Dating @ Swipe Right Diaries

My name is James..... Im 35, living in our beloved capital London. This is my dating diary. I never for a moment guessed that dating in the city would be such an eye opener. Everything you read here is based on real events.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-diary/august-2017/bad-dates-kiss-bite-slap-date/

Bad Dates The Kiss Me Bite Me Slap Me Date

I’ve not blogged about a specific date in some time as most, to be honest, were just “normal”, well… as normal as dating is these days in London.  Either they went well and we dated a while or we just knew we weren’t suited and went our separate ways.

This when dates go bad experience however was worthy of some blog juice.  My followers on twitter were so shocked about my experience that I promised to write it up.  So here it is, as promised my awesome Twitter friend @baddatesuk.  Follow him, he’s awesome 🙂

So… onto the story.  Things started pretty “normal”, met online, swapped to What’s App, texted for a while and decided to meet up for a drink.

She was hot, petite, well to be honest who isn’t petite compared to me at 6ft5.  Clicked immediately due to a mixture of flirting on text and a few phone calls.  We knew we’d get on and it wouldn’t be a tragic mix of awkward silences and stories about your next family holiday.

Meeting initially at a local pub, sank a few glasses of wine and a great deal of banter along with a huge dose of flirting.  Going well I thought… So I suggested one of my favorite cocktail bars down the road in Islington to continue the night.

This particular bar is quite small and intimate, we sat at one of those shelf type seating areas.  You know the ones where they haven’t got enough room for tables so they squeeze in seats against what’s little more than a book shelf to rest your drink on.

The flirting and banter continued back and forth over some quirky cocktails and then the weirdness started.  Well to say weirdness at this stage is probably too strong, but you will understand later as this progresses.

We’d had a few kisses by this point, pretty passionate, nice kisses, you know… getting stuck in but not quite eating each other’s face off kind of kisses…

But this time during a kiss she grabbed my lower lip between her teeth.  Hmm that’s a bit kinky I thought, it lasted a few seconds and she let go.  It certainly got my attention but I put it down to nothing more than just being a little playful.

Continuing to chat and being very tactile with each other the flirting continued.  We went in for another kiss but this time she clenched my lip in her teeth hard.  I waited a few seconds (it seemed like minutes) and she wasn’t letting go.  F$ck! I thought instantly.  I can’t pull away as Id risk tearing my lower lip off and couldn’t really speak as she had my lip held tightly in her teeth.  Ok only option I have here it to try and tell her to let go, this is pretty hard, try it, hold your lower lip and try and speak. “Let go!!” I muttered.  Eventually she did and I checked my now swollen lip for damage. “WTF” I said, don’t do that again!  She just smiled.

I was pretty pissed off at this point but we hadn’t quite finished our drinks so I thought as long as I don’t kiss her again I should be ok to finish up and leave.  Ohhhhh was I wrong.

Shortly after the lip biting moment she started slapping my face with both hands one after the other laughing hysterically.  OHHHHHH my god, what the hell is going on?  How the hell did I not see this coming, it was like dating Miss Jackal and Hyde.  Bearing in mind this was a small bar and we were surrounded by people I dared not look around to see if anyone was watching this crazy scene develop.  Luckily I had my hands free, she hadn’t hand cuffed me discretely without me noticing.  So I reached up with both hands to hold her wrists which were in mid-flight for another flurry of slaps.

“What the f$ck do you think you are doing?” I asked.

“Oh I’m just being playful… did I hurt you?” She replied

“That’s pretty irrelevant whether you’d hurt me, you’re slapping me in the face in the middle of a bar!!”

That was the last straw, I grabbed my jacket which hung on a hook under the shelf and started to put it on.  She looked shocked.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m leaving, I’ve had enough of this” and I walked out towards my bus stop.

My phone rang, it was her, crying.  “Why did you walk out?”.

I replied “do I really need to explain? I’d have thought that was pretty f$cking obvious”.

“I’m outside the bar where are you?” she replied.

“I’m walking to my bus, if you really need an explanation then meet me there”.

She seemed completely clueless about the fact that not only nearly ripping my lip off and then proceeding to slap my face in a public place was inappropriate. I simply replayed what she did and said “I’m leaving”, pointed at the station and suggested she went home too.  I turned around and got on the bus as fast as I could without looking back.

Well….. That’s certainly a dating story worth blogging about I thought, although not sure it was worth the fat lip to experience it.  🙂

  Have you ever had any bad dates on this epic level? Tell me about them by leaving me a comment below.

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My latest #datingblog post on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-app-reviews/bumble-dating-app-review/

Bumble Dating App Review

How it works

So you’ve Tindered, you’ve Happned, even wrestled with the Cupid, now what?

Have you stumbled across to the Bumble Dating App?

Bumble Dating is like Tinder and Once dating app’s child.  You swipe right or left depending on who gives you that “mmmm” feeling and wait for a match.

                  This app’s unique selling point though, similar to Once, is placing the first move in the hands of the ladies.  In order for a man to speak with a lady, you have to both match and then the timer begins.  24hrs for the lady to send the first message.  When the first message has been sent, the male then has 24hrs to reply and keep the momentum going.  But unless either chooses to “Block” or “Un-Match” the conversation channel is then locked in once the guy replies.  Phew…. No pressure then…

            You can carry on swiping through your potential matches building up your “F£ck Yes” or “F£ck Nos” as much as you like which is where it takes the lead over Once in my opinion, that only supplies one suggested match every 24hrs.

