do I put addie somewhere in the pitt?
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@sxtanshepherd
do I put addie somewhere in the pitt?
Teddy wished she could read her wife’s mind. She could see the gears turning in her mind and they weren’t slowing down. Teddy inhaled sharply at the cold air. She carefully walked to the car and got in, sighing as she watched Addie from the window. When her wife got in, she wanted to laugh at the question but refrained. Her wife was turning more and more into a statue. Her mother in law was dead. She was about to meet her in laws in the worst possible way. And between the blood pressure concerns and off and on nausea, the answer to the question was obvious. “I’m fine. Probably just reacting to the cold.” She feigned a small smile. It felt nice to see a little bit more bedside manner at least.
She noticed the changes as they got closer. And as they arrived at the estate, Teddy was sure she was no longer with her wife. Her hand rested on her small baby bump as they pulled up to the house. It was like nothing she’d ever seen before. “Wow.” She whispered. Once again, she carefully made her way to the next destination. Teddy stayed quiet. She was taking in everything. The captain, Archer, the home as a whole. “Teddy Altman.” Was all she was able to get out before Addie quipped with her own remark.
Stepping into Addie’s childhood room explained a lot. It wasn’t childlike, aside from some sailboats set off to the side on floating shelves. She was getting a better understanding of who her wife was turning into and why. There was no sign that a child ever lived in this room, and somehow, the blonde knew it hadn’t been changed at all since Addie left. It broke her heart. Her eyes became misty for a moment, damn hormones. She blinked them away and sat on the bed, “hey…how are you doing?” She asked, hoping like hell she could get a sign of life from the Addie she married.
Addison heard Teddy’s shock at seeing the estate and realized somewhere in her mind that she was about to become an open book. It wasn’t that she didn’t tell Teddy about the estate, it was more that no one really understood until they saw it in person. A house for four people that had was more empty than filled, especially now. Derek had the same expression on his face the first time he came. So did Nai, Sam, Mark, and Amelia. Everyone. And once they saw it, it seemed like something about her clicked for them. Addison didn’t know what exactly it was, but she remembered Mark and how he looked at her, shook his head and walked off to explore.
The estate was one of her least liked places. It was full of lies, betrayal, and involving herself in her parent’s relationship more than any child should. Addison almost wished she could have just sent Bizzy home and stayed in Seattle. She couldn’t tell the truth anyway. But Captain sent the jet and that told her all she needed to know. And now Teddy was in her room.
Instead of focusing on how her wife took in her old room, Addison decided to start unpacking their bags. She opened her closet that, not to her surprise, was completely cleaned out of her childhood clothes. Not a school shirt or college sweatshirt to be found. Bizzy had always been out with the old and in with the new for clothes. She pulled out the hanging bag and pulled out their funeral clothes and checked for any wrinkles that she would need to find a steamer for.
Addison paused for a moment at Teddy’s question. She knew that she needed something real, needed to hear her, but anything could cause her to crack. And she had at least three more days. It was all too fragile. “My mother had a heart attack after the love of her life died,” she said simply, going back to hanging and unpacking their things, “I’m fine.” Once their things were put away she glanced to Teddy, “Would you like a tour?”
Teddy was certainly not awake enough to be able to process the rambling coming from her best friend. She yawned and let her go on and on as Teddy made the red head a cup coffee, despite being unsure if she needed caffeine given her current state.
The blonde was going to answer, but got cut off each time. A ski trip sounded fun…expensive but fun. Time with Addie? Teddy was always on board with that. Captain? Eh, not ideal. But she knew Addie enough to know they wouldn’t be spending much time with her parents, if at all. She slid the mug over to Addie and went back to her cozy spot on the couch. “Take a breath.” Teddy chuckled. “When and how much? If I can, I’ll go.” She said simply with a shrug. “Thanksgiving? It was…it was home and how it always goes. So a trip sounds great for the next break.” Besides, they both knew the instant push Liz and Theo would offer as soon as they found out it was an option. It would be easier if Teddy went ahead and agreed.
Addison forced herself to relax and took the coffee as it was placed in front of her. Her eyes followed the blonde to the couch and she followed the instructions to breathe. She perked up slightly when Teddy asked her about the expense and when they would be going. “We usually leave the day after Christmas, and then go for two weeks, we usually get back a few days before the semester starts. And you wouldn’t be paying anything. Forbes-Montgomery’s do not invite people on trips and expect them to pay their way there. Not to mention, Captain will be using the jet to get us there and back.”
She heard the sound in Teddy’s voice when she mentioned her parents. Addison had a very different relationship with her parents and sometimes envied the way her acquaintances described their parents. The thought of a real home cooked meal, a tiny dining room table, and actual conversation that didn’t need to be decoded. Addison also knew though, that no one really understood her family either. So she just nodded lightly, “I’m sorry.”
Everything had been moving too fast, so much work, so many attempts to come up with plans and then it froze. It was over before anyone had the chance to think it was a success. While working on Susan , Addison had pulled Webber into being a co-chief so she had time to devote to her mother's lover turned wife. And then it was done. Susan died and her mother insisted that she leave her alone. Addison knew that something was wrong, but she and Bizzy didn't do feelings and emotions. It wasn't her place to ask or pry or try to intervene. Until she decided that they did. One of them had to start, but she was too late. Walking back into the hotel room and seeing her mother laying there, already stiff. Too late, nothing she could do. Addison read and reread the note before she wiped her tears, called the people that needed to be called and then informed Captain. He was angry, as expected and demanded to know what happened. The truth would have to die with her. "It was a heart attack, it was too late to do anything," slipped out of her lips before she could even stop it. And that was the lie that Addison would be telling everyone. She pushed everything back and prepared herself. She noticed the shift in herself, but at the moment, she couldn't be bothered. She had a funeral to prepare for. Addison was on the tarmac watching them load the casket into the jet that Captain had sent. Sunglasses on and pulling on her gloves, she was surprised to see Teddy with her suitcase. "I didn't say you're clear to fly. It's a long fight to Connecticut," Addison told her, it was dry and straight to the point. Absolutely not the way she normally talked to her wife; almost as if Bizzy's spirit had taken up residence in her soul. There was a part of her that knew she wouldn't be winning that argument though. "Give your bags to baggage handler," Addison said and headed to the ladder of the jet. She did wait for Teddy to join her and let her go up first. Once they were seated, Addison pulled out the blood pressure cuff, "I want to know where you're at before we take off." She was gentle but clinical and once she had the numbers, she put it away and settled in. The flight attendant brought her a drink and offered Teddy a selection of non-alcoholic drinks. Addison sipped her drink and stared out the window as the jet took off.
Chills. That's what happened when Addison had that tone of voice. It was so cold and different from the Addison that she had known and loved. She thought she'd be used to it at this point, but it seemed to get worse and worse since Bizzy's arrival and then her passing.
