I donât think weâve had this much fodder with such few scenes in a long time, and I am LIVING!
Okay, so first of all I have to mention the parallel between 217, when the team was coming in, one by one, to see the suspended Bobby, and this ep, with everyone dropping by one at a time to be there for the recovering Buck. The similarity is of course in the found family connection. In both cases we see the importance of the absent member of the team through these visits. The difference is in the way the team came to Bobby because they need him to be there for them as their captain and friend even when heâs not on the job. But in Buckâs case, they donât need anything. Theyâre coming by because they want to be there for him when he needs his team members and friends. Buckâs parents needed a reason to love him. Buckâs found family in this ep is loving him anyway. ~~
Iâm gonna scream about the couch in a second, but I have to admit that while I was watching the ep, the moment that REALLY had my eyes shoot wide open and my breaths go into hyperventilation is when Maddie reads the note saying Buck has gone out. Because as soon as it was made clear Buck had chosen to escape his apartment and all of his visitors, I knew where he was headed. First off, the very fact that everyone else came to him, while Eddie was the one person Buck chose to go to already had me biting my fists. Once more, like in so many other cases (for example, when the lightning hit and Eddie was filmed differently to everyone else in the 118, or the way he was the only absent person in Buckâs dream and the only one Buck remembered without needing a physical object to jog his memory), Eddie is singled out as having a unique space in Buckâs life that no one else occupies. And of course there is this domestic quality and element of choosing each other as we see them repeatedly opening the door for and to get to the other one. ~~
But just think of the meaning! This man puppy, who only ever wanted to be loved and whoâs being showered with attention and care, is absolutely restless because heâs having a hard time and feels like he has to pretend with the people he loves the most, and therefore heâs failing to fall asleep on his own couch. He seeks comfort in a connection thatâs even deeper than the people who have been to see him, where he can really be himself without pretense. And thatâs whatâs insane, because he was visited among others by Maddie and Hen, his loving blood and adoptive big sisters. NO ONE can claim that his r/s with them is anything other than deep, and yet when he needed something more, when he needed an escape, when he needed a place where he could simply rest and be himself, he went to Eddieâs. This isnât just Buck standing in Eddieâs kitchen declaring, âIâm not really a guestâ in 311. This is him being more of a guest in his own apartment than in Eddieâs house. This is him being home and safe and able to JUST BE in Eddieâs space.
This is Buck beginning his healing by sleeping on the SAME couch where Eddie did in 514, connecting their healing in a parallel that is going to make me tear my own hair out. Which actually connects us back to 407, when Buddie talk about Buckâs need for his loft to be his safe space. Now itâs canon that this desired safe space is Eddieâs home, and I will chew through every piece of glass out there before I calm down from this. Once again, there are opposite sex canon couples on TV who never get this level of soulmate development! ~~
Oh, I also found it very interesting that Buck tells Maddie about his list he goes through every time he wakes up, to make sure heâs not in the coma world. We didnât see him going through those steps when he woke up on Eddieâs couch. Remember how I said Eddie had to be absent in the dream world or Buck might not have made it out of there? Well, this ep adds to that. By virtue of being the only one whoâs fully absent, it means Eddie is the one person whose very presence is a cue for Buck that heâs in the real world and safe, the only one who, by simply being there, negates the need for a list. I AM MELTING. (my gif, please excuse the awfulness) ~~
Speaking of soulmates bonding, I have to point out the opposite sex soulmates we do have in this very ep. Bobby confesses that Athena is it for him because she makes him feel like heâs standing on solid ground, she helps him be himself by finding again a piece of him.
We also see her becoming a part of his healing process when he allows her to come to his AA meeting. This is exactly what we see Buddie going through in 612! Eddie is Buckâs solid ground, the person he can count on and who can provide him with rest (thatâs what solid ground represents), who allows him to simply be himself, and Eddie is also a part of the healing process that Buck allows him into by seeking out Eddie, and by opening up to him when Eddie asks him to, after finally getting some rest on the couch⌠~~
That brings me to the couch because that in itself is just⌠Wow, this show really hates my nails and wants me to chew on them fully, I see how it is. Letâs not forget for how long the couch metaphor has been with us! Once Taylor and Buck discussed their couches situation when she was moving in with him in 513, and it was clear there was an incompatibility issue because she was bringing in a couch while he already had one (meaning they had already failed to communicate about this pretty basic point), it was clear theyâd have to choose only one and dispose of the other. Very tellingly Taylor doesnât really leave room for choice, so Buck (who only asked her to move in out of guilt) gave up his for hers. Thatâs the start of the couch being a metaphor for his romantic relationships, and I canât believe it started a whole season before this ep! And then when Taylor moved out in 518, he was left with none? But that wasnât unhinged enough for our show, so they brought it into an even greater focus with the lasagna scene in 601, when it was made even clearer that the âright couchâ for Buck is about his romantic partner, that heâs aware of that significance, and that he admitted to it IN EDDIEâS PRESENCE. I canât believe Buck fell asleep like that on Eddieâs couch, when they BOTH KNOW what the couch means. This is the most naked two men have ever been with each other on a TV show without taking their clothes off! Then Buckâs parents get him a couch he doesnât want, one thatâs all wrong for him, one he didnât get to CHOOSE, so unsurprisingly he canât sleep on it. That would have been a lot already, but then this ep turns around and SLAMS US IN THE FACE with Eddieâs couch being the right one for Buck to fall asleep on and to do so effortlessly! Two seconds on it, and Buck was out. Thatâs okay, 911, I just have to work a double shift while Iâm sick today, I didnât need to also have my sanity. You absolutely can have everything left of it. (my gif, please excuse it) ~~
I know itâll sound dumb, but I was happy crying over the beers in Eddieâs fridge and the zoomed in shot we got of them. Look, itâs their thing, right? Weâve seen the two of them sipping on beers together in the iconic 309 kitchen scene (NGL, the oral sex scene in my Blue Against Blue fic was inspired by this), and itâs been a repeated theme, so when I saw Eddie had no less than 6 beers easily accessible in the top shelf of his fridge, chilling away, it screamed âThis is my Buck stashâ to me.
I will forever be a mess that Eddie Diaz, tough war veteran, actually has a supply of beers ready in his fridge for whenever soft man puppy Evan Buckley drops by unannounced. Can you imagine when Eddie goes grocery shopping and he probably smiles softly to himself when he buys his Buck beers? These two are so domestic and in love and equally soft about each other, itâs gross. And by gross I mean I love it, please gimme more. ~~
Oh, but the domesticity just keeps leveling up in this ep! Because then Buck wakes up and makes his way to the kitchen, where he just⌠lets Eddie take care of him by serving water. And itâs so tender and husbandy, and affectionate, and connects so perfectly to Eddie asking Buck to share with him. Because Buck wouldnât let others fuss over him, but he lets his hubby take care of him. And he doesnât tell others, even ones who are significant people in his life, where heâs really at, but he will share everything with Eddie. Not to mention that it doesnât take much to get him to open up. All Eddie has to do is ask, and despite Buckâs initial announcement not to, he just goes right ahead and spills. I am inhaling and exhaling into the palms of my hands.
Of course, tucked in there is also Buck asking Eddie about the shooting. We all remember Buddie holding eye contact through that and Eddie reaching out to him, right? Or everything that transpired between them in the ambulance, all of it so romantically coded⌠This scene tells us that Eddie doesnât remember those bits. I find it interesting to consider that maybe Eddie really doesnât. That maybe the reason he hasnât figured out yet how he feels for Buck is because he blanked out on the way he turned to Buck during the most intense moments of his life, and the ones he thought were his last. ~~
I mentioned during the hiatus in replies to asks I got that I suspected just like the distance between Buddie in 5a served to bring them closer together in 5b as Buck helped Eddie with his healing, the same structure was being followed in s6, just in the reverse, where Eddie will eventually help Buck. You canât imagine how deep and meaningful I find it, that the show has actually structured these two seasons as counter paralleling each other, and showing Buddie as being a vital part of this mutual healing, so I tried to demonstrate that with this gifset. ~~
Last one! The cardiologist. Look, I already mentioned in my previous weekly meta that the heart theme started with Eddie, and then it was expanded to Buck. I find it insane that the show really hammered it home by having the same cardiologist be the doctor for both men, and that while sheâs at it, she hints to both that their issues are not purely physical. How long before the metaphor-loving Buck catches on? IDK, but every single choice about this ep feels incredibly deliberate, when so much is condensed into so few scenes.
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~~ I canât explain how much Iâm asking of the amazing @whosoldheroutâ for the gif requests, and the results are always so stunning, Iâm deeply grateful!
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