Although my Bumble mysteriously stumbled… at one point saying that London had run out of women…?

                  I was back up and running a few minutes later though.

Signing Up To Bumble Dating

As with many of the apps now, signing up is via Facebook login, this is the only way to sign up to Bumble at the moment according to their help FAQs.

When you enter your Facebook login, the app then requests permissions to various data on Facebook.  One of them being your friends list.  I disallowed this as I didn’t see why they would need that.  But it appeared to let me continue through to the app and carry on setting up my profile regardless.

Similar to Tinder, your pictures are chosen from your Facebook galleries and basic information such as first name, age, gender and date of birth are set.  Weirdly Bumble allows you to change your gender once.  Why? Who knows, possibly to resolve situations where you may have had a gender change on Facebook and not remembered….?

Do you have to Pay?

No, it’s FREE, however as with many apps, premium features come at a cost.  Bumble calls this “The Boost”.

                  For £7.99 per month The Boost gives you:-

Access to your Beeline, people that have already swiped right on you.  Although I’d have thought you’d come across these naturally anyway?

When you have matched with someone and you let the time run out it opens up expired matches that you may not have replied to quick enough.

Extends. (For the men) So you can really look like a stalker.  This extends the person as many times as you like, so that you really know they don’t want to match with you when your face doesn’t disappear after 24hrs.

Buy More Time. (For Women). Not sure of the point in this as it would take literally seconds to send someone a message. “Hi” being the pretty common one I found.

Key Features

Swiping right or left on your likes or no thanks.

Full control over your chosen pictures and main picture.

Full control over your profile “About me” section.

Unlimited chat with a matched member on the app.

Ability to turn notifications on or off.

Preferred distanced from your served potential dates. Great for those who don’t like to go south of the river? (London Joke).

Selecting your chosen age range in settings.

Showing your favoured sex or even BFF, for those only looking for “friends”.

                  Pros

Very well coded app, easy to use and fast. No hangs or freezes that I experienced.

Free usage as long as you aren’t bothered about the extra features.

Gives more control to the ladies, which as a guy, why not? We can sit back and wait for a change.

As a result of the female lead required, women do seem more pro-active.

Photo verification, nice touch, prevent those “Catfish” dates.

Cons

As with the Once dating app, Bumble times out matches and messages within 24hrs. This kind of sucks as not everyone checks their apps every day.  When they are gone, they are gone for good.

Unless you purchase the Boost features, you cannot extend or bring back matches or messages that you may have wanted to engage with.

Not convinced on how close the matches are, most of mine were at the very outer limits that I’d set. Tinder appears to be better at locating closer dates.

To Conclude The Bumble Review

It’s certainly an improvement over Once.  More like Tinder, Bumble allows you to carry on your virtual exploration even after you have some matched timers rolling.  I much preferred this as it makes the chances of a match actually engaging higher.

Top tip from me would be to swipe in the morning on the way into work or on the way back.  If a match times out in the middle of the night, you are more likely to lose them.  Bumble is good about prompting time outs as they are about to happen.

Women that choose to use Bumble to date, understand that the first move is in their hands.  So guys, sit back and wait.  But don’t be fooled, once they send that first message, you still have to impress to get a date in person.

Have you tried the Bumble Dating App?  Leave me a comment here and tell me about your experiences.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/my-random-thoughts/whats-happened-yplan/

What's Happened To Yplan?

Yplan was the dating idea saviour in London.  This great City has so much going on but when it comes to finding out about those otherwise unheard of events outside of West End shows it’s often impossible.

Steven Fry himself was even quoted saying Yplan was a

Seriously good app.

Yplan was awesome for date ideas as you could simply click on a day, category and bam, you’d have a selection of options for you to choose from and even buy your tickets then and there.

It made me seem like the dating idea master, the man who had his finger on the pulse on everything in London.  Now it’s gone….

So What’s Happened To Yplan?

In the news a while back, TimeOut made a bid for the app for a mere £1.6million.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2016/10/21/time-out-snaps-up-one-time-rising-star-yplan-for-just-16m/

I feared seeing this news, noticing that the events on Yplan had been diminishing and rumours of them laying off staff, that this could be the end.

Often the more successful cash rich competitors buy out their smaller rivals and then run them into the ground.  Remember Love Films the DVD rental company who put BlockBusters out of business? Then bought by Amazon as their biggest rival, who has now wound the company up. Bye bye to cheap limitless timely Blu Ray rentals…..

Looking for ideas of things to do this weekend on my Yplan app I was faced by the message of death…

Yplan has gone.

May you rest in peace my trusted event finding companion.  Thank you for many a good night out and your event searching prowess. 🙁

Does anyone know the real story behind the sudden death of the Yplan App? Please let me know by leaving a comment below.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-diary/5-reasons-silence-is-golden-on-a-date/

5 Reasons Silence Is Golden On A Date

A couple of recent dating experiences led me to think about this subject a lot.  These in particular were very different but stem, I think, from the same issue.  So before I get to the 5 reasons let me set the scene.

Date 1

Very intelligent lady, background in athletics and now a business consultant (not sure how she arrived there) but anyway….

