🗡

It's our first date. Things have been going great. We're both hungry. We start walking around looking for somewhere to eat. We stumble into a Taco Bell. It's 4 in the morning. This is the only restaurant in a 26 mile radius, but it's cool because we both love Taco Bell. I order 2 beef burritos because I want you to think I'm adventurous. I offer to pay for your food, but you insist on covering your own order. You order the quesadilla. 37 minutes pass. We have not received our food. I ask the clerk when our orders will be ready. It's at that moment that he turns around and I see it. This man is actually a broom. In shock and confusion I glance over at you. I notice something I hadn't before. I look closer. You've been a mop this entire time. The fool that I am I hadn't noticed. I see that look in your eyes. It's the same look we shared 4 years ago when our romance first began. It's love at first site. What else could I expect, you're a mop, he's a broom, and I, well I'm just a lowly spec of dust waiting to be wiped from these floors of this Mucho Burrito by the love you'll never give me. The two of you start making passionate love on the countertop. I'm still waiting for my beef burritos.

[cyprozombiegirl]

tumblr staff doesn’t want you to know this, but a great way to treat small amounts of granulation tissue to prevent it from becoming hypergranulation inside the canal of your neovagina is to make a hypersaline solution (more in tense version of regular saline) and soak a tampon in it, and then insert that tampon into your vaginal canal

[cyprozombiegirl]

now I’m sure if you are dealing with granulation tissue during early recovery from bottom surgery you’re probably thinking gosh fuck I’m a trans girl i’ve never had to put a tampon in in my life how do I do this…and I’d love to show you but

[cyprozombiegirl]

ITS THE POST THAT GOT ME BLURRED HIII

[pomegranatecellar]

love how much tumblr hates women lol

anyways, if you're a trans girl and have never used a tampon before, here's some tips

- you shouldn't be able to really feel it, if you do it isn't tilted correctly or it's not far enough in. in my experience the easiest way to put in a tampon is squatting and tilting slightly forward but experiment and see what feels best for you

- it's completely normal to take a few attempts to get in correctly , that's what the string is for (easy removal)

- if you lose the string you can just Go Up There and pull it out, it's just more messy

- even though you don't bleed, do not leave it in for long. i'm serious. you can still get toxic shock syndrome, it's not pretty and you will need serious medical intervention. change tampons at least every 8 hours

- probably common sense but ill add anyways, tampons expand when absorbing fluid! do not worry if it's a little struggle to get out that's normal (but if you're having a REALLY hard time that is not, probably size down your tampon)

hope any of this helps!

[magz]

From the replies:

What is granulation tissue?

[Cyprozombiegirl] Granulation tissue is a normal tissue that forms underneath where the skin will form, its bright red and shiny (and painful to the touch). Unfortunately when the injured/cut area is consistently wet often too much of this tissue forms and prevents skin from growing over it. When this happens it’s called hypergranulation and needs to be chemically burned away. If you’ve got some but not a lot though, not enough to technically be hypergranulation but on the way there, you can use hypersaline to treat it.

It can’t stop anything once you’ve fully got hypergranulation, but if it’s only granulation it seems to help a lot. I found out about this from a friend whose special interest is bottom surgery

To Make The HyperSaline Solution

[Cyprozombiegirl] mix 2 teaspoons of table salt with 1 cup of warm water (which you’ve boiled for at least 20min) in a clean container until the salt dissolves. soak tampon in it. Insert tampon (this can be tricky because it will rapidly expand, so I suggest getting one for light flow).

[Dilsdoes] hi! just a note: make sure the salt youre using is non iodized! generally for saline solutions used internally like this you want to avoid iodized salt. it tends to irritate mucous membranes

Further information on Tampons can be searched online or on the Tampon box.

ID: Censored image for "breaking Tumblr guidelines".

A diagram for how to apply a tampon in a (neo)vagina.

1. Tampon inside a tampon applicator, with tampon chord (a string used to pull the tampon out).

2. Hand with the tampon itself pointed towards the palm and body. Index finger over the Tampon applicator plunger.

3. Spreading vaginal opening with the other hand, and placing the tampon with tampon applicator towards the vaginal entrance. Legs spread apart.