She nodded and handed her bags off. Teddy boarded the plane and got settled in her seat. She gave Addison a small nod before she took her blood pressure. It was so clinical. Like she was a patient. She didn't say anything in response though, it didn't seem like it would make a difference. At times over the weeks leading up, it seemed as though it made it worse. Neither of them needed worse.
She buckled up and rest her hand on her small, protruding bump and rubbed it gently. She ordered a ginger ale and a water. Teddy stole a quick glance at her wife before looking out her own window and sighing. They were in for a long couple of days. The blonde didn't know what to do...but it wasn't like Addie was letting her do anything, or anyone for that matter. She was handling it all. But still, Teddy would be damned if she didn't at least stand by her side. She took out her book, What to Expect When You're Expecting, and sighed once more before trying to turn her attention to her reading.
Addison diligently took Teddy’s vitals throughout the flight. There was a voice screaming in the back of her mind to talk to her wife, but she knew the moment she let herself break, it would be over. She had to get through the funeral, no one could know what happened. Bizzy’s death would die with her. To protect Bizzy’s legacy, Captain, and Archer. One more lie to tuck away to keep her family together. Archer and Captain wouldn’t be able to cope with the truth: they weren’t enough for her to stay alive for, they probably never had been. That if Susan had died before this somehow, they would’ve have buried Bizzy then too.
The reminder that she wasn’t enough for Bizzy to stay pierced through her thoughts. Her eyes drifted over to Teddy’s bump. She would give anything for that baby. It was indescribable how much she loved their baby before they even met them. While Bizzy told her that she wanted to slit her wrists over being her mother. Maybe it wasn’t fully what she had said or meant. But Susan died and then she died too. That said more than anything she’d ever said. And Addison went behind and buried Bizzy’s secret like she did for all the Forbes-Montgomery secrets.
When they landed, she lead Teddy off the jet and to the car, letting her get in. It was cold and the snow covered most of the tarmac. Addison stood at the door and watched them unload the coffin and place it in the hearse. They assured her that they were following the directives. As their bags were loaded in the trunk, Addison finally got in. “The estate is about thirty minutes away,” she told her and took out her stethoscope, “You’re a bit elevated. Do you feel okay?” It was still clinical, but the bedside manner was a little warmer.
The closer they got to the estate, the tighter Addison locked it down. She would be facing Captain and Archer and lie to their faces about the woman they loved. Her thoughts retreated further back, the screaming to talk to Teddy quieted. The car pulled into the long winding driveway to the designated drop off for chauffeurs. The door opened and she paused for barely a second before getting out. Addison hadn’t been back in years, somehow it felt even more empty. Walking in, she learned why. “The house is shut down now that Bizzy’s gone. You’ll have to sort your room on your own,” Captain said walking past them to refill his drink. For a brief moment, Addison wondered if she even knew where to get things. However, she knew the maids had probably mostly left it ready.
“I’ll introduce you to Captain in a little while,” Addison told Teddy. She didn’t want Teddy to have to deal with a drunk Captain, not right away. She grabbed her bags and glanced at her brother, “Archer, be a semi-decent person and take Teddy’s bags to my room.” He smirked lightly, “So you’re the elusive wife.” “No one was stopping you from coming out to Seattle,” Addison clipped back, “You only show up when you’re dying, like mother like son.” Archer put the bags down and left. Addison let him go before she ended up telling him the truth. It was the truth in some way though, she brought a dying Susan to her and then died when she died. “And that’s Archer, when he hits on you, feel free to actually hit him.” She looked around the room and as expected, it was put together and ready for them. Addison tried not to feel self conscious having Teddy explore the room that had been hers until she left at eighteen.
Teddy was actually getting some much needed rest. Her recent trip home was short and busy. Going home always overwhelmed her, which was why she never stayed for more than a few days. The blonde could keep her schedule at school booked completely full and get through it fine. The minute she got home though? She was all over the place. Her mother always seemed to have that effect on her. Her dad's health didn't help the situation either. Luckily, phone calls to Addie helped her get through this time.
Returning to the comfort of her apartment was very much welcomed. She couldn't remember the last time she got so much sleep. It was probably the last time she returned from a trip home. The blonde had recently woken up and was sipping on a mug of coffee when she heard the door. Eyebrows furrowed, she wasn't expecting anyone. She opened the door and smiled softly, "Addie, hey...what-" She stopped when she heard the question. "Ummm....yes? That seems like an odd question to come ask me in the morning." She yawned. "Come in, it's cold out here." She welcomed the redhead in and closed the door. "What's up with the passport?"
Addison had been so focused on finding out if she could even hope to have a companion on the trip, that she almost hadn’t even registered Teddy’s face. Stepping into Teddy’s place, she felt a level of calm that she loved. Like there were no expectations, she could just be Addison. No plan, no lying for Captain, no foundation business. “Sorry,” she blushed taking off her coat and boots, “It’s just this year’s family trip is during winter break, to the Alps. I don’t think I could survive two weeks around Captain and Bizzy alone in another country.” She forced herself to slow down. “I don’t know if you even could or want to. I’m sure the idea of being in another country with Captain is just as unappealing to you.”
Suddenly, Addison wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing asking Teddy to come with her. The poor thing spent all year with Captain, surely she was looking forward to the break from him. “I’m sorry, you probably have plans, time to spend with family. You’re probably excited to not have to deal with him and I’m asking you if you want to trap yourself in Switzerland with him.” She sat down on a barstool. “I prefer the years that they choose to go in summer. I usually can’t go because of summer classes. It would put me behind if I miss those.” Addison finally looked up at Teddy, really looked at her. “How was your Thanksgiving?”
Does Anyone have an Amelia they want to plot with?
@sxtanshepherd
The weeks the followed Bizzy’s arrival were…a lot. Addie did everything. Teddy watched her do everything she could night after night, day after day. And just when they thought it worked…they were sadly mistaken. Susan died just after the wedding Addison planned. Teddy felt guilty for the jealousy. But she longed for the attention that bizzy was getting. Every so often she could get her Addison back briefly, like when she popped. But it didn’t last very long. Then, Bizzy and Addie had an actual nice conversation…just for her wife to find her mother dead in her hotel room. She said it was a heart attack…Teddy knew better. If she had thought Addie was a wasp before? Boy did she have another thing coming.
“I’m going to the estate for the funeral. I’ll be back in a few days.” The hollow, shell of a voice still rung in her head. Addie was gathering up the last one her things when Teddy came out with her own suitcase. “Ready?” She knew it was challenging her wife. She saw the slight twitch in her features. “Doc said Im clear to fly, I just have to wear compression socks and check my blood pressure every hour during the flight and four hours after landing.” She added, knowing it would be the first thing discussed. “Addison, I’m coming with you. Your mother died, I’m coming to support you because I love you. So either I fly with you in the jet, or I buy a ticket on a random plane and meet you out there in a few hours.” She knew she was playing unfair. But honestly? Screw being fair. Nothing about any of this situation had been fair for weeks. She gave a smile to her waspy versioned wife, “which will it be, my love?” She asked softly.
