basically a tulpamancy blog

[sunk1ssedfreak]

whats up guys it’s a vent blog/private thoughts , i prolly wont use it much but these are thoughts im to embarrassed to put on main . i dont think anyone will find this but if you do mod uses they/them . im not that horribly sad so idk what tws , but maybe some talk about suicide ideation . okay yay !!

also this is used as a tulpamancy journal . im a fun guy all around

[sunk1ssedfreak]

ughoiuuhhhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so difficult….

[sunk1ssedfreak]

here you have a friend that is physically bigger than you. your challenge is to not say that you are fat and disgusting in front of them for 3 hours. if you fail, the cage around your head will snap and you will be left to bleed out. are you ready. go.

[sunk1ssedfreak]

no more latinx please im tired

[sunk1ssedfreak]

day 30 - 7/24

give it up for day 30

ok so. ive been parroting for a #bit but i realized its probably not a good idea to do it long term, and it was just to give lorelai an idea of what conversation would be like . so i stopped that. 

idk, im scared cause i dont actually feel loris “presence.” she doesn’t really manifest in certain ways, and im scared that some of the head pressures were placebos. when i ask if she’s there i get no response, i am doing better that narrating though. if i talk to her enough she’ll respond…right

[maxxie-or-smth]

every 5 minutes i go wow i NEED to kill myself and then i ignore it because i have things to do

[sunk1ssedfreak]

piano pieces make me really emotional

[fudamnshi]

(barely contained rage) wow. im so happy for you. enjoy your happy and healthy relationship

[sunk1ssedfreak]

your fat gf heard you when you said you can’t fathom how people are ok with being fat

[sunk1ssedfreak]

i think I would be a good kisser

[sunk1ssedfreak]

i do not know why but every so often i blurt out a word unwillingly and it’s typically something like “kill yourself” or just straight up yelling . it feels like there’s something that’s trying to get out of my body #help!

[sunk1ssedfreak]

[sunk1ssedfreak]

Day 28 - 7/22 

soooo sorry for not updating recently, nothings really happened. im a pretty bad host, I forget to narrate and talk to lori during the day , which makes me talk to her before sleeping. idk if that’s good. i feel sooo bad. i have horrible issues with procrastination, im trying to schedule but i end up ignoring that too. my discipline isn’t that good. 

whenever i do talk to her, im typically venting or complaining about something. i don’t want to completely fill her with my own negativity 😭 that doesn’t feel healthy ngl . I ask her if she’s okay with it and she responds in head pressures. at least i think, im scared the head pressures are a placebo. 

also whenever i am getting mad or heavily sad, I feel something wash over me?? like idk if its her but i feel my emotions get lowered, and I feel calmer. like okay buddy boy 

anywayyys. I’ve accidentally picked up the habit of talking as different people in my head to myself. idk. this means nothing but i figured I’d write it down

at least I’ve got this journal as a habit. i try to fill it in once every two days at the latest, but i missed that😭 im trying my best! maybe when school starts it’ll be easier to not get carried away

[sunk1ssedfreak]

the voices in my head are trying to convince me they’re real why am I doing this

[sunk1ssedfreak]

why am i larping being a system like what

[kumkaniudaku]

And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???

[sunk1ssedfreak]

soooooo …. he got in a relationship with his best friend . i can’t tell if im jealous or just bitter . it’s been two months . then again why should i care??? im the one that left him . he got over me relatively quickly why am i so hung up over him?????