4. Push tampon applicator plunger with index finger, with tampon inside, to push it further inside.

5. Take out tampon applicator. The tampon should be secured inside the vaginal canal, with tampon chord hanging outside of the vagina.

End ID.

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

make sure you are doing this using a tampon with a plastic applicator. This is for a number of reasons: firstly, they are easier to use than other options, but secondly and more crucially, theyre actually compatible with the whole "putting in a tampon soaked in liquid" thing. If you use an applicatorless tampon like OB, it'll just fully expand and good fucking luck getting that in. If you use a tampon with a cardboard applicator, its harder to put in and also the cardboard will just get soggy.

you want something that looks like this:

Make sure to soak the tampon while it is in the applicator. do not remove it from the plastic casing (blue in this picture) or you will be unable to put it in.

I would also highly recommend avoiding tampax pearl tampons or anything similar. This means anything that advertises itself as having a thicker string or "leak protection". Firstly, if youre not bleeding or otherwise oversaturating the tampon with liquid you wont need it (yet again a reason to soak the tampon while its in the applicator). Secondly, that thicker string can be massively uncomfortable even for people used to wearing tampons (which can also be an issue if you dont yet know how to differentiate between "is this tampon not in properly?" and "the string on this brand fucking sucks eggs".) If youve never worn one, save yourself the trouble. A thin tampon string you shouldnt be able to feel is best.

If the tampon string breaks (which, if youre worried about this, dont be. It's extremely unlikely, I've had it happen once in my many years of wearing exclusively tampons) bear down like youre taking a shit and it should start to come out on its own. This can also help if youre having trouble taking it out or are just nervous. Like mentioned above, this can be even easier if youre in something of a squatting position, such as by putting a stool under your feet.

It's worth mentioning that tampons come in different sizes. From smallest to largest they go: light/junior/slim, regular, super, super plus, and ultra. Light/junior/slim and ultra can be hard to find. Your best bet is regular. The larger a tampon, the more likely you will struggle to remove it, not because it is physically large, but because it can absorb more liquid and will thus be dryer. Just go with a smaller one and you should be fine

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

Here's a non-Tumblr source on hypergranulation and its treatment in neovaginas in case anyone would like that. (I wanted to find something more before reblogging medical advice.) It doesn't bring up the preventive solution OP is talking about but it does give some context for it.

Take care of yourselves, especially after surgery. I love you.

[alquer]

I'm gonna add my 2 cent cause even though I'm cis this has happened to me and I can imagine it's even more uncomfortable to our trans sisters: If you're having a hard time removing the tampon because there's a lot of friction or it feels like it expanded too much don't hesitate to douse your finger in a bit of lube and lube the vaginal canal. This will help get the tampon out with less discomfort!

[pukicho]

Legitimately just had one of the worst meals of my entire life. I am still sitting here, trying to come to terms with what I just put inside my body. The orange chicken was drenched in what I can only call a carcinogenic slime. It tasted like how bug spray smells. I felt myself actively eroding the more of it I ate, but shit, it was $16 bucks. I kept going in spite of myself. I should've known better. The chlorine they call sauce seeped into every spongey pore of the chicken's squishy exterior. Despite the uncooked batter bathing in liquid cum, the chicken itself was a dry, chewy muskrat texture, one that forced you to choke up even the smallest pieces that you dared to swallow. The honey sesame chicken was an ice-cold cat's tongue, and the associated veg was mildewy and wilted. If you could cook the flavor of rot into something, then that's what they did to this food. I am not even joking, the chow mein tasted like a cigarette. I imagine they dumped an entire fucking bottle of liquid smoke into the noodles just to hurt and hopefully kill me. I can't imagine good people making food like this. Everyone there was a hateful, hateful person. Maybe they weren't even people.

The only good thing I can say about this experience is that I learned a terrible lesson. Thank you, Panda Express.

[transgenderer]

Part of how drugs are fun is that they make you less worried about being annoying. But as a side effect this often makes you more annoying. The worry wasn't doing nothing! Nothing comes for free!