We were having a good chat, got onto the subject of various personality and influencing theories that are useful in business and everyday life.  I mentioned NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming),it’s not as scary as its sounds honestly, as something id looked into to help me at work.

Her reply to that was..

Well why don’t you use those skills on dates? I’m making all the conversation here.

Okay I thought… I can go one of two ways with this, get freaked out that she’s challenged me on this or just move on.  I chose to ignore the comment and move on rather than dwell on it.

So it made me think…. Was she feeling the need to fill any silence with conversation?  Was she uncomfortable in silence?

Date 2

Again a with a very intelligent business lady (I find intelligence quite sexy) J found it a bit of a struggle to kick off conversation with her.  I tried to ask about any experiences she’d had, talked a little about mine to try and lead her into something but nothing came back.  I always try and steer away from interview style dates.  “Where you from?” “What do you do?” “Have you got any holidays planned?” Ultimately these tell you nothing about the other person’s personality or what they really enjoy doing and to be honest after a couple of those types of dates you just want to bang your head on a table.

I thought to myself this really isn’t going well what should I do?  I excused myself and went to the toilet in order to think it through.  Again I had two options, end the date and walk away or just raise the issue with her.  Thought f$ck it!! I will just ask her if somethings wrong as she really isn’t talking much, took a few deep breaths and went back into the bar.

“I feel like I’m talking at you rather than talking with you, is everything ok?” I asked….

Her reply…

Well I’m used to being asked questions….

Ok, so she’s only been on interview dates and seemed to struggle with natural conversation in a dating scenario.  So I changed tack and started asking questions.

So back to my reasons of why silence is golden on a date.

Pauses for thought are not a bad thing, it gives you both a chance to take a drink, actually look at the other person and work out where it would be fun to take the conversation next. Pauses naturally occur in any conversation and they shouldn’t feel awkward.  What seems like minutes is usually seconds.  Thinking about the next conversation rather than just blurting out the next rubbish that comes into mind is a lot better.  The amount of times people talk about their exes or ill health just because that’s what comes to mind first, I’ve found very common.

Endlessly talking from either side can risk the other person feeling like they can’t get a word in edgeways. Even if you are mid conversation, pause for a moment, they may have something they wish to add.  Feeling like you cannot contribute to a conversation or even worse, that the other person isn’t interested, is not a good start.

I personally like a confident lady. Someone that can handle a pause without freaking out or needing to fill it proves a lot.  You can’t always be talking about something, there will always be some silence so you should be both comfortable with that.  I’m quite a tactile person, so may pause and gently touch the person on the shoulder for example.  This has to be well timed though and relevant to a recent compliment or moment.  Badly timed and it would seem a bit weird.  A date without any physical contact makes a goodbye kiss very awkward.

Pausing to observe your surroundings. If you are struggling to think of something to talk about or the conversation has run a little dry, making an observation is a great get out and conversation re-starter.  For example, tennis in the park, “Hey I see they are playing tennis over there, do you play?”  Dogs or I’ve even seen a cat on a leash before that was certainly a great conversation starter.  There are usually so many things going on around you that are great to add into a conversation to take off the heat and make a date more natural.

Relating back to point 3. Pausing and being comfortable in the moment can be sexy.  Generally both men and women like a confident person.  If you pause and just give your date a cheeky smile, it oozes confidence and can really turn what has been just an average date, to one where attraction starts to build.

What have been your experiences of silence on your dates?  Squirmy and awkward or smoking hot?

Leave me a comment below a let me know.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-app-reviews/once-dating-app-review/

Once Dating App Review

How it works

As the name suggests you are presented with one suggested member every 24hrs.  These suggestions are claimed to be made by Once matchmakers i.e. in line with your age group and location. I wouldn’t call it a match as you have to both like each other before you are able to chat.  Both of you see each other at the same time then the time starts ticking for 24hrs to like and send each other an initial message.  After the 24hrs are up, you are given your next suggested member.

                    Signing Up

This was pretty straight forward, you can either sign up using your Facebook account (which I chose not to do) or sign up using an email address.  You are then asked to input your basic details such as name, age, gender and sexual orientation (looking for guys or gals).  I was then surprised to see that it asked for your mobile phone number.  This is however so that they can send a confirmation number via text for authentication (nice touch I thought).

After inputting your basic details you then have the option to go into your profile and add more detail and pictures.  A short introduction and answering some more in depth questions about yourself.

Do you have to Pay?

No, it’s FREE, however usage is limited.  The currency of choice in Once is crowns. Its £4.99 for 5 crowns so basically £1 a crown, OUCH!!

                    One crown allows you to either :-

Pick your own matches based on a selection presented to scroll through.

Send an old suggested member a message that you missed.

Know if your message has been read by the member or not.

Key Features

One suggested member every 24hrs.

Full control over your profile (pictures have to be approved).

Chat with a matched member on the app.

Ability to turn notifications on or off.

Heartbeat feature. More of a gimmick I think just because they can.

Scroll through your previous suggested members.

Pros

Very well coded app, easy to use and fast.  So many dating apps now, including Tinder, crash and hang.

Free usage within the restrictions of crowns.

Tailored member suggestions.

Optional Facebook integration to save time on sign up.

