The Past Present, Chapter 1 part 2
The sun had set long ago and Lin still sat in her desk chair with a pen and a piece of paper. She kept looking at it hoping that the words would magically appear on the paper and she wouldn't have to write them. They didn't of course, nothing ever did go how she wanted. In all honesty she had no idea how to start the letter, this was something that she hadn't planned beforehand. So she just started writing as the words came to her. She was careful, mindful of them. The pen felt smooth on her fingers and the ink stiff on the paper. She kept writing, pouring herself into the paper like she never had done before. She thought of her pain, her sorrow. The ugly times and the moments she lost hope of things getting better. She continued, tears slipping from her eyes as she tried to swallow the knot in her throat. She felt broken, lost and confused. It was as if her mind wasn't working probably. She wouldn't be surprised if she had lost it by now. Toph had joked once that she was too emotional and that made her weaker than her. Those words stuck with her, they marked her soul and not for the better. She couldn't even understand how she was feeling, only that it was her time to go. Like something had snapped. Maybe it was all the years of problems finally crashing down on her, or the feelings she shoved into the back of her mind. It didn't matter now, nothing did.
When she was done, she looked at the paper. She was far from satisfied but didn't have the strength to rewrite it. She just sighed and folded it neatly, placing it on her bed. She looked at her room, it felt like she was in another dimension. Nothing seemed familiar anymore. She didn't belong here, never had.
Maybe a shower would clear her head. She grabbed some clothes and a towel and walked towards the bathroom closing the door behind her. She started to shed her uniform, and she avoided the mirror. Hopping into the shower she turned it on, it was cold. Suyin probably had used all the hot water and now she had to settle for this. She scrubbed her body angrily, scratching and hurting herself while doing it. She hated this feeling, she hated this fucking family. She hated how they made her feel. She would never be enough. Enough of a daughter, a sister, a cop… a friend. The pain in her cheek made her snap back to reality and she finished her shower after washing the soap off.
She dried her body just as carelessly and started getting dressed. A simple tank top and blank slacks. She walked towards the door and grabbed the handle, but before turning it she looked at the sink. The mirror was on top, she could see it with her peripheral vision. She walked closer and slowly looked up. There were bags under her eyes and bruising was forming on her right side of her face. She stared for what felt like ages, trying to find the courage to move on. She had to change the bandages just like the nurse had taught her. Slowly she reached her face and started unraveling her bandages. She was looking down at the sink, too scared to see what would be starting back at her when she looked up. Toph was right, she was weak. Her eyes stung as she inhaled sharply before slowly raising her head.
She cried the moment she saw herself. She looked wrong. The scars were red and angry and incredibly painful. She was disfigured, ugly. Who the fuck would want her now? She wasn't the nicest, friendliest or even kindest. As selfish as it sounded, she relied on her beauty to make connections with people. And now that had been taken from her.
Everything was eventually taken from her. She grabbed the sink edges in anger. Everything would always be snatched from her. But she would never allow this to happen again, she was going to make sure this was the last time anyone took anything from her. It was a promise.
When she walked out of the bathroom she looked at the clock down the hall, it was two in the morning. She sighed and walked back to her room, stopping in front of Su’s room. The light was out and the door unlocked, she opened it quietly and saw Su sleeping on her bed peacefully. The bags were made, now sitting at the edge of the bed. She wanted to hug her, to hold her. Spirits knew she needed it, to be comforted by someone. But if she got close and Su woke up, they would only fight all over again. So Lin walked out and closed the door.
Walking back she passed her mother’s office, she turned back and walked in. Books were on the shelves alongside pottery Su and she had made for her mother many years ago. Toph never really used her office, yet here it sat. Lin remembered helping Suyin with her homework at that desk. The many mountains of paperwork she had to help Toph with even as a young kid. Always helping her mother, her idol.
Lin looked at a miniature figure of Toph that sat on her desk. One she had made herself when teaching Lin metalbending. She grabbed the figure and felt the edges in her palm.