[elliespectacular]

wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example

[magnoliamyrrh]

the year is 2035. the new beauty standard is for women to cut their ears off, as ears are a masculine trait which make the face look too big and hearing isnt necessary as it doesnt align with being demure. evil feminists say perhaps this is unnecessary and ears are natural. women are agressively proclaiming they are cutting their ears off due to sensory issues

[shencomix]

[segamascott]

[isuggestkillingyourself]

[tactfulsaboteur]

[psybomb]

Every time I see that last pic, I have to note that the funniest line is the one immediately after the highlight

[lesbianelsas]

Sesame Street Memory: Lucy Liu | #ThisIsMyStreet

Lucy Liu shares a heartfelt memory of learning to speak english by watching Sesame Street and finding a family within the cast. Share your favorite Sesame Street memory on social media with #ThisIsMyStreet!

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

I was five years old when Sesame Street first aired in 1969. I remember coming home from kindergarten and watching the show in the afternoon, and then, the next day, kids talking about what Oscar had said over snack time (he was the first character for children I saw that was allowed to be grouchy and not be “bad”).

[apatosaurus]

Sesame Street celebrated a neighborhood that was multiracial and multicultural. When I was in preschool, that was my reality, too. Though I did and still do have a lot of cultural racism to unlearn, the extent to which I was able to learn how to be friends and neighbors with a diverse peer group was supported by Sesame Street. To be clear, this is why conservatives have wanted to destroy it from the beginning.

[iheartvelma]

The Mississippi State Commission for Educational Television briefly banned Sesame Street in 1970 with the flimsy excuse that Mississippians weren’t ready to see racially integrated neighborhoods. And that happened in a few other Southern states, including one where the owner of a local NBC affiliate chose to air it, for free, no ad revenue, because he thought people were ready for it — or needed to get comfortable with it. And these state ETV commissions eventually relented after getting a lot of negative publicity.

[depsidase]

[gumi-megpoidd]

dont diss her onion shirt!!

[junco666]

Japanese child actress Mana Ashida (little Mako) was embarrassed that she couldn’t pronounce Guillermo Del Toro’s name so he gave her special permission to call him “Totoro-san” instead.

My Neighbor Guillermo Del Toro.

[geekygothgirl]

If I don’t reblog this, assume I’m dead.

[sunnysundown]

Guillermo del Totoro

[assassinationtipsforladies]

May I suggest doing an image search for Guillermo Del Totoro

[ira-sairain]

Oh my??? God??

[hunterinabrowncoat]

not even two years after the 2024 racist riots and attempted pogroms, we are back to more racist riots and attempted pogroms.

a mosque in scotland had to be put into lockdown. they are going door-to-door with hit lists and addresses in northern ireland, setting houses alight. they firebombed an imam's house in manchester. people of colour are being targeted and attacked by racist mobs in the street in broad daylight.

and instead of widespread condemnation or wall-to-wall coverage, the UK media and political establishment is filling air time talking about the "legitimate concerns" people have about "illegal migrants"

[romanceyourdemons]

rip to the guy who posted his very expensive yixing teapot to r/tea, only for the comments to be not compliments on his taste as he expected, but instead GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY and I SHOULD CALL HER. he then crossposted it to r/gongfutea, which is ordinarily more dignified and self-serious, but was it? was it?? of course not, because this is reddit, and this was the teapot

[tricktster]

I ever tell you guys about my ethically dubious radio show back in college? The Mad Dad Hour?

[tricktster]

it was an entire radio show built around perpetuating a very simple joke, but it was uniquely powerful in its capacity to prompt the reaction I was looking for.

so my slot was at the tail end of rush hour, and i got a fair number of listeners/callers who were on the way home from the office. And like, I had a lot of callers, who almost all wanted to request songs that really didn’t fit with the aesthetic. I had pitched a power pop show when i got my slot, but the callers were not having it; they invariably wanted classic rock.

this made sense in a way. if you think about the demographics of the people who listened to the radio for music in 2010 instead of their ipods or cds or whatever, you’d expect them to skew older right? accordingly, i quickly realized that almost all of the people who called to request songs were Dads of a Certain Age. It was honestly annoying at first - I’m all for most classic rock, but that wasn’t what the show was supposed to be.

