Soup's No Good Very Bad Blog

they/them anarchist with a questionable taste in indulgent literature. witchy sideblog: @wanderinghearth

[supermassivebutthole]

in my psych textbook, really?

[supermassivebutthole]

less reheated takes about how problematic twilight is, more porn of twilight dads fucking.

[ignisarrow]

🦇🫀🐺

[theliterarygnome]

Edward Cullen + text posts

Twilight (2008)

[supermassivebutthole]

my most controversial opinion is that closeted people who are homophobic to out gays actually dont get to come out later. the closet is your home now. enjoy misery.

[ezzakennebba]

your arms are lovely, yellow and rose. your back’s a meadow covered in snow // the violet hour - sea wolf

[ezzakennebba]

“you need a jacket or somethin’, baby? you’re ice cold.” - credit to @the-most-pathetic-edge-marquis for the idea 🤎

[mollykflood]

Twilight reread/rewatch & Midnight sun reread sketches with library rentals from last month.

[panlight]

Twilight time travel AU where a like, 1950s Edward and Rosalie build a time machine to go back and stop Carlisle from becoming a vampire (because they hate being vampires), only to run into time travelling 2010ish Edward and Bella in 1660s London trying to make sure Carlisle gets turned (because they want Renesmee to exist).

Don't think about time travel rules that much just imagine how weird and fun it would be for 2010 Edward to try to explain to 1950 Edward that no, no, the vampire thing really improves. Yeah this woman is his wife. No really. And they have a baby. Look I know it sounds impossible . . .

Meanwhile human!Carlisle is standing there very confused. I don't think the word 'vampire' was used in English until like the 1730s.

[panlight]

"Am I to understand that you two purport to hail from 300 years hence and have returned by some magic of science to prevent me from being attacked and turned into a blood-drinker so that I may not, centuries hence, turn you into blood-drinkers?"

"Yes."

"And yet you two hail from 350 years hence and are adamant that I must be attacked and turned into a blood-drinker otherwise your daughter, who is herself half blood-drinker, will ne'er be born?"

"Yes."

"And you two," the bewildered 23-year-old human Carlisle Cullen gestures at the reddish-haired men? boys? who share the same face but are dressed much differently, "are the very same person yet from different points in your eternal earthly life?"

"Yes."

"All this seems to prove is that Father is correct about the demonic presence in London. I am being tormented."

"If it helps, I brought a photo of our daughter. Her name is Renesmee!"

"What, pray tell, is a 'photo?'"

[supermassivebutthole]

"Oh my gosh, Edward, you are so cute!" Bella exclaims, staring at Past Edward, her hands on either side of her cheeks as if waiting to blush. "Look at that HAIR! Those shoes! No. No way." "Excuse me?" Past Edward barks, adjusting his respectable wool cardigan. "Who is this? Who are you?" "I-He-" Future Edward struggles. Quietly, to his wife, he mutters, "He's not really big on attention." "Oh, I'm sure you're not." Bella beams indulgently, "And Rosalie, gorgeous as always. I bet you've already figured out what's going on here." "Well, that's Edward, except he's wearing ridiculous clothes, so presumably you two are from an even more distant future than we are. But I don't know recognize you. Has the coven expanded again?" "Honestly, Carlisle, you have to stop adopting." Past Edward mutters. Carlisle Cullen, dirty, young, and human, sits at a table near the fire, trembling in very mortal fear at the supernatural creatures in front of him. "I know not--I--I--" He tries. "Don't worry, it's fine. You're fine." Bella offers. "We're here to help." "We shouldn't lie to him." Rosalie says. "We're here to kill him." Carlisle makes a distressed noise and begins to pray. "You're here to kill him," Future Edward says, "We're here to stop you. Edward," he levels his gaze at himself, a very odd sensation, "This is Bella. She's our wife." If a vampire could look green, Past Edward does. He stares at Bella uncomprehendingly, unmoving, until Rosalie starts to laugh. "Well isn't that a shock, Eddie. I rather thought you a...well..." She giggles again. "Give him a break, Rose, you don't want him to kill himself before he provides you a niece." Future Edward bites. “Mm, it was a team effort, at best,” Bella responds, elbowing her husband, “You got to do all the fun stuff.” “Yeah, biting through your organs, watching you die, bucket of laughs.” He responds eloquently. There’s a dull thud as Carlisle loses consciousness out of pure religious fright, slipping to the floor in a graceless pile of limbs. No one reacts. Its better that he not try to wrap his mind around this part. Past Edward can’t stop blinking. “I can’t hear her thoughts. I can’t hear her...thoughts. I can hear my own thoughts, but I can’t, but I can’t….” “Hello, panic attack,” Bella mumbles, “Yeah, I’m cool like that. Love, you wanna tell him about the baby?” “The baby?” Rosalie demands, “You don’t expect me to believe something so physiologically impossible as that, do you?” “Bella was human when we met, when we...married. And human women can carry a vampire’s baby to term. Apparently. Not without… complications.” Future Edward answers.

“Here.” Bella is already thrusting something at the pair, a Polaroid of a little girl with auburn hair and brown eyes who looks to be around the age of seven. “Our baby. Your daughter. Your neice. Renesme.”

Past Edward runs a hand through his slicked hair as he inspects the photo with Rosalie. Both are silent for a few moments.

“She looks like you.” Rosalie offers quietly. “I need to sit down.” Past Edward mutters, sinking down to the floor beside his still unconscious future creator.

[supermassivebutthole]

Personal life update for those who care, I just got a new cat! Her name is Snickers and she is the best

[ignisarrow]

[pupupuphuca]

sparkly sparkly sparkly sparkly sparkly sparkly

[farmerlesbian]

i need to say this in a safe space. i hate the word hubby. it is revolting. i never want to have to see or hear that word again

[farmerlesbian]

heterosexual women, i am holding your hand while i say this. please… enough. haven’t we endured enough?

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

you can always start making a beautiful life for yourself even if you’ve lost some years to grief. your entire life does not need to be a perfect story, and it always doesn’t have to be only good or only bad. it’s gotta be a lot of both.

[kawareo]

Tumblr is like our elderly dog and when she makes an especially scary cough we apparently think "oh god it's the big one"

[tarragonthedragon]

idk i just feel like "it is more acceptable and in fact encouraged to mock anything enjoyed primarily by women" and "being enjoyed primarily by women does not make thing feminist and righteous" are thoughts that can and should coexist

[kittyit]

if you start reading books again. you will feel at least a little better. I promise