Cons

Only one match per 24hrs.  I know this is the unique selling point of this app but it’s a little like watching paint dry.  With other apps you can crack on in that 24hrs and potentially match with multiple members in 24hrs.  This was the main bugbear for me, not being able to make more progress and having to wait.  The time restriction doesn’t mean that the tailored suggestions are any more likely to match with you.  They may not even be looking at the app that day.  The idea seems to be that if you are only presented with one person for 24hrs then an interaction is more likely to occur.  But going off the long known fact of, you usually make a decision about a person in the first ten seconds then I don’t see how 24hrs will change that.

The crowns are expensive and not that useful.  You receive notifications if someone reads your profile anyway so you know if they have engaged or not.  It was nice to be able to select your own members but at the cost of £1 per member I’d rather just sit back and wait for the app suggestions.

Matchmaker suggestions.  I’m really not sure if there is a human behind this.  Other than age and location they have little else to go on.

To Conclude

It’s a nice app and I’ve had some fun interactions but compared to other apps available the unique selling point of this app makes it less effective.  The members do appear to be of higher quality than on other comparable dating apps but the interaction is lower.

If however you really aren’t investing much time in dating, you are happy to have a very light touch approach to see what happens and not being bothered by lots of members then this app could be for you.  The Once dating app would be a good addition do your dating arsenal if you are using other apps as well.

For full disclosure, I wasn’t paid to write this review but was approached by a PR agency to trial the app and given a few crowns for the full experience.  So my views are still impartial and I’ve enjoyed the experience.

Have you tried the Once Dating App?  Leave me a comment here and tell me about your experiences.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/my-random-thoughts/reflection/

Reflection

Life seems to be moving at a million miles an hour.  A change in my career has led to less stress in the workplace but more concern about how it could all be lost in a heartbeat.

Is The City swallowing me up?  I’ve worked hard but consider myself very lucky for all that I have.

My father, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, thousands of miles away on the other side of the world.  As family we feel helpless to do anything, just waiting for news each week as the terrible condition eats him away.

I’m very happy with my life, my job gives me more income than I could wish for.  It supplies me with the ability to do pretty much as I choose, when I wish.

So what’s missing?  I’m always looking for new ways to improve myself, improve my lifestyle and experience new things. Do I feel the need to share my life with another individual?

I look on as my friends, who have all been married some years now, bring up children.  Living in the suburbs has never really appealed to me.  I’ve done it, but always seemed to be drawn back to the cities where the pace of life is fast and my mind is always kept occupied.

Dating seems to be a way of life in London. Single people compelled to meet new potential partners. Or are they just looking for a short term fix in order to carry on with their hectic lives?

Social media becomes ever more hostile, the media picking up on celebrity’s lives being torn apart by everyday Jos imparting their hatred of their own situation on other people.  The new therapy maybe?  If you can place enough of your negativity onto another unsuspecting stranger that will make you feel better somehow?

I enjoy dating, meeting new people, I’ve become pretty good at it.  I don’t consider any date a bad experience.  Sure I don’t always see them again, but for that short space of time two strangers are sharing a bit of themselves and are allowing someone into their lives which is special.

People seem far too quick to judge others, to worry themselves about why people behave the way they do.  Sometimes you will never know why, I find it best just to move on thanking them for the time they gave you and spend more time thinking about my life rather than theirs.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-diary/spaghetti-ceiling-date-brixton/

The Spaghetti Ceiling Date Brixton

I met “L” at Brixton Tube (the staple meeting place for a date) having messaged a while on Tinder.  It was a glorious summers day, Brixton was heaving.  I didn’t really know Brixton at all so she suggested a bar close by around the corning, the Craft Beer Company.  I had no idea where this date would lead.

“L” was wearing a flowing summer dress, a tall lady, was a nice change to date someone closer to my height.  Would make kissing a hell of a lot easier I though to myself….

It was right next to the market so as we sat outside sipping on our cool ciders we watched the traders on their food stalls.  They were selling a huge variety of Afro-Caribbean food, making me feel hungry at this point.

As the sun went down over the railway arches we decided to move onto another pub where we could sit inside.  One of her locals the Duke of Edinburgh (Not the person the pub).  Finding a table by the window we grabbed our next round of drinks and carried on chatting.  We were getting on pretty well, usual small talk about holidays and family.  Kisses ensued and as it got later in the night we decided to walk back to hers to sit in the garden at her house.  She shared with friends but they were all away for the weekend so the idea of going back for a few more drinks didn’t seem too daunting.

Stopping at the off license to pick up some booze, we wandered back to her house, grabbed her laptop for some music and sat outside.  We were both pretty tipsy by this point having sunk somewhere around 4-5 pints and hands started to wander.  Never thought with this English weather that I’d be having naughty time al-fresco.  I couldn’t help thinking though at any second some of her housemates would burst into the house finding us in a compromising position.

It soon got too cold to sit outside so we went upstairs to her room.  It was pretty vast, an old Victorian house and she had the main bedroom.  As I slumped onto the bed I looked up to the ceiling.  Erm…. “L” what’s that on the ceiling? Is that Spaghetti?  How the hell did that get there?  I could maybe understand that in the kitchen (although still a bit odd there) but the bedroom?  What weird food fuelled antics had been going on in here?

After a round of hide the sausage we both fell asleep.  I woke up to find her making coffee, awesome caffeine hit was definitely needed.  While she was taking a shower I checked my phone, had a few updates, Tinder among them, cleared them down and sat sipping my coffee replaying in my head the antics from the night before.