Everything had been moving too fast, so much work, so many attempts to come up with plans and then it froze. It was over before anyone had the chance to think it was a success. While working on Susan , Addison had pulled Webber into being a co-chief so she had time to devote to her mother's lover turned wife. And then it was done. Susan died and her mother insisted that she leave her alone. Addison knew that something was wrong, but she and Bizzy didn't do feelings and emotions. It wasn't her place to ask or pry or try to intervene. Until she decided that they did. One of them had to start, but she was too late.
Walking back into the hotel room and seeing her mother laying there, already stiff. Too late, nothing she could do. Addison read and reread the note before she wiped her tears, called the people that needed to be called and then informed Captain. He was angry, as expected and demanded to know what happened. The truth would have to die with her. "It was a heart attack, it was too late to do anything," slipped out of her lips before she could even stop it. And that was the lie that Addison would be telling everyone. She pushed everything back and prepared herself. She noticed the shift in herself, but at the moment, she couldn't be bothered. She had a funeral to prepare for.
Addison was on the tarmac watching them load the casket into the jet that Captain had sent. Sunglasses on and pulling on her gloves, she was surprised to see Teddy with her suitcase. "I didn't say you're clear to fly. It's a long fight to Connecticut," Addison told her, it was dry and straight to the point. Absolutely not the way she normally talked to her wife; almost as if Bizzy's spirit had taken up residence in her soul. There was a part of her that knew she wouldn't be winning that argument though. "Give your bags to baggage handler," Addison said and headed to the ladder of the jet. She did wait for Teddy to join her and let her go up first. Once they were seated, Addison pulled out the blood pressure cuff, "I want to know where you're at before we take off." She was gentle but clinical and once she had the numbers, she put it away and settled in. The flight attendant brought her a drink and offered Teddy a selection of non-alcoholic drinks. Addison sipped her drink and stared out the window as the jet took off.
Estate Escape
She had gone home to the estate for Thanksgiving and was quickly reminded by Bizzy that it was a year of winter break travel. Every other year it was either winter or summer, though with her summer courses, she usually got out of that one. Winter breaks were near impossible with them being built into the college courses. The dinner was filled with planning that Archer somehow got out of. Addison never quite understood how he always managed to avoid the family trips these days. They were going to the Alps to ski, one that they went to often when she was younger. It was familiar enough.
The first thing Addison did when Captain dragged her to his university over that week was to go see Teddy. She couldn't do it anymore, she couldn't be alone on a trip with her parents. She made her way through the campus knowing that Teddy was already back from visiting her parents, she had told her when she was coming back before they both started the week off.
Addison forced herself to knock twice, slowly, like a normal person despite her urge to rapidly knock until the door opened. Her hands stuffed in her pockets until Teddy came to the door. When she saw the blonde for the first time in weeks, she flushed and ducked her head, "Hi, I just had a quick question. Do you have a passport by any chance?" She really hoped that she did.
@teddyaltman-cardiogoddess
hi folks, I know I said I was gonna be here more, but my nurses at the hospital are on strike and I have to teach the travel nurses everything and by proxy basically run my entire psych unit. It's gonna be all week and if last night was any indication, I'm going to be completely fried. Please come scream at me for plots if you have any though. I might not get to writing but I would love to plot.
hello, I know I've been gone a lot lately! But I'm hoping to jump back here soon! like for a starter!
"Nothing has ever sounded as sweet as having you, Addison." Meredith told her honestly, her eyes soft in the light. She was in love and she was so fucking glad she didn't have to hide it. Not anymore. "Cm'ere." She offered out her hand, half hesitantly. Half-way unsure if Addie would take her hand.
Addison flushed slightly, it had been a while since she'd heard a compliment and believed that it was meant. So used to half truths and whatever will get her to leave them alone. Meredith wasn't like that though. Hesitating for a moment, she looked at her, "I'd marry hiim all over again if it meant finding you again," she said quietly before taking her hand.
sxtanshepherd:
What Do I Do?
It helped to hear what she’d been thinking since Meredith had shown up on her doorstep. It wouldn’t have mattered. There wasn’t anything that she could’ve said to keep Meredith away from Derek. It wasn’t that she didn’t try or that she had just walked away, even though she’d said before that she should’ve walked away sooner. Addison glanced back at the house and thought of the three kids that were sleeping in her son’s room and guest room and knew that Meredith didn’t regret it. She wouldn’t, not the way that she loved those kids. Better than how Derek loved them. Better than how her mother loved her, and better than how Bizzy had loved Addison. It was all either of them could do, be better than the ones that were supposed to love and be there for them.
She had spent a lot of this time focusing on helping Meredith, but she was fortunate that she had Jake who was constantly checking in with her. Reminding her that she came out of that, that she was better since then. Addison shouldn’t have had to go through it, but she put the work into it to get to the other side. She remembered the way she used to flinch at thunder, the way she shook every time Jake disagreed with her, how she hid in the bathroom after Mark’s death because she was afraid to grieve him. Not once did Jake ever fault her for it and continued to show up for her until she had enough confidence and it just…stopped.
Seattle was Meredith’s home, and she knew that. But much like Captain had pointed out about her, the California air had done her well. There was something about getting away to warmer climates and ocean breezes that were the perfect for getting a better perspective and figuring things out. That, or it was sitting out on her deck at night hearing the crashing of the waves and not being able to tell the ocean from the skyline and realizing how little anything she did mattered. Not in the grand scheme of life. The world would keep turning with or without her.
Addison had her own feelings about how she would’ve moved past Derek with their kids if they’d had them, but she wasn’t Meredith and it wasn’t her choice to make. “That’s always the hardest part isn’t it?” she said quietly, “The question to start with is do you want to?” If she wanted to then, Addison would try to figure out a way to either help her, or manage the kids so that she could work on that. But if she didn’t want to, then she would support that and be there however Meredith wanted her to be.
Jake finished cleaning up and glanced back at the deck; they were still out there but the previous upset he’d seen wasn’t there anymore. He trusted that Addison would come get him if he was needed. For now, he sat in the living room and waited until they were done. He didn’t need to be out there and they needed the space, but he was looking forward to Addison updating him. He felt protective over the people that lived and were staying in his home. He didn’t know Derek, only had that brief introduction but he couldn’t believe someone that calls themselves a parent would just walk away and leave them behind like he had. Maybe there was more to it, but for Jake, a parent stayed. He knew how hard he and Addison worked to be there for Henry and make sure he never felt like one of them wasn’t there when he needed them. The kids sleeping upstairs had needed him and he wasn’t there and that left a sour taste in his mouth.
After a little bit longer, Jake went upstairs when he heard Ellis fussing. He quietly lifted her out of the bassinet and took her downstairs. He talked to her as he changed her and then sat back on the couch. It wasn’t quite time for a bottle, but the baby was making it very clear that she was content to be awake and held for the time being. Jake flicked on a basketball game and began talking commentary to Ellis. “Oh, that’s absolutely traveling. Now, why wouldn’t the ref call that? Hmm? I think that ref has been slacking on his calls for the Aces. He has a thing against the Lakers and always has. But we still win. Sometimes that’s how it goes. People don’t always do what they’re supposed to, but you don’t need them to keep you on the winning team. You just need the people you can rely on. You’ll learn who those people are.” He glanced down at her and then back at the screen, “See? A three pointer. That’s a good an solid team right there.”
