The One with the Art Gallery
Pairing: John Munch x F!Reader
Tags: Slice of Life, HLotS, Based on Episode
Summary: Your boyfriend, John, learns to never underestimate how crazy his exes can be
Notes: Based on s3 e15: Law & Disorder; There's basically no plot I wrote this cuz I was bored idc
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John wanted to melt into the floor. Like, he literally would if he could. Now don’t get him wrong, he isn’t ashamed of his… assets, in fact he tends to be pretty proud of them. But being exposed for everyone to see, especially against his will, is not something he would like to have on his so far semi-spotless reputation, especially in his line of work.
You’d had a pretty easy day at work, and since you both got off early you and John decided to spend the evening together. He’d told you to meet him outside the station so you got there at the time he’d said, but he wasn’t there. You’re about to go look for him inside when you spot him across the street, walking out from a building that you can’t remember ever going in. The change in location is odd enough, but John looks upset. You cross over to him, frowning at his annoyed expression. “What’s up your ass?”
He gives you a tired look, which only sours after a woman passes behind you, snickering. This wouldn’t have been remarkable had said snickering not seemed to have been directed at John. You shoot her a glare over your shoulder and she walks faster, her shoulder subtly shaking with suppressed laughter. It could have been written off as a coincidence had another few people not walked out of the building, amused grins spreading across their faces at the sight of you two. You look back at John in confusion, “Is there a joke I’m not in on or something?”
He sighs, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the building he had just come out of. He leads you down a hallway and stops once you reach the back wall. “John, where are we-” you look up at the wall in front of you, “Oh. Wow.”
You’ve seen John naked before, both in person and in pictures, but never a wall-sized image in public. The picture’s visibly old, in fact you’ve never seen him with his hair that long. If it weren’t for the pretty sizable elephant in the room, that would probably be the most surprising part of the picture for you.
Looking over at him, he genuinely looks like he could disintegrate into thin air at any moment if he had the ability, blushing with what you can infer is shame. John’s not the kind of guy to get easily embarrassed, but he’s also pretty private, you kind of feel sorry for him, even a little angry. After all, as far as you’re concerned, those are your assets too, nobody should have the opportunity to look at them but you and him. “Who did this? And where’d they get this picture?”
“One of my exes with a grudge, it’s her collection. I seriously don’t even remember taking this, I was probably high.” He huffs out a breath, “I can’t believe she would do this, it’s been like 25 years!”
Ok, maybe you understand the woman from before. Whatever he did must’ve been pretty heinous. You bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing, “Jesus, John, what did you do to that girl?”
He shrugs, hesitating before answering, “We dated for a while before I went to the academy, I was an asshole, we had a fight and I left while she was asleep.” There’s an ashamed tone to his voice, at least he seems somewhat remorseful. “Not saying I was right to do that, but I had a feeling something was off about her and I’m seeing my intuition was right.”
You’re quiet for a moment. You kind of understand her, it was a dick move and you’d want revenge too, but maybe not like this. After all, it’s been decades, he’s not the person he was in college. The comedy of the situation is undeniable though, and you attempt to suppress your laughter, to no avail. He looks at you in offense, “This isn’t funny! How would you feel if your privacy was blown up and plastered on a wall for all to see?”
You smile, still amused at the situation. “Okay, I’m sorry. But to be honest you kind of had it coming. Besides, don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic? This gallery isn’t exactly well known, it can’t have been seen by that many people.”
He looks at you blankly, “It’s in the paper.”
“...oh.” Yeah, the distress is understandable. “Does your squad know?”
He feigns a laugh, “Do they? There's flyers advertising it everywhere, they found out before I did. Of course they think it’s hilarious, especially Meldrick. Even Stan knows, his ex-wife brought a copy to the hospital to read to him. I don’t even know how I’ll face him, none of them will ever take me seriously again.”
John takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, “I’m the laughingstock of the precinct,” he says, “Everyone I pass on the street looks at me like they’ve seen my Johnson, which they have, mind you! My reputation in this city is ruined, I’ll have to buy a disguise and change my identity!”
“John, calm down.” You roll your eyes affectionately, “I really think you’re overreacting, it’s only in one gallery, and I guarantee the whole city isn’t coming over here to see your… exhibition. Can’t you ask the gallery to take it down, like for privacy reasons? There’s gotta be a rule against that or something”
He sighs, “They said I have to ask Brigitta, something about artist’s privilege. Even the curator I asked about it couldn’t look at me without laughing. The official opening is tonight, I’ll try to appeal to her better nature there.”
You nod, patting him lightly on the back. “See? Problem potentially solved.” He still has that depressed look on his face, so you kiss him on the cheek, “I’ll even come with you, for moral support.”
He shrugs and the two of you turn to leave, still being met with amused glances and quiet laughter from the people you pass on your way out. You lean in, whispering, “You know what though?
He looks down at you, “What?”
“Aside from the whole public thing,” you smirk, “You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Believe me.”
