fucking superb you funky little oracle

a blog for alice isnt dead - just two stupid gays who like podcasts - send us asks/submissions - our main accounts are @thejazzvoid and @dalecoopergirl

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Sylvia: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Thistle: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Keisha: Get out of my truck.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Sylvia: ...If you press the gas pedal and the brakes at the same time, does the car take a screenshot?

Keisha: Every day, I wonder if I should have left you in Swansea.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Keisha: ...And I was wondering what Sylvia was going to do, because I told her to distract the police while I broke into the station.

Alice: What was it? Like, I know she could have thrown rocks at the window, or kicked over a few trash cans outside, or..?

Keisha: She stole a car.

Alice: ...Or she could do that.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Thistle: [honks truck horn]

Keisha: [honks truck horn]

Thistle: [honks horn three times]

Keisha: [honks horn three times]

Thistle: [honks a doot-doot-do-doot-doot rhythm]

Keisha: [does the same thing]

Thistle: [produces drumsticks from nowhere and starts playing the Electric Wheelchair cadence on the truck horn]

Keisha: [drives past Thistle]

[Thistle, in the meantime, is hit from behind by another truck.]

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

i checked out moonriversailingco’s blog and she said she is leaving that blog, i was wondering if she still works with this blog?

hi !!! im venus i ran moonriversailingco and Yeah i was gone for about a year but im back now !! im not sure how much ill be working on This specific blog though but it looks like mod jazz has been doing a great job running it so !! ill leave em to it i guess (i might occasionally still come on here tho)

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Sylvia: They always say "weird flex but okay," but they never ask "weird flex, are you okay?"

Keisha: uh.

Keisha: wh.

Keisha: ...Weird flex, are you okay?

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Keisha: Have you seen my hat?

Sylvia: 🎩🚫👀

Keisha: How did you say that out loud.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

The Oracle: Couples be together 20 years and end up under the mountain. Strangers have went to McDonald's and found Jesus. Some people get married after 6 months and still can't download navigation. Point is there is no formula for eating tomatoes. Do what the alligator says. Touchdown Lakers.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Keisha: That's just a regular bitey guy. I'm not scared of him.

Keisha: ...I'm fucking terrified of him.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Laurel: Women know. We just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will. Because we know.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Keisha: All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Keisha [REDACTED] lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the woman who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Thistle: My favorite road sign is "Falling Rocks Ahead." What, exactly, am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead. Life's a lottery. Be lucky."

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Sylvia: Hey gamers what's poppin.

Alice: Nothing much.

Donna: .

Ramon: art.

Keisha: My joints.

Sylvia: Good talk, guys.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Ramon: Nobody leaves in Praxis. We just die.

Keisha: Ramon, I get that we’re trying to celebrate the longevity of our whole deal, but that’s just morbid.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Thistle: Life. Life is a goddamn laugh riot. You remember life, don’t you?

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Thistle, to Keisha: I am turning on, and you are just turning.

Keisha, near tears: what does that even mean.

[sylvia-parker-appreciation]

Thistle, to Keisha: I’m turning on, and you’re just turning.