Addison stared out on the deck to the water, “This is about you and him,” she told her quietly, “Derek is always going to be their father, he’s always going to be there in their lives at some capacity.” Especially now that he’d been called out, but she kept that part to herself. “And you’re going to want him there for them. Do you want him to be there for you?” Addison remembered how it felt to be begging him to come back to her, to be there for her, even before she cheated. The feeling that as things went on, how little she expected him to show when he said he would, how his sisters took bets on how late Mark would be because Derek had forgotten and at the last minute, asked Mark to go. She did believe that now, Derek would try and be on time for Meredith, to be there when he said. But in the back of her mind, she wondered how long he’d manage it before falling off again and slowly retreating into himself again. Would Meredith inevitably end up back on her porch in the middle of the night?
THAT’S ALWAYS THE HARDEST PART ISN’T IT? Addison’s words echoed on for a moment, as the crash of the waves hit the shore and Meredith felt somehow rocked by them, a soothing feeling that was much welcomed at the moment. Gulping, Meredith stared up at that window again, where she knew her children were sound asleep. The question to start with is do you want to? What a good question. One she did not have the answer to, although she badly wished she could just answer so they could move forward right this second. But the truth was, she had no idea. All she could think about were the kids, especially Zola who was the most aware, and how no matter what was going on, Derek was in the house next door and she had not seen her father in months.
Swallowing thickly, Meredith’s gaze drifted down again and she breathed in and then out deeply. Breathing like that was proving to be soothing, too. Just keeping quiet for a moment and focusing on her breathing, it was enough for a minute. Back in that house, at times it felt like she could not breathe. From hearing about that research fellow to Derek having lost himself to the four months he had been seeing her to rushing back to Seattle to get back to his family before finding out they were gone. So much was spinning in her head, so much to sort out, to think through, just so - much. Getting out of that house and sitting out there on the deck by the ocean was making her feel like she could breathe better again. This deck, those waves, the beach, it had proven to be a cure for her mental health these past few weeks. Addison was right, there was something about that beach, right now it was everything.
Addison’s voice cut through the sound of the crashing waves and Meredith felt her stomach flipping. This is about you and him. It did not feel like that at all, it was far beyond her and him in her opinion, but part of her knew she had to talk herself into the words coming out of Addison’s mouth. Because indeed, it was about the kids. But it was also about her, too. Derek would indeed always be their children’s father. What was at stake here was their marriage. Was there anything left of it? Anything left to be saved, or fixed? Was it fixable? That was the question. Maybe it was the way Addison formulated that sentence. It hit her differently. And you’re going to want him there for them. Do you want him to be there for you? That question left her still. I thought D.C. was everything… you are everything… I can’t live without you and I’m going to do everything in my power to fix it.
Chills rushed up her spine as Meredith snapped out of her head, shutting out the thoughts. Her brain was shutting out actually; she was exhausted. That conversation had taken everything out of her, she was emptied out. Swallowing thickly, Meredith sighed and reached up to her face, running her fingers through her hair before her hands fell onto her lap, her gaze moving up to that window again. All she could think about was Zola. “I’m going to have to sit Zola down tomorrow morning and talk to her.” She shrugged. “I can’t keep him from the kids any longer, they haven’t seen him in too long.” Meredith then gulped before her gaze drifted back down and then over to Addison as she turned her head slightly. Her gaze finding the red head’s, she gulped again, and with a small shrug, she added, “For now, that’s all I know.”
Addison listened to Meredith talk, letting her figure it out for herself. She couldn't make this decision for her or influence it one way or the other. If she did, it could lead to resentment because it wasn't what she wanted or needed. No, all of this had to be for Meredith, she was simply guiding her. Maybe she had learned a thing or two from Violet over the years.
Addison glanced into the house and saw Jake on the couch with Ellis, clearly enjoying the quiet. It was sweet. Henry wasn't grown up by a long shot, but he wasn't a baby anymore, just her baby. And she knew that Jake missed those days sometimes too. The thought of the kids brought her back to the small conversation she'd had with Zola earlier. Addison knew that she needed to tell Meredith about it before she told the kids that Derek was there. She needed to know so that she could make a good decision about their future.
She hesitated for a moment before returning her gaze back to the other woman. "Before you do that, before you tell Zola, she was talking to me while you were at Sam and Nai's. She's so smart, and she sees way more than any of us thought or realized." Addison knew that there was no easy way of saying it, and there was no way that it wouldn't hurt somehow. "She said that home made her miss her dad, and she wanted to see him, but she wanted to be wherever made you better. Zola thinks you're better here." It wasn't her job to tell Meredith what to make of that or what to decide about that. Just to tell her because she needed to know before telling her kids that their dad was right next door.
Jake sat in the living room, watching the game with a wide awake Ellis in his arms. Sometimes he missed these days, even though the two am feedings and not sleeping for more than four hours at a time were exhausting.They had fought so hard to get Henry, and the days of wondering if they were going to lose him had killed Addison. Jake hadn't brought up another adoption to Addison because of the toll it had taken. But having Ellis in his arms made him wonder if he should. After they got all this drama sorted, that was. When the house was inevitably empty again.
Addison didn't say anything else, letting Meredith process the fact that her oldest was still trying to take care of her. It was a feeling that Addison had been so familiar with as a young child and knew Meredith had too. The fine art of learning how to quietly manage parent's emotions, to make things easier for them. An art that no child should have had to learn. One that she'd seen slowly slip from the young girl throughout the time at the beach house. "The ocean air's done her well too," she said quietly. "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to know before you talked to her. And it wasn't that she was afraid to tell you, I was just there." Addison didn't want Meredith thinking that she'd coerced or that Zola hadn't wanted to tell her what was on her mind. She knew that Zola just didn't quite know how to tell that to her mom. "You're a great mom, Mer."
Meredith blinked hard--- trying to find words for it. Her feelings for Addison. The doctor hums--- if only to show that she was showing the question actual, credible thought. "Listen, if it takes sleeping with your ex-husband to get you here again....everything will have been worth it. Because you're here. You're real. It's you, Addison. It's you."
Addison listened to her talk, smirk growing larger by the second. She was never anyone's you. She was always just the one that would do for the time, until something better came alone. Until Meredith. "Well if sleeping with my ex-husband is what makes you realize you could have better, have me, then it was worth it."
@multibcrn asked: "Are you the one I've been looking for, all of my life?" Meredith @ Addison
Addison glanced at Meredith, stunned slightly, but smiled anyway. "I think that's something that you have to tell me. Am I?" She wanted to hear her say it so badly.
mctwcsty:
What Do I Do?
