"Oh my gosh, Edward, you are so cute!" Bella exclaims, staring at Past Edward, her hands on either side of her cheeks as if waiting to blush. "Look at that HAIR! Those shoes! No. No way."
"Excuse me?" Past Edward barks, adjusting his respectable wool cardigan. "Who is this? Who are you?"
"I-He-" Future Edward struggles. Quietly, to his wife, he mutters, "He's not really big on attention."
"Oh, I'm sure you're not." Bella beams indulgently, "And Rosalie, gorgeous as always. I bet you've already figured out what's going on here."
"Well, that's Edward, except he's wearing ridiculous clothes, so presumably you two are from an even more distant future than we are. But I don't know recognize you. Has the coven expanded again?"
"Honestly, Carlisle, you have to stop adopting." Past Edward mutters.
Carlisle Cullen, dirty, young, and human, sits at a table near the fire, trembling in very mortal fear at the supernatural creatures in front of him.
"I know not--I--I--" He tries.
"Don't worry, it's fine. You're fine." Bella offers. "We're here to help."
"We shouldn't lie to him." Rosalie says. "We're here to kill him."
Carlisle makes a distressed noise and begins to pray.
"You're here to kill him," Future Edward says, "We're here to stop you. Edward," he levels his gaze at himself, a very odd sensation, "This is Bella. She's our wife."
If a vampire could look green, Past Edward does. He stares at Bella uncomprehendingly, unmoving, until Rosalie starts to laugh.
"Well isn't that a shock, Eddie. I rather thought you a...well..." She giggles again.
"Give him a break, Rose, you don't want him to kill himself before he provides you a niece." Future Edward bites.
“Mm, it was a team effort, at best,” Bella responds, elbowing her husband, “You got to do all the fun stuff.”
“Yeah, biting through your organs, watching you die, bucket of laughs.” He responds eloquently.
There’s a dull thud as Carlisle loses consciousness out of pure religious fright, slipping to the floor in a graceless pile of limbs. No one reacts. Its better that he not try to wrap his mind around this part.
Past Edward can’t stop blinking. “I can’t hear her thoughts. I can’t hear her...thoughts. I can hear my own thoughts, but I can’t, but I can’t….”
“Hello, panic attack,” Bella mumbles, “Yeah, I’m cool like that. Love, you wanna tell him about the baby?”
“The baby?” Rosalie demands, “You don’t expect me to believe something so physiologically impossible as that, do you?”
“Bella was human when we met, when we...married. And human women can carry a vampire’s baby to term. Apparently. Not without… complications.” Future Edward answers.
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