Finishing my coffee I gathered my clothes from various corners of the bedroom, thanked her for a great night and headed out into the sun towards the tube.  All was good I thought…. Until…..

A few hours later I got a barrage of texts including.

I cant believe you were Tindering after spending the night with me.

My reply was simple

I had alerts so I was clearing them down, its just habit I guess?

The rants continued and I didn’t seem to be able to say anything to calm her down.  After a while I had to bring things to an end and ask her to stop the texting barrage.  A shame as the night went really well.

Lesson learned, don’t look at your Tinder alerts while with or shortly after a date, some ladies actually check….  Although that does seem a little spooky.

Have you ever had a surprising result after a date? Or even found food in strange places.  Let me know by leaving me a comment below.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/singles-event-reviews/date-in-a-dash-cafe-1001-review/

James Does Date In A Dash @ Cafe 1001 Shoreditch

London has no shortage of choice when it comes to dating events.  Fantastic venues and creative ways to meet your next partner.  Before the internet, speed dating was one of very few options singletons had to meet people outside of their friend’s network.

I’d tried speed dating before, many years ago and found it rather painful.  A room full of eager singles that you may or may not fancy but you still have to date everyone despite knowing you are not attracted to them.  How was Dating in a Dash going to be different?  I was about to find out…

This particular event was an activity based event.  I hadn’t really got a clue what to expect but dressed smart, polished my shoes (yep went all out) and headed down with an open mind.

Arriving at the side street Brick Lane venue I was greeted by the hosts and given a score card and name badge.  Almost instantly stuck the pin in my finger…

Fuck…Good start.

On the card were some question tips and some do’s and don’ts.  One tip being “don’t lie on your date”.  Ok so that’s me being a millionaire banker out the window….

In the very warehouse type room were board games set up on what appeared to be park benches.  Each bench forming a playground for a date.  Some of the games I hadn’t seen since my childhood including Play-Doh and Twister.  What immediately became apparent was that I was quite looking forward to playing the games, my inner child just waiting to come out.

The rest of the dating crowd were scattered around the room, on one side the guys, the other the ladies.  Reminded me a little of a school dance.  I took a deep breath and sat right in the middle of the female group and started a conversation with a lady drinking what appeared to be the largest cosmopolitan cocktail I’d ever seen.  Most appeared to be newcomers to speed dating, I asked if they’d come prepared with any questions but mostly they hadn’t.

Our conversation around lack of preparation was interrupted by one of the hosts who gave instructions via microphone and the night began.  On the table with my first date was the “Don’t Break the Ice” toy.  You had to hammer blocks out without the whole platform collapsing and the man falling to the table.  I was instantly addicted.  Oh wait I’m meant to be talking to the lady sat opposite me.  The games actually proved to be more of a distraction rather than a conversation starter.  Could you really get to know the other person while trying to work out the game in front of you?  This actually became more of a challenge than I thought or maybe it was my male inability to do two things at once.  Have you ever tried having a meaningful conversation with your girlfriend while playing computer game?

So I changed tack on the following dates, had to remember to keep the conversation going rather than playing the games. Play-Doh became the favourite of the night.  After dating had finished everyone gathered around the Play-Doh table to form a modelling session that ended up as a beach scene complete with trees and the oddest animals you’d ever laid eyes on.

We handed in our score cards where we ticked yes, no or possible friend.  These were to be fed into the Date In A Dash system where we would be notified online about any possible matches.  I found this a little frustrating as I’m used to just swapping numbers with someone I like, it seems a lot more simple that way.

I had 3 or 4 matches from that night, one of whom did respond to a message on the system, the others didn’t appear to check, that’s through any fault of the event though but more likely due to the gap in between and people getting on with their busy lives in the smoke.

All in all I had a fun night, I’m not sure if speed dating is my chosen style of dating as I prefer to play the longer game talking to people I do have chemistry with and developing a conversation, along with attraction.

If you’d like to try something new, an imaginative slant on dating events then take a look at their website @dateinadash.com and get booked in, you will have a great time.

Have you been speed dating? Tell me about it in a comment below.

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New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/dating-event-reviews/lovestruck-patch-bar-review/

James Does LoveStruck @ Patch Bar

Do you work in the City? Love an after work drink and conversation with like-minded professionals?  Then LoveStruck @ Patch Bar St Paul’s is for you.

Here’s how it played out.

A last minute text from a work colleague :

Him

Oi !! Clear your diary for tomorrow

Hmmm this sounds ominous. Wonder what he has in mind.

Him

Patch Bar

Me

Singles Night?

Him

Yeah, but its not like awkward speed dating.

To give him credit he was right.  We arrived at Patch Bar, down a small winding street among lost of cafes and restaurants Patch Bar was a hidden gem.

Walking down the steps into the basement I couldn’t help but think to myself “What have a let myself in for…”

I’d been to a few dating events before, speed dating ended up being a torrid affair of painful small talk with women that I really wasn’t remotely interested in and the members club “Social” evenings usually ended up a bit of a damp squib.

We burst through the double doors into the room.

Crap !! Its dead. Oh well its been a hard day, we headed to the bar for a drink.  On the bar was a drinks menu full of early doors offers.  Awesome so if all else fails I’d got a cheap bottle of wine to console myself with in the corner as I catch up with my friend, an old work colleague.