MEREDITH WAS ALL TOO AWARE of the choice that now laid in her hands; whether she wanted to continue on with their marriage, or end it. And while she felt the choice was in her hands, it also did not feel as such because this was not just her - in fact it was more than her; it was the children. She had grown up in a broken home with an absent father who she had learned later on had remarried and had other kids he actually raised and cared for, and a broken-hearted mother who had despised motherhood, gave up one child for adoption and scarred the one she kept in many ways, unintentionally maybe but still, trying at raising her on her own. While Derek’s father had died in the most horrific circumstances that were completely out of their control, it still led Derek to grow up in a broken home with broken-hearted people, he barely spoke with his sisters and Amelia had had her dark days.
Though they were not their parents nor their life stories, they were still the parents of their now three kids, and while she could not help but see so many ressemblances between her and her mother, especially thinking of the past two weeks, she also did not want to become her mother. And she was working really hard not to. But if she ended things with Derek like this, if they were over and they had to work up shared custody of the kids… she got sick just thinking about it because she did not know how that would reflect on the kids. But the idea of letting him back into their home, of falling back into a family routine with him quite yet made her sicker. That she would just let him back into their lives after all the pain and all of this, and just go on like nothing happened? She could not do that. He had broke something in her, and she was not sure it was fixable.
And while part of her wished to fix this and make a decision right this second because she knew she could not stay in this in-between phase forever, unsure of what to do or how to handle the situation, she also was unable to make a decision quite yet. Her own words haunted her. Meredith, I can’t live without you… I don’t want to live without you… And I’m going to do everything in my power to prove it. I can live without you. She had said it. Because it was true. These past two weeks, she had realized that she could do it; she had spent months keeping a life that used to be theirs together, keeping the household the way it had always been, juggling between work and family, doing everything as she was supposed to in the format that they had put together, but he had not been around. These past two weeks, she had been finding new ways to do things, taking care of the kids while taking time for herself, finding herself again in the midst of all of this and she was far from having figured everything out, and she had not been working, but still, she had done everything she had to do but a whole new way, and had gotten help from Addison and Jake, for sure, but still, she had made it. She had done it without him, completely - away from what they used to have, away from their home, from their routine. She had done it alone, and her way. And she had done it. She could live without him. Question was… did she want to?
As if becoming aware of their surroundings, Meredith acknowledged Jake’s presence inside the house, then thought of the kids who probably were off to bed already. Looking back to Addison, she gulped thickly to her words and felt her stomach flip. It was indeed disgusting that that fellow knew Derek was married and with kids and still slept with him anyway. At least she did not know he was married. Not that it made it any better, but she would not have slept with him had she known he was married, let alone fall in love with him. That girl had been sleeping with him for four months. AND had answered his phone, TWICE. Meredith felt sick just thinking about her, almost wanting to see her to put a face on the person who had seduced her husband enough to get him to cheat on her. But then that just made her sicker thinking of Derek giving into it. That what they had, all that they had, had not been enough to keep him from cheating on her. He said he did not hate her, that he was not well but every single time she thought about him cheating, all she could think of was how much he had to hate her to go as far as cheating on her.
A moment of silence settled and Meredith just breathed, in and out. She could feel her body coming down from the overflow, and she could feel the exhaustion starting to cripple in. The thing was that she was so far past the point of exhaustion. Her life had been exhausting for months. But this past hour with Derek… well, it had just knocked her down to the floor broken, as if he had sucked out of her the last bit of energy she had left within her. And he had. Addison’s voice broke through the silence and made Meredith look her way, her words leaving her speechless at first. And then it hit her. When she had come to her doorstep, asking her advice on how to move past Derek cheating on her - when back then she had no proof in the matter but her strong intuition and a few hints along the way, she had not realized what it could mean for Addison. She was on autopilot, there was no way she could think through more than was going through her head at the time. But her presence, and her asking for advice meant going down the path and the loops of it again for Addison. Sure their realities were different, she had not had kids with Derek, but - and she knew - it had not been an easy phase of her life. In that instant, she almost felt absolutely awful coming to her for advice when she had been the main reason why they had divorced in the first place. Maybe this was all karma. She had stole Addison’s husband from her, so life had thrown someone her way, stealing her husband from her. Of course, her karma had always been against her anyway.
She gathered her thoughts; she was spiraling. But as she saw a tear rolling down Addison’s cheek, she felt a heavy weight in her stomach, unable to not feel a bit guilty for making her go through this, too. Addison had been insisting so much on her focusing on herself and so she had been so focused on that that she had not seen past herself, that Addison had to be going through something of her own regarding all of this, too. Meredith gulped thickly as she stared back at Addison, and eventually shook her head. “Nothing you could have ever said would have changed anything, Addison,” she stated. She paused, a lump growing in her throat. “I fell in love with him,” she shrugged. “We were like magnets, drawn to each other. So much interfered for years and we still ended up with three kids.” She shrugged again. It was true, even herself thinking about it, she never could have avoided the path that her life had been this past decade. “Nothing you could have said could have changed anything.”
Pausing briefly, Meredith’s head fell back a little and her gaze went up the house, up to where the rooms were. She thought of her children and felt a pang in her chest. “I do not regret our life,” she said. And as her head moved down again and her gaze found Addison’s, she said, “And I sure as hell do not regret our kids.” She gulped thickly past the lump in her throat. “They are my everything, and I would not have them if it was not for Derek,” she stated with a small nod of head. Saying his name sent chills up her spine, bits of their conversation spiraling and echoing in her head every time she thought about him now. She gulped thickly as she gathered her thoughts and as her gaze drifted over to Sam and Naomi’s house, she muttered almost as a whisper, “I just don’t know whether I can move past this with him or not.”
It helped to hear what she’d been thinking since Meredith had shown up on her doorstep. It wouldn’t have mattered. There wasn’t anything that she could’ve said to keep Meredith away from Derek. It wasn’t that she didn’t try or that she had just walked away, even though she’d said before that she should’ve walked away sooner. Addison glanced back at the house and thought of the three kids that were sleeping in her son’s room and guest room and knew that Meredith didn’t regret it. She wouldn’t, not the way that she loved those kids. Better than how Derek loved them. Better than how her mother loved her, and better than how Bizzy had loved Addison. It was all either of them could do, be better than the ones that were supposed to love and be there for them.
She had spent a lot of this time focusing on helping Meredith, but she was fortunate that she had Jake who was constantly checking in with her. Reminding her that she came out of that, that she was better since then. Addison shouldn’t have had to go through it, but she put the work into it to get to the other side. She remembered the way she used to flinch at thunder, the way she shook every time Jake disagreed with her, how she hid in the bathroom after Mark’s death because she was afraid to grieve him. Not once did Jake ever fault her for it and continued to show up for her until she had enough confidence and it just...stopped.
Seattle was Meredith’s home, and she knew that. But much like Captain had pointed out about her, the California air had done her well. There was something about getting away to warmer climates and ocean breezes that were the perfect for getting a better perspective and figuring things out. That, or it was sitting out on her deck at night hearing the crashing of the waves and not being able to tell the ocean from the skyline and realizing how little anything she did mattered. Not in the grand scheme of life. The world would keep turning with or without her.