And so one day, when i was feeling particularly annoyed with requests that just didn’t fit thematically, i came up with the joke that rapidly became the only reason I kept the show going. Per station rules, I had to play a certain number of pre-recorded PSAs during my show, and before I cut to one I was supposed to read out the song titles and artists for all the music i had played before the break. So this one day when i had to inform the world before the break that the song they just heard was, per a listener’s request, Hey Jude by the Beatles, I decided to do a goof. I said:

“and finally, that last song you heard was Hey Jude, which was of course written and performed by the Rolling Stones.”

I barely had time to get the ads going before the phone started ringing. See, I had been assuming people would realize i was making an obvious joke by claiming one of the most well-known Beatles tracks was a Stones song, but i had failed to consider that my listeners were mostly 55-70 year old dads who were irritated from a long day in the office.

And when those dads heard me, a millennial woman, get the artist of an extremely well-known beatles song WRONG???!

they HAD to call in to correct my ignorance. never in a polite way either, it was condescending and annoyed or nothing. and like, they were just SO personally insulted by my inaccurate reporting that it took a massive amount of effort for me to avoid cracking up during the call. I had never understood why some people would enjoy trolling random strangers on the internet before, but in that moment, I understood the appeal entirely.

obviously i did it again right before the next commercial break, immediately after playing Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen David Bowie.

the phone immediately began to ring.

“ARE YOU AN IDIOT?” one of the callers began, “DAVID BOWIE???? THAT WAS QUEEN!”

“I thought David Bowie was the lead singer of Queen though?” I replied with as much innocent earnestness as i could conjure.

I could hear an intake of breath as the infuriated boomer on the other end of the line struggled to figure out where to even start.

And thus, the Mad Dad Hour was born.

[tricktster]

@eduards-stuff I kept doing the same joke for an hour a week for an entire year, and the dads NEVER caught on. After episode 1 of the new format I started taking the angry dad calls on air, which added another layer of hilarity to the whole concept.

My friends on campus knew that hay I was doing and enjoyed tuning in, but only one actual listener ever figured out what I was doing, and he was literally a random 30 year old guy from the netherlands with access to an early internet connection radio service. He was possibly my only actual fan. I only know about him because he went to the effort of making a skype and paying for international service so he could call in, and while I got a few calls from him, the first remains my favorite:

me: hi there, you’ve got TST-

him: *strained, wheezing dutch laughter*

me: hey, is everything o-

him: pfffHAHAHAAH YOU MAKE THEM SO MAD. THEY THINK SO LITTLE OF YOUUUUUUUU BUT THE MEN ARE THE ONES WHO ARE FOOLISH! HA! HA! HA! YOU HAVE DUPED THEM!

me: sir i do not know you and i have never even seen you but i am in romantic love with you.

[zetastar-deactivated20140322]

[teaboot]

I'm going to start a game show where I play songs the contestants have never heard before in a huge room with bad acoustics and they have to guess what the lyrics are

[teaboot]

Mall Cafeteria: Yoonotugudubegowin Hobububuduhabusah / Gubudubudubugee Guddubagudduhgoin / Im done hidinow I'm shinin like a bubaubee / Peecesobidah ! / I'm so bryduh / ba du wannuh / reeEEEEEEEEEEE

Me, sobbing: please just tell me what you want

[teaboot]

Intercom: Sonubuhuguduhbawheeeeenin Sonny gonnabe beezin / tonight [...] Pubugusweenin,,, tonight [...] Never felt this way before withaynyone / Baby /Guzzabunawuningadada fEEwan / tunnite

Me: ...Harry Styles?

Intetcom: TUNNITE

[teaboot]

Intercom: AYEboduh,BRYgoduh,WHYdumunuhRAYbee GUYbroduh,DIEbroguh,,FIEfuguhPAYbee AYEbpridufunubuhaguhduhRAYFWEEEEEEEEEE

Me: Ariana baby I know that's you in there. Give me your hand. I can get you out

[teaboot]

The kind of posts you make about media when you regularly forget you have Autism and ADHD and Auditory Processing Disorder and Photophobia and Visual Snow and Aura Migraines and and and and and