“You have to be patient but determined if you want to be as good as me one day, kid. Though I doubt it, you're too much of a lily-liver.” Toph had joked.
She sat the figure down and walked back to her room. The hall seemed endless as she walked back. She felt like the floor was swallowing her with each step. She reached her room and grabbed her uniform, she took the badge out and pocket it and folded the clothes. She placed them neatly on the bed alongside her cables.
She stared at her shelves when a particular thing caught her eyes. She walked towards it, grabbing the object from the top shelf. She smiled as she caressed the stuffed badgermole her mother had given her years ago as a birthday gift. She was probably five at that time, Toph had taken her to see the badgermoles back in Gaoling. She remembered how happy she felt that day. It was one of her favorite memories with her mother.
Lin sat on her bed staring at the animal when the front door opened and closed. She could hear Toph sighing and her footsteps as she approached her room. Lin could see Toph’s shadow from under the door’s edge. She didn't move her gaze as she waited for something to happen. Did Toph want to talk? Heaven knew she needed it. But of course, that didn't happen. Toph walked away from the door and Lin could hear her mother’s room door open and close. Tears pricked her eyes as she laid down in bed. Of course she would carry this pain alone. She always did. She hugged the stuffed animal tightly as she laid in bed, she cried quietly not wanting to alert her mother or sister.
Lin laid for an hour when she got up from bed, her eyes still puffy from the crying. She grabbed the bag with the money and settled it next to her uniform and the note. With one last look around her room and grabbing the stuffed animal she opened the window and climbed out, closing it behind her. She didn't know where she was going, all she knew was that she would never come back.
________________
Lin walked towards a bridge, the moon was full and bright in the sky. She wondered if Kya was having trouble sleeping. Lin remembered Kya telling her about her sleepless nights whenever the moon was full. She walked into the middle of the bridge looking down at the water as she leaned into the railing. The night was quiet and relaxed, the rhythmic sounds of the city were in the background. She sighed and looked back at the stuffed animal. It felt nice to be alone, maybe she didn't have to do this. But again, it's not like they would care. Toph would probably shrug it off and Su would even cheer. She climbed on the railing looking at the moon and feeling the cold air in her hair. She looked down, a fall from this height would be fatal without a doubt. Maybe she could just go back and-
“Hey! Get down from there will ya? You’ll fall and die moron.” An old man reprimanded.
Lin looked behind her to see an old man standing looking back at her. She ignored him.
“Hey! You deaf?!”
“I can hear you old man.” Lin responded irritated.
The man huffed. “You're one crazy kid standing there. You suicidal or something? Because either you're mad or want to die. Or both!” He said, stepping closer.
“Who cares.” Lin shrugged.
“I don't know, your parents probably?”
Lin laughed, dryly and low. “Never knew my father and my mother doesn't give a flying fuck.”
“Go back home kid. She's probably waiting for you.” He said slowly walking towards her.
Forget it. She would have to go back and justify where she was. If not, she would have to go back to work with her face hurting as much as it was. Toph wouldn't really care about her pain, she never did. Su would be gone and her family torned. It wouldn't matter anyways, it never did.
Lin looked back with a dead stare holding her stuffed animal in her hands. “Will you do me a favor?”
“If it's gonna get you down from that ledge sure” The man walked closer.
Lin threw the stuffed animal at the man. “Give that to Chief Beifong for me.”
“What are you-“ The man didn’t get to finish his words when Lin jumped from the railing and into the water below. He ran as fast as he could but was far too late to grab her. He stared down in horror, yelling for help as her body descended.