Addison had her own feelings about how she would’ve moved past Derek with their kids if they’d had them, but she wasn’t Meredith and it wasn’t her choice to make. “That’s always the hardest part isn’t it?” she said quietly, “The question to start with is do you want to?” If she wanted to then, Addison would try to figure out a way to either help her, or manage the kids so that she could work on that. But if she didn’t want to, then she would support that and be there however Meredith wanted her to be.
Jake finished cleaning up and glanced back at the deck; they were still out there but the previous upset he’d seen wasn’t there anymore. He trusted that Addison would come get him if he was needed. For now, he sat in the living room and waited until they were done. He didn’t need to be out there and they needed the space, but he was looking forward to Addison updating him. He felt protective over the people that lived and were staying in his home. He didn’t know Derek, only had that brief introduction but he couldn’t believe someone that calls themselves a parent would just walk away and leave them behind like he had. Maybe there was more to it, but for Jake, a parent stayed. He knew how hard he and Addison worked to be there for Henry and make sure he never felt like one of them wasn’t there when he needed them. The kids sleeping upstairs had needed him and he wasn’t there and that left a sour taste in his mouth.
After a little bit longer, Jake went upstairs when he heard Ellis fussing. He quietly lifted her out of the bassinet and took her downstairs. He talked to her as he changed her and then sat back on the couch. It wasn’t quite time for a bottle, but the baby was making it very clear that she was content to be awake and held for the time being. Jake flicked on a basketball game and began talking commentary to Ellis. “Oh, that’s absolutely traveling. Now, why wouldn’t the ref call that? Hmm? I think that ref has been slacking on his calls for the Aces. He has a thing against the Lakers and always has. But we still win. Sometimes that’s how it goes. People don’t always do what they’re supposed to, but you don’t need them to keep you on the winning team. You just need the people you can rely on. You’ll learn who those people are.” He glanced down at her and then back at the screen, “See? A three pointer. That’s a good an solid team right there.”
Addison stared out on the deck to the water, “This is about you and him,” she told her quietly, “Derek is always going to be their father, he’s always going to be there in their lives at some capacity.” Especially now that he’d been called out, but she kept that part to herself. “And you’re going to want him there for them. Do you want him to be there for you?” Addison remembered how it felt to be begging him to come back to her, to be there for her, even before she cheated. The feeling that as things went on, how little she expected him to show when he said he would, how his sisters took bets on how late Mark would be because Derek had forgotten and at the last minute, asked Mark to go. She did believe that now, Derek would try and be on time for Meredith, to be there when he said. But in the back of her mind, she wondered how long he’d manage it before falling off again and slowly retreating into himself again. Would Meredith inevitably end up back on her porch in the middle of the night?
sxtanshepherd:
What Do I Do?
It was hard for Addison to focus on the kids and Jake knowing that Meredith was confronting Derek. She had never really done that. They had been done, nothing to save. But she’d been in her shoes before: learning about the other woman, other faults aside; finding the panties in Derek’s jacket when they were supposed to be working on their marriage. The day off for drinking had been much needed. She remembered the way he was with her, but not. The gut wrenching, heart crushing feeling that came with knowing he was only there because of his need to be the good guy. The blank look in his eyes. Addison wondered what he was saying. Derek didn’t have the best track record of listening when he didn’t like what he was hearing.
Jake watched Addison in between keeping the kids busy. He knew they would pick up on any verbal check in. It was subtle, a hand on her shoulder when he got up to grab more vegetables, eye contact while he refilled her wine glass; anything to remind her that they were in all of this together. Jake knew that tonight would be a lot for both women in the house. Even if there were four kids, he could handle it so Addison and Meredith could get through this. Together.
Dinner was a relatively quick affair that ended with the kids playing in the living room. Addison was busying her hands with Ellis. Jake watched the kids as he threw the dishes in the dishwasher. Every so often, his eyes drifted towards the window that looked into Sam’s house. He wasn’t trying to spy, but there was a certain need to check in. Unfortunately, Sam had the blinds mostly closed, giving an obscured view. Addison heated a bottle for the baby, forcing herself to relax. “Where did my mom go?” Zola asked. “Your mom ran over to Sam and Naomi’s for a little bit. She’ll tell you about it later,” Addison answered her. She could see that Zola wasn’t exactly please and wanted to ask her more questions. It wasn’t her place to tell though, so she decided that it was probably best to enlist her help to keep her just as busy. “How about you and I go get Ellis ready for bed?”
Zola’s desire to help and be the best big sister had her darting up the stairs and pulling out several pajamas and sleep sacks. She helped pick out the softest pair, the cutest sleep sack, and Ellis’ favorite pacifier. She watched Addison change her diaper and then helped gently massage lotion into the sensitive skin. Addison led Zola into Henry’s room where they still had a rocking chair. “Here, there’s plenty of room for you to sit with us,” she told her. Zola smiled and squeezed next to Addison, watching her feed the baby. Addison sat there, rocking the sisters. She couldn’t fix all of it, couldn’t undo it, but she could make it less. “Do you think we’re going to go home soon?” Zola whispered. Addison glanced down at her, “Do you want to go home?” Whatever the answer, she would share it with Meredith. Zola leaned into her, “Home makes me miss daddy.” “What would you want, Zo?” “I don’t know. Mommy seems happier here.” Addison shuffled Ellis to one arm and set the now empty bottle on the side table. She wrapped her open arm around Zola, “Your mom is an adult. Adults take care of kids. What do you want?”
Addison knew that this was hard for Zola, the oldest had been stepping up so much. “It’s okay, honey, you can talk to me.” She watched her fidget with her fingers. “I miss daddy, but I want to be wherever mommy feels better. She’s better here.” “Okay,” Addison told her quietly, “Thank you for telling me. Let me handle that for now.” She felt Zola nod against her and rubbed at her eyes. She didn’t know if she was tired, but the small sniffle told her all she needed to know. She sat there rocking the girls for a while longer until she needed to put Ellis down in the bassinet.
The pair returned back downstairs to see an elaborate lego tower that Jake was helping Henry and Bailey build. Addison asked Zola if she wanted to join. Shaking her head, Zola climbed onto the couch and Addison followed her. They picked out something to watch on tv and watched the boys build. The kids were fully preoccupied when Addison glanced over the deck, still needing to check and recheck. She caught the beginning of Meredith walking back over. “Alright kids, pajamas, brush teeth, and find a book to take to bed.” She heard the complaints. “You can have five more minutes, but then there won’t be time for books. Which do you want?” Henry darted to the stairs, not wanting to miss his book time.
Jake glanced over to Addison after the abrupt change in what they were doing; he caught her subtle nod toward the deck. “Alright guys, daddy gets to be the clean up crew tonight. PJ’s, teeth, and books.” He stood up following the two stragglers up the stairs after running his hand through Addison’s hair comfortingly. “I got them, you get her. I’ll be down in a flash if you need anything.” He didn’t know how this would end up going, but he was there and would do whatever he could.