Just as we got our drinks the bar lady pointed to a glass full of red straws.

These are for if you are single, put one in your drink if you like.

I look around at the handful of people sat down at tables. No one had a red straw. “Fck it!!” I said as I plunged one into my friends Old Fashioned.

We took a seat and looked around the room.  A few groups of people, no red straws and the odd lone male and female who appeared to come and go.  Now and again the individuals would pluck up the courage to talk with each other.  I honestly thought that this was how the night would continue.

Luckily I was wrong.

An hour after we arrived the flood gates opened as more and more people stormed the bar.  The red straws started to appear as people confidence seemed to grow in numbers, possibly with the help of alcohol.

In our prime position sat by the bar we got talking to other small groups, some male and female friends, others just single guys who “were waiting for their friends to turn up..” . Either way I was determined to have a good night so talked to anyone and everyone in my vicinity.

One guy asked me how many numbers I’d got from women. I replied none…  Was I going about this wrong?  To be honest I’d forgotten it was a singles night and was just enjoying the laid back conversation with everyone around me.

The age range seemed quite wide from around 25 through to 45.  One lady I enjoyed talking to looked in her 40s.  I obviously didn’t want to ask.  But she did tell me how one man just asked her if she was divorced, not a great opener I thought. We had a laugh about it though.

As I wandered through the bar to find my friend who had seemed to have gone AWOL I got a tug on my arm. I turned around to find a petite blonde lady behind me.

Hey, there is someone that would like to talk with you.

I’m not sure what really went through my mind at this point, is this a joke? Did I forget to pay for a drink at the bar?  I thought what the hell and followed her back to the bar.

She lead me to a group of her girl friends stood in one corner.  I never did find out who she was actually referring to but enjoyed talking with them for a good hour.  They told me about one of their friends who made an appearance later on who was evidently whisked away by some Russian gentleman with the offer of marriage.  A joke I think, but a good story all the same.

I did get a few numbers that evening, but more importantly than anything had a really good night.

When does a dating event not appear to be a normal dating event…?   When its Lovestruck !!

Find our more about their events here LoveStruck events and dive on in. Most are even FREE !!

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/guest-writing/keeping-fit-make-you-attractive/

Can Keeping Fit Make You More Attractive?

Its Official!!

Dating captures the interest of many industries and in this case fitness.  GymBuzz , a great source of local gym information, contacted me for a chat to ask my opinion on the connections between fitness and success in dating.

Can keeping fit make you more attractive?

Here’s what they asked.

1. When guys are dating a girl, are they looking for someone health conscious, or are they just attracted by the stereotypical gym bunny?

2. We all know how scary dating can seem to be, how does regular exercise help overcome this fear?

3. Does exercise enhance one’s sex life? Can you tell us about your experience when it comes to this?

4. When dating, what do you believe it says about someone who loves to take part in regular exercise?

5. From your experience, do women tend to be more attracted to those who look after their body and workout regularly? What have women said about this?

Read the full article and my answers here @ GymBuzz – Fitness and Dating.

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/guest-writing/5-top-tips-taking-great-dating-profile-pictures/

5 Top Tips For Taking Great Dating Profile Pictures

Dating profile pictures are the single most important part of your dating profile, especially when using dating apps.

You will know yourself from using the likes of Tinder, in one click you either LIKE or PASS on a profile and you’re unlikely to spend time scrolling through all your pictures unless you like what you see. So you’ll know how critical it is to get your profile picture right. Even if you have super model looks, using the wrong image will earn you a very fast PASS.

Here’s the top tips to get the most out of your profile picture and increase your chances of snaring your perfect date.

1. Use a clear and well lit picture.

2. Make sure you capture at least half of your body in the image. 

3. Bin those Bins. 

4. Include an active picture. 

5. Do not use a group picture as your main image. 

Read the full in depth article here on my guest article for Badoo  “Five tips to taking the perfect profile picture”

Have you got any tips for taking great profile pictures or seen some terrible fails? Please do leave me a comment below and tell me about them.

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/guest-writing/dating-apps-changed-way-date/

How Have Dating Apps Changed The Way We Date?

Dating apps have made finding partners much easier than ever thought possible.

It’s hard to believe that it was only in 2007 when the first iPhone was launched and 2008 with Android.  In the seven years that we have embraced smart phones and mobile apps the adoption of the dating industry of these technologies has massively influenced the way we date.

Traditionally before apps you would be restricted to websites accessed through PCs which was never really that convenient.  With new apps such as Tinder or Badoo you can find your perfect partner anytime, anywhere on your smart phone.

So what have dating apps brought to the dating game and what can you do to increase your chances?

Read my full article here @ Badoo ” How dating apps have changed the dating landscape”.

Have you found that using dating apps have changed your dating approach? Leave me a comment and tell me about your experiences.

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/my-random-thoughts/dating-profile-picture-fails-avoid/

Dating Profile Picture Fails And How to Avoid Them

I thought this topic deserved an article of its own as it recently created a very interesting debate among some of my dating industry colleagues.

Using the wrong photos on your profile can greatly impact how successful you are in both receiving and getting replies to messages.

Can you really afford not to take some time to think about how your images are perceived by other daters?

Some of these images are actual dating profile images.

Read on…..

