Dog Blessed

Olifer/SwampDog//They/He/Whatever//Mid Twenties Retired Oogle, Emotional Goofball & Amatur Welder

[swamppup]

I <3 learning new things

[lurker-at-thresholds]

Thinking about a new bit where i start using “workers of the world” as my go-to second person plural pronoun. Like “chat”.

[lurker-at-thresholds]

Workers of the world what do we think of this. Is it funny.

[lurker-at-thresholds]

Workers of the world please like and reblog my post

[swamppup]

gestures for which there are no balm, no intercession.

[swamppup]

up in the mountains,, I read 4 books, hiked 20 miles, milked 3 goats, hosted one dog training session, gained 5 pounds, mended 5 relationships, gained 2 safety nets, swam in 4 different bodies of water and watched so many birds.

in the city: ive worked 2 shifts, made 3 good meals, walked 5 miles, played 4 songs on guitar and got dumped by my gal.

aaaaugh. maybe we go back to the woods before I work next weekend, cuz, i ain't cut out for this shit fr fr

[guiltfactory-moved]

this lamb keeps trying to sacrifice itself even though no one really needs or wants it to do that

[iifbluecouldbehappiness]

💘

[swamppup]

I uh,

I'm exhausted, and feeling hopeless again.

I've spent the past couple weeks trying to gather the scattered fuckery which is the fabric of my life,, and while I still don't have my ID card, or a working phone,, everything else is falling into place a bit.

Slangin weed to the college kids paid my rent this month, and hopefully in September I can finally get some health insurance. I got into this art scholarship I applied for, it's a 3 month program, and that will pay for my rent& half of utilities (yay stipends) and I'll get $600 towards supplies for my final project.

They're supposed to help w a Bart pass too. Anyways. Life's been ok despite feeling shotty. Feeling ever grateful for the pals at Spooky, and to Chloe, for well, more than I really care to type at 2am. Chloe and I dated for a while back when I was still living in Corona. She invited me to move to the bay with her and spooky back in 2020, and I declined, mostly because I was trying to move out to Boston to be with Remy,, but also because I was losing my shit and scared of everything (thx m3th/quittingmydreamjob/goingoffhormones/imjustfuckingcrazy).

Anyways, the point of this ramble is that things are okay, I miss my loved ones terribly, though I always feel they're better off without me in their life, and not in the angsty unalive myself kinda way, but in that I'm still unpacking my shit and generally have a hard time connecting with anyone genuinely. meh.

Been tryna play music,, but I ain't got no confidence or anyone to really share it with,, so, idk.

Still clean, and I think that might be one of the most bittersweet parts about this. I wish I could point fingers at the cause of this depression but it's pretty much just, me, n mourning all the friendships i fucked up by being toxic.

I'm so scared of being shit, that now I don't let anyone in. And it's killing me inside, slowly.

Cheers, Void.

[swamppup]

oh kid. if only i could shake you by the shoulders, and scream LET IT GO AND SHOW THE FUCK UP.

I wish I could hug you. things can and will get better, so long as you want them to, and work towards it. perspective is a hell of a thing.

[swamppup]

i ransacked my brain in search of some crushing devastation i could use as an outlet for self sabotage, and all I got was this lousy self awareness that i am not spiritually bankrupt, but moreso spiritually malnourished..

at every point since detoxing, I've avoided going "home".

im 6 years overdue,

but at least one year overdue.

time to bring the puppy home.

[swamppup]

I did it. i brought us home.

onto the next two years of bullshit, only 4 hours away from home.

[swamppup]

Tomorrow, I’m asking dumb questions.

cuz I know what I want out of this life, and I’m confident in my capability to find and maintain it.

except for love. except for partnership.

asking for some, annoying wisdom.

[mistressaccost]

you can have random one sided beef with ANYONE! it’s so beautiful. and it doesn’t cost any money!!!!!!

[swamppup]

went to an AA meeting for the first time in a long while. it was in Quincy, everybody immediately clocked me as a new person and was asking me about my journey and stuff.

it was really nice. i forgot how much that sort of fellowship is important for me to not catch myself spiritually drained.

i reset my sobriety counter.

getting back on track, and im putting my whole ass into it this time.

ive got two years to grind in the bay, save up, fix my credit, and find a spot out here, so Morty can spend his final days on our mountain.

Michelle: I'm really happy you've chosen to do Morty's hospice plan out here.

you and me both, girl.

[swamppup]

everywhere I go,

there it is.

the faint looming shadow of my parents disease.

every step I take further from being like my mother,

the bottle drags me back a half step.

i want to be free. i want to sprint away from this tendency, this familial curse.

longing for an absence of longing.

[mildmayfoxe]

1) any stretching is better than no stretching

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

3) statistically you will never be the worst person at anything, there is always someone in the world who is worse at stuff than you are

[swamppup]

kissed this harsh, and passionate town goodbye.

future, hold us dear.

[swamppup]

it's a suicide mission, no matter how it's disguised

[radicalgraff]

"All you had to do was pay us enough to live"

Pasteup seen in Nashville, Tennessee

[swamppup]

one day ill sleep so well