You know… It was euphoric. The wind in her face, her heart beating faster than the speed of light. She wondered if this was what flying felt like. She felt free, but just for a second. So many thoughts flooded her mind as she looked at the water, everything was going so fast yet so slow. One feeling burned into her chest as the water approached. Regret. She regretted jumping the moment her feet left the ledge. She could've fixed things back home. She could've sat down and talked to Toph about her feelings, she probably wouldn't have been heard but maybe she would. If things hadn't worked out after it she could've gone to Temple Island and asked for a transfer at work. She could've asked Bumi about joining the army. But now it was too late, she had sealed her fate in one mindless act. She would hit the water in seconds, and if she was lucky the impact would kill her at once. If not she would drown, unable to swim due to her broken bones and lack of energy.
Lin raised her hand towards the sky, she yelled but she could hear no sound coming out. It all happened so fast she didn't even get to react. Her body hit the water at a horrifying speed, the last thing she remembered was a sharp and immense pain in her back, then everything went black.
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Su snapped from her sleep and looked out of her window. Her breath was unsteady as she quickly stood up from bed and walked down the hall to Toph's room. Something compelling her to go to her mother.
“Mom?” She said as she opened the door.
Toph lifted her head confused. “Su? What is it?”
The girl walked towards her mother's bed, getting up and under the sheets.
“Su?” Toph asked again, confused.
“I had a nightmare, can I stay here?”
Toph rolled to face her daughter. “Sure, you're already here.”
Su got closer to her mother, cuddling her and laying her head on her shoulder.
“Mom?” Suyin whispered.
“Mm?”
“I don't want to go…”
Toph sighed. “Su… it's what's best for everyone.”
Su started crying softly. “But I don't want to leave you.”
Toph just hugged her daughter. “And I don't want you to leave badgermole, but our actions have consequences.” She said while caressing Su’s hair.
Eventually she calmed down and fell asleep. Toph just sighed before cuddling closer to her daughter and falling asleep holding her.
Before the sun had risen she was awoken by her office telephone ringing. She cursed before getting up from her bed and walking to the other room.
“Chief Beifong speaking.”
“Chief sorry to bother you at this time, there was a call of a jumper tonight, a woman, we have an eyewitness at the station giving us his information and the woman's description. He also said he wanted to give you something in person. Something the victim left. A toy of sorts? He wishes to talk to you immediately.”
“Officer, do you know what time it is? My shift starts in a few hours, let me sleep. I'll check the report when I get there later and call the man myself.”
She hung up the telephone and went back to bed where Suyin was waiting.
“You're leaving?” Su asked sleepily.
Toph crawled under the covers and cuddled Su close to her chest. “No, I'm here with my family now. I can deal with it in the morning.”
Suyin nodded and rested her head on Toph’s chest. The blind earthbender rubbing circles on her daughter's back. I can deal with it in the morning, nothing can be more important than being here for my child.
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Morning came and soon Toph got ready to leave. She woke up Suyin to get ready so the train wouldn't leave her. The girl sighed defeated but obeyed her mother's orders. Toph didn't feel Lin around the house but knowing how puntual she was, the girl was probably already at the station by now.
“Did you say goodbye to your sister?” Toph asked her daughter.
“No, she most likely left before having to see us. She probably hates my guts if I'm honest.”
Toph frowned. “You should go to the station before you leave and say goodbye, she's still your sister Su.”
“Yeah, Yeah whatever.” Su dismissed her.
Toph rolled her eyes and with a kiss and a hug she left the house.
The morning felt off but Toph dismissed it. She continued her walk down the station, it was her morning exercise every day. The city was loud as alway, vivacious as ever. She arrived at the station to be greeted by Saikhan.
“Morning Chief!”
“Morning-”
“Lin isn't with you?” He asked, confused.
“Isn't she already here?” Toph asked back, puzzled.
“No. No one has seen her since yesterday morning. Not after she got injured.”
Toph sighed irritated. “I told her to cover for Song, I thought she was here already. We are having a word when she gets here.”
Saikhan nodded and continued walking by her side.
“Brief me with everything.” She asked.
