, “For this stuff and whatever Dean stole on his way out.”
“Gum,” Cas supplies, and slides the twenty back towards Sam. “Don’t worry about it,” he says.
The cameras don’t work inside the store, and according to Joanna, the only reason they’re still up at all is to deter would-be armed robbers. Castiel watches less deserving people steal from them all the time, so it doesn’t seem worth it to take Sam’s money.
Sam shakes his head and gives him a flat smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He takes his things but leaves the twenty. Says, “See you around, Cas.” He pauses for a moment, and seems to debate something with himself. Then: “Check in sometimes if you can, okay? You know how Dean can be when he gets worried.”
Castiel knows. He waves to Sam as he walks off into the dark.
Cas checks the gum display, then manually rings up the items Sam bought. He puts the change into the plastic jar with the kid in the hospital bed on it.
++
A few days later a woman comes in with a ghost behind her. Cas checks the time to keep from gaping. 11:27 AM.
The ghost is a man, perhaps in his mid forties. Too young to be dead, but Cas supposes most people feel that way when they die, no matter how old. When the woman comes to the counter and gives him thirty dollars to put on pump six he sees a wedding ring on a chain around her neck. He puts two and two together.
“That’s a lovely necklace” he says, he looks directly at the ghost when he says it. They make eye contact. The ghost does a sharp inhale for a moment and the lights flicker. The ghost disappears.
Cas frowns, “Sorry about that. It happens all the time,” he lies. He wonders if he could purify the ghost with what powers he has left, that way she wouldn’t have to burn her wedding ring.
The woman seems caught off guard, then smiles politely.
“No worries, it happens all the time at my house too. Must be a faulty power grid in this town or something, my kids swear it’s a ghost or something,” she says.
There’s an apprehensive edge to her voice then, hastily: “have a good one.”
“You too,” Cas says. He thinks about following her out, trying to explain.
He thinks about texting Sam and Dean.
The slushie machine makes a mechanical crunching sound and suddenly there’s red goop all over the ground.
Joanna starts yelling and runs for the mop. He goes to unplug the machine and gets sticky pink syrup all over his last clean pair of pants. The ghost slips his mind.
++
Two days later Dean shows up by himself. It’s 6:43 in the morning on a Tuesday.
Cas has been finished with work for fifteen minutes already but there’s a rush at the end of his shift so he says on to help Javier and Kendra out. It’s mostly people stopping for gas on their way to work, or truckers picking up breakfast before heading back on the road. He doesn’t mind sticking around in the mornings, everyone’s usually too tired to be angry and it’s a nice break from the drunks and the sad eyed kids he usually meets on overnights. The extra money doesn’t hurt, either.
Cas doesn’t notice Dean until he’s placing two coffees on the counter in front of them.
His first words are a surprised, “Oh, hello Dean. Where’s Sam?” Which makes Dean huff, and shift from one foot to the other.
“Not here,” he says, then points at the coffee closest to Cas, “That one’s for you. Milk, no sugar still, right?” Cas nods. He knows this is Dean Speak for an apology. He can feel Javier and Kendra look over at them from behind the other register and the cigarette display, respectively.
Dean smiles, all charm but Cas can tell his face looks a little more drawn than usual, like he’d been driving for too long without a break, “You get off work soon?”
Kendra answers for him, “Yes, he does.” She has a maternal look on her face when Cas turns to her. Javier rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.
“Shoo,” she says, with a smile. She points at the slogan on his uniform shirt, “Go have a sunny day, James.”
Dean nods, “Yeah, James. Have a sunny day.” There’s that smile again.
Cas closes out his register and gets his coat from the back room. Dean’s waiting for him outside, drinking his coffee and leaning against the Impala. The lighting is the soft grey-blue of the morning, and it feels nice compared to the white fluorescents of the store.
Before Cas can say anything Dean scrubs at the back of his neck, then says, “This coffee tastes like piss. Let’s get breakfast.”
++
There’re a few diners in town but Cas has never been to any of them. Dean picks one on a whim, because the sign has a 1950’s pinup girl in a skimpy waitress uniform.
It’s warm inside and smells nice, like syrup and strong coffee. Dean orders something called The Lumberjack Platter and when Cas tells the waitress, “Just coffee, thanks” Dean overrides it and orders him scrambled eggs with a side of sausage and toast.
“My treat,” Dean says. Cas shakes his head but doesn’t fight him on it.
Dean avoids talking about anything personal. Instead they mostly chat about the case Sam and Dean are currently working on. Apparently they’ve hit a wall with the research and Sam’s been holed up at the bunker for days pouring over blueprints and hacked security footage. There’s a cursed object in a locked bank vault in Little Rock that’s making people have violent outbursts. The questions are: why did it start acting up now, which lock box it’s in, and how to get to it.
Cas wishes he could still fly, then at least he’d be able to solve two of their problems. He runs the idea of trying to find a spell to make the object useless by Dean and Dean types it into his phone to send to Sam. A moment later it lights up with a call but Dean mutes it and sticks the phone back in his pocket.
Dean changes subjects and tells him about the latest Dr. Sexy storyline, about a vampire nest he took out a few years back, about running into Garth in Topeka. Cas talks about the gas station a bit but mostly just listens. He always likes listening to Dean talk.
++
When they leave the diner and get back into the Impala, Cas realizes this is the first time he’s enjoyed himself in a long while. He smiles over at Dean, expecting to be asked where he’d like to be dropped off. He’s thinking about the park by the river on the far side of town, it’s a long walk back to the truck stop but he likes to watch the trees shift in the wind and the fresh air there is a nice change from diesel fumes. Instead Dean says, “You still don’t got a place to stay right?”
Cas nods cautiously. He puts his hand on Dean’s upper arm and, not willing to let the day go south, says sternly, “I assure you Dean, while I’m not strictly an angel anymore I still don’t need nearly as much rest as you or Sam do…”
Dean nods at the steering wheel, his jaw moving. Cas can tell he’s also trying to not turn this into a fight.
Dean shifts towards him, Cas keeps his hand firmly on Dean’s arm. The energy in the car changes and suddenly Cas realizes where this is going. Dean puts one hand on his waist and the other comes to rest on Cas’ neck behind his ear. Cas breathes in sharply.
“Dean,” he says, then he broaches the subject he’d been painstakingly avoiding all morning: “Why did you come here today?”
Dean blushes and goes still for a moment, he swallows but doesn’t say anything. After a moment tugs him in gently and Cas takes pity on him. Dean tastes like maple syrup.
It’d been a while since they’d done this, but they fall back into it easily. After a few moments of kissing Dean pulls back. Their foreheads and noses are still touching and they’re breathing hard.
“What I was trying to say was, uh,” his ears get red at the tips, “that I got a room at that Budget Motel by the gas station.”
All Cas can think of to reply is, “Oh, I’d like to see it.”
It makes Dean laugh and wiggle his eyebrows.
“Yeah, yeah wanna come up and see my art collection?” He says. Cas doesn’t know what he’s talking about but he likes that Dean keeps his hand on his thigh while they drive.
++
By the time Cas wakes up for his next shift Dean is gone. There’s a text on his phone that says Sam finally had his breakthrough based on something Cas had said. Then a second one that tells Cas the room is paid through till the end of the week. He can stay in it or not, doesn’t matter to Dean one way or the other. A third one that just says: Thanks.
Cas lays in bed for a moment enjoying the soft sheets and suddenly remembers the ghost.
