SwiftLizard

You can call me any pronouns, but I'll judge you for what you pick. Bisexual, genderfluid, and terrified of making permanent decisions.

[holy-punks]

My favourite translator said that when she was an ambassador for Hungary she took all these Japanese politicians on a tour and she was trying to circumtranslate ‘merry go round’ cause she didn’t know the Japanese word for it by calling it a ‘horse tornado for children’ and they had no blessed idea what she was saying and she finally started running in circles going up and down and they go ‘ohhhhh, in Japan we call those ‘merry-go-rounds’”

[tamamowand]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYBODY*

here's the lgbtq tag trending as it does regularly due to pornbots catfishing using the same stolen photos from the same trans woman on the same trending tags page

remember the year in review? this was one of the featured tags

here's tumblr staff stating that making death threats towards trans women isn't a violation of the ToS or user guidelines

type of shit you can just say to trans women on this website. same person btw

here's tumblr staff terminating me for appealing the explicit flag on a post immediately before accepting said appeal and then terminating my already terminated blog to change the termination reason to something i can't appeal when I appealed the termination for explicit content

here's tumblr staff doing the exact same thing a second time

here's tumblr staff flagging SPECIFICALLY AND EXCLUSIVELY MY REBLOGS of a year old post with 15,000 notes as sexually explicit despite it not actually showing anything

here's SPECIFICALLY AND EXCLUSIVELY MY REBLOG of a post with gifs of two fully nude people fucking center frame being flagged as sexually explicit and the same gifs in the trending tags thumbnails

here's tumblr letting people blaze sissy hypno captions even though anything actually mentioning trans women gets denied

here's tumblr giving my original blog of 13 years a special kind of mature flag that automatically marked every single post i made as mature content separate from the actual content label

here's one of the pictures of the PMMM gachapon toys from the photoset of them that someone reported as CSAM that tumblr terminated me for - one of the two surviving images from it, from back when they actually bothered to moderate posts instead of just hitting the nuke button without looking

here's tumblr instantly denying my appeal for these terminations before I even get the email where they assure me they will carefully review it

here's tumblr terminating me 5 times in the weeks it took them to remove a burner blog and a single post encouraging people to mass report me and harass me forever over completely fabricated claims

here's tumblr flagging my already mature-flagged blog as mature out of the blue 15 minutes before dropping the age verification shit

and here's the episode of the anime that I posted a screencap from that they flagged as sexually explicit, denied my appeal on twice, and then marked my blog mature the first time for posting - available for viewing on youtube with a TV-14 age rating

*except transfems

[wikiloli]

[azaleatheanteater]

this post got marked mature woah what a surprise

[fortitudinis]

[fanfavoritefragrances]

is this a thing? has anyone done this yet?

[batshit-auspol]

Occasionally as an Australian you'll be talking to someone from overseas, and you'll discover a common phrase you took for granted is, in fact, not universally known outside of our country.

Turns out casually dropping "fuck me dead" into conversation will give unsuspecting Americans an aneurism.

The more you know.

[batshit-auspol]

Imagine being on a work call with an Aussie and they suddenly announce they're gonna blow a load in response to a problem.

[fred-the-dinosaur]

Not Aussie but I asked an American once if she was taking the piss ( i.e. pulling my leg, joking. Perfectly cromulent and friendly english expression)

and she got really upset because she thought I was threatening to piss ON her

[honiibbang]

This is killing me

[batshit-auspol]

Rifling through the tags, here's some other terms which are apparently causing mass carnage whenever they escape our borders:

Having a goon (i.e. Sipping on a delightful wine)

Having a gaytime (Eating an icecream)

Having a sticky beak (Investigating)

Take a squiz (To have a sticky beak)

Get stuffed (To express a revelation is most frightful)

Chuck a sickie (Take a day off work due to the humours being misaligned)

Chuck a wobbly (When one's temperament becomes visibly upset)

Carry on like a pork chop (Acting most silly indeed)

Thongs (flip flops)

Hot chook (Pre-cooked supermarket rotisserie chicken, otherwise known as the Bachelor's Handbag)

Fair suck of the sauce bottle (Let's be real)

Shits me to tears (Something is mildly annoying)

Not here to fuck spiders (Expressing a situation is serious)

Having a piss-up (A social gathering)

I'll shout you (offering to goon an old chum)

A cruisy place (a relaxed atmosphere, where one might shout and goon the night away while enjoying many a gaytime in your favourite thongs)

[byjove]

this is how it feels to reread something I have written about Wales

[homosexualpigeon]

Star Trek is crazy you’ll look away for two seconds and then Kirk is suddenly shirtless in a harness and a shock collar

[icantspellthings]

Committing to the bit so hard you actually start thinking all the technology on the set is real

[c3rvida3]

Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.

