SweetBlckCherry

She has nothing to hide and she hides it so well

[tealandsympathy]

We want three bedrooms, two bathrooms, dark wood floors and kitchen cabinets, stand alone shower in the master bath, backyard for our three dogs, new finishes and garage. In DC. For $250,000.

[sweetblckcherry]

Secret from PostSecret.com

[sweetblckcherry]

Not Enough Explosions

Friend: “Why is female friendship only realistic in indie movies?" Me: "Because there aren't enough explosions to make it worthy of the big bucks."

[sweetblckcherry]

Hurricane of Sass Meets Storm of Socks

BF and I are currently planning his birthday party which reminded me of this event from when I was planning my birthday party. I was eating breakfast while he was still in bed.

Me: What is your mission for today? BF: Nap time Me: No. Try again. BF: Fight the zombie apocalypse Me: And after that? BF: Nap time Me: After that? BF: Double nap time. And then elevensies. And then second breakfast.

At this point I start hitting him with a pillow. 

Me: Dammit you will answer me. What is your mission for today? BF: Should you choose to accept it. 

I resume hitting him with the pillow. 

BF: Hurricane of sass! 

I notice the pile of his dirty socks on the floor 

Me: Well, the hurricane of sass is about the meet the storm of socks. Now what are you supposed to do today? BF: Make biscuits. 

I then drop 4 dirty socks on his head. 

[sweetblckcherry]

Lea Michele has a song called Burn with You and all I could think was...

[sweetblckcherry]

It’s a long way down

Me: “If you insist on someday skydiving, I have 2 conditions: 1) It must be a tandem dive. 2) Get a Groupon. If you must launch yourself from a plane, you’re not overpaying to do it.”

BF: “I can get a deal on falling from the sky?! Wait. Why do I have to pay for gravity?”

[sweetblckcherry]

Jumping to Conclusions

BFF: She might not be with her douche bag boyfriend any more. Well, douche bag looking.

Me: I’ve seen at least half a dozen photos where he’s flipping off the camera and making duck lips. Let’s jump to the douche conclusion.

[sweetblckcherry]

I always liked this secret. It made me laugh. If the worst thing that happens to them is that a strange woman bumped into them, it was a pretty decent day.

Secret from PostSecret.com

[sweetblckcherry]

I absolutely love this secret. It’s a fantastic way to do something constructive with the negative energy that comes from breakups.

Secret from PostSecret.com

[sweetblckcherry]

I know exactly how this feels. It’s why I stopped believing I was attractive. When everyone throws you over for your hot friends and doesn’t treat you like a worthwhile person for long enough, you start to believe it yourself.

Secret from PostSecret.com

[sweetblckcherry]

Welcome to the rabbit hole that is the internet. Secret from PostSecret.com

[sweetblckcherry]

Salary Slaves

My friend is rather unhappy at his job. It could be the crazy hours, constant backstabbing and buck passing, or the superior who wrapped their hands around his throat. Hard to tell but it helps contextualize the following conversation:

Friend: “If anyone is hunting for a job, my department is hiring.”

Me:  “ Did they kill the last slave boy during a beating or did he escape by picking the locks on his chains?”

Friend:  “No, they're getting done firing most of the idiots, so the department is relying less on slave labor.”

[sweetblckcherry]

The End of Everything

Friend: I just need to say this to someone who understands. 

Me: OK.

Friend: I am heartbroken over Kermit and Miss Piggy getting a divorce. THIS IS HORRIBLE! I HAVE NO FAITH IN HUMANITY! OR PUPPERTY! This is ruining all the things I learned about anthropomorphic marriage bliss.

[micdotcom]

We completely agree with this Tumblr post that points out how weird it is that bra commercials are aimed at straight men. If bras were actually marketed and made with women in mind, the ads would sound a lot different. And these are just scratching the surface of the improvements that could be made.

[sweetblckcherry]

Super Waist Powers

Bud: "Is she an alien? That waist isn't possible for a human."

Me: "You just described every comic book heroine ever." 

 Bud: "Super waist powers"

[yrbff]

Screenshot for your ⚡️ FATE⚡️  (insp)

[sweetblckcherry]

Friendship Soundbites: You Understand Me

Friend A: "Give him a Darwin Award"

Friend B: "Don't you have to die?"

Me: "That's her point"

Friend A: "You understand me on a deep homicidal level"