public diary era 🧚🏽‍♀️

27. black. she. ily taylor swift (positive) ily sylvia plath (derogatory)

[survivingthehorrors]

I am my father’s daughter.

Except… I’m not.

I’m not cruel.

I’m not reactionary.

I’m not unfair. Or unwilling.

I’m not scary. I’m not angry.

I’m not the werewolf in my dreams. The one that lurks, and preys, and waits until I let my guard down to eat away at me.

I don’t demand people’s fear because I’m too afraid I won’t earn their respect.

I have empathy. I have emotional intelligence.

I’m not my father’s daughter.

No. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

Except…I think that maybe I am.

I think about that time when I made a girl cry in middle school because she made me feel small.

Or the time I called my landlord a cunt because she made me feel weak.

How many times have I taken someone’s power

to stop feeling powerless?

I think I am my father’s daughter.

I think he’s in every part of myself that I hate.

I think that maybe he was his father’s son.

I think he’s tried and failed to cope with his monster.

I think I’m destined to repeat the cycle.

But fuck destiny. I’ll create my own.

I’ll scratch and claw away at the monster he's made me until it learns to fear me.

I’ll eat that monster down to its bones.

I’ll swallow it whole.

I am my father’s daughter.

But I’m trying not to be.

[survivingthehorrors]

old daddy issues poem i wrote when i was really sad a long time ago (last year lol) but this time it’s on a pretty poem card :) me and my dad have been good lately. i cant show him this cause it would hurt his feelings so i’ll show it to you guys instead 💛

[dogpuppy]

[1110-pm-on-the-clock]

11:10

[oggeminivenus]

[dogpuppy]

[xanaxfarts]

bouquets behind foggy glass is a photo style i will never get tired of

[vacuiterror]

the years pile on but i have not lived

[fivestrandbraid2]

You have destroyed and betrayed yourself for unfulfilling human contact

[gardenofdelete998]

can you tell i missed out on smth fundamental in my formative years 😏

[iheartliquor]

soooooo bored and scared

[survivingthehorrors]

i have this curse where i’m forced to know that every boy that fumbles me is gonna regret it for the rest of his life…forgive me peter please know that i tried and things of that sort

[plumslices]

Your misbehaving boyfriend is not funny to me

[calellon]

unfortunately i could never be nonchalant because i am not well in the head and also my soul is on fire

[survivingthehorrors]

“And why are you so sure that you know what kind of book boyfriends I like?” She’s asking like she cares. Like it even matters. She would throw away every book, every dream, every single thing for a life with him.

He’s arrogant. He’s cocky. He’s rude.

He gets her. He loves her.

She’ll never know it.

“Easy.” He shrugs as if she asked him the most obvious question in the world.

“You read about guys that remind you of me.”

[survivingthehorrors]

writing songs and poems is one thing…..a book??? let’s not get crazy

[survivingthehorrors]

it’s the little things

it’s the way my mom takes a xanax when my dad gets home from work

it’s the way she makes excuses for him

he works hard. he’s tired. he’s just in a bad mood.

it’s the way i’m expected to make excuses for him too

it’s the way i feel guilty for not being able to

so i try

for my mother, i try

i do the little things

i smile when i want to scream

i scar my palms with my fingers

i pretend

and pretend

and pretend

it helps to imagine that each little thing is a star in the night sky

the sky is endless.

big and infinite

perfectly unbounded

what’s a star in comparison?

and it works

most of the time it works

but sometimes at night i find myself looking up

i find myself wondering

how much longer i can stuff these stars

these little things

into the back of my mind,

into the vast night sky

until i explode into a galaxy?