Let’s start with the DO NOTs

Do Not - wear sunglasses in your photos, however much you like the photo and how cool you look, no one can see your face wearing those bins.

                  The above image actually falls into two photo fails.  Do Not – use a group photo as your main photo on your profile.  No one will know which one you are, and even more embarrassingly, it’s possible the person responding may actually fancy your mate, not you.

Do Not – wear hats that obscure your face, similar to sunglasses the whole point of profile images are so that people can see what you look like.

                    Do Not – use images that are blurry and dark.  The above is a great example, why of why would you want to post an image like this?

Do Not – Pose with a Tiger, seriously ladies and gents I see so many of these.  It may have been a very cool memory from your holiday, but do you realise those tigers have most likely been drugged so that they don’t actually tear your head off?

                Do Not - use photos of you out on the piss with drink all down your front.  It’s great to have one sitting in a nice cafe or bar with a cup of coffee, but don’t do this guys.

                The EPIC male FAIL, DO NOT - post images of you topless.  Ladies don’t find it sexy, and yes these are actual profile images I stumbled across. Not to mention the questionable spliff hanging from his mouth.

                                  If you fancy this one ladies, let me know and I’ll point you in his direction.

Do Not post pictures of you in face paint. It can be a cool memory but keep them to yourself and your friends on Facebook.  “I want to date this girl” does not spring into mind seeing pictures like this.

              So what photos should you post?

CLEAR, BRIGHT, SMILEY and preferably NOT SCARY photos. Here is a good example.

                    A great first image, showing off a slight smile and amazing eyes.

Should you use professionally taken images on your profile?

Now this is what sparked the main debate among my colleagues.

I’ve used professionally taken images before and it sparked some negative reactions from profile visitors. Mainly “Is that you?” or “Those look professional, do you have some normal pictures?”  People are naturally suspicious of pictures that look too good to be true.  Some people use makeover images on their profiles that have been highly touched up. I avoid these like the plague as you know the person will never look that great when you meet them.

Can you use professional images when taken in a certain way?

Yes absolutely and here is how.

          An image taking part in your favourite sport, not only depicting what you look like but also that you love tennis.  This could have been taken while just messing about at the club.

                These have clearly been taken by someone who knows how to take a photograph, but are they professional? Possibly not, but they are great photos and could have just been taken to capture a holiday memory.

The main point about the above photos are that they don’t look posed, by posing I mean in an unnatural environment that is definitely not just a spare of the moment fun photo or something to capture a memory.

Here are some photos that I’d class as posed in a fashion type style.

                    Ok so whats wrong with these photos? Nothing, they are well taken and quite cool photos, apart from the dodgy suit. So why would I not use them on a dating profile…?  They are clearly staged photos, you don’t walk down a street with a friend and say, “you know what, take a photo of me against this wall or shutter”.

So the true art of a great profile photo is for the person viewing them to not actually question if they are professional or not, just that you look great in the photo and they want to meet you.

Avoiding the above photo FAILS will greatly increase the success of your profile and if you do choose to use professional photos, make sure they look natural and tell a story about you.

Have you seen some crazy profile pictures? Tell me about them and leave a comment below.

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/my-random-thoughts/tinder-tips/

Tinder Tips How To Improve Your Chances

This is what Tinder say about it’s app :-

“Tinder is the fun way to connect with new and interesting people around you. Swipe right to like or left to pass. If someone likes you back, it’s a match! Chat with a match or snap a photo to share a Moment with all of your matches at once. It’s a new way to express yourself and share with friends.”

You sign up using your Facebook account, it copies some basic information across (First name, age, intro and photo access) and you are away.

I’ve been trialing Tinder for a couple of months now and have drawn the following conclusions from the ever popular app.

A LOT of people use Tinder, in fact most people you know, single, not single who are maybe just bored are on the app.  So if you are trying to go incognito, be aware that you will be seen by friends and colleagues.

The fact that its so simple to sign up, people appear very flippant with its use, I think it can just be a casual time filler for some.

It’s a bit like window shopping for partners. When you window shop you don’t necessarily buy or go in to try it on.

Due to the volume of people that use Tinder and how many matches you get, your window of opportunity with people is very very small, I’ll go into this more with my tips.

Your location can affect your results dramatically, if you do not live in a major city like London, then Tinder members will be very thin on the ground.

Tinder is not just a hook-up tool, yes admittedly some people use it for that but that’s just a reflection of real life.  Be clear what you are looking for and you can meet some great people.

So… on to my Tinder tips, these are based on my experiences, I don’t claim to be a Tinder expert, but then who is?

Profile and Picture Tips.

You can create a separate Facebook account just for Tinder, lots of people advise you do this, personally I don’t see the point unless you feel you need to lie about your age. I just created a folder for pictures I wanted to use on Tinder just to make it easier and then you can edit the intro in Tinder itself, so no major dramas there.

The pictures are crucial, its pretty much all anyone has to go on when they within a few seconds decide to swipe left or right. Make sure your picture is not too dark. I come across this a lot, you get a silhouette of a picture where you can’t see the person at all…. It’s an immediate swipe left, either increase the brightness or DON’T use the picture.

DON’T put a group picture on as your first photo, otherwise no one will know which one you are.  DO put a group picture in on a later one but make sure the people you are with are not those extra trendy stunning model worthy mates who show you up to be the lesser well blessed with looks.  So many times I’ve seen group shots and the individual is clearly trying to make themselves better looking by association, it doesn’t work.