_________
Su continued getting ready, her train wouldn't leave for about two more hours so she had time to kill. She showered, ate breakfast and finished getting dressed, she was ready to go and with an hour to kill. Now the only thing missing was her favorite pair of earrings. They weren't hers but Lin never cared if she used them. So she walked to her sister’s room and was intrigued by a bag on her bed.
To Su’s shock, the bag was filled with money, a lot of it. Lin’s uniform was also there, with her cables. So she hadn't gone to work that day. Su was puzzled by this but soon saw the folded sheet of paper and grabbed it without thinking much of it. She unfolded it and started reading.
“I don't know how to start this but, here I go. Su, you're probably the one reading this because you know, mom's blind and all but I just need you to know this wasn't your fault, or mom's. I've been feeling tired for a while and things kept mounting on, I just want to make one thing clear. It wasn't your fault. Or anyone's. I'm just… I'm tired and I don't think I can keep going anymore. Things keep getting worse and I can't handle seeing my family be torn apart like this. I love you, I love mom too. I just want to be free but I don't think I can do it in this life. I'll never be a good enough daughter, or sister, or even officer. I think it's time for me to go.
Su...Bet you're gonna be really happy to be an only child like you wanted. Mom will be happy to have one less thing to worry about. I left some money you can take to Gaoling with you. Buy some nice clothes or not, whatever you do with the money is up to you. I'm sorry I wasn't a good sister Su, I really gave it my all. I tried to keep you out of trouble and guide you into a better path but I failed miserably. I care for you, I always have. I know you probably hate my guts and that's fine, I understand. I forgive you either way, you're my little sister. I just wished things had been better between us.
Mom… I'm sorry things ended like this. I wish I had been what you expected of a daughter and an officer. I didn't mean to disappoint you. I just wanted you to be proud of me. I really tried, but I was just not good enough. Just know that I always gave the best of me in everything I did, especially for you. I'm proud to be your daughter, just wished you had been proud to be my mom.
I love you both, I'm sorry.
-Lin”
Suyin felt her blood run cold as she ran to her mother’s office phone. She started calling the precinct as her heart felt like it would explode.
“Mom, pick up! Mom!” She yelled into the receiver.
Unable to reach her mother after many calls she called the only other number she remembered.
“Air temple island, Master Katara speaking.” Katara said as she responded to the call.
“Katara! Katara! Mom! You need to call mom!” Su yelled frantically.
Katara gripped the receiver tighter as she listened to her distressed niece. “Sweetie! Sweetie! Slowdown what happened!?” Katara gestured to a near acolyte to get Aang.
“MOM! Call Mom!” She broke down and started crying.
“Where are you Su?” Now Katara was worried sick thinking the worst.
“Home! Call mom! Please call mama!”
“Are you hurt!?”
“No! No! Just get mom! Get my mom! It’s Lin!” Su couldn’t stop sobbing to the point she was barely understandable.
“Is Lin hurt!?” Katara asked frantically.
“No- Yes! I don’t know! Just get my mom!”
“Su, I need to know if Lin is hurt!”
“I don't know! She left a note and she’s not - JUST GET MY FUCKING MOM!” Now Suying was screaming.
Katara yelled for Aang, Tenzin and Kya, she didn't know what was going on but they needed to act fast. Soon enough the three of them rushed into the room with worried looks on their faces.
“Something happened with Lin, Aang and Tenzin go get Toph. Kya help me get Su!”
“What do you mean something happened to Lin?!” Kya asked worriedly. “What the fuck did Toph do now!?” She yelled.
“Kya calm down, I don’t know what happened but I think it’s bad. We just have to rush there and see her condition.” Katara calmed her daughter.
Katara went back to the phone where she could still hear Su sobbing. “Su, Baby stay where you are, I’m on my way to get you. Uncle is getting mom okay? Stay there.” Katara tried calming her.
“Hurry!” Suyin sobbed more.
The group took two bisons and headed each to their locations, rushing in hopes to make it in time to whatever was happening.