[mucmucvi]

This reminds me of a joke I have with two of my cousins

[thesnailfromouterspace]

[gothhabiba]

“If a society puts half its children into short skirts and warns them not to move in ways that reveal their panties, while putting the other half into jeans and overalls and encouraging them to climb trees, play ball, and participate in other vigorous outdoor games; if later, during adolescence, the children who have been wearing trousers are urged to “eat like growing boys,” while the children in skirts are warned to watch their weight and not get fat; if the half in jeans runs around in sneakers or boots, while the half in skirts totters about on spike heels, then these two groups of people will be biologically as well as socially different. Their muscles will be different, as will their reflexes, posture, arms, legs and feet, hand-eye coordination, and so on. Similarly, people who spend eight hours a day in an office working at a typewriter or a visual display terminal will be biologically different from those who work on construction jobs. There is no way to sort the biological and social components that produce these differences. We cannot sort nature from nurture when we confront group differences in societies in which people from different races, classes, and sexes do not have equal access to resources and power, and therefore live in different environments. Sex-typed generalizations, such as that men are heavier, taller, or stronger than women, obscure the diversity among women and among men and the extensive overlaps between them… Most women and men fall within the same range of heights, weights, and strengths, three variables that depend a great deal on how we have grown up and live. We all know that first-generation Americans, on average, are taller than their immigrant parents and that men who do physical labor, on average, are stronger than male college professors. But we forget to look for the obvious reasons for differences when confronted with assertions like ‘Men are stronger than women.’ We should be asking: ‘Which men?’ and ‘What do they do?’ There may be biologically based average differences between women and men, but these are interwoven with a host of social differences from which we cannot disentangle them.”

— Ruth Hubbard, “The Political Nature of ‘Human Nature’“

[angry-eevee]

when people defend the “Cis white guy is default” thing like “He’s meant to be an everyman we can all relate to and project on!” kindly remind them the largest ethnic group in the WORLD is Han Chinese and the highest gender percentage fluctuates so if you want an ACTUAL  “default” you want a 40 year old chinese person whose gender changes from year to year.  

[galren]

#give us the middle-aged gender fluid Chinese protagonist that we can all relate to and project on (via @mr-and-mr-pavus)

[computationalcalculator]

[catchymemes]

[viralfrog]

[fforsythiaaa]

Once when I was in undergrad, someone described something as “problematic” in class and our professor was like, “That’s cool, but ‘problematic’ doesn’t really mean anything. It means that the thing you’re describing has a problem, and in and of itself that’s not bad. Art, especially, should always have problems, or else it’s not interesting and not art, either. It sounds like you’re trying to say that this is bad, but you don’t want to say ‘bad.’ Is that right?”

So from then on whenever one of us called something problematic, he would make us talk it out until we could name the “bad” thing we were hinting at. In this particular class, 7/10 it was some type of oppression, and the remainder was like, “I’m uncomfortable because this is very new/confusing/pushing boundaries that made me feel safe.”

Once we stopped calling things “problematic” and stopping at that, class got way more interesting and... we all had to say, like, “that’s racist” or “that’s misogynistic” or “ew capitalism gross” out loud, which a lot of us had never done in a classroom before. Or we had to be like, “Uhhh... I’m not sure what’s so bad?” and confront our own beliefs and that was maybe even more useful.

Anyway. Whenever I see the word problematic, I can’t help but think of this professor being like, “Good starting point, now let’s get specific.” I think when we have to commit to saying “that’s ___” it requires a lot more careful thought about the truth and impact and complexities of whatever we’re claiming. Sometimes there really is some bullshit afoot, and also sometimes it’s art, and it should be full of problems, because that’s what art is.

[byjove]

tall guys might have the upper hand (pun intended) in dating rn but my 5'4" self will have the last laugh when I’m the hottest guy in the nursing home

[swiftlizardintitlecase]

If you're tall, it's probably medically advisable to get shortened so that you can decrease your blood pressure and cancer risk. They should have surgeries for that. Walk into the surgeon like "a little off the top".

[millionsknives]

please make sure that wherever you’re at in life, you don’t treat it like a transitory period. don’t waste your college years wishing to already be graduated & have a job. don’t waste your single years wishing for someone to be in love with. if/when those things come, they will come in due time and they will be good. but there is nothing like looking back and feeling empty because you wasted literal years ignoring what you had because you were hoping for something better. while it’s important to better yourself and reach for your goals, don’t neglect the present because that’s where you are now and it’s your now that determines your future. 

[zorin-os-official]

note to self and all of you too bc neglecting the now is taking away the love you have for yourself

[swiftlizardintitlecase]

The future will come some day, but the present will never come again.