DO put up more than one picture, its hard to see what someone looks like from just one picture, especially if it’s not that good.

DO make sure the resolution of the picture is ok, once you select it, check your profile and make sure its not too fuzzy. I don’t know how people manage to do it but A LOT of peoples pictures are virtually unrecognisable.

DO NOT wear sunglasses in your pictures, I realise that a lot of people take pictures in the sun or on holiday, but don’t use those for Tinder. Putting up pictures where your face is 1/3rd covered by your chosen tinted plastic is not a great start.

This may seem obvious but I’ve been astounded by this one.  If it’s a bad picture of you, DO NOT put it up.  If you find it hard to get a picture then ask a friend to take one, its so easy on mobiles now to even post them straight to Facebook in seconds.

DO NOT use professional shoot pictures. You know the ones you get for a present to have a modeling experience?  I come across these a lot. They are not an accurate representation of what you look like, you may look great in them but risk your potential date blowing you out when they realise you don’t look like your highly Photoshopped pictures in person.

So in summary, your profile is all about your pictures, this will make or break your success on matches so make sure you get it right.

Tinder Dating Tips

As already mentioned, competition is fierce on Tinder, you have to act fast with any matches.  Women especially take note on how quickly you message them after a match.  Yes they do wait for you to message them, its rare to get a first message from a women. So when you have a match, instigate a conversation as quickly as you can.

Due to the volume of matches most people get, you have to escalate that person quickly. What I usually do after a few tinder messages with someone I’m interested in meeting is offer to jump off Tinder and onto What’sapp or Text.  How?  This is the simple one liner I use “Hey I rarely use Tinder I don’t really have time for it, but id like to get to know you more, lets swap to What’sapp” and offer them your number.  98% of the time this works, the other 2% that either don’t respond at all, or come up with some excuse not to swap numbers are usually the ones that are not serious about meeting.  It’s a fast way to filter those out.

DON’T get stuck in endless messaging on Tinder or What’sapp.  You have to continue progressing that match, it’s fine to throw a few texts around to get a bit of a feel for a person but you need to progress that to a call and your goal a first date. Again if the person is very adverse to speaking on the phone, you may need to move on.  It could be that they are not actually single or again just not serious about meeting and filling some time.  Speaking on the phone makes you a person and not just a picture.  Get a call in ASAP.

DON’T get stuck being the one who travels all the way to your date.  There are some convenience only daters out there who are happy for their date to come to the pub/cafe at the end of their street but will never commit to anywhere outside of their area.  Will not bode well when you have spent all that time traveling and you find out that they will never leave their comfort zone. Meeting half way between you is perfectly reasonable.

All being well you will get some great dates lined up, I recommend keeping it simple for the first couple of dates.  A drink in a bar/pub a coffee in a nice cafe (not Starbucks).  I’ve fallen into the trap of heavily investing in the initial first dates.  Tinder dating is very casual and that’s how people treat it.  DON’T go crazy otherwise you will be broke within a month.  Keep diners and days out to the 3rd or 4th date when you know its going well.  Your date will most likely be dating multiples that week too.

This may be a bit of a controversial statement but I advise if you have night spare for dating, then arrange at least two.  It’s not uncommon to have a cancellation on the day leaving you with a night set aside and no date.  I had three arranged one night and one by one two pulled out with very flaky excuses, this harks back to my statement of Tinder being very causal.  If your potential date isn’t in the mood to have to glam up and hit the tube to travel to see you, then they will just cancel without too much thought. It’s not personal, but have at least one backup.  It’s not hard to meet at least two people in one night, just make them aware that you are quite busy but have an hour or so to meet for a drink and stagger your evening.

I hope these tips will help you get started, Tinder is a great way to meet people, just remember not to take it too seriously, its just another avenue. Don’t use it as your only dating route.

If you have any tips of your own, leave me a comment below.

[swiperightdiaries]

New Post has been published from my blog on http://swiperightdiaries.co.uk/my-random-thoughts/chemistry/

What Is Chemistry?

Along with The Friends Zone, Chemistry is another one of those mysteries of dating that I hear many people mentioning.  I’ve experienced it first hand when being placed in the Friends Bucket.

I think largely used by women, this term actually means :-

Women say, “I didn’t feel any chemistry between us.”

In more straight forward guy language “look I like you but I don’t fancy you.”

I think us gents take a very much more literal approach to dating, I personally know within about 2 mins if I am physically attracted to a woman or not. A guy who then is attracted to a women and has date where the conversation flows is then usually more than happy to explore further on dates 2 or 3 before he really makes his mind up if things are going to progress.

Women on the other hand appear to look a lot deeper than this.

Do I fancy him?

Does he make me laugh?

Is he a gentleman?

Does he flirt with me?

Is there that golden chemistry?

Now I’m only in my mid 30s but since the introduction of dating apps, women and quite possibly us guys, seem to have raised their expectations quite considerably, especially in The City.  There seems to be exception to confirm this all within a couple of hours that you have your first date.  If they don’t get it then they seem happy to move on to the next on their list of Swipe Rights.

I’m really interested in hearing female opinions on this, as I’ve spoken with a few of my female friends, all be it they are not currently dating and they seem to agree with me that you cant really establish or project these things so quickly.

What say you?