With the kids heading up the stairs, Addison moved quicker than she usually would. She didn’t ask what happened or what he said. That would come in time, but she could tell it had all come out. She had been the one that crumbled, knew what it felt like. As Meredith lowered herself to the ground, Addison mirrored her, keeping herself on the same level. No one needed someone standing over them when it felt like the world was swallowing them whole.
She broke. Meredith broke. Addison was almost surprised. Almost. She’d watched her survive a bomb, near drowning, and heard about so much more. But Derek broke Meredith, more than he’d broken her. Addison knelt on the deck next to her, letting her know that she was there. She wouldn’t leave her alone, not now, not when all of this was happening. There was no rushing, no pushing. Addison sat with her and waited.
IT FELT LIKE HER WORLD WAS crumbling down all over again. Only this time, it was not based on suspicions or her trust issues - it was based on facts and confessions; Derek had cheated on her for four months. Four months. The confirmation hurt beyond words. The suspicions had been one thing, but this… this was so much worse. During those four months, she had been beating herself up for not telling him about the baby. She had taken care of the kids, had faced many walls with her research, handling a department, not missing Zola’s dance classes or forgetting Bailey’s daycare mommy-cooks-a-dessert-for-the-whole-group, all the while squeezing in baby check-ups here and there; she had been exhausted and alone and even then she had been beating herself up for not including Derek into it all, even though he was off in D.C. She had been beating herself up for not being honest while he had been sleeping around with his research fellow. Meredith would feel sick to her stomach if she was not completely besides herself to the point of not even being able to feel sick to her stomach. The truth was, when she had told him that if he ever cheated on her, she would kill him, the truth was if he ever cheated on her, it would kill her. It was.
It hurt in places she did not even know could hurt. Their conversations replayed in her head and it hurt some more. She could still hear him apologizing, like saying sorry would do anything at this point. I don’t hate you, I could never- how could he do this to her if there was not any underlying hatred of some kind, she could never understand. Do you love her? I don’t, Meredith, you- you’re the love of my life. She felt the rush up her spine, like nails scratching a board, that uncomfortable itchiness that one cannot stand. She felt so tensed and yet she had fallen to the floor with her head in her hands and just sat there, so weak.
She could not help but to think about her mother, whom she had once refused to ressemble, and still did in some ways, but as she found herself broken on Addison’s patio, all she could see was her mother completely broken-hearted, bleeding all over the floor after cutting herself, just wanting it all to be over. And it hurt so bad because she knew. She knew the feeling, which she had felt between that last phone call and Ellis’ birth. I know that when I had my legs open, all red-faced, giving birth all by myself with an MIA husband who wouldn’t pick up his calls, I didn’t want to keep doing this. I was done. It hurt so much to even think about. It haunted her. The disgust she felt towards herself to have ever thought about quitting. About giving up on her children, on being there with them along the way. How could she ever think about abandoning them. About not seeing Ellis, or holding her. Ellis had saved her. She had been the light in all the darkness, and the source of strength that pushed Meredith to demand more and better. Because she deserves nothing less, and so did the kids. All three of them.
You’re right, you guys didn’t deserve any of this. I screwed up. I managed to jeopardize the most important thing to me, and that’s you and the kids; my family. His words still rang so loud in her head, it was intrusive and suffocating. Almost like she could not believe it, even though deep down inside her she knew he meant it. She could see it in his eyes. But he had lied to her for months, what guarantee did she have that he was not lying again. He very much could, he had proved it time and time again. For four months. I had everything. Even when she heard him say that she could not believe it. I thought D.C. would fix it somehow. I’d be brain mapping and teaching and researching, working for the President of the United States, it was all I’d ever dreamed of, more even, and I thought it would fill something, that it’d fill this emptiness I felt inside. It hurt to hear he had been feeling empty and Meredith could not help but to feel guilt creeping up inside her. It felt like things had not been enough. Not even work. Like she had not been enough. Like the kids and their family had not been enough. I never wanted to leave you guys behind, but I couldn’t stand being angry with you and lashing out on you guys, and the last thing I wanted was to ever lash out on the kids. The thing was there is a difference between going for a walk and going across the states for months without giving much news, and then going off cheating.
Because her dad ran away and her mom just had a baby by herself. That was pretty much what happened. To herself, to her mother, to Maggie. Her father had not tried to look for her. Richard had turned away from her mother. Her mother had done her best, the best she could in that moment, had taken off with her and started off a new life, had Maggie and gave her away. In ways, she had done more for Maggie than she had ever done for her. But she had tried, Meredith knew her mother had tried. Meredith might have stayed in Seattle with the kids instead of following Derek but she had kept things going, she had tried, and she had made it work. She had done what she had said she would. She had set a system into place, had gotten the help she needed. She had not ignored her responsibilities and left it all up to the other to be the parent to her kids while she was off sleeping with someone else. The worst part was that while he was off doing that, Meredith had been defending him, she had defended him! She had made sure the kids knew their daddy loved them and would be home soon, she had defended him while he was in bed with his research fellow. Meredith was fuming, but then she was not because she was too hurt and overwhelmed to welcome any other feeling at the moment. She was not even able to be angry in that instant. She was just trying to breathe between the waves of tears.
And all she could hear on repeat was him saying it did not mean anything, but it meant something. It meant everything. He had cheated on her. Did you sleep with her? Yes. The rush up her spine, her stomach in knots. He had done it. After all they had gone through, all they had survived. She did not know if she could get past this.
Her hands slowly slid off her face and her breathing somehow evened out. She felt absolutely exhausted, and yet she could not fathom even the idea of sleeping. Too much was going on, too much processing had to be done, she could never sleep. But she was exhausted. She had no idea how she would process all of this. If she could. But she knew that Addison’s presence by her side was making her feel less alone trying to figure that out. Having her knelt down on the deck floor right beside her, waiting patiently for her to decide what she wanted to do next. Not rushing her, not telling her what to do either. Just giving her the space and liberty to figure it out. Just like she had for weeks now. It could have been hard going through this with her given the background, but it honestly made it easier.
As her hands fell on her lap, Meredith sitting on her folded legs straightened up her back a little and gulped thickly as she allowed herself a moment to breathe and to collect her thoughts enough to share with Addison what she was thinking in that moment. She knew Addison surely wondered what they had talked about over there, but would never ask Meredith anything or force her to say anything she was not ready to share. And while she was not sure talking about it would make her feel better, she felt a need to share the big lines with Addison, maybe get her return on it, maybe help her see through this, give her something to hold onto, a path to take, anything. Honestly she would take anything at this point, she was completely lost.
“He cheated on me with his research fellow,” Meredith slipped out, straight like that. No sugar-coating, no holding back words. She just had to let it out as it was. The next part hurt so much even to think about. “It went on for four months,” she said, and her mouth shut and she felt the lump growing in her throat. She swallowed thickly past it and just sat there for a moment before her head turned in Addison’s direction and her gaze found her. And she just stared at her for a moment, just looked into her eyes, and then her head turned back to its previous position and she swallowed thickly. “She knew he was married, she knew about me and the kids,” she spoke, and then she turned her head back to look at Addison and muttered, “She is who answered the phone.”
Addison sat there with Meredith, listening and watching her. She’d been there. She didn’t need her to tell her. The body language said everything. Derek had cheated. Nothing else mattered. There was nothing that could be done to make it better or fix it. Now, she knew Meredith had a whole new list of things to sort out and Addison wasn’t sure that she could do that. She had finally seen her getting back to herself. Of course Derek would show back up right when she got her footing; he’d always had impeccable timing.
Her eyes darted around, checking that the kids couldn’t see them from the windows. She knew Jake would keep them busy and away, but the family was tight-knit with an almost sixth sense to when something was wrong. Next, she glanced over to Sam and Naomi’s house to make sure Derek wasn’t going to do something he really shouldn’t. Right now, Addison wouldn’t hesitate to hit him. Meredith was supposed to be his one. The one that was finally enough for him that would stop him from doing what he always did: get bored and find a new shiny someone to listen to him talk.
Not for the first time, Addison wondered if she should’ve told Meredith about this. At the time though, they’d been so into one another. She thought he was done. Apparently not. When Meredith was starting to breathe and talk, she focused back on where they were; the deck, the darkness, the waves. She could also see her tucking things away, putting all of the events in their places. Addison was the queen of tucking away her thoughts and feelings until she could go through it all. They had that in common for sure.
She listened to Meredith tell her how long and held in her own thought; the one that told her that was his attention span for anyone or anything. When she’d been dating him, they’d been busy. Then, they got married and things were good for about four months before they got off or weird. They had talked it through though, until she picked her specialty; Derek had no interest in what she was doing, always wanted to talk about his cases. Addison hated that she’d become used to it, even in their marriages the waves always went in four or five month increments.
Jake corralled the kids up the stairs and through the bedtime steps. There was, luckily, minimal arguments and complaining. He had the three of them on the of floor of Henry’s room as he read them books, acting out the Three Little Pigs and then The Very Hungry Caterpillar. It didn’t take too long before they were all clearly ready to climb into their beds. He started with Bailey, who wanted a fist bump, then, Henry who needed all of his blankets tucked tightly against his body. After, he took Zola’s hand and quietly led her into the room that Ellis was already asleep in. She had never really needed anything when Jake helped the kids to bed, but this time he heard her quietly. “Jake? Can you stay with me? Just for a minute?” Jake smiled lightly, “Yeah, of course.” They were quiet, but he was glad that she’d told him what she wanted. Even if she didn’t know, she knew things were changing.
After about ten minutes, Zola was asleep and Jake headed to the living room to start cleaning up and check in on Addison and Meredith. Watching them, it didn’t look good, but at least Addison wasn’t flagging him down. He cleaned up the toys and kept periodically glancing out to the deck. He felt a little protective after the amount of time Meredith had spent in their home.
Addison ran a hand through her hair, “It’s awful. It’s terrible when the other woman didn’t know. But, for her to know and still do it.” At some point there was no way to say anything about the situation without it targeting their history with each other, even if they were past it. Meredith was clearly not in a state to be able to laugh it off. She didn’t have much that she could say in the moment. “I should’ve told you about him. Should’ve found a way to explain him to you.” She was full of what ifs and should haves. It wasn’t her fault, Derek’s actions were his own, but somehow she still knew him too well. He never changed. That thought broke her for a moment and a small tear rolled down her cheek.
teddyaltman-cardiogoddess:
Teddy was having a hard time recognizing the woman in front of her. How was she supposed to believe that this was the same woman that fought day and night to nail down the man who felt that he had rights to Teddy. This wasn’t the same person. “She may be Bizzy Forbes, but I am Theodora Grace Montgomery-Altman. Addison, I will not stand for someone hurting you in any capacity. That’s not who you married.” She reminded her, despite thinking to herself that this wasn’t necessarily who she married, either. There was a truce. She sat beside Addison and gently caressed her cheek when she was granted permission. She could see the bruise and it broke her heart to think that anyone felt it was okay to treat her Addison that way. Nothing was broken, but the bruise was evident. It made her want to cry, but she clenched her teeth and swallowed the lump in her throat. She nodded along, listening to Addie’s plan. Her thumb gently rubbed over the bruise, knowing it would be too soft to kiss it. Green eyes widened at the plan. It was a shot in the dark, that was for sure. “Wow…that’s…um…that’s a plan.” She stammered. “Has anything like that ever been done? Do you think it will work?” She asked, clearly at a loss. “I mean it’s crazy. It’s genius, but it’s crazy…but if there’s anyone who might be abele to pull it off? It would be you.” She gave a small genuine smile. There was a moment before Teddy decided to word vomit. “Addie, I’m not trying to make things worse. I’m sorry if I’m adding more stress….for the sake of our marriage, maybe we can blame it on the baby?” She shrugged with a light chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood if even just a tiny bit.
Addison had so many things that she wanted to tell Teddy about Bizzy and how much she needed her to leave it alone. She could already hear the lecture she would get for the way she was talked to. Addison was already trying to think of a way to get her to move past it and hopefully not hate her wife for the rest of their lives, it wasn’t like her mother to let things go like that. “Teddy, honey, it’s not that deep. I am fine, I promise.” She knew that Teddy didn’t understand it, hadn’t seen it; hell, she’d never even seen the estate or met her parents, not really. Addison didn’t count that conversation as a meeting.
She could feel the pressure of Teddy’s hand against her cheek and pushed against the urge to pull away; both because it hurt and because she wasn’t great at letting people see or help her. Addison didn’t like the amount of attention that she was getting over a slap and a bruise. It wasn’t that serious. So, instead she focused on telling Teddy the plan, a half-baked thrown together plan that she wasn’t even certain of. “It’s been used in less severe cases before things have spread. It wouldn’t be my first choice. In my opinion, I would rather make Susan comfortable. If this doesn’t work then she’ll be miserable until it kills her.” She didn’t like it but she had to do something. Bizzy had made it clear that she didn’t get to just sit by. “You don’t think I’m completely insane for doing this?” Addison needed to be certain that she wasn’t crossing boundaries ethically.
She was fidgeting with her hands, trying to consider all of the implications of what she was going to do when she heard Teddy. She refocused and glanced over at her wife. “Well, I won’t lie to you and say I’m happy about the way you handled my mother, she doesn’t deal with things like that well. But it does sound like we’re starting the baby blame game early.” She couldn’t stay completely mad when she was reminded of their growing baby. “Yes, we can blame it on the baby,” Addison told her with a small smirk. It was exactly what she needed to break the tension that was sitting in the back of her head. She wasn’t stuck worried about Bizzy’s face or the slap, or Susan; she was sitting in her personal office with her wife, talking about their baby.