No Shit Sherlock

[insomniac-arrest]

guy who wins at poker not by being stoic but by bursting into tears every time he looks at his cards, just full hysterical breakdown every round and you gotta peer through the void of theatre kid problems to figure it out

[lemonbubble]

me, eating a pile of nuts, cheese, and apple: mmmm tasty

the medieval peasant in my head watching me eat: thou knowst what would MAKETH this meal? dried fruits.

me, getting out the raisins: god damn, etheldred, you are SO right

the medieval peasant in my head: yet thou art still not heeding mine words regarding the blasphemy

[wiki-but-made-them-up]

[tentacleteapot]

"would you fuck your clone" = boring, who cares, the answer says nothing about you other than whether or not you're your own type

"would you fuck MY clone" = unexpected, high potential to cause a lot of 'why would you fuck my clone and not me?' drama, reasonable question to ask if you're a mad scientist

[theunfairfolk]

ive forgotten the origin of "she blank on my blank til i blank" and i dont even begin to know how to look it up

[zzoupz]

bless know your meme

[paper-mario-wiki]

i will ALWAYS go up to bat for the academic necessity of KYM. memes have become such an important cultural language in the past decade and losing the origins of these neo-idioms would be such a tremendous and needless loss.

[fairycosmos]

unfortunately if you heavily curate and dampen parts of your being to avoid being cringe on your quest to be lovable you will never be loved for who you are and something will always feel missing. i know i know it's terrible. rips my own face off

[thelesbiancitizen-deactivated20]

In bonobo societies, all bonobos frequently engage in sexual contact with other members of the community, regardless of sex. Female bonobos in particular are quite promiscuous with both fellow females and males; thus, bonobo society is matrilineal or matrifocal. Since the patriline of each member is unknown due to female bonobos having many sexual partners, the female bonobos take communal care of their collective young, and the male bonobos take on other community-care roles instead. It is theorized that this leads to lower levels of violent conflict, as opposed to chimpanzee, human, and other primate societies that are patriarchal, since male members of these societies must find ways to identify their offspring which inevitably leads to violent, controlling behavior toward female members as well as violence & competitive behavior toward other males who may pose a threat to their social statuses. Bonobo societies are extremely peaceful in comparison to other primate societies.

The feature musical film Mamma Mia! (2008), directed by Phyllida Lloyd, shows an example of what a matrifocal society, resembling the structure of bonobo society, could look like for humans; where several females care for a child whose exact paternity is unknown, and instead of violence resort to prosocial behavior (joyfully singing and dancing) in order to resolve conflict. In this essay I will attempt to

[fwizard]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[penrosesun]

[weaselle]

you literally don’t need any other plot and i would watch the movie

[random-chaos-thoughts]

Every 'normal' adult is fussing around Pugsley and Wednesday because "poor children that must be so hard for you to see mom and dad break up like this"

But the kid are absolutely unfazed, arguing that "it's alright they will be together again soon". The normie are so sad for the "children clinging to vain hopes" until Morticia and Gomez get married again two weeks after the divorce.

In the meantime Mama and Uncle Fester fight about which one of them will go to whose custody.

They pretend to argue in court and at meeting with lawyers over the splitting of the properties but that's mostly Gomez insisting to leave more and more thing to his wife in an angry voice.

At home they decided not to talk to each other so Lurch has to (begrudgingly) transmit messages from one to the other, even when they are sat on either side of the table.

That works (more or less) then Morticia says one word in french and Gomez run to cover her with kisses until Morticia remind him that they are spliting (that's the only moment he seems to regret the whole thing)

[yeomanstuff]

This. All of this.

[hungwy]

stop scrolling.

[a-real-fast-goose]

On it boss

[a-real-fast-goose]

boss it's been a year how long do I have to stay here

[hezekiahwakely]

[slyandthefamilybook]

[skulkinspirit]

[recycleable-username]

[thunderheadfred]

my cat is incredibly sweet and wants nothing more than to be within a 5 ft radius of a person at all times, gently chilling in your orbit. he is also VERY, VERY DUMB 

it’s a slow morning so husband and I are reading, not making much noise. meanwhile, Barold goes downstairs to use his box and when he comes out, he starts yowling like his lil heart done broke. husband goes to to the top of the stairs all worried like, “Barold, what’s wrong?”

kitty zips back up the stairs and just oozes onto husband’s feet, purring high-powered lawnmower style. the realization hit us both at the same time…

this. boy. this itty bitty kitty boy. 

he couldn’t see or hear us for ten continuous seconds, forgot. we. were. home. and immediately burst into tears !!!!

[thunderheadfred]

127k notes later

and I just wanted to update you that moments ago, this big orange infant found himself on the wrong side of a baby gate, could not hork his lorge butt over it, and so just started WAILING until everyone in the house came to rescue him. Me, my partner, the dog, our other cat… everyone came to be like, “Barold, what’s wrong?”

after this harrowing ordeal, he is now in my lap

[beaft]

my main requirement in a partner is someone who's willing to "yes, and" me. if i say something completely insane i need them to just pick that up and run with it and commit to the bit until we wind up with a conversation that's funny to us but completely incoherent to everyone within earshot. actually now that i'm typing this out i've realised my ideal relationship might just be "shitty improv comedy duo"

[beaft]

my other requirement in a partner is if i make a weird noise they have to make the same weird noise back to me and then we keep doing that until something interrupts us

[logarto]

u know when something wont send for ages and ages but when it finally sends it goes 40 times. thanks for nothing technology you bastard.

[logarto]

[redpandarascal]

in conversation about white people who go to Japan and expect their knowledge of anime to culturally carry them, I was once posed with “it’s like if there was a Japanese guy who was obsessed with spongebob and came over here and thought he could get by just communicating in spongebob quotes.” This is a false equivalence because if such a man existed we would crown him king. We’d love him. Americans would fucking love that. sometimes I get sad that this isn’t a real guy I can invite to a party.

[hymnsofheresy]

apparently europeans have the impression that US Americans never learn the metric system.

[hymnsofheresy]

like our science curriculum from day one is entirely done in the metric system. we just don't use metric in our day to day lives.

[hymnsofheresy]

yeah actually we kinda just do it for the bit :)

[hymnsofheresy]

I have had people try to gently and kindly explain to me the workings of the metric system, as if Americans are having trouble with the concept of a base ten system. like no. we get it. we were taught this when we were like eight. it's just that like. we don't really wanna do it that way. for the bit.

[hyper-dorphin]

It’s like formal and informal tense.

[cheezewhis]

I think now is a good time to remind people of The Internet Archive which has a metric shit ton of shows and movies for free and won't give your computer any viruses cause it's not a pirate website.

Or Tubi, which has a metric shit ton of stuff free with ads, and you don't even have to make an account or download the app. Same with Pluto, although Pluto is pretty slow.

Even YouTube has a lot of free stuff, and I don't just mean the official YouTube movie channel. I mean, there's a bunch of channels that upload movies you can watch without having to click a link to some shady website. YouTube also has a lot of audio book uploads too.

So don't worry about not getting brand new shows because there's so much media out there's that you haven't even consumed yet.

[villainn-era-deactivated2023082]

Me n the mutuals