pelvic sorcery

hi i'm emily and i'm a DORK

[depressionhope]

[watacco-deactivated20181130]

“imagine i had i bowl of skittles and three of them could kill you-”

[traumatizedsuggestions]

Just tell me to fuck off and die already, I know you want to.

[sapper-in-the-wire-old]

people today with access to more raw information than any other period: the earth is flat

german artilleryman in 1916, who barely washes his own ass: I need to account for the curvature and rotation of the earth when plotting my firing plans

[thefloatingstone]

Eratosthenes, an Egyptian, in 3750 BC when fucking mammoths hadn’t even gone extinct yet: Oh hey I can use these two obelisks to calculate the earth’s entire circumference based on the length of their shadows and the Earth’s curvature. Neat.

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

*strokes my laptop camera three times until the fbi agent comes out in a cloud of smoke*

me: hi! how many wishes do I get? :)

fbi agent: what in god’s name did you just do to me

[ghostsandgoblins]

[dammitmccoy]

jim kirk: *has idea*

jim kirk: *takes breath*

*muffled crashes heard throughout the enterprise, quickly getting louder, concluding with the appearance of a figure in the doorway*

leonard mccoy: no 

[righthandedleftturn]

[zombeesknees]

#I feel like this is what you get after someone says ‘just stand like you normally would’

[lisaveronica]

Is that by DeBarge? I thought it was Devo.

[westernlariat]

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

[zechery-deactivated20220114]

“I’ll make you moan, over”

[rninor-blog]

“bend over” “bend what? over”

[wastedwatercolours]

“I think the word you’re looking for is apocalypse.” Ghostbusters (2016)

[mulderapologist]

[sweetstarfleet]

FAQ

Q: what the hell is wrong with you?

A: yeah

[despotique]

who needs april fools my entire life is a joke

[weloveshortvideos]

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

teacher: go ahead and introduce yourselves student: my name is “michael” with a “b”, and i’ve been afraid of insects my entire— teacher:stop stop stop. where? student: hm? teacher:where’s the “b” ?? student: (voice shaking) THERES A BEE???

[kidouyuuto-deactivated20140411]

if i was a skeleton i would just say “that really rattles my bones” in response to literally everything

[joelalick]

Someone hold my hand and do that little